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something is wrong... i need some advice..
    #1189040 -

hello

this is kind of strange asking complete strangers for advice, but i don't really know what to do. there might be someone out there who can help me. i am 18 and i don't know what i want to do with my life.. i don't know who i am, or what i should be, or what i should do.. i am very directionless at the moment, i have just finished my first year of university doing humanities (philosophy etc) and i thought it was okay, but am going to take this year off and go overseas with some friends of mine.. my parents are making it really difficult for me because they want me to continue my course.. so many little seperate problems..

i am in a band with these friends, and they are very serious about their music, but i am not as confident about being a musician as they are (it is why they are going overseas, whereas i just want to go to experience other cultures).. they know that thats what they want to do, but i am worried that i will try it and not like it (or not get anywhere) and not be able to return to university.. the problem is that i have no fixed idea on what career i want to do, eventually i want to have enough money to live comforably and support a family.. but i don't want to be working a 9-5 job that i hate for the rest of my life just to earn money, and those are the only kind of jobs that university helps you get.. right?

another dillema is that i met a girl (my first girlfriend i guess) who i am together with and who i care about alot, and she is going overseas too at the same time, but to different areas than me.. she cares about me too, and i don't know what to do, because i know that it will be a very long time before i see her again once we leave, and i don't want to lose her... i have never met anybody like her before and she thought we should break up before we leave, because if either of us met someone else, it would be harder when we could not talk to each other about it.. i kind of agree, but what if we don't meet other people? i don't want to be with anyone else.. maybe i am just naive because i don't know what its like to have loved more than one person..

weird.. i just told you all my whole story right now.. i am too undecided on decisions to be made in life, and it scares me because i don't know if its something that i will ever get over..

thanks for reading this.. please help me make some sense of what is going on..
peace

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1189057 -

Not only could this be considered by some to be the wrong forum it might be the wrong BB.

Try teenhelp.org

Welcome and enjoy your stay! :smile:

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1189060 -

jose,

I wouldn't worry too much about you not knowing which direction you should take - sometimes people don't find their true calling well into their twenties if not later. Parents always want the best for their kids, and they often forget how little they knew about life when they were younger. They mimic their own parents usually. My advice is to test everything, see which one you feel pulled towards, keep trying until you find a shoe that fits right, etc.

If you have a hero, try to find a biography or something about their life - chances are you'll find they were just as without direction in the beginning as well (unless you idolize royalty or classical musicians, born into their careers).

Universities do tend to draw people into established jobs and such, but i think your remark about they only offering people jobs that suck might be a little off. It's up to you to decide. My sister changed degrees 3 times before deciding which path to take, it's not that uncommon.

Travel will be good for you, this is always true in these situations. I don't blame you for being scared, but be strong, know that you are more than the sum of your parts, and your uncertainty is only a termporary weakness.

The girl dilemma sounds like the toughest thing to me, and if she's sure to find someone else or something [how that could be, i do not know] it would be better if you just broke up now - if only temporarily. You can always find a way back to each other. There are no coincidences, everything is destiny.

I hope these words have an impact on you, that you take them to heart. Just relax for the moment man, give yourself some space and breathing room. Everything will fall into place.

And if not now, very soon.

take it easy.


--------------------
?[ph?l?m]_si?t?r.
"life is a series of tangents, punctuated by rapturous moments of revelation and sadness"
phylumsinter@commiecast.net - SPAM GUARD: remove the 'mie' to reach me.

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1189062 -

Hrmmm...
Well I think traveling will definately help fuel your perspective on life, so that should be good. It would be an awesome experience.

As far as the music thing goes... is it something you feel like you might really be into? If so, you should definately give it a chance.. if not you may regret it. Talk to your bandmates about it and see what they think. Definately do not be afraid to be honest with them.

I'm starting my 2nd year of college now and I still have no clue what I want to do for a job. I am in a band that I love to play with but I don't want to rely on it for finances.
I am a liberal arts major, you might be interested in that too, its just a general well-rounded major that will get you a degree. Cuz I think I'll definately feel alot more comfortable with a degree under my belt even if I don't know what I want to do.

