After having some very intensely negative experiences on drugs, I've come to some conclusions about how paranoia takes place and why, and decided perhaps sharing these ideas can help others understand/deal with their own experiences, and others might just find some of the ideas interesting.
So I started writing about it and today I finished it off. In some areas language is informal and perhaps the structure itself is a bit unconventional, but I'm writing this for the sake of the greater good, and not an assessment.
So here it is:
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Temporary drug-induced paranoia is an irrationally heightened state of fear in which a person intensely analyses their current social environment and only has the capacity to form alienating conclusions. If the person becomes introspective, they may also begin to analyse past social environments or specific past social events. As the paranoia progresses, these two analyses will eventually blend into one, creating an ongoing analysis of the totality of their experiences characterised by frequent negative conclusions concerning:
• present self-worth;
• critical decisions in the past regarding open-ended issues;
• the dispositions of others towards them, and;
• their future as a social entity,
which following further introspection and the application of philosophical and/or creative thought may or may not evolve into negative conclusions concerning:
• the destiny and purpose of man;
• the true structure of existence, its theme and characteristics, and;
• centralised power structures excluding the person and acting to network the conclusions relating to the above notions.
It is for some reason assumed by the person, perhaps because of an instinctive need for an angle of approach after irrationally sensing danger, that there is a static and singular state to their social environment and always has been, or rather, that there is only one universal social environment and thus all social experiences are relevant in the present. Because of this assumption, otherwise unrelated social behaviour from both the present and past involving widely varying social contexts is grouped into a singular social reality, and then all are subjected to negative (re-)evaluation. As confusion sets in, it exacerbates fear, which then intensifies the negative reactions to stimuli (internal and external) and so the overall state of paranoia. The analytical mindset may become so industrious as to uncover repressed and suppressed memories, and the condition thus tends to spiral itself out of control.
What essentially occurs is the progressive deconstruction of the integrity of all esteem-affirming social interpretations to which the person has been subjected and is currently being subjected or attempting to create. In severe cases, if the person equates their social mask (ego) with their ultimate Self, or who they really are, that is to say; if they deem the paranoia real, then what occurs is an intensification of the level of paranoia which pushes the person towards a state of hysteria, driven forward by the experience of increasing antagonism amidst an increasing sense of helplessness. In this state it is likely the ego will be shed in a different light, as superficial or irrational, or discarded of altogether as the futility of retaining it - at least for the present - is eventually recognised. If the latter occurs, moments of illumination or stillness, expressed as a sudden feeling of calmness, smiling or laughter, will occur during the time(s) the ego is dissolved.
Although an overall negative experience, severe paranoia can highlight the transactional nature of the mind and its world. Thoughts or judgments about events can occur simultaneously with the event itself, not as an afterthought or analysis. That is to say, the line between fantasy, reality and the process of judgment is blurred completely; thoughts and reality become one. As an example, I once had a very harsh experience while under the influence of bad THC and alcohol in which I became extremely paranoid and physiologically impaired, but well-aware I was judging my environment incorrectly. During this time a friend entered the room and started changing the tracks on a sound system, and began commenting on different songs. I was well-aware he was commenting on the songs (Reality A), but each time he said something I would suddenly switch to a reality in which he was attempting to snap me out of my paranoid state by playing the appropriate music (Reality B). Each time he would say things like, “Nah, not that one” and “This one is no good is it?”, and without any judgment of mine or in fact any conscious cognitive process at all, I would temporarily be in Reality B, as if waking from a dream. Then afterwards when I actually had a chance to process the information, I would analyse what he said, and restore Reality A. He would then speak again (“Well, I tried”) and I would again experience Reality B. This is unlike my impressions of previous experiences of paranoia, in which the stimulus is delivered rather neutrally, or with only subtlely negative overtones, but then when processed it would be interpreted in a negative way, or become negative after being added to a larger lattice of paranoid delusions. In this case, the judgement and the occurrence of the event were the same thing, revealing that a transaction was taking place rather than classical cause-and-effect, receive-and-interpret scenario. This suggests attempting to control the content of paranoia may be futile, and instead effort should be focused on controlling emotional reactions to the perspectives that arise.
Another interesting point to be raised here is that there seems to be a fine line between mystical revelation and paranoid delusions. It is apt to suspect paranoid delusions are derived from a mystical source (accessed by the substance in use) due to their free-flowing creativity, but become delusional (irrationally negative) after being filtered through an ego in an ultra-protective, or paranoid, state. This is evidenced by the many obvious parallels between mystical and paranoid thought, such as:
• cosmic centralisation, decomposition of multiplicity (A);
• the recasting of reality as a narrative (B), and;
• intuitive and unconditional morality (C).
In the case of mystical thought, (A) correlates with the underlying unity of all things; the Eastern notion of the singular and immortal Self (the Tao, Brahman, or Dharmakaya). (B) correlates with the idea of the Eastern notion of the world as play, a direct result of its unity. (C) correlates with an attitude of love, compassion and understanding which inevitably follows (A) & (B) in this context, in recognition of the futility of egotistical actions.
In the case of paranoid thought, (A) correlates with the concept of an in-crowd, sharing one mind, and an out-crowd, consisting solely of the paranoiac, whom feels he is the mortal enemy of the in-crowd. (B) correlates with the concept of the in-crowd being engaged in a universal play excluding the paranoiac, and the feeling that his exclusion is deserved. (C) correlates with an attitude of guilt, and oversensitivity to the effect of his actions on others which inevitably follows (A) & (B) in this context, in recognition of the paranoiac’s insignificance to the in-crowd’s structure at large, and of his exclusion.
Temporary drug-induced paranoia can therefore be understood in terms of either the irrational overlapping of social contexts with judgments defaulting to the most negative out of a fear for safety, or in terms of distortion of mystical experience. With this in mind, we can approach severe episodes of paranoia in a more detached and potentially experimental manner, as we will no longer be concerned with the credibility of the paranoia but with simply overcoming it as a disoriented psychological or neurological phenomenon. This may prevent us being emotionally abused by our own thoughts during these episodes, acting irrationally or harmfully in social situations, and may also assist in the aftermath of the episode where we may feel guilt or mistrust after subjecting ourselves to a long period of dark and negative thoughts concerning ourselves and our peers.
Edited by tools_n_corpses (06/22/07 05:09 AM)
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