I've been very depressed for many years and have looked everywhere for help with my depression and answers to my problems, so I thought. Last night I was thinking about all the bullshit in my life that I am going through , that I have been through , that I have put myself through and I just started to breakdown, (I do this every 5 to 6 years) then all of sudden I heard the voice in my head say something very intelligent, "Give all your problems to God". I thought for a minute and I cried even more to think of the possibility that I could actually dump all this shit on someone, something...
The bottom line is I'm not ready to let go of all of this crap, obviously, or maybe I can't let go of it, maybe I don't think that I am worthy of such freedom . Maybe I deserve everything I get, every bad feeling I feel. This sucks! I know I'm fucked up.
Maybe I should just kill myself, but one thing I am not is selfish, I have responsibilities. I never contemplate suicide but I welcome death is that the same thing? I came across a friend that just so happened to mention something about Scientology, Dianetics in a passing conversation, it made me want to check into it again, like I said I have tried almost everything. I just want to be able to let go of all this crap and the more I want to let go, it seems the harder I hold on to it. It's not doing me any good and I know it. But for some reason I can't help it.
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