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 LucidDayDream
Ponderer...
Registered: 11/04/01
Posts: 198
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 My problems, your advice? Maybe? 
#659093 - 06/02/02 12:28 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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I just wanted to post something, maybe its selfish that I worry too much about things, but after visiting the shroomery often for the last few years, I?ve found it?s a place where people are pretty courteous about giving feedback upon much deeper things than mushroom cultivation. I just want to tell you my problems, and maybe get some feedback from you, since many of us are probably in (or have been) similar boats. I don?t know really where to begin this, and as I write this, like most things, I feel uncertain about it but just mainly need to get it out. Ok I will not drag on. I am a 22 year old college student, a good looking, kind, very well liked person I believe. When I was about 18 I discovered pot, and had just gotten over a deep depression that was not provoked by anything influential, just mainly what I believed to be a chemical imbalance. I come from a wonderful family and have been raised by wonderful parents. Anyway, after I was treated for depression with Paxil (antidepressant) at the time? Anyway, I smoked a lot of pot throughout the last five years, daily, sometimes multiple times. I always could handle it fine and it brought me little paranoia. Now, five years later, I feel like I?ve beaten a lot of my depression (yet I still smoke pot and drink often), I don?t really feel to have to same symptoms as I did when I was diagnosed with it, but I have something going on for sure. I feel like I?ve recently developed a social anxiety disorder, and the odd part is that things like this sort of creep into your life, but now I think something has definitely emerged when I look back on my feelings of the past (such as going outside downtown (where I live) and how it used to not bother me but now does). Anyway, I went off antidepressants for most of this school year, and I felt like I was doing fairly decent. The odd thing is that as this social anxiety thing crept into my life, I was still loving pot but getting way more nervous around people, so I didn?t want to do it as much.. which was good, I thought I was finally getting over it a little, moving on.. Anyway, I have recently gone back on antidepressants, celexa, and I?ve noticed some changes? I?ve only been on it about a week, but I felt a little better, more optimistic minded.. but I get all shaky and shit.. Anyway, for some reason I really feel like I want to smoke a lot of pot.. the Celexa has a sort of stimulant effect, not the classic heart pounding caffeine, coke, amphetamine buzz but more of a bodily feeling.. I feel like I am more self-medicating with pot on it or something? I?ve also been hitting the bars excessively, which also seems as a sort of self-medication since I can?t sleep well on the Celexa, and drinking a lot seems to loosen me up in the social situations.
I think I need to get laid, or maybe just some affection from someone. A friend recently told me this, he could see it in my eyes I think. I guess its selfish.. Well if you?ve read this far, thanks, I just need some advice from some of you guys. I am sure at least some of you have been in a similar situation. I know my main problem is my related to my pot use, but I don?t understand how its suddenly seemed much more uptight to me. It does not relax me in the least.. I know paranoia is a big factor, but its increasing seems to seem like there is an underlying anxiety disorder or something.. Also, I don?t feel like I can sum things up. I enjoy writing but writing allows me to go back and change things and tweak them up, and I can?t do this with spoken words.. I?ve almost felt like I want to give up on spoken communication, conversation seems like such a primative form of human relation. When I talk online I find myself saying things, whole sentences, and then erasing them.. and A lot of the things that I say to people I later on feel do not hit the right points.. I know I am creative person, and I guess artists are always trying to ?cease? something, and BS conversation at a bar with some girl seems sort of stupid to me? I want to meet people but my conversations are often dull and sort of trail off.. I don?t feel like I want to make the efforts. Well, sorry for dragging you through all this, I think that its been my pot smoking that contributes to my problems, as I?ve seen on days where I?ve not smoked (which I?ve been doing a lot more recently) that I am much more confident.. yet still very shy.. I feel like I can no longer handle pot outside of my own home.. with people I know well.. but maybe this is a good thing, maybe I can cut down to moderate use and live a fuller life.. maybe I am just moving on.. Oh one more thing ? I feel like I often give off this vibe, like a sort of self fulfilling prophecy that I am giving off a negative vibe and the way I say or do something it?s not touching with how I truly feel, which happens often but much more when high.. Maybe I am too over analytical, I think Ive always thought too much..Anyway, your advice is appreciated.. I guess maybe you don?t have a lot to say, but anything advantageous towards me making some life changes.. Any good books, meditation, helpful drugs, etc. that I could benefit from? Thanks guys
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 deepr
the dancer
Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 238
Loc: nzl
Last seen: 19 years, 3 months
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 Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659230 - 06/02/02 02:37 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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ill pm you
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Anonymous
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659238 - 06/02/02 02:43 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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wow, that is kinda freaky. i have been through something very simular. i don't know if i have it in me to give a helpful response right now, but i just wanted to let you know that i've shared your experience. i'll think about it for a while and we'll see what anybody else has to say... (i'm better at understanding than expressing) if i think of anything helpful to add, i'll reply again.
