I need the guidance of SA. I decided to post this after reading the thread about which benzo should i choose.
Ok so no i have not been diagnosed with OCD, but, I am pretty sure that i do have multiple OCDs and possibly suffer from depression. Here are what I believe I have and the symptoms that make me feel that i have them:
Dermatillomania:
When i get an injury I constantly pick at it. This isn't like picking because it itches from healing, this is picking it and making it much worse. I have many scars from simple mosquito bites that i have picked open and constantly for months. I also eat the scabs that i pick off and when blood flows from them i suck the blood. Personally both the scabs and blood taste rather good for me, though I am not doing it for the taste. I pick consciously and unconsciously. I have tried to stop but have found I am unable to.
Onychophagia:
I bite my fingernails and the surrounding skin around them. It happens constantly. I have tried to stop but could not. It happens consciously and unconsciously. When i looked at the wikipedia of nail biting it shows a pic of an extreme nail biter, my fingernails usually look worse. I eat the fingernails and skin that i bite off. I have bitten my fingernails down to where it becomes painful. I have made myself bleed in the skin around the fingernails by causing hangnails and then biting those. I will continue to bite after it bleeds.
Depression:
I have had extreme mood swings drug induced and non-drug induced. Small things can trigger extreme mood swings in me. I will go from depressed feeling and having suicide thoughts to extremely pissed off sometimes. I do have dermatographism and when i was on Claritin every day after a few months i noticed i was loosing focus and getting more and more depressed. Suicide thoughts are common during the depression episodes and normally as the depression episode starts to pass i just wave the thoughts away thinking they are stupid. They have included thoughts of how to kill myself. I do not understand where the episodes come from, i was not abused as a child or anything like that.
So i am pretty much at a loss of what to do. I do not want to go to the doctor and that would be a last resort. I am only 18 and i could go but i am still living at home and to have my mother find out about my problems and stuff. Also seeing as i am 18 i really doubt the doc is guna wanna go here lemme give ya a script to some kpin and a healthy side order of Xanax.
So do you guys have any ideas? I know benzos would probably help after reading about them. I wouldn't be too reliant on them, the depression comes and goes but it isn't too frequent, although i guess i do go though mood swings on quite a normal basis. The Dermatillomania and Onychophagia is pretty much 24/7 so if there is anything you guys could think of. I have tried putting lotion and other things on my nails and stuff to make me not want to do it, yes it makes it taste bad, no it does not stop me.
Btw: yea i know plenty of ya are guna get the shits and giggles from this thread. im not a stupid emo or whatever your going to say...Just try to keep it more or less serious.
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