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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: breakableweed]
    #7089381 -

Well and that is exactly what you're doing - you're there for her :smile:
To me it's pretty obvious that she is really going through some hard times and it was her decision to handle her problems on her own.
Maybe that's how she proves herself that she is strong. And I can understand that because there are moments when we feel so weak that we need this sort of validation of our strength. Let her take this course because if she wants that, it's obviously what she needs.

The fact that she's calling you and that she's the one looking for you a clear sign that she loves you. Otherwise she would of used that time in a different manner. But there she is, looking for your company. My advice is to stop asking her what's wrong or telling her you're confused, because she loves you and she will have one more "daemon" to fight: that is feeling guilty for what she is doing to you, which will give a slower motion for being able to handle what's bothering her right now. And this doesn't help any of you.

Just be there. Be there when she calls you, be there, IN the moment when you meet, giving her a sincere smile or a sincere hug :smile: It's the best thing you could do for the both of you right now :heart:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: breakableweed]
    #7090092 -

You two must really have something special
:smile:


--------------------

“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: breakableweed]
    #7090240 -

breakableweed said:
i often read the relationship advice doled out in this forum and so in a way i saw many of these responses coming, but i am hoping for something more constructive

the thing is in this forum is that most of the men giving other men advice are absurdly jaded in re: relationships with women and women in general. the relationship is not dead. i know that for sure.


I sincerely hope that I am wrong. It sounds as if you and this girl have a special bond and it would suck if that died. It is no fun when relationships die....but they do die. And, I will reiterate that any time I knew a girl who said she wanted a break it was because of one of the two reasons I listed. If you two "break up" I guarantee you that your girl will find someone else in the near future because she is cool and pretty.

I, like you, had a "best friend" with benefits bond with a girl for several years. We were incredibly close, talked everyday, were supportive of each other, trusted each other with our lives, etc.. Because of immaturity, human flaws, and circumstances our friendship died. Love really does not conquer all sometimes. When it comes down to it we are alone in this world sometimes. That's a hard pill to swallow but it's true.

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7090259 -

Relationships do die, indeed.
And in my experience, it was for the two reasons you listed.
However, those two reasons are usually 'caused by a lack of truth, in my opinion.
I believe if true, undying love is truly there, then it will conquer anything laid in it's way. It's a shame this type of love is so hard to find, or even some type of "truth" in a lot of people. It sometimes seem people are becoming less and less "real" and human and more selfish facade.
In stating that, I also have to state that I don't believe love should ever be doubted. That's the first step down the long, hard road to destruction. Even the slightest moment of doubt will wreak havoc.
I don't believe that we were put on this Earth, or evolved into this species, for us to walk around alone and unhappy all the time. Sometimes I really feel like I'm alone in this, but I can always find someone that's going through/went through something similar. Maybe I'm just bein naive, but I still believe in soul mates too.I guess I'm just lucky to have a few good friends who are usually always there for me, along with a loving family.
"When I think I'm lost, I'm really not at all"


--------------------

“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: dirtworshipper]
    #7091686 -

Do you/ have you ever talked about marriage? I mean, you paint a picture of an almost ideal partnership. And some of her last words were "I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you." Could this kind of be a way of manipulating the marriage issue in a world where men are usually expected to pop the question?

I don't even know if you or your girlfriend are of a suitable age to be considering marriage... I hope you are not like 19... but I reckoned, since you are bald and all  :rolleyes:it was something worth throwing out there.

I get a hint of you reacting to the feeling of being jerked around. And if the marriage issue turns out to be the reason, don't be too hard on her. Females are pumped full of this shit from the time they are able to visually identify "a princess". Which is about when...1 yrs old?

Anyway, it could also be, like Mushroom said, anything of a difficult nature... take, for random example, childhood sexual abuse. People repress these things and sometimes they only come out once they are active in an emotional/sexual relationship that feels somewhat safe. Psychedelics can also jar memories. I'm not saying its that, but imagine the possibilities and give her a chance to tell you. It may mean that you are there, doing the old thing as long as it feels good, and then stepping back and giving her her distance when she seems to be asking for it. It doesn't have to go on forever, but listen and let her call the shots for awhile about "togetherness". Even if its an extended process kind of thing, eventually you can get her "aloneness" to coincide with your physical presence before her final healing or mental reconciliation occurs. Resist the urge to go on about your own confusion AT LEAST until the precise nature of the issue is out there on the table.

You make it seem that she didn't genuinely want to end the relationship even as she was doing so.
IF THIS IS TRUE....
Why would someone do this? (If NOT to elicit a reaction). Guilt comes to mind. You leave someone you love because you feel like you are a bad influence. What "badness" does she think that she is bringing to the relationship? Weakness, shame, dependence, incompleteness, negative outside associations? If you get to thinking that she has too much power in this "aloneness" game, think about this.

However, If she keeps going on like nothing has changed and almost like the argument didn't happen, then Maybe she just came to a decision about your relationship and wants to keep you but the nature of her deliberation is too embarassing or tenuous to talk about. Nevermind: crisis averted! If you feel the need to bring it up again down the road for your own sanity, maybe you could just say something like, "You know, when you first said that you wanted some time away, I said I was okay with that and not worried. I just want you to know that that was the probably the craziest thing that ever came out of my mouth."

