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mom problems...
    #10890761 -

i can't stand my mom. she effects me negatively, brings me down. should i focus on trying to like her, or avoiding her as much as possible? (i live at home; male.)

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Re: mom problems... [Re: csrpj]
    #10890775 -

what pisses you off?


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Re: mom problems... [Re: Booster]
    #10890783 -

Be more specific

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Booster]
    #10890808 -

almost everything about her: the way she talks, act, in most situations. i realize a lot of it is stuff i see in me that i don't like, and resentment towards raising me a certain way. as far as how she relates to me, she's often angry and verbally abusive. she's very controlling too, and super critical (non-constructively) of half the things i do. i feel not free to be myself around her, to talk to any of my friends on the phone if she can hear...

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Re: mom problems... [Re: csrpj]
    #10890960 -

Get away from her in an environment where you feel good and then work on changing the aspects of your personality that you don't like (might as well be many others except the ones that only remind you of your mom) while giving it enough thought to realize why you're behaving in a certain way in the first place. It's up to you if you want to see her or not afterwards. But yeah, just trying to like her won't help, I think.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: mom problems... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #10891085 -

anonymous: no, not hot.

mushroomtrip: thanks: seems like solid advice. btw, your sig always give me pleasant vibes.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: csrpj]
    #10891498 -

Cool. :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: mom problems... [Re: csrpj]
    #10906164 -

I'm in a similar situation with my mom, and moving out is not really an option for me because of the high living expenses and lack of decent paying jobs where I live. I'm officially fucked until something changes. :shrug:


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Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Poid]
    #10906299 -

Slip E in her coffee. :wink:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: mom problems... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #10906510 -

I suggested that she take E like three years ago, and she totally flipped out on me and rallied the entire family against me!


If she only heeded my advice, then maybe she'd start to better understand her overly misunderstood son...:sad:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Poid]
    #10906855 -

Then just ignore her I guess, it's better than wanting her confirmation anyways. :shrug:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: mom problems... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #10907565 -

That's what I usually do. :shrug:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Poid]
    #10908724 -

You never know what you've got untill its gone.


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Don't smell the flowers, They're an evil drug to make you lose your mind

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Poid]
    #10908734 -

Try to just sit down and talk to her....does she drink at all?


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Re: mom problems... [Re: Booster] * 1
    #10909987 -

I am in the same situation, and trying to like her doesn't help.

(i lived on my own for 5 years, and moved back in while i was in school - i will be moving out again soon.)

I appreciate everything she does and has done for me, and i love her and am close (or honest at least) with her, however, i cannot stand being in her prescence all the time.

She left me with the house for the first time since ive been here, for 3 days and it was glorious - i felt like i was able to be myself again, and my personality really "lit up." and when i got home from work tonight, her and my stepdad were home and my attitude just plunged.

Get out, if you can. You will appreciate her in hindsight, but being in a controlling atmosphere is devestating to your potential.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Booster]
    #10912718 -

Booster said:
Try to just sit down and talk to her....does she drink at all?


Yeah sometimes. Why would I just sit down and talk to her? About what?


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Poid]
    #10914982 -

He's got a point - bridging the gap is good.

As i was saying, i get pretty irritable around my mom, but today i made the effort to talk to her about what she was watching on tv, and chatting about a few mostly meaningless things. It makes the negative aspects of our relationship dissolve, very temporarily, but its good to acknowledge her, rather than avoid and resent her.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: PDU]
    #10920647 -

I've just come to terms with the fact that I am way too different than my mom. I verbally abuse her a lot because of her beliefs and attitudes, and generally because of the way she is. I feel like shit every time I do this, but I can't help it. The best thing for me is to leave, but it's really hard finding a job where I live right now that provides me with enough money to find an apartment.

Having a roommate is not an option for me, I don't get along with people very well when I have to live with them. :satansmoking:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: csrpj]
    #10930601 -

My mom can be pretty horrible and was abusive my whole childhood but I regret the time I've spent resenting her.  It is is psychologically damaging to resent your family, its a form of self-loathing, you already know this

Quote:
i realize a lot of it is stuff i see in me that i don't like



...Moving out is a huge help.  Instead of spending energy being bothered by your mother spend it getting out of the house.  It is possible to move out, people have to do it everyday, it is just that dealing with your mother has been the easy route (not only) and you should frame your situation like that.

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Re: mom problems... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10932305 -

agreed either move out, or use your time with her to really identify the personality characteristics you feel are detrimental to her relationship with you, her positive self awareness and enjoyment of life, and yours as well. Use this knowledge as motivation to seek independence from those traits in a much more positive way.

Whats the saying in Count of monte cristo? And so neglect becomes our ally..


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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