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Anonymous #1
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 Am I just caring too much or what? 
#8022972 - 02/14/08 03:56 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sometimes I wonder if I care too much about things that I can't change. I was raised in a hardcore vegan/liberal/activist household, so it's always been pretty natural for me to think about issues (such as, say, global warming) and try to do my best to change them, although I'm aware that my measly efforts are not going to make a dent in the real problem. Still though, I make a point of recycling, composting, writing letters to politicians, and things like that, because I believe it's better than doing nothing.
My problem is my fiance. He was raised by a pretty typical redneck family (they're great people, if a little narrow-minded) and although he willingly goes along with my 'silly' ideas he makes it very clear that I'm wasting my time.
Sample conversation:
me: Oh hey, that box is recyclable.
him: Okay, but seriously hon, it doesn't matter. Don't think you're making a difference, because you're not. Nothing's going to change unless the big corporations do, and they're never going to because it will lose them money.
me: I know, that's why I try to influence them through letters and buying power.
him: That doesn't matter at all, you're just one person.
me: Yeah, but I'm not the only person doing it. And even if I was, at least I'm trying instead of sitting back and complaining about it.
him: But it's never going to get better, you're just wasting your time!
And then we either agree to drop it or start fighting about it, to the point that I just feel depressed and hopeless, and he feels guilty for making me sad.
Am I just being silly? Are my efforts wasted? Or, if I'm being reasonable, is there any way that I can convince him that it's worthwhile to care?
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 MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8022985 - 02/14/08 04:00 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'd say you are an inspiration! Unfortunately you can also only lead by example. People have to become the change they wish to see in others.
Keep doing it, it's NOT wasted effort!
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PyroBurns
душа кофе
Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: MOTH]
#8023176 - 02/14/08 04:42 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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That guy is lazy and is what's keeping us down.
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Remember to cut your nails regularly.
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8023209 - 02/14/08 04:49 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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He's being realistic.
Throw some of his realism into your "awareness".
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Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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Anonymous,
Can you give me an example of when your efforts paid off?
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8024431 - 02/14/08 08:38 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Trying to change a person to think like yourself
is not as caring of a effort as many would think.
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: GGreatOne234]
#8024516 - 02/14/08 08:58 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Anonymous,
I somewhat agree with your redneck boyfriend here. It's great to care about the enviornment and be passionate about the world we live in. But putting blood, sweat, and tears into a bill that may preserve 1 acre of land for another 5 years seems like an unworthwhile fight imo.
I think we need to learn to pick our battles. While we may win some battles in politics, the roots still remain, and more problems will arise in the future. I think if we choose to pursue truth, encourage compassion and understanding, political problems will slowly diminish. Bad political decisions are the products of ignorance.
*appleorange should not be posting on the internet while really buzzed either 
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 JoseLibrado
return
Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 8 months
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8024537 - 02/14/08 09:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Your situation is like mine, except with another set of things.
I like to focus on personal development and changing my thought patterns, as a way to generate a truthful reality to experience myself in. And for the most part the person i was intimate with before, just couldnt take it seriously enough and would just entertain my beliefs. The word 'silly' comes to mind. We would really only connect on a sexual level and because we shared similair past experiences. But it is relationships like these, with any person that leave us hanging in the past instead of looking towards the future for new opportunities to share our loves and passions.
I notice that you dont have anything to offer each other and it is clear that your beliefs clash, in a way that leaves both you feeling bad and then like what i used to do - simply have sex to mend it, to strengthen the connection by connecting on one of the levels we could.
This had me going in a cycle over and over, until finally i noticed that even i started to believe irrational beliefs like - "your efforts are worthless, its not going to work".
Ive been living with her still though and we share something that is quite wonderful, even more so without the emotions that come from sex.
I have noticed an amazing change that i was being hinted about when we were having sex and exchanging emotions and its been like a rush of vitality, focus and believing in myself more than ever.
Though from what i can tell you, it has been very uncomfortable to do this because you notice that alot of those emotions you had when you didnt have sexual love, begin to resurface and to me it was very hard to accept into my life.
I know this is for the better though and luckily i have been able to talk about this with her so openly - mind you we went through some rough aSSSS times this month. And actually we just finished talking about how this has really helped us to become emotional free-errr and invigorated.
I know now that when you choose to be sexually intimate with someone, it is most beneficial, to have it with someone with similair intentions towards goals- because emotions towards a person are amplified through sex and they can restrict our potential to bring peace and life to this world, if those we are emotionally connecting to on a daily occurence are do not take our passions as seriously as we do.
Think about it this way - when you get together with people to think about ways to help make a better future - do you choose to meet with people who share similair ideas about the best things to aim for or people who you dont? Add emotions so strong like love and peaceful acceptance from sec, in the mix and you can either have something very beneficial or detrimental to your goals.
I know i would enjoy to be around a person like you, our ideas would certainly push to newer heights, given that we already share the same ideas about the earth.
I wish you peace and life. May we connect on the idea that it is best to strive and live on the edge of our limits.
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The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.
And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.
Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.
Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8024804 - 02/14/08 10:01 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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ask him if he would like to be a eco warrior with you
blow up a suv dealership or something, you know, save the planet
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8025068 - 02/14/08 10:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Check out this thread.
You are not wrong for caring!
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#8026146 - 02/15/08 07:54 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
him: Okay, but seriously hon, it doesn't matter. Don't think you're making a difference, because you're not. Nothing's going to change unless the big corporations do, and they're never going to because it will lose them money.
him: That doesn't matter at all, you're just one person.
him: But it's never going to get better
I can't stand that kind of defeatist cynicism. Yes, yes it's all up to 'the big corporations'... as if corporations are made up of anything but people. Of course it makes a difference. Every cultural change in history was effected ONLY by individuals leading by example. So fuck him. On that issue, anyway.
The question is whether you can accept that your partner's views differ on this one. There will always be places where you don't see eye to eye, and that's fine if you respect each other. I think the only respectful way to try to change someone else's behavior is to lead by example. If you act dutifully, according to your own principles, he'll probably come around. My mom got my dad to come around on recycling, not because she argued with him, but because she kept doing it and he loves her.
You don't have to change your fiance, but please don't buy into the "it's out of our hands" bullshit. Keep up the good work.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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art
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 331
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#8029887 - 02/16/08 01:05 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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What if people during the Civil Rights Movement just said well it doesn't matter if I try and make a difference because I am just one person...
fuck that,"It does not make a difference" bullshit. The problem is NOT the corporations, it is people like your fiance. The corporations do what the people want them to do, the more people like you show that you value the environment the more they will value the environment. I have seen so many organic products pop up in the last few years, and many of them are made by the big corporations. Show him those things.
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JoseLibrado
return
Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 8 months
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: art]
#8032856 - 02/16/08 09:45 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey art
Our beliefs generated our attitudes and our attitudes our decisions.
It is only our beliefs that are the cause of our decisions then.
Our person hood as conscious beings is not at fault, so what at fault is what was put in the persons hood, as in mental hood, not the gangster type hood
We can seek to change others only when this has been changed in us.
If you hunger for it challenge yourself, if you want as bad as me join your attitude what this challenge.
Bring what you must to a situation.
And be weary that what you bring is who you are, but what you must bring.
--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.
And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.
Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.
Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Am I just caring too much or what? [Re: JoseLibrado]
#8040886 - 02/18/08 11:23 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hi guys, thanks for your responses. I don't think the problem is that we disagree, so much as just how much we argue about it. I think that's the main thing we need to work on, although his attitude bothers me.
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