It seemed pretty crazy to me, anyway. :cuckoo:

I could go ON and ON, but I'll just end it here on a rant by saying that there is this widespread idea out there about how really noble it is to let someone you love waltz out of your life while you stoically stand by.  :spock: NUTS! Why would you NOT fight for someone that you care about? Coolness is NOT a factor that should matter in situations like this. Objectivity is not required when your heart is at stake! If someone REALLY wants to go, SURE they're probably gonna go- but to get up and open the door- just seems nuts IMO. Might be a form of denial or just an urge to rob someone of the full impact of dumping you. Probably a coping mechanism. But the time to cope is AFTER, not WHILE you are being dumped. Real love is worth the fight.  :box:


--------------------

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7091770 -

RandalFlagg said:
This is old cynical and misogynist me talking, but when a girl says she wants a break it always means:

1.  She is re-evaluating and she is coming to the conclusion that she doesn't like you that much anymore or that she doesn't want to be stuck with you.  or....
2.  She has found somebody better.

When one person starts thinking thoughts like this, things go to shit and never go back to being good.  That's just my experience.  But, good luck though.  :heart:


Yep.

Expect the worst, OP, expect the worst.  Get prepared to meet the new male in her life within 3 months...maybe less.


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: SCleROTiUM_LICK]
    #7092116 -

Quote:
Do you/ have you ever talked about marriage? I mean, you paint a picture of an almost ideal partnership. And some of her last words were "I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you." Could this kind of be a way of manipulating the marriage issue in a world where men are usually expected to pop the question?

I don't even know if you or your girlfriend are of a suitable age to be considering marriage... I hope you are not like 19... but I reckoned, since you are bald and all :rolleyes:it was something worth throwing out there.

I get a hint of you reacting to the feeling of being jerked around. And if the marriage issue turns out to be the reason, don't be too hard on her. Females are pumped full of this shit from the time they are able to visually identify "a princess". Which is about when...1 yrs old?


What does spending the rest of their lives together has to do with marriage?
Yes, in ordinary cases, that could be an issue, but from what  breakableweed described their relationship this kind of issues should not exist.
When two people share that kind of connection they don't need those reassurances (because that's what they are). And her reactions just don't fit these theory, at least in my opinion :shrug:

I think that, for the moment, waiting is the best alternative.
Waiting for her to figure out her stuff and then things must go one direction or another.
In my opinion, it's too early to get worried.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7093033 -

RandalFlagg said:
This is old cynical and misogynist me talking, but when a girl says she wants a break it always means:

1.  She is re-evaluating and she is coming to the conclusion that she doesn't like you that much anymore or that she doesn't want to be stuck with you.  or....
2.  She has found somebody better.

When one person starts thinking thoughts like this, things go to shit and never go back to being good.  That's just my experience.  But, good luck though.  :heart:

yep, sometimes the truth hurts

imo, the best thing you can do is--- live your life without worrying about her.

When it all comes down to it; nobody cares about "your ASS" except you...and Jesus...
Umm, whats it called....self-preservation.

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: breakableweed]
    #7093290 -

You'll be fine. The best thing that you can do - for both of you - is discover what, exactly, it is that you want out of life.

What she seems to need most is to find her individuality, and begin to define herself outside of the influences of those around her. No matter how much you love her, you have expectations of who she is, and sometimes people need to discover their own expectations for themselves.

I can understand your confusion about the mixed messages, but you need to understand that she is probably even more confused than you. This boy loves her, and she probably can't understand why it's not enough anymore. Sometimes I get afraid that love isn't enough, too.

If you two truly care for each other then I think that you are in magical place. You have a woman who is capable of being honest about how she feels, and she trusts you enough to share it with you. I think that the world is full of people who lie to themselves, let alone others.

It's nice that you want to be there for her; but, please don't let her walk all over you. Sometimes women do it by accident.

:hug:

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7097488 -

RandalFlagg said:
breakableweed said:
i often read the relationship advice doled out in this forum and so in a way i saw many of these responses coming, but i am hoping for something more constructive

the thing is in this forum is that most of the men giving other men advice are absurdly jaded in re: relationships with women and women in general. the relationship is not dead. i know that for sure.


I sincerely hope that I am wrong. It sounds as if you and this girl have a special bond and it would suck if that died. It is no fun when relationships die....but they do die. And, I will reiterate that any time I knew a girl who said she wanted a break it was because of one of the two reasons I listed. If you two "break up" I guarantee you that your girl will find someone else in the near future because she is cool and pretty.

I, like you, had a "best friend" with benefits bond with a girl for several years. We were incredibly close, talked everyday, were supportive of each other, trusted each other with our lives, etc.. Because of immaturity, human flaws, and circumstances our friendship died. Love really does not conquer all sometimes. When it comes down to it we are alone in this world sometimes. That's a hard pill to swallow but it's true.


Great post and I agree 100%. More often than not I have found a girl saying she wants space is her way of getting out of saying what she really wants to say. That may be cynical, but it is how things normally work. To the OP: I hope that isn't true in your case and best of luck.


--------------------
Those who would give up a little freedom to get a little security shall soon have neither.
-Benjamin Franklin

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: breakableweed]
    #7103396 -

Well, what's going on with the situation?

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7103707 -

I want to know too. Break off or on?

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Re: this sucks...girlfriend wants a break [Re: implicitli]
    #7126517 -

He found out she was banging a giant afro-american and he went crazy and killed himself. :frown:

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Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Feminized Cannabis Seeds   Sporeworks.EU Spores for European Microscopy   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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