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Where to go once you have pondered the world?
    #6389695 -

Alright, I'm kind of in a dilemma in life right now. Mushrooms are a very weird thing, they made my reality go from, an easy happy relaxed type of life, to life going up in a science. It's hard to explain. I just view life as one big scientific equation you could say. I guess I'm crazy, but I don't know.

I have a hard time with reality, it's like I'm always fighting it, or trying to fight logic, because I see so many loop holes or illogical concepts inside of a logical universe.

I can't even hang out with friends anymore without my mind racing 100 miles per an hour, thinking all sorts of crazy ass shit. For example:

Just talking to friends. Like, the whole idea behind communicating, it's just these sounds, when we talk. But words are supposed to have this meaning behind it. I have an answer for it survival.

...I walk up to my friends, knock on the door, "c'mon up dude", I walk up, kick off my shoes, go in, smoke bowls, play video games, whatever, but the whole time I'm just pondering what this realtiy is, it seems humans have all these things(ex., tv, good food, family, possesions)to distract them from bigger ideas and deeper things. Even when I'm sitting their in my friends room, or my room, or any HOUSE for that being. All I can do is look at the walls, look at the ceiling, and it's like I'm in this box, everyone lives in these big boxes that have their own sepereate boxes inside the big box(house and rooms). And I mean, I have an answer for that... survival. I look back at the tv to see my car on the game is driving off the road and my friends yelling at me "dude why don't you focus more, you suck at this game" and me just spacing out at the tv, this big glowing box.
And looking at your friends, have they ever became "not your friend" and just this living being with all these parts slammed together (ex. eyes, nose, lips, arms, neck, ect) arg i dunno

I mean, have you ever been shrooming stepped outside, or walking down a street that's busy with cars. I mean sure to the sober mind it's nice cars, oh look a volkswagon with a cute little doggie sticking it's head out the window, oh hey wouldn't you know it a dodge viper. But to my shrooming mind, it's these odd metal boxes flying down on this hard flooring. There's this society out there, with everyone doing their own thing, all busy, all the time. It's fucking blowing my mind man.

I mean, the shit I'm talking about right now might sound stupid, but it really bothers me. It's making me go, woah... wait wtf is going on here? It's really fucking with my brain, and my overall mental relaxation.

I mean the whole survival thing too, why does a life form thrive to survive? Is it because of an encoded law in all life? Or what?

One thing that always trips me out too is the ego. I mean, as a kid I could never see outside my body. Infact the very idea never occured to me. The first ego death I had I was not prepared for the power. Infact, it took me a good 6-8 months to figure and sort out what had happened, my life went up in a real big blur during that period. I was shot out of my old reality.

I realised that my ego was actually just constructed at an early age. As it is with all humans. Then it was shattered, and I saw the universe for what it really was.

The ego is such quite and oddity. Wouldn't you agree? It's like an angry mirror. I can't put it any better.

I guess what I'm trying to say besides life is really fucking odd, is that where do I go from here. It seems like I just keep pondering the same shit over and over and over and over, just looking at things from a basic form. I don't know where to go from here, I also have a lot of suicidal thoughts. Not trying to sound sappy and bring emotion into this haha. I don't know, I'm quite lost.

Edited by Syk0s3s (12/20/06 10:28 AM)

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6389712 -

you go where you can ponder better/more/easier

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6389740 -

yeah i did this alot while smoking. what you have to come to realize is that EVERYTHING is insane like that. you can seriously analyze everything down to the core and realize that the world is a lot more trippy and mysterious than we think and we take a lot of this for granted. you should however learn to except this universal craziness and help it not let you take life for granted, instead of focusing on it all the time.

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6389757 -

hehehe, welcome, this is a fun point to be at.

where you say survival...we don't do these things just for survival, we do them to ease survival, forget about it, to forget at the heart of things we are still animals.

I have struggled with this for a year or two now and am still pretty lost about it all. But I've learned to do what I think is right for me, and hope others do what is right for them.


When you say suicidal, do you mean you want to kill yourself, or that you just don't want to be? I never reached a point where I actually wanted to kill myself, but that I most definitely did not want to be here.

