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Too nervous to sleep
    #16572191 -

I haven’t posted in a while; so long in fact that I think my old user name was deleted…  Anyway, when I get stressed-out I like to write, and I haven’t had a chance to write in sometime now...


I’m nervous; I’m in a new town with my girl, and my life appears to be fucking sweet, but I remain nervous…  Let me explain.

I started school as an engineering student 5 or 6 years ago and ended up dropping out.  So I did what most people do when they can’t hack a hard science, I got my undergrad in Business Admin.  I worked in a hospital for a while doing admin work and I fucken hated it…  So even though I’m broke as fuck, and in debt, I decided to try and go back to school for something else.

I found out about this tiny corner of science that most people have never heard of.  Jobs are really hot in this field right now which is important to me because I need to pay my bills after I graduate.  Anyway, I find out that there are only a handful of Masters Programs nationwide for this particular field, hence my discretion.  Anyway, they told me that I didn’t qualify for the degree because I don’t have a science related undergrad.  I studied my ass off anyway, and received good marks on the GRE, I had a couple of Doctors at work write me killer letters of recommendation and I applied anyway.

I got into one of the programs that I applied to and moved (with my gf) over 1000 miles away to do this.  I have to pay out of state tuition so im looking at $40,000 in tuition costs alone over the next 2yrs..  This will over double my student loan debt but it’s worth it to me.  Luckily my gf is cool and doesn’t mind living on the cheap so we moved our ass to this new town and rented the cheapest apartment we could find.

Anyway, two days ago, im sitting here at my computer, looking over the terms for the loans im getting ready to take out when I get an email…  It’s my advisor informing me that after meeting me the chapter has decided to fund my education under one of the professor’s research grants.  All of my tuition dues will be covered by the department and, if I accept, I will receive a monthly stipend of $2,000 for doing research with one of the associate professors…  To clarify, this stipend is in addition to the money they are paying on my behalf for tuition...

Anyway now it’s all done, I signed all the paper work, passed a background check and im good to go… I’m in fucking disbelief; I just hope I don’t fuck this up!  My girl and I set up such a cheap life here that im going to have something like $1500 bucks a month burning a hole in my pocket after rent and utilities…  I went from expecting to double my debt, to thinking about how much of it I could potentially pay-off by the time im done with my graduate degree.

I could be practically debt free by the time I graduate!  I just hope I remain responsible and don’t go out and buy a car or something.  And the academics are a whole other issue; I haven’t taken a calculus class in 5yrs, im rusty…  I am signed up for a graduate level physics class this semester and I barely remember anything from undergrad physics…  The department knows this and seems to think I’ll do fine; “We wouldn’t have accepted you if we didn’t think you could do this” is what my adviser told me…  I just hope all the knowledge comes back to me, I hope I don’t blow this…

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16572217 -

if you stress it your gonna fuck it up. just be happy and go with it.

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16572232 -

best of luck for you dude I hope all goes number one for you... stay focussed on your primary goals, work hard and you'll get what you want

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #16572307 -

Man, this is great. Congratulations! Once you get settled things will cool down and you won't be as nervous anymore. So just hang in there, you can do this.

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #16577149 -

what is this pocket of science that you speak of?

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #16577339 -

Good luck :smile:

sending good vibes your way for a happy future with your new school and everything!

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #16577611 -

Thanks everyone!

#5, I'm probably being ridiculous not wanting to mention it here...  But when I said that there are only a handful of programs, I meant it, no exaggerations.


Even still, I know im being paranoid, probably because things have gone so unbelievably well thorough this whole process, im literally terrified at the prospect of having it all taken away.  And I would never forgive myself if I somehow messed this up.  It's not like the degree is a big deal, it is not going to make me a millionaire one day, it's just a little known corner of science with good job prospects..


With that said, if you don't mind posting your user name I would consider PM-ing it to you.

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16577669 -

i'd be interested in it as well. i've heard of a mysterious field once on youtube but he wasn't willing to give it away. :shrug: king klick if your cool with it. or if ur talking about something else or needed to talk or some shit hit me up.

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Re: Too nervous to sleep [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #16579002 -

sweet its shroomnymph

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