Wrote this about an hour ago (at 7 PM). I ate two Leary crackers at 2:30 PM, then smoked a medium-sized bowl at 5. It was a nice, creative high, a blend between the agitated body high and the flowing thoughts of the mindbake. It may make no sense now, may be downright wrong, but it seems pretty good to me (but I'm still high lol).
There are, according to modern psychology, three consciouses: Id, ego, and super-ego. And I don't know anything about them to be honest. But I have developed an idea for a fourth, and if you STEAL MY IDEA I FUCKING KILL YOU. Cause it's my original idea, not something I read on the internet.
The Final Conscious
There is a being that is more eternal than all your other consciouses. The Final Conscious. It is you, refined. The essence of your person, but developed. The best version of yourself, and the most knowledgeable, having reached the conditions for it's own personal nirvana, and can see through the facades of everything, to perceive what it truly is.
Before a person reaches total adult consciousness or even intelligence, there is already this "perfect them", buried beneath so many layers of thought. And when someone does something, and finds that they are unhappy, but cannot put their finger on exactly why... it's because your Final Conscious does not think whatever you're doing is getting you any closer to your perfection. It's beyond your super-ego, which worries about morals and goals- it's the WHY behind the super-ego.
Because, see, the Final Conscious wants you to become it. When you become your final conscious, when you see and hear and think about the world around you with your Final Conscious, you are the perfect you. The perfect you may not be rich, in fact the perfect you can be a bum. The perfect you is the you that is most content with your life and happy with it. They key ingredients for growth have been met, and you developed exactly the way you needed to to enjoy life at the max.
Your Final Conscious goes towards life with a plan, a very specific goal. A quest- to become itself, to reach it's full potential. But as SOON as it launches the mission, it's like forgets about it's old self (this is your ego being born, I think), and it does not know it's on a mission. It only can feel the very faintest impulses, like from an ancient memory, that gauges it's life on a completely irrational scale. The wealthy businessmen who hates his life is a perfect example- he has everything he thinks he wants, but he still is unhappy for one reason or another.
So, how to you get your Final Conscious to unite with your ego?
I don't have a fuckin' clue.
How did I reach this idea? Well, A) I was high. B) Was talking about a certain psychedelic to a friend. Basically, this substance is one that makes you so trippy, you forget you're tripping. You have no idea drugs are involved. Many users report feeling only the faintest connection to "reality", their life before the trip started, and feel like life is something of a farce, that the trip is the true reality. It was so commonly reported that I wondered if they weren't reaching some super-high (pardon the pun) level of consciousness. Something that was at once very old and full of wisdom, that knows the day to day life of reality is foolish. No matter what the user wanted to achieve with the use of the drug, no matter what sort of self-exploratory introspective mission he set out on, it's like he forgets what he came for, and has just those few minutes of the trip to figure out what he came for. This is the Final Conscious and the Ego slamming into each other at high speeds. The drug (salvia) dissolves the barrier in less than a minute for most users- full on trip within the first few minutes. What takes lifetime of learning and developing without a mind altering substance to reach, is suddenly reached in a minute simply by dissolving this barrier.
So, the psychedelic experience there is really a loop. Your Final Conscious is shouting at you "WTF ignore the bullshit in this world", and you become aware of truths and realities that did not exist before, while your Ego, the part of you that's going "WTF pink elephants" when you trip, is still very much going by instinct when it comes to this Final Conscious. So when your Ego stands right next to your Final Conscious, chatting face to face (and probably screaming at each other at that), that's where the mind-fuck comes in.
You trip to figure out shit about yourself, but you can't, because before you even were intelligent enough to know, maybe before you born, your final conscious went on a mission: to put all the parts together to reach itself. It's using a blueprint to make itself a reality. And when you, the drug user, go on your own voyage into your mind, you're looking for the blue print! The two are coming at the same problem, but from completely different angles. Forcing them to meet and talk it out can be a frightening, dangerous event, but it can also really tell you more about yourself.
It's not necessary to do it frequently, even- you don't need to go tripping every week to "figure shit out". You just need to make sure that they meet often enough to update each other, to appraise each other of the progress in your journey in life. And you MUST make sure you remember the experience, learn something from it (which can be tough again because you forget your mission as soon as you are on it), and APPLY it to your life. APPLICATION is key. Learning something about yourself but not using it to improve yourself or encourage yourself in the long run makes you just another druggie wasting money.
And this makes me want to try this substance even more, being careful to not let it interfere with life. I want to make a real journey out of it. I'll probably try it in the dark, with a trip sitter or something (maybe Vince and I can trade off sitting each other), and just try and figure out what the next step is.
And of course, there's still the logical, calculating Zach who's very much aware of his desired in life. I think about the next step a lot, even for small things in life. Like, a major step was (with some help from Clooney) realizing how truly happy I was. Like living under a cloud. So what do I do now- I need to stay productive, need to keep moving forward with my education, writing, everything.
It's a big mindfuck, I know, but really just think it over.
-------------------- Captain Cannabis, Guardian of Ganja, Sultan of Shrooms, Giver of Green, Tabbed Tripper, and all around Good Guy.
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