This thought process you are in...it will drive you crazy if you let it. so far I have found there is no real answer, we do what we do, conditioning, etc...

I'm not good at explaining it, but I'm glad to have found another person in the same place.


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6389794 -

I am at a very similar place, although Im not dealing with suicide. I constantly sit in stare and think thoughts like the ones you described. I will drive for 3 hours in the car with no radio on and then suddenly realize that Ive been debating some facet of reality endlessly... and yes, mushrooms and pot have largely brought about this new introspection.

Everything that we know and understand comes down to perception, and by altering this perception we shake everything we know. All that you and I can know and understand is what we can see smell hear think touch and so on, and when something like mushrooms or salvia alters this steady perception, it can break reality permanently.

What is real, the visuals we see on mushrooms or our normal vision? What does "real" even mean?

The way I deal with this is quite simple. Reality is where I am at. There are hard facts to life. If I fuck up and get bad grades, I will fail out and not get a degree, and end up with a lower paying job.

Im out of time, but I will finish this later.

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6389896 -

Great post, man!  I can totally relate to what you're going through.  And the ego as an "angry mirror" is brilliant! :smile:

This is where the concept of the Middle Path comes into play: you must find that middle way, between the insanity of the society you find yourself (at least on a superficial level) a member of and the insanity of the Unknown.  You will not find definitive answers.  What you have to do is meditate on love and compassion, and do good work on yourself.  You have realized the transient nature of the ego - now start restructuring your ego to work for you, instead of against you!  Realize that you are on a path with heart, and such a path may seem unbearable at times.  You won't find the answer on this message board, though you may find encouragement along the way.

Know above all that you are Loved, and that you most certainly are Not Alone!

:japsmile:


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6389907 -

Syk0s3s said:
I guess what I'm trying to say besides life is really fucking odd, is that where do I go from here. It seems like I just keep pondering the same shit over and over and over and over, just looking at things from a basic form. I don't know where to go from here, I also have a lot of suicidal thoughts. Not trying to sound sappy and bring emotion into this haha. I don't know, I'm quite lost.


Your first step is to find something meaningful to you that you could apply your ability to tune into the nature of reality, that awareness. For myself, it is work, musikk, my home, and, ultimately, my experience. That energy, awareness, and state of mind is utilized to better myself and my life. :wink:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6390832 -

Before you off yourself consider what you will be losing: The sense of touch.

I think we lose the appreciation of just how much we depend on the feeling of the clothes on our body, the sheets we sleep in etc. Touch is probably just one of the senses truly underappreciated.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: Booby]
    #6391130 -

Also, the sense of living. I bet you feel more alive than you have since you were a baby or infant.

Youre back to square one, with a more developed mind. You have, in a way, been cleansed from the material world that we leave in today. Im just speculating though, but if it makes sense to you then it is time to take action.

Whatever action you may choose, just make sure that you can live with the choices you make from now on, forget about your past. People wont even recognize who you are after this drastic change and even they will forget about your ways, about your past. You might even make many friends depending on the type of choices or better yet, the type of life you live from that day on. :heart:

Good Luck. :wink:

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6391913 -

The same sort of experiences happen to me every day. Once you see the arbitrary nature of human constructions, they seem quite ridiculous and absurd.

Perhaps what you need is a good glass of absurdism to wash down all that rampant speculation.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: demiu5]
    #6391922 -

Quote:
This thought process you are in...it will drive you crazy if you let it. so far I have found there is no real answer, we do what we do, conditioning, etc...


Most people aren't nearly insane enough. If you have the willpower to accept this insanity without killing yourself, then the experience will make you a stronger individual with a more unique view of reality than the common man.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: Ravus]
    #6392198 -

Ravus said:
Quote:
This thought process you are in...it will drive you crazy if you let it. so far I have found there is no real answer, we do what we do, conditioning, etc...


Most people aren't nearly insane enough. If you have the willpower to accept this insanity without killing yourself, then the experience will make you a stronger individual with a more unique view of reality than the common man.


And because of that, you may choose to help others reach that same level, or higher. Its a gift thats keeps on giving. :heart:

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6392904 -

Remember that logic is a construct. This will ruin you even more. Enