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drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice
    #1919128 -

I think I am in the process of destroying every notion that I hold, or have ever held really. In the last few months my brain has been deconstructing my mind, stripping away everything false. I feel like all the lies I have told myself to cope with life are being exposed as lies.
I don't know when I began lying to myself, but I don't believe I have always lied to myself. I was with a baby today, and it did not seem as though it could possibly have lied to itself. I think that the self-deception I am referring to would only be possible in a mind that possessed language.
But I know that I have lied to myself for a long time. The self-deceptions themselves come and go. If one ceases to be useful, or if I know longer need to lie to myself about a particular subject, I will drop the lie and usually not even recognize that any self deception has been occurring, but occasionally, in the past, also having a minor epiphany now and then at the recognition and destruction of a self-deception...but all the while not recognizing that I was lying to myself in a dozen or perhaps a thousand other ways.
I feel as though several years of focused reading, and three years of excessive drinking and drug taking has made me frighteningly self aware. Nietzsche, Dostoyevsky, Socrates, Buddha, JD Salinger and others have all got into my head...really into my head...But they contradict each other! Each of them seems as though he is telling the truth, or some sort of truth, but each of them make me feel not wiser, but more confused. Nietzsche, in particular, has been responsible for the destruction of many of my false ideas. He is like a devil that has crept into my conscious. He has perhaps even destroyed my ability to even hold an opinion for any period of time. Dostoyevsky really fucked with my head too. Notes From the Underground blew my mind, but left me more intellectually confused than ever.

Less than five months ago, after an extremely important experience I had after consuming massive amounts of amphetamines, beer, and marijuana, and then dancing alone in the living room of my flat in England, I had what seemed to be a moment of pure clarity that seemed to last for an hour or two. I believed during those moments that all these men I mentioned before were saying the same thing. It also seemed, during that brief period of time, that I understood things like art, beauty, society, psychology, etc. I felt like I had been let in on some truth that connected everything, a truth which not many people recognize. But after a couple hours of laughing, crying, and deep thought, I began lying to myself again. But since many of the lies I held up to that moment were destroyed during the experience I had to construct new ones almost immediately - so even in the weeks following this profound experience, I remembered my ideas, and believed I believed them, but was at the same time making them trivial by not living according to them. For example I resolved to be good, become healthy, live harmoniously, help people, be a good example to my brother and mankind in general, etc. but really did none of this.
During a mushroom trip I was able to watch my mind as an outside observer. I realized two important things about how my mind works. The first was that my brain seemed to be in a constant act of categorization. I was able to watch my mind take in stimuli (i.e. object in the room, my own thoughts and impressions etc.) and very quickly find a category (for lack of a better word) for them to fit into.
I also realized that I don't seem to be capable of controlling my thoughts. What are the implications of this? It follows that I don't control my action either!
I also took quite a lot of ecstasy. This drug lets you experience pure bliss. It releases all the serotonin in your brain, and makes you unbelievably happy, loving, and empathetic. It is capable of inducing pure bliss. What is life when you have known utter bliss, and at the same time know that throughout the rest of your emotional life, you'll never feel that way again, that is, unless you have another ecstasy pill?
Buddhism seems attractive to me, but I have a hard time accepting it intellectually. Buddhism seeks to tame your passions, and the ideal of meditation is basically to stop thinking. Should I really want this? Am I a slave to my passions, or do they define me? And would I be capable of becoming a Buddhist even if I wanted to?
So, yes, the last few days felt like I've reached crisis point. For example, I fancied that my poems were good and that I was a good writer. I fancied that I had a good taste in music. I fancied it would be chic to become an alcoholic writer or something. I fancied that it was romantic to destroy my body. I fancied that I was good looking. I fancied that I was a genius.
HAHAHA.
Now I realize, or think I realize, that my poems are probably shit, that I have no right to consider my taste in music as being better than anyone else?s, that I seem to be becoming a pathetic drunk with a lifespan of perhaps 35 years, and that I may not even have any talents besides taking really big hits, out drinking everyone I know, and tortured self-analytical brooding.
But when I feel like I have stripped away all the lies from my conscious, the world becomes an extremely scary place - a place that I am incapable of living in. Without the lies that I tell myself, I am a frightened hyper-sensitive child. So my mind, I believe, will probably continue to deceive itself. But perhaps not. I have no way of knowing right now. Am I on track to Enlightenment? Insanity? Alcoholism? What's wrong with me?
Have I destroyed my ideas by writing them down? Does the act of writing make them untrue? Am I merely trivializing myself by writing these thoughts? My head is full of so many ideas, but they contradict one another. When I form an opinion, or even an impression, I immediately begin deconstructing it.

None of my opinions will stand up to my own criticism. I think I might not be capable of saying anything true about myself because what I am is changing from moment to moment.
Is this just an absurd adolescent fit? Should I even take myself seriously?
I think this is a good place to stop...

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1919223 -

Wow.. you just made an intelligent, well-thought post that I can relate to.

I think that the self-deception I am referring to would only be possible in a mind that possessed language.
Yeah, language was the first lie.

Each of them seems as though he is telling the truth, or some sort of truth, but each of them make me feel not wiser, but more confused.
See how language is the basis for falsehood? Everything we speak and communicate is completely subjective.. there are very few universal symbols. Each one of these beings communicated the same truth in their own biased way, all perceptions of the same truth. The key is to recognize the similarities in each one and relate them all together, I think. You relate them all together using your own innate sense of truth.

I felt like I had been let in on some truth that connected everything, a truth which not many people recognize.
Yeah, it goes by many names, but it's most often called "art".

For example I resolved to be good, become healthy, live harmoniously, help people, be a good example to my brother and mankind in general, etc. but really did none of this.
You are most likely exagerating according to the short perspective of a human life-span. You ARE changing, however slowly. Look how slow Nature can change relative to our perspectives...

I also realized that I don't seem to be capable of controlling my thoughts. What are the implications of this? It follows that I don't control my action either!
This usually occurs after experiecing "oneness"; you go with the flow of evolution, letting it take you where it wills. You end up exactly where you're supposed to. "Let go and let god.." (substitute the word 'god' for whatever force it is you think directs Reality  :tongue:)

What is life when you have known utter bliss, and at the same time know that throughout the rest of your emotional life, you'll never feel that way again, that is, unless you have another ecstasy pill?
'The bottom of the mountain' is quite scenic as well... Depending on how you look at it.

and the ideal of meditation is basically to stop thinking.
There is a point where thinking is no long necessary. You are an empty vessel, letting energy that is greater than yourself flow through you. You don't all of a sudden "stop thinking".. it is a very gradual process; it may take more than one life-time. The point is to strive for that state of being. It is ultimate peace and harmony. :smile:

Am I on track to Enlightenment? Insanity? Alcoholism?
All paths eventually lead to the same thing, me thinks.

I think I might not be capable of saying anything true about myself because what I am is changing from moment to moment.
That just means you're GROWING! Jump for joy, and share the excitement.. these are exciting times.

Can I get a WOOT?  :crazy: 


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:heartpump: { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } } :heartpump:

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need ad [Re: kapowsin]
    #1919255 -

Go with the flow, brother. :-)


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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1919286 -

The only way to make a lie work is to support it with a web of lies. This also makes the lie stronger... you can't just overturn a single lie, you have to go for the web! Redefine what existence is, or even choose not to define it. If you go through life believing that there are no facts, that everything is based on something else and is conjucture, you can still lead a happy life. Is it a state of enlightened ignorance? I don't know. I went through something akin to what you described and it helped me settle my religious beliefs... agnostic. Choosing not the recognize a spiritual existance, as well as admitting there is no proof to it either way. I only wish there was a word that I could give to other people that means "I do not even wish to have a spiritual affiliation, or to have contemplated it"

Find out whats important to you, and change.

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1919293 -

"Now I realize, or think I realize, that my poems are probably shit, that I have no right to consider my taste in music as being better than anyone else?s, that I seem to be becoming a pathetic drunk with a lifespan of perhaps 35 years, and that I may not even have any talents besides taking really big hits, out drinking everyone I know, and tortured self-analytical brooding."

I'm not saying I know everything, I'm just sharing with you what I think :smile:.

That'll happen when you take too much of anything.  BTW your poems aren't shit and I can just say this only because you really shouldn't judge yourself so harshly. I know I've made my fair share of shitty poems, but its all in good fun! remember that, have fun!  sure you've made mistakes, but who hasn't? you just waste energy and create negative thoughts when you judge yourself. tell that ego to settle down! go with the flow, I know it may be hard, but its a lot better than putting yourself down for past mistakes and creating the negative loop you may be in. it may be hard, but try sobriety for a good 6 months straight and get your head clear! believe me it's well worth it!  it kinda looks you are where I was at a couple years ago.  I did all sorts of drugs and was thinking, man my life is shit and I'm not going anywhere.  Then I realized that I feel something inside me telling me I need to do something.  if you have the voice in you, do what it leads you to do! Action is much better than dwelling on in the past that doesn't exist anymore. BTW while you are dwelling on what you don't have, look at what you do have! I say this all the time to people, but you have a computer, which in turn means you probably have shelter and food, two very important things that many others don't have. 

"I also realized that I don't seem to be capable of controlling my thoughts. What are the implications of this? It follows that I don't control my action either!"

it is very interesting that many of us can't control our thoughts!  while you may not be able to "control" your thoughts, you can control the emotions that you put onto those thoughts.  if you have negative thoughts come in, ask yourself why are you stuck in this negative loops.  you have certain thoughts comming, askyourself how you can better your own happiness with these thoughts.  if the thoughts don't make sense (like I'm a druggie, I'm a loser, etc.) let them pass.  don't dwell on them, that just wastes energy and helpful thoughts that could be comming in instead.

most of all, hold your judgement, why judge yourself?  if something needs to be done, then do it, and go back and enjoy the here and now, because that's really the only place you can be. why dwell in the past or worry about the future.  I'm not saying don't look at yourself or don't prepare for the future, I'm just saying don't let that get in the way of enjoying the hapiness you could be feeling right now! 

why aren't you happy?  is it because you don't have something.  well then look around at what you do have, and enjoy that instead, it's there for you ya know! it's all about perspective and a good and happy perspective will yield you a postivie perspective!  when I was putting myself down before I was constantly in the negative and my outside view of the world "mirrored" this perception.  I was always worried, tired, and wanting to get high insteadof enjoying what I do have in the here and now. if you're going to analze anything analyze your emotions, and go from there.  don't worry about the "truth" because the "truth" you are looking for is special only to you.  my version of truth may be different than yours, and that's ok! just be happy, and enjoy the air you're breathing right now!

hope this helped a little :smile:




 


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Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: Adamist]
    #1919312 -

If you're not happy about your life so far, examine what mistakes you feel you've made, and act upon the conclusions you draw. Action is the key to harmony, not analysis.


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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: Adamist]
    #1919338 -

I HAVE HAD THE SAME KIND OF EXPERIENCE IN MY LIFE THOUGH IT DIDN'T LAST AS LONG AS THAT, YOU ARE RESISTING THE FLOW OF LIFE, USE YOUR INTUITION TO PICK PATHS YOU THINK THAT ARE RIGHT FOR YOU, IF YOU WANT ENLIGHTENMENT TAKING DRUGS ISN'T THE WAY TO GO, IT HINDERS YOUR PROCESS OF BECOMING ENLIGHTENED, BUT THE POSITIVE I SEE IN DRUGS IS THAT THEY TEND YOU TO SHOW WHAT DEMONDS YOU HAVE INSIDE YOURSELF SO THAT YOU CAN STRIP THEM ALL AWAY AND START FRESH AGAIN, AND ALSO CAN GIVE YOU GLIMPSES OF ENLIGHTENEMNT THOUGH THIS ISN'T PERMANENT. TIME TO START THINKING AND MAKING BELEIFS FOR YOURSELF, DON'T TAKE ON WHAT ANYBODY ELSE HAS SAID AND MAKE IT YOUR BELEIF. HOW CAN YOU FIND YOUR TRUE SELF IF YOU DO THAT. AND MAYBE SHOULD CONSIDER CHANGING THE TYPE OF DRUGS YOU TAKE TOO, SYNTHETIC DRUGS ARE NEGATIVE, TAKE SOMETHING ORGNICALLY GROWN.


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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1919892 -

Thanks for sharing that. You needed to get that off your chest.

I would suggest the following: before you go to bed tonight, sit down with no drugs in your system and write down on a sheet of paper ten of the biggest lies you tell yourself. Narrow that list down to the top three. Treat those three as an enemy to be destroyed. Every time you sense them coming into your consciousness, remind yourself of the truth the lies are seeking to conceal. Do this for a period of one month. After that, start tackling the remaining ones on your list.

Cut back on your usage of drugs. It's best to do your thinking when sober. You are laying the mental foundation for the rest of your life. Would you want to live in a house you knew was built by people who were drunk when they constructed it?

Quote:
I also realized that I don't seem to be capable of controlling my thoughts. What are the implications of this?



Right now your mind is scattered into a million different fragments. Find something that you can do to quiet and focus it for a time. Whether that be a hobby, meditation, writing, whatever. You must take the reigns of your mind in hand and ride it like a horse. Take control or be controlled by it! The mind is a great servant, but a terrible master.



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I am what Willis was talkin' bout.

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need ad [Re: Jellric]
    #1920191 -

Ok ok...

Do a search on my old old threads in the S&P forum, I went through the exact situation.

And it was absolute hell then, nothing I would even wish on my worst enemy.

I've now found my creative outlets, and balance... quite amazing to come this far in this few of years.

I'd like to offer some personal opinion, comparison/contrast on all of this.

Language is a tool for communication. Nothing more, nothing less... Don't let it get you down.

You are completely separate from your thoughts. Your thoughts happen all of the time, much more than you are even aware of. Pay attention to something else.

The goal of meditation is not to 'stop thinking.' It is to become free of the grasp that an untrained and unbalanced mind has on your being.

I can sense a great flow of creativity within you just from your wording and self-described experiences. It is natural to be hard on yourself for the art you express when you're first discovering your abilities. It took me years to be comfortable with the music I put out to the world. You are showing the world your true self, your emotions, and everything from within.

I've read everything, from the Bible, to the satanic Bible. Monotheism to Polytheism. Buddhism to Paganism. Science to Philosophy. Gobble it all up, but let yourself know that just because someone said it in a book, does NOT mean it is true to anyone but themselves. My personality/philosophy is derived from all sorts of things: Pieces of Freud, pieces of Buddhism, pieces of Jesus, pieces of Jerry Garcia for that matter. They all contradict each other in one way or another, that is why you need to take from each of them what you feel is most true in your heart. That is when you form your own philosophy on life. Hell, then you can even write a book, and then people will incorporate some of your truths into their lives.

Don't be -afraid- to become enlightened, addicted, crazy, sane, whatever. They're all labels. It seems that all of the great thinkers (from what I gather) have had some sort of 'socially-determined flaw,' but yet that's the one thing that has made them so great. I used to be afraid to 'get out there' too much, or indulge in a certain substance or two, or do something really different from the norm. Now that I've lost the fear of those things I find myself expressing my being to the world moreso than I ever have before.

I can probably write a novel on this, but I'll end it here. You're an artist dying to get out... accept it and CREATE!

Feel free to ask anything else.
namaste



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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1924990 -

My friend, you have an enormous, kind heart.

I sure I'm just one of many who can relate very much to most of what you are saying. We are all conditioned to have discriminating, categorizing minds. Realizing this means it is only a matter of time before such a self-defeating trend is overcome. The majority of people live out their entire lifetimes having never thought this way. That's reason enough to be hopeful and happy right there.

It sounds as though the great structure of your identity, much of which was comprised of since-admitted self-deceit and willful ignorance, has come crashing down, it's pieces glaring up at you from the dusty heap of rubble. Now, feeling person-less, and wondering just how all of this could have been constructed under your nose without your protest, you wish to rebuild: but can't trust that all of this won't happen again.

Your enemies along this arduous process are doubt and shame. Scrutinizing every piece of the puzzle for a hint of self-deciet before setting it to it's place will be to busy yourself needlessly, and drive you to madness. Don't doubt yourself. Be ready to accept any truths which present themselves. And when they do, do not feel shame, feel a willingness to progress. Derive your contentment from progress.

Meditation is a good helper, and I think you could benefit from it as much as anyone. http://www.wildmind.org/ http://www.buddhanet.net/

Surely there are meditation centers around your town. I'd encourage you to seek out a viable resource for instruction, greater insight, and reassurance.





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:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1926613 -

You are confused.
Who will you trust?
Decide.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1928289 -

Quote:
IF YOU WANT ENLIGHTENMENT TAKING DRUGS ISN'T THE WAY TO GO, IT HINDERS YOUR PROCESS OF BECOMING ENLIGHTENED



Thats just an opinion! There are many paths to the top of the mountain, or so they say.

Quote:
SYNTHETIC DRUGS ARE NEGATIVE



Also an opinion. When used sparingly I dont really see any problems with synthetic substances. Organic Elitism...is it just another ego game i wonder sometimes.


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Always Smi2le

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: GazzBut]
    #1928324 -

i know more people that are spiritual inclined that haven't been on drugs then those people that have. there may be many paths but taking drugs are always the negative way of getting up the mountain, so in saying that it would take longer don't you think? i know for a fact that synthetic and designer drugs are negative, they all rot your brain or you become addicted. just look at all the medical records out there. so you are saying that it is alright to put a designer drug that has 1000s of more toxins into your body and most of the times your body carn't keep up to rid itself of these toxins.


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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1928366 -

Quote:
i know more people that are spiritual inclined that haven't been on drugs then those people that have.



Well in my case its quite the reverse. Perhaps it just depends on who you hang out with? I dont rhink Id be comfortable making sweeping generalisations to the rest of humanity based on the small group of people that I know!

Quote:
i know for a fact that synthetic and designer drugs are negative



Really? Are you sure you dont mean you really, really believe synthetic drugs "rot your brain"? Try backing up your claim with some facts!!
I think excessive use of these drugs might be bad for you but I havent seen any evidence to suggest they do long term damage.


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Always Smi2le

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: GazzBut]
    #1928374 -

yeah well i have seen brain scans on people that use xtc and they literally only had a half a brain. and they only had to take 2 more pills and they would be brain dead. i think you just live in a bubble, full of illusions. taking drugs makes the journey even more difficult then it should be and longer. so you saying that an enlightened person could be wrong, i met and heard sai baba say that drugs create illusions and when you go up that path of enlightenment its more difficult to rid of these illusions and can take up to lifetimes to rid of them.


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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1928404 -

Quote:
yeah well i have seen brain scans on people that use xtc and they literally only had a half a brain. 



How did I just know you would have to rely on anecdotal evidence rather than citing some scientific research?

You sound like a bad anti-drugs commercial  :grin: 


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Always Smi2le

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: GazzBut]
    #1928582 -

All paths lead to one, and there is no one out there that can say that someone else's path won't get them to where they need to be..
Peace.


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:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1928726 -

Quote:
so you saying that an enlightened person could be wrong,



Definitely. I dont think enlightenment means you are all knowing. An elightened person would just find it easier to admit when they are wrong, drop their erroneous belief and move on quickly as they are not attached to their beliefs....maybe.


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Always Smi2le

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need ad [Re: GazzBut]
    #1928840 -

I agree. An enlightened person can be wrong if they have received wrong information, just like any other human. And by the way, I don't think Sai Baba is enlightened. He doesn't even fake it very well.

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1929051 -

That's quite a post, and a lot have already rsponded. I'd just like to humbly add that I think maybe some regular practice would be good - doesn't have to be mediation, but something that you can do regularly that brings you some clarity or peace. Yoga, or running, or guitar. Maybe creative, but I am thinking about something that;s not necessarlily creative but requires a little patience. It can help get your thoughts to a point where you don't feel like they are running without control.
Good luck.


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trying to lose the monkey mind a little bit

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1929053 -

My advise is to lay off drugs for a while and medatate at least once every few days. Then, after a month or so, take a healthy dose of mushrooms.


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?


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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: Murex]
    #1929128 -

don't lose the good of you with the bad of you

rearrange but do not destroy

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: Grav]
    #1929167 -

and always remember to relax... i'd say it's as important as any amount of thinking and realization. you have to balance that sometimes overwhelming sense of self-awareness with some good sessions of having fun or just chilling out.


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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1929283 -

This is from a book I am reading right now called a course in miracles.

Truth can only be experienced.
It cannot be described
and cannot be explained.

Truth is beyond your ability to destroy,
but entirely within you.

Do not try to look beyond yourself for truth,
for truth can only be within you.

Truth lies in the present,
and you will find it if you seek it there.

Truth is restored to you through your desire,
as it was lost to you through your desire
for something else.

How can a fact be fearful
unless it disagrees
with what you hold more dear than truth?

The search for truth is but the honest searchiing out
of everything that interferes with truth.
Truth is.
It can neither be lost nor sought nor found.
It is there, wherever you are, being within you.
Yet it can be recognized or unrecognized.

You cannot be safe from truth,
but only in truth.
Reality is the onley safety.

Merely by being with what it is,
does truth release you
from everything that is not.

Reality cannot "threaten" anything except illusions,
since reality can only uphold truth.

Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God.

When a situation has been dedicated
wholly in truth,
peace is inevitable.



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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: kapowsin]
    #1929821 -

You sound like an INTP or at least an NT type. Are you? (MBTI personality types)

Belief. It comes in many forms. Some are hard-fought for, involving struggle to come to an answer that is then taken as THE TRUTH. Some beliefs come without thought, and are held stronger than those that are come to logically. In all cases, a belief is held to be true and many people are unwilling to second-guess something that works.

Are you sure that it is you that is changing, and not just your world-view?

In the past few years my worldview has changed over and over again. At first I was convinced it was me who was changing, that somehow the very essence of what makes Trendal was morphing into something else. What I have learned since is that it is most certainly not me changing, but my view and perspective that shifts each day.

Oh, how I love the abstracted mind  :wink:

Self-criticism is a tool, although a heavy one, that a few of us use to an extent greater than most. It is not deconstructive in the way which we use it. It is our hammer, our file, our mold.

A thought comes into being...but is it valid? Does it have weight over the multitude of other thoughts present? Attack it wherever you can. Poke and prod it. Test, and test again. It's a brutal process...but it works. Only in the end, when a thought has been taken apart and peiced back together in every conceivable way, can a desicion be made on it's validity.

Things get sticky from here, though. You must examine each thought fully...but as each thought comes from "you", the examination can come uncomfortably close to an examination of yourself. Because our way of proof comes from an insatiable urge to find the flaws, we can all too easily find the flaws in ourself.


I say, keep tearing down those walls. Even if you build them back up right away...keep tearing them down.

Cause if you don't...how can you REALLY be sure you have a solid foundation  :wink:


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Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: GazzBut]
    #1930027 -

i don't think why i should waste my time looking up stupid links so i can prove a point. why don't you go work at a hospital for 5 years and actually see the truth for yourself, behind people and these designer drugs. you know what the concept of enlightenment is? its the knowing of all. only if you have seen these godmen up close and personal you would know what i am talking about. don't beleive everything you read, you won't know till you have experienced what he can do. maybe i do sound like a anti drug commerical, but i have seen the worst of what these drugs can do. i am not denying the fact that all paths lead to oneness. it can hinder your opportunity to become one.


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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1930203 -

You know, it's funny you mention hospitals, cuz you know what they give people in hospitals? Synthetic drugs.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: silversoul7]
    #1930220 -

yeah but they don't use it to get a high they use it for a reason to help heal people, and if society wasn't so blind and ignorant on what the mind can acheive we wouldn't need any drugs whatso ever


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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1930255 -

Who cares if they use it to get high? It's still synthetic drugs, which you claim rot your brain.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: silversoul7]
    #1931592 -

yeah but the thing is the doctors regulate these types of drugs so don't harm you in anyway. not like normal people that don't know actual doses of drugs to take so they don't do harm to themselves


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suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1933584 -

Don't fool yourself.I've met many a doctor that didn't know shit about drugs.In fact,I saw a particularly shitty psychiatrist for a year and I ended up worse off than before I started seeing him.

Modern psychiatric drugs have their root in robotic behaviorism. Doctors see the outward appearance of the person's behavior,but they have no idea what's going on in the patients head,especially since most have never taken any of these drugs before.


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People think that if you just say the word "hallucinations" it explains everything you want it to explain and eventually whatever it is you can't explain will just go away.It's just a word,it doesn't explain anything...
Douglas Adams

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Re: drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice [Re: spudamore]
    #1933619 -

Quote:
spudamore said:
yeah but the thing is the doctors regulate these types of drugs so don't harm you in anyway. not like normal people that don't know actual doses of drugs to take so they don't do harm to themselves


Most people on this site are informed drug users. There are plenty of people like that out there. Personally, I never try a new drug without first researching it extensively on Erowid.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire

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