As far as the girl situation goes, i think she wants to explore different directions in her life, even if she really cares about you. It sounds like a relationship not meant to be, seeing as how your both starting on paths leading away from each other. You can't keep love in a cage, or some shit like that...?

It sounds like you really have a calling to something you haven't discovered yet.
I can tell you that if you keep your eyes open and keep thinking about life like you are now, than its going to get alot less confusing so just be patient.

hope ive helped a little, Message me if you want to talk more

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1189370 -

Go for it.  :smile: 


--------------------
:heartpump: { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } } :heartpump:

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: Adamist]
    #1189458 -

You answered it yourself when you said you turned 18. It will all clear up in time, but these are the days that your life is molded on. Alice Cooper has a song describing your situation pretty well ;]

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1189540 -

I only read the first two sentences and I know the answer. Millitary or collage, pick one. And ^^^^ is right too.


--------------------
Be all and you'll be to end all

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: mntlfngrs]
    #1189752 -

i was in the same boat as you, but without the girl...

it could have been a rash decision. but i don't regret it, i joined the army for 3 years, now i go to college, i get a check for 1300 dollars per month, i don't have to work, and im pretty sure as to what i wanna do...military is a very good option if you wern't born with a silver spoon in da mouth, which i wasn't....

good luck

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1190044 -

okayjose,

You have come to the right place. Rarely have I seen a post in this forum which is so much on topic. Finding purpose in life, breaking apart from loved ones, the meaning of decisions - these are the issues why people are into spirituality, and spirituality has been designed to solve these problems. It might not fit the science and philosophy part of this forum, but the scientists and philosophers could as well go back to their theories and truths, while the spirituality fraction solves some problems. Some very good replies you got there, so let me add mine.

Fortunately, all of your problems have already been solved. The guy who was friendly enough to solve your problems is called Buddha, and he said some smart things. The first thing he discovered is that you are suffering. You are suffering because you don't know what your purpose in life is, you are suffering because you do not want to lose your loved ones, you are suffering because you do not know how to decide. Let me repeat: You are suffering. That is important, because the whole argument rests on the point that you, and everyone else, is suffering. The Buddha said it, and another smart thing he said is that everything is impermanent. The universe is in a constant flux, and everything changes by the minute. It is hard to find something solid enough to build a life purpose on. For example, there was someone they called Christ, and he was another very smart guy. He, too, wanted nothing so much as to end suffering, and to get his point across, he was willing to die a very cruel death. But that, unfortunately, and contrary to his purpose, resulted in two thousand years of hate, violence, and suffering. There's a lesson to be learned here. Oh, and by the way, your girlfriend will die. You will die, too. Everyone you know, including everyone in this forum, will be a rotten corpse with worms crawling through former eyeholes in a couple of years. No one will survive. You better accept that now and save yourself some pain later. (Okay, that was the bad part. It will lighten up now.) The reason why we are suffering is because we are attached to things which are impermanent. What else could result but pain? The way to overcome suffering is to practice non-attachment. Non-attachment leads to a purpose in life, great sex with your girlfriend or the woman of your choice, and true love - love free of envy, jealousy, and possession. According to the buddhist scriptures, it also leads to total freedom and several godlike superpowers, like immortality and telepathy. That leaves us with the problem of decisions. That one is tricky. Non-attachment is not exactly the same as the common "shit happens" attitude. Because, being non-attached, you still care about good and evil. Good and evil are objective. We can measure them with the most precise scientific instrument we ever had - our mind itself. Even if there were no humans in the universe, there would still be good and evil. In a way, there would be nothing else! Some people argue that good and evil only exist relative to each other. That is crap. I increase good and decrease evil every fucking day. Obviously, both are independent of each other. And no one needs to tell you what good and evil is - you just know, because you are human. This makes the choice of decisions an easy one:

Do good. Avoid evil. And better escape your attachment to both.

