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Hating my life on thanksgiving
    #13540486 -

seems so wrong, but I kind of  feel that way.

I should be grateful for  the little I have. I'm not sure I even deserve this much.

I wish I could  go back and change everything.

Sometimes,I feel like I just make myself and  others miserable. I've even tried to use that  as a self-justification for suicide before.

I can't even handle my life anymore. I know that some people have done more with less. Maybe I'm just weak.

I've been thinking of committing myself, because I'm too  weak to face up to the mess I've made of my life, and fix it.

On the other hand, if I go into the hospital again, life will be  so much harder when I get out. I've been through that before... and I've been playing catch-up for years, barely surviving, sometimes. Mostly only because of the kindness of others.

Sorry, shroomery. I had to rant, and sometimes you're the only one that will listen.

Sometimes,I even feel cynical about that.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13540692 -

As long as each day you do something to better yourself or your situation, you should be able to feel good about that, now if you procrastinate, then you need to simply take that first step and follow through more often.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13540870 -

I'm a chronic procrastinator.

Sometimes it's hard to work up energy or motivation to do something. Sometimes it's hard to even think clearly.

I was told that I probably need  ADD meds, but then a moment later told that I would probably never be prescribed them, because of my history with addiction.

They're even nervous to give me "un-abusable" medications. (concerta, strattera, wellbutrin, etc)

I probably shouldn't blame them,with my history. But I do. I'm filled with such hatred for them, and every part of this broken system I've been shuffled through since I was a child.

I feel like the system has helped me fail.

Maybe I just want someone to blame, when I should be attacking mirrors.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13540887 -

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm a chronic procrastinator.

Sometimes it's hard to work up energy or motivation to do something. Sometimes it's hard to even think clearly.

I was told that I probably need  ADD meds, but then a moment later told that I would probably never be prescribed them, because of my history with addiction.

They're even nervous to give me "un-abusable" medications. (concerta, strattera, wellbutrin, etc)

I probably shouldn't blame them,with my history. But I do. I'm filled with such hatred for them, and every part of this broken system I've been shuffled through since I was a child.

I feel like the system has helped me fail.

Maybe I just want someone to blame, when I should be attacking mirrors.


You should not be attacking anyone, the energy it takes to sit down log on and make this post is the same energy you can use to go do something productive, it is all your mindset.

Don't create problems that don't exist.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13540900 -

What if I've been creating problems in  my head for so long that I don't know how to stop?

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541047 -

Anonymous #1 said:
What if I've been creating problems in  my head for so long that I don't know how to stop?


Then you must become insane and destroy your demons. This is nonsense bro, just like your post.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541063 -

I hate the holidays. :smile:


:grinch:

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13541093 -

Anonymous #2 said:
Anonymous #1 said:
What if I've been creating problems in  my head for so long that I don't know how to stop?


Then you must become insane and destroy your demons. This is nonsense bro, just like your post.


Clever way of sounding knowledgeable while still not actually answering that question.

I don't blame you--it doesn't seem like an easy question to answer.

I'm not trying to trash you, and I DO appreciate your responses. But please look at that statement again, and take it word-for-word literal.

In my statement, I was acknowledging your reference to my "creating problems,"and its accuracy. This is a flaw I recognize. However, I literally do not know how to NOT do  this. What you said seems akin to telling a clinically depressed person "aw, just cheer up--it's in your head."  Sure,  that's a super-true statement, but it does nothing of worth for  the person suffering. If such people KNEW HOW to stop the bullshit in their own head, of their own accord, you'd see it happen a lot more often. (note,that I did not use a word like "could" or "can" here...I said "knew how" indicating that this may be a fault in method, and not an inability to do so)

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541119 -

It is what it is OP
I spent my day with family n they proceeded to show me what a dumbass they feel I m.
I'm grateful for clarity.
Bc

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541276 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Anonymous #2 said:
Anonymous #1 said:
What if I've been creating problems in  my head for so long that I don't know how to stop?


Then you must become insane and destroy your demons. This is nonsense bro, just like your post.


Clever way of sounding knowledgeable while still not actually answering that question.

I don't blame you--it doesn't seem like an easy question to answer.

I'm not trying to trash you, and I DO appreciate your responses. But please look at that statement again, and take it word-for-word literal.

In my statement, I was acknowledging your reference to my "creating problems,"and its accuracy. This is a flaw I recognize. However, I literally do not know how to NOT do  this. What you said seems akin to telling a clinically depressed person "aw, just cheer up--it's in your head."  Sure,  that's a super-true statement, but it does nothing of worth for  the person suffering. If such people KNEW HOW to stop the bullshit in their own head, of their own accord, you'd see it happen a lot more often. (note,that I did not use a word like "could" or "can" here...I said "knew how" indicating that this may be a fault in method, and not an inability to do so)


There are two options here.

One is you admit that you have tried your hardest before and that something makes you feel horrible even when things go well. This is when you see a doctor because you have an imbalance with your inner chemistry.

Two is that you really are not doing anything and want to stay defeated because of some strange abuse life has given you. This is where you have to simply stop crying and start doing, and in this case it really is that simple.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541284 -

It's OK, dr_gonz.  It's OK.  :hug:

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #13541521 -

#2,I suppose that's something for me to consider. Thanks.

#5 Sorry, but you don't win the prize, and don't ever apply for a job as a psychic. I'm not nearly that well-known here.

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541738 -

Anon 1 i gotta ask btu do you do any drugs regularly ?    :eyeball:

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #13541790 -

Perhaps we have widely varying opinions on what dictates necessity.

And yes, I am a regular user of mood-altering substances.

I have not always been, of course;  and for the record: I have had certain "issues" long before I took my first dose of anything.

I've had periods of "clean time" as well, since I first tried drugs, in which I would use nothing mind-altering. I had similar issues then.

In summation,if you had the notion that drugs are PART of my problem, then I will concede.

However, my problems go way beyond drugs.

Maybe, if I had NEVER used any drug at all, including marijuana, life might be easier for me.

But a large part  of that is because of past mistakes with drugs, and how badly my life is fucked up as  a result. I currently don't even do 1/10th of the crap I used to....

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Re: Hating my life on thanksgiving [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13541811 -

damn, well for what it is worth I'm going for a bit without weed to see if it changes around my life and at the very least I'll say I feel a lot more confident/meditative and that I am more able to use my energy when it's needed. I'm still mad laazy and love just hanging around, using the Internet, playing games and all that jazz but I also feel more functional and on point.  So just saying maybe a small break could do you good or if you don't want to that I guess maybe you could benefit to meditate or speak to someone to look deeper int your issues.    :2cents:

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