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keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf)
    #6952765 -

I already know how vindictive / cynical this is going to sound. In fact, I debated posting this because of how negative is sounds, and because I'm just assuming all replies will be on some happy-go-lucky positive tip, but instead of just assuming I'll go ahead and post:

I've got an ex-gf that I haven't talked to in months - actually she pretty much blew me off, always talking about "Ill come see you this weekend, etc." Now I didn't have any kind of feelings for her, other than being a friend, however after the last time we spoke, and she was planning to visit, I just didn't hear from her for about 3 months.

Now, I get a call saying happy birthday (early, but obviously she saw a birthday alert on myspace/whatever) and that she wants to come visit. Again, I'm not involved at all with her, and actually she was a pretty bad match for me (let's just say she's an enabler, and a drama-magnet).

I'm currently debating whether I want to just A) call her back, thank her for the message, and that's it. B) call back, thank her, than complain about being ignored for the past few months or C) pretend she never called, forget I ever knew her.

I am heavily leaning towards C - since I haven't seen her forever, plus when i do see her, it's always a real fucked up situation - and I consider her less of a friend, much more of an acquaintance.

Anyways, I'd like to get some input - am I just being pissy/moody, or is this a valid dilemma?


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No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6952795 -

the right answer depends on the intention, whether you are acting out of hurt, love, neutrality, kindness, desire, craving, lust, you name it....

maybe something like B

well yes I would see you but look it seems like you've been blowing me off because _______________ and so this has bothered me quite a bit and makes me skeptical that you will follow through.


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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: leery11]
    #6952842 -

right, well the intention is downright petty (mix between hurt and neutrality - or rather, indifference). I've been ignored for 3 months, so for me to return a phone call the next day makes me feel like a chump, whereas ignoring the fact she even called would be dosing out the same medicine.


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No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6953199 -

well it sounds like you don't want to have anything to do with her, so maybe just let it slide....

its possible she was like hmmmmm i haven't really been too kind to this guy maybe i'll follow through this time.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6953314 -

Call her thank her don't bitch.
Life is too short to bitch and feel bad and it's always nice to say thanks to a nice gesture... she said happy birthday, didn't she? :smile:
If you don't call her to say thanks it will also look like a form of bitching.
Oh and yes, happy birthday :mushroom2:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6953926 -

Return her message, thank her for it, then cut communication.  If she doesn't call back within 3 days, she doesn't/won't ever give a shit.  :thumbup:

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: Newbie]
    #6954213 -

NewbieShroomie said:
Return her message, thank her for it, then cut communication.  If she doesn't call back within 3 days, she doesn't/won't ever give a shit.  :thumbup:



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Those who would give up a little freedom to get a little security shall soon have neither.
-Benjamin Franklin

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: Legend9123]
    #6955267 -

solid advice, as always.


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No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: Newbie]
    #6955833 -

NewbieShroomie said:
Return her message, thank her for it, then cut communication.  If she doesn't call back within 3 days, she doesn't/won't ever give a shit.  :thumbup:


Yup.

There's not much to ever be gained from injecting negativity into a situation.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #6956251 -

I just went through this exact same thing. I did all kinds of rationalizations of why we should meet up (and we did, and it was bad). In the end, you guys broke up for a reason. If I could redo that weekend, I'd definitely choose option C.

Option C gets my vote, based on experience. And I did break up with this girl on good terms too, and I still stand by option c. Just move on.


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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6956608 -

let her go dude, you want to move on with your life, so does she, but she very well could have posted that out of guilt or something... even if not, you see her as less of a friend or perosn who could have a great spiritual impact on your life, let her go ;p


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #6958402 -

lol, the chance of this person having a spiritual impact on my life is right there next to Andy Milonakis.

i'll probably give her a quick call, just to avoid assumptions, plus I'd rather cut all communication officially, as opposed to just having an awkward disconnect - plus I would be the asshole in that situation, although life is all about being the criminal, not the victim...


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No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6959075 -

C


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6961235 -

So what did you end up doing??

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: Newbie]
    #6962800 -

im planning to call tomorrow night, just to say thanks, and bye.  unless I forget, in which case I will take it as a sign :smile:


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6968844 -

i ended up going with option C by default...

slipped my mind, so that's how it went.

plus, I realized I'd probably inject some negativity into the conversation in the form of sarcasm / etc. If you don't have something nice to say...

thanks for the replies, you may have saved me from another endless circle!


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6968864 -

baby had to break on loose
keep on growing she dont need to cues
so let me tell you what youll do
hit the ground running gonna run with you

dont you know that its a fool
who plays it cool
by making the world a little colder


say youll come back when you can
whenever your airplane happens to land
maybe ill be back here to
it all depends on whats with you

shake it up sugaree
ill meet you at the jubilee
if that jubilee dont comeeeee
baby ill meet you on the runn

patience and love always
love in yourself


--------------------
God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play


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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6969302 -

If you want to see her, A. If you don't C. Complaining never really solves anything...

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6970767 -

Cee


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There is no valid reason you should be reading this

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Re: keeping a grudge vs forgetting the grudge (regarding ex-gf) [Re: kotik]
    #6972635 -


Edited by StickyWater (04/29/08 01:02 PM)

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