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TheShroomHermit
Divine Hermit of the Everything
Registered: 02/19/02
Posts: 7,575
Loc: border of Canada and Mexi...
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659250 - 06/02/02 02:50 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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It seems like you've reached a doldrums in your life. I know that life is life a roller-coaster, sometimes you're high and sometimes you low, and I'm not talking about drugs. Weed is not a BAD drug, although i've seen bad people become worse on it (i've also seen good people become better) Just try to find yourself a few good freinds, get a girlfreind, or fulfill whatever sexual orientation you are in. Mushrooms aren't nessasarily a good thing for someone in a bad place. It makes you more analytical, thats something you should be less of. Find yourself, and enjoy life. Peace.
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Anonymous
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659252 - 06/02/02 02:55 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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This sounds like a job for emotion?
creativity .. metamorphosis^
subconscious travel ... meditation
inner reflection .. and maybe a chick?
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Anonymous
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659255 - 06/02/02 02:55 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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I PM'd you too.
I'm in the same boat...
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Revelation
ॐ
Registered: 08/04/01
Posts: 6,135
Loc: heart cave
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659369 - 06/02/02 04:40 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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First of all, I can relate very much to your story. My advice:
Stop making judgements about yourself. This is very important. When you find yourself making judgements about you, just stop. Do not complete the thought. Eventually your mind will get the idea, and things will get better and better. Which should allow you to:
Find affection. You have certain emotional traits that are not being given the chance to express themselves. Speak to people from your heart (doesn't sound easy I know) without making judgements about either you or them. People will respond to this and feel drawn to you.
Read the book "conversations with god". Not so that you have someone to pray to but so that your horizons are broadened. This book helped me a lot. It's philosophy, not religion.
For that matter, read lots of books of all kinds. When I was depressed I found that I lost the ability to feel emotions properly. They felt kind of blunted. I get reminded of this when I read a book that I read as a child, and get a flashback of the emotional response I had back then. Does that make sense? For this reason, I found it hard to "get into" books, because my mind wasn't filling in the blanks that emotion would normally fill. If you feel the same way.... just keep reading. Don't think of it as a disadvantage but as an opportunity to see things from a fresh perspective. From here you will begin to respond intuitively to things again, and you will get passionate about things. Things will seem better than they have ever done. The one thing to always keep in mind is that you have the power to change your mind. And it's far easier than you think now.
You are not your mind. You are not a spectator. You are the creator.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#659516 - 06/02/02 06:50 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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Of course marijuana is related to mood disturbances. I'm not gonna be too preachy, but I smoked every form of cannabis from all parts of the world from 1969 to about 1981. Caused major detours in my life. Just mental masturbation. If you want abiding peace, you're gonna have to ask for it and work for it.
If you can stop for a month or so, you can then (after your receptor sites are clean) try some Passion Flower (Passiflora Incarnata). It gives a pot-like high without fuzzinesss, and it has an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety effect that lasts for about 24 hours. It is nowhere as habituating as hemp, so one can use it 'as needed' instead of chronically. It costs about $1.50 an ounce. But this is a medicinal herb, not a recreational drug. What I hear from your post is not about recreation, it is about self-medication. I wouldn't mix this with prescription antidepressants. One or the other. Passion Flower helped during my divorce when prescription drugs like Deseryl and Atavan kicked my ass.
True and abiding peace needs to flow from a deep spiritual source. It might be time to plumb the depths of the faith you grew up in. That is, go far beneath the outer forms and conventions to a depth (or height) that most people never know. True religion is not about conventional behavior, it is about Truth - Ultimate Reality - That which is Really Real. Ultimately satisfying to the psyche, this quest. Want details? E mail me.
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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GRTUD
INFP
Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 270
Loc: United States
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Amen, brother Mark! I think we all needed that reply. Thanks.
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"New shit has come to light..."
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Uncounted
Stranger
Registered: 05/28/02
Posts: 18
Loc: Minnesota
Last seen: 22 years, 9 months
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: GRTUD]
#660498 - 06/03/02 10:55 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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I agree, great post mark. I guess i haven't exactly been there, but I've seen it happen to some of my friends. The way I see it is drugs are for the good times in life. When I feel like I'm having some issues, I lay off pot, mushrooms, alcohol, all of it for a while. Let you body clean out sort of thing, restore some balance. Also, what kind of social situations do you have? I find that it's really helpful to have "clean" friends. Someone to hang out with that's there for you that isn't always looking to "smoke up". Mostly I guess it just takes sometime to realize who you're friends are and who's really there. Social support is what gets me through life. It seems most important when you want it the least, so even if you don't feel like, have someone hang out with you, it keeps your mind off things for a while. Ick, talked for longer than I thought, anyway yeah. As weird as it may be, i really get the feeling that we are all friends here though we haven't met, I just came here and it already feels like home.
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The sum of evil would be much diminished if men could only learn to sit quietly in their rooms.
