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imagine
Psychic



Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 758
Loc: CA
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation
#7680556 - 11/26/07 04:18 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hello my favorite message board on earth! Time to vent - sort of. This is a pretty long post so, if you'd like you can skip and read the last few paragraphs.
Anways, a year and a half ago I met a girl and we had started seeing each other. It lasted about 4 months. I have some experience under my belt and can definitely say it was WONDERFUL being with this girl. I had the most fun I had ever had in my life because of the new experiences - I moved out, got my license, met her and partied for the majority of the time I lived on my own. No girl I have met has come close, and I have met quite a few (not being cocky, however I seek to build relationships with women - it is an obsession of mine). Our communication, mutual feeling and care for each other shined the most to me. I was NOT a dumb teenager lusting over a girl...our relationship was mature and impressive. Anyways, we had stopped dating because of a few situations - basically trust issues - she had broken up with a boyfriend of 3 years who had cheated on her a few days before we met (yes, why did she try to date so quickly after? who knows...meant to be?) so I had a few strikes against me already. Anyways, a few months after ending our bond we had started talking and SOMEWHAT dated (nothing set in stone, she still did not want a boyfriend just like our prior situation) for a month. Unfortunately I fucked up and slept with another girl (a HUGE mistake by me, yes i know; i have learned). That was the end of us. We had kept in touch through out the next year but went our separate ways - we both dated a few people but had no luck.
Now up to recent times - for the past few months we have resorted to each other to vent about our current dating situations as well as having talks about life. We are both single now - me for about 2 months - and her about 2 weeks (nothing serious, just dated somebody for about a month). Our thing we do is smoking cigarettes together at the park and having conversations about anything. Just recently we visited my old place and reminisced about our memories together. I've done A LOT of thinking about love, being in love, etc. through out my life, but let me tell you I DO have a spot in my heart for her. She is beautiful inside and out, but most importantly INSIDE. She is not like other girls I have met. I am 20 and, since being with her, the bar has been high and I have had no luck finding somebody as caring as her.
ANYWAYS! besides all of this. She tells me "it's great having a friend like you", "i'm glad we have what we have", and "i still wonder how things would be if we continued dating". However when we are together we act how we always used to (when dating) minus the affection. That is just how our friendship is. She is VERY easy to read (rare, i know) and she always means what she says, and I do not get the vibe that she is interested in dating once again. When we are together we tell each other we look great, have a few laughs, tease each other often (in a mature, non-sexual way) and just plain out have fun. She tells me she still can't find a guy like me, she still has not been as happy as she was with me, and that she doesn't think she'll ever find that again.
Well...IM SITTING RIGHT HERE! WHY FIND SOMEBODY ELSE WHEN THE GUY IN FRONT OF YOU IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR!
SO BASICALLY what my thread is about..........i want her! I can see myself being in a long-term relationship with her. Yes we are friends (very CLOSE friends) and act like it however I have the love for her. I had been looking for a certain girl to be with - and she had been the person the whole time.
So brethren - what i'm debating is...should i go for it? i have so much to say to her...not necessarily a love confession, however, I think the time is right and can totally see us dating and having fun all over again. I can be the guy she needs because I can be myself around her and give her my 100%. So guys...we only live once right? She dates a lot, so I feel like this is my opportunity or else I will be kicking myself in the ass once she finds a new guy. I do not want to be stuck loving this girl and remaining her "great guy friend she talks to". Will I ruin the friendship? Will i make it awkward if i asked her out to eat? Where do I begin with this...i can't just spring it up. Arg! I feel like there is so much more to say, however I do not want to break the record for the longest thread on the shroomery!
Thank you for reading
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: imagine]
#7681573 - 11/26/07 11:59 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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haha, this sounds like a reply for our woman posters.
i wouldn't trust a mans advice on this issue.
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ChiefGreenLeaf

Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 1,596
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: imagine]
#7681592 - 11/26/07 12:08 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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If you have this connection you speak of then there is chemistry. It's biology's way of saying, "we would make genetically superior children". I have the same thing with this girl. It's mutual. We just feel at ease around each other. Go for it. Those are the best kind of relationships, and the only ones worth pursuing IMO.
Edited by ChiefGreenLeaf (11/26/07 02:35 PM)
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GWAR
Scumdog of theUniverse



Registered: 05/03/02
Posts: 1,025
Loc: Antarctica
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: ChiefGreenLeaf]
#7681623 - 11/26/07 12:17 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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You should go for it man.
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"Freedom to all the people... Brave, true and strong... Freedom to all the people... Unless I think you're wrong!!!"
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imagine
Psychic



Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 758
Loc: CA
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: GWAR]
#7682278 - 11/26/07 03:38 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Oliveplume, i understand what you're saying, but i think it would be nice to hear from both perspectives 
Chief, thank you for the reply. Having that connection is very rare to me. I am not judgemental, but when meeting a girl and learning about her I tend to be turned off by little things. With this girl I do not. I could see myself with her through thick and thin.
GWAR, I am leaning towards that, however I am not sure if it is the right time. I may let time tell and see if she shows me any sign of mutuality on the subject. Perhaps she is not ready because she had just stopped dating somebody.
Any more replies would be appreciated
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: imagine]
#7682299 - 11/26/07 03:45 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Go for it.
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: GGreatOne234]
#7682558 - 11/26/07 04:32 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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well,
if you want both perspectives, i'll give you my dudes view point on this.
it sounds like you guys have a wonderful friendship right now and I would not risk ruining it. Personally, I would only try to pursue something with her again if she made it very clear to you that she has feelings for you.
I cannot speak for all women, but the ones I have known, would be pretty uncomfortable with one of their good male friends suddenly liking them.
just my two cents though.
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imagine
Psychic



Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 758
Loc: CA
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: mushroomplume]
#7682697 - 11/26/07 05:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I understand and have put that into consideration, however we had dated before and still act somewhat connected in that way. I mean, we went to my old place and talked about when we kissed in the rain, used to get jealous about one another etc...
So it is a bit confusing. But she has not made it clear to me that she wants to date again. She texted me today with an excuse of just to say hi. We have been talking more and more. I believe time will tell.
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SapphireCat
Seeker



Registered: 11/29/05
Posts: 613
Loc: Ireland
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: mushroomplume]
#7682724 - 11/26/07 05:12 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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i was in the exact same position as you not so long ago.
Whenever i got frustrated that we werent together even when it seemed that everything seemed to point that we should be, i'd talk to her about the feelings. cant really remember any details of what she said, but in general it was a no go. i tried dating to get her out of my mind. had a gf for awhile, just didnt help tho was still thinking about her. then met my current gf and now i've gotten over her.
we are still the best of friends, and hell there's even times when it's on the verge of a sexual encounter, but i understand her now. the time just isn't right. we both just want to spread our wings. it may never be right, but at least we'll always be there for each other.
she has dragged me out of many a deep rut, and vice versa. if we would have really started the relationship thing, we would have definitely broken up by now.
So my advice: talk to her about it maybe, without forcing her into a position of choosing between you as a bf or not at all. there's more to life than sex.
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
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imagine
Psychic



Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 758
Loc: CA
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: SapphireCat]
#7682741 - 11/26/07 05:17 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thank you for the reply Sapphire.
I'm thinking of leaning towards asking her out to eat soon. I think small steps can lead me to figure out if she would be willing to date again. I think if I were to bring up my feelings it would probably be a little pushy. I'm going to keep in mind that it is a 50\50 chance and I should not be let down if she still wants to be friends. And when it comes to sex, we are definitely not sexual based. When we had dated we only had sex a few times. She is not the type of girl I look to for sex. I look to her for everything.
All of your replies are cherished, thank you! I enjoy reading about others experiences similar to mine.
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SapphireCat
Seeker



Registered: 11/29/05
Posts: 613
Loc: Ireland
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: imagine]
#7682810 - 11/26/07 05:37 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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small steps is always a good choice.
but if sex isn't the focus, why the need to go out with her at all? like if you think about it all, that is is a title. still do as you have planned just consider aswell what going out means to you, and see if you could have that without going out with her incase she's against your approaches.
good luck at any rate man
-------------------- Beauty of style and harmony and grace and good rhythm depend on Simplicity ~Plato
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: imagine]
#7682905 - 11/26/07 06:11 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well, me personally I would go for it if I was in your shoes. And I wouldnt waste anytime, because as far as you know she is probably on a date with another guy as we type this.
Just because you try to kiss her again doesnt mean you can ruin a friendship. I mean, you've already kissed her in the past.. what's the big deal? She's single, youre single, shes probably just waiting for you to make the first move, and you're being kind of a sissy about it actually. Seems like you are wasting valuable time by not making any attempts to make love to her.
Another big plus is that you've already had sex with the girl in the past, but what strikes me as strange is you said you only had sex a few times in the past? wtf is up with that? You should have been making love at least twice a day if there was really a serious attraction between the both of you.
Again, as usual, my much needed disclaimer, i am notorious for giving people in this forum bad advice about relationships. But I thought I would just throw my point of view out there for you to ponder. GL.
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imagine
Psychic



Registered: 09/24/05
Posts: 758
Loc: CA
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: GGreatOne234]
#7684558 - 11/27/07 03:49 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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The thoughts I have been having don't have to do with making love. I do not want to just kiss her randomly. I want to talk about possibly dating once again. You're right about wasting some time, however I still feel like a need a few clues besides a few texts here and there to see how she stands about it. Yes I know us having sex a few times was striking, but i've been in relationships where it was sexual based and this was definitely NOT one of those. That doesn't mean we weren't affectionate. We were more of the cuddling type. We would do other sexual things besides sex as well. That's not the point though. But thank you for your reply!
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: imagine]
#7684905 - 11/27/07 08:13 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hi. My advice is... go for it. By the way you describe the entire situation, I think that she might still be in love with you but very confused. Plus, you're really good friends and that makes a HUGE difference in everything. If it really is the friendship you think it is, she will understand where you're coming from even if she doesn't want to be with you like that anymore. The risk of not telling her is that you'll grow more and more confused and consumed by the question what if, she will feel you getting tensed and things will fall apart, all your friendship, out of a childish mistake. Tell her, at least you'll know for sure where both of you will be heading to. Nobody can tell you what's on her heart except her, but I think that complete honesty is always the best answer, especially in something as special as what you two share.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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mushroomplume
Stranger

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Re: My favorite type of thread! Current girl situation [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7685263 - 11/27/07 09:53 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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imagine, mushroomtrip is a girl person to the best of my knowledge. TAKE HER ADVICE
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