[Nomad now lurking again]

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1190347 -

Just let the direction find you  :wink:

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1190459 -

what ever you do, don't go to the military. You should definately think about getting a university degree though. Think of it this way.....you can have a shitty 9-5 job, but consider that your backup plan, something to pay the bills, and get into doing what you love in your spare time. If you play music, or paint, or write, whatever, as soon as you see a chance for you to make a career out of it, take that chance and if it doesn't work out, you can still get a decent job and support yourself since you have a higher education.

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1190743 -

I recomend a healthy dose of psilocybin mushrooms.

P.S.: Do NOT go into the military! Dump that gf you got there, any kind of bliss besides the love for yourself is temporary and fleeting, repeat after me- 'Nothing really matters.', try to find an outlet for your creativity, do not base your life around money or material objects and finally;  live in the moment!

:wink:


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?


Edited by Murex (01/04/03 04:49 PM)

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1190864 -

Okay, I feel you friend. We are ALL directionless at some point.  Im 22 and 4 years ago I was EXACTALY where you are now.  I knew I was going to college, but why? i had no idea what I wanted to do or be.  I had this BADASS girl, we were together 3 year. The only one to this day that i've loved, and I decided to go to the school closest to her instead of going where i REALLY wanted to go.  I was miserable the whole time, especially when she  started to change... alot! Over the year we grew apart, and now i wish I did what I wanted to do. You're young, people at our age 18-24ish are still developing identities, and personalities. She's gonna change, so are you. 

1. Don't get too hung up with a chick you hardly know...they will come and go NEVER let ANYONE interfere with what your life needs!

2.  Try some meditataion see if you can figure yourself out. Iif you like to shroom(im assuming you do since you're here) then listen next time you trip.  Make it more of a learning thing than a party thing.  The fungi are more powerful than you think.

3. this is the most important (and most corny sounding) You can learn alot by looking, and i mean REALLY looking inside you.  What do you want! Really really want?  Is it money? fame? power? do you want to make people happy? do you want to help peoples suffering? you want to help the community? run a business? teach? act? sing? Just try and look beyind all the expectations your family and friends, and society have put on you, and live for you.  thats it! thats all there is man!! Just do you!
PYP...play your part!

So in conclusion: I went from depression and near suicide with no hope or idea for my future, angry, lonley, and just plain tired of it all;  to being where I am now.  From Finance to Psychology, and now I'm very very happy, alone but hardly lonley, and  Ive found myself, Ive found my place, Ive found my motivation, I've found my REAL friends and Ive found the love for all of life again!! and honestly I attribute MUCH of that to the ladies(what few there are) and gentlemen of the SHROOMERY!  :grin: 


--------------------
================================================So what's your peace of mind huh? A swiss watch? leasin' a Lex on credit? all the pussy and liquor a nigga can get..put together this puzzle, but my pieces won't fit.. {Ras kass}

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: FatNug]
    #1191425 -

thank you all for your responses.. they have been pretty helpful.. i thought this would fit into the spirituality and philosophy section because i am not sure what else S&P is but finding yourself... i am not totally torn up about it , i just feel directionless and kind of confused..

Nomad, i have been thinking a little about buddhism recently, having studied it at university last year, but still don't really understand it.. how can we -not- get attached to some things? how can i not let myself get attached to my friends, or family.. they will die, as you said, but isn't it natural to want them to be alive? i don't have a fear of death, i just don't want to waste my life because i know it will go one day...

thank you all very much for sharing your experiences, some really hit a chord with me... i think the army would not really be my thing, and although i briefly considered it, i don't think i would like the dicipline, and especially with a war about to break out.. the thing i find frustrating is that i -try- to 'live for the moment', but what that actually means is difficult to say, you have to make decisions now that will affect your future, but how can you live in the moment when you have to keep thinking ahead to where you want to be?

i think a big part is that i want to make the right decisions and not regret anything, but the problem is that you often don't know they were right until after you make them..

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1191634 -

how can we -not- get attached to some things? how can i not let myself get attached to my friends, or family..