-- Pascal
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deepr
the dancer
Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 238
Loc: nzl
Last seen: 19 years, 3 months
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: Uncounted]
#660527 - 06/03/02 11:11 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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;]
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Anonymous
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 Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#661731 - 06/04/02 02:36 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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A good clensing would help you incredibly. Putting any mind or mood altering substances in your body will give you the effects you described. You obviously have a predisposition to these things happening. Give it a rest for a month. Drink lots of water with lemons!!! Good luck with your journey!! May you find peace of mind!!! Suggested reading Dan Millman's - Peacful Warrior!!! 
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: GRTUD]
#662491 - 06/04/02 10:16 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thanks for the thumbs up!
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
Edited by MarkostheGnostic (06/04/02 10:19 AM)
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: Uncounted]
#662494 - 06/04/02 10:18 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thanks for the compliment...just trying to be a 'voice of experience' that one will actually 'listen' to at this site. Also, I've tried to become the kind of counselor that I needed when I was 22.
"...got a graveyard head and a tombstone mind...just 22, and I don't mind dyin'...who do you love?...who do you love?... -Quicksilver Messenger Service
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
Edited by MarkostheGnostic (06/04/02 10:30 AM)
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Buddha1
journeyman
Registered: 05/22/02
Posts: 73
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#662671 - 06/04/02 11:54 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have been in a similar situation, where you cant control your emotions and you dont know whats causing them. I found a book that helped me A LOT. Now I'm not much of a reader but I couldnt put this book down. It's called 'The Second Penguin Krishnamurti Reader' by Jiddu Krishnamurti. I really think you should check it out, everyone on this board should check it out. It's changed the way I live and the way I think for the better. I am truly happier now. He has written many books and they all cover basically the same stuff, some focus more on certain issues.
If you have your doubts about going out and buying this book you can do a search for Krishnamurti on the net and read some of his works, but the book is much more thorough.
PM me if you have any questions.
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Barbi
Plastic Person
Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 20 years, 4 months
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Edited by mndfreeze
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rivermonk
Stranger
Registered: 03/30/02
Posts: 5
Last seen: 22 years, 9 months
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: LucidDayDream]
#664141 - 06/05/02 10:50 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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There was a point in my life where I thought I had a drug issue, so I went to see a therapist. He was a great therapist. After three weeks, we decided I didn't have a drug issue and we ended the sessions. Have you tried therapy? I don't think you mentioned it in your post. If you decide to take this path and you discover that you are mentally well, then do the Landmark Forum:
http://www.landmarkeducation.com
It's an incredible experience.
Books are great, but I think self development is most powerful when interactive. You need to hear that other people are just like you and share many of thoughts that you share. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder
Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: Barbi]
#664234 - 06/05/02 11:40 AM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well, no argument from me about food and exercise. However, when someone is battling a specific habit, say, with pot, one can sometimes wean that person off by shaping the behavior. Passiflora looks, tastes and kinda feels like pot, but without much of the addicting quality of pot. It is easier to suggest this kind of behavior modification in the short run, than suggest a complete change of lifestyle. Once a person eliminates a major obstacle (Passiflora is not likely to create an addiction problem), then one must fill the void created. Then one can find healthy things to do: resistance training, yoga, elimination of processed foods and white flour and sugar; and the inclusion of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants.
I for one am gonna get on my Bowflex after playing on the computer, then follow the workout with a salmon and broccoli dinner. Hey, I'm not getting any younger!
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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InDiCaToRgReEn
newbie
Registered: 05/02/02
Posts: 47
Last seen: 22 years, 8 months
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Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: deepr]
#666538 - 06/06/02 06:39 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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Kinda sounds like me, if you want to get rid of your problems you must truly stop caring about this place because it is really meaningless, then you will come to peace and live in the moment, the divine moment which is peace, the peace of knowing nothing and at the same time everything, that you simply exsist as a reflection of yourself which is God. I reccomend some energy raising and mind silent mediatation while doing this, just imagine your body expanding and it will start to feel as if there are holes in your body or you are breathing through it, suck the energy toward you by imagining it and relaxing your body as you imagine it, you will become creative, you will become pure breaths of energy, you will become God and be at peace.
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"oh to be a kid again, not a worry in the world except mybe the lack of bubbles in the bath tub"
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ctsbgx
newbie
Registered: 05/25/02
Posts: 39
Last seen: 22 years, 1 month
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 Re: My problems, your advice? Maybe? [Re: InDiCaToRgReEn]
#667724 - 06/07/02 03:17 PM (22 years, 9 months ago) |
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Books, yes. Clean the system. Exercise. Try walking. If you are near mountains climb them. Try to not give as much energy to over anylyzing in stead pay attention your feelings as you walk . Find a copy of Monty Python's song "Always look on the bright side of life". Who cares if the games we play are pointless as long as we enjoy them. Set a goal. Perhaps put your anylytical skills to use. You sound bored and in need of a challenge or project.
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