Much like mindfulness, non-attachment is not a decision you make, but an art you practice. It feels weird at first, but normal after some time, and you do not lose anything, but gain a lot.

but isn't it natural to want them to be alive?

Keeping your family alive is good. Non-attachment is not about sitting on mountaintops and chewing on lotus flowers. No real buddhist has ever done that. Non-attachment is about doing good and avoiding evil. But just because you want your family alive does not mean that your family is better off with that attachment of yours. Consider it from a pragmatic viewpoint... your family does not need your attachment, it needs love and care and a helpful hand, and if it is starving, it needs food. Non-attachment will not automatically care for your family, but it will make it easier for you to do the things that have to be done. Because with non-attachment, you have both hands free, instead of dragging all these worries around with you.

i don't have a fear of death, i just don't want to waste my life because i know it will go one day...

You won't.

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1192246 -

To stop desiring is to stop suffering. Or just don't get too attached to anything.  :wink:

Next time you take shrooms, do it alone and inside. Make sure you have a mirrior to look into and make sure you ask yourself questions. I usually get answers when I do.


--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?


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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: Murex]
    #1192278 -

The best advice i could give is that u need to go with the flow and make your own decisions based on what you believe is best for you. If you dont know what you want to do with your life it is ok, at 18 not many of us do. Look back and think when you were the happiest and try to incorpararte it into your life. Read a book that you always thought you were intrested in but never read. Im sure you will be fine. good luck.


--------------------
"Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members... To be great is to be misunderstood." R.W.E.

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: Murex]
    #1192318 -

I recomend a healthy dose of psilocybin mushrooms.

You always reccomend the mushrooms.

Good advice :grin:


--------------------
Without everything wouldn't nothing be everything and without nothing wouldn't everything be nothing.I am the beginning and the end,the source and the void, the light and the darkness,i am but a small drop of the ocean yet i am an ocean unto myself

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: okayjose]
    #1192406 -

I have sort of the same problems.  I don't know where or what I want to do

I'm out of highschool(been out for quite awhile now).  I've been unemployed since november(and before november, I was unemployed for quite a few months).  I don't know what I want to do.  Or where to go.

So of course, while I'm just sitting here at home(which I now pay rent...200 a month.  And I still have all the bullshit rules, etc)...my parents call me down, tell me to get out and get a job. "your such a loser", etc etc

It's really dragging me down.  I USED to be alright with computers, and was thinking to go to college for a course...but I honestly think of all the work and stuff...and I feel I can't do it.  I feel it'll be to much work.  And I'm not normally like this, so I don't know what is going on there.

At one point, I had an application for the army filled out...and almost got accepted...but after doing mushrooms...my views on all that changed.  I absoulutely do not want to go into the army.  So I pulled out of that.

So right now I'm trying to find a job, any job...and HOPEFULLY hold that till september.  I'm thinking of taking my level c welding(starts then).  But I THINK i'm only doing that, because I don't have many options left.  I know I could do good in the welding course, so that's mainly why I'm taking it.  I particularly don't like the idea of that trade, because of all the crap you breathe in

Most of my friends are long gone(left after graduation).  And I spend most of my days playing guitar, going on the internet, and smoking a little bit of pot.  The whole time my parents are calling me down(saying downright nasty things to me).  It really brings a person down.  They are the main reason I recently developed an anxiety problem.  Which has cut down my drug use dramatically.  I haven't used mushrooms or lsd since it started.  Which is something I love.  So, that's got me down even more.

But I've been reading a lot of peoples advice for others like me...and reading other peoples views on life and such(and all right here in the shroomery :wink:)..and it does inspire me.  I'm trying to take up meditation and starting to try and live life by the moment.

Either way...life will go on right?  I'm sure things will work out good..and I'll look back when I'm older and just laugh at how lost I was.  I'll figure out what to do with my life soon.


--------------------
I saw my mind do warp 10, hit the brakes, put it in reverse and back all over me

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Re: something is wrong... i need some advice.. [Re: juicemonkey]
    #1192483 -

My recommendation for Americans, however lame it sounds, is to finish College to "keep your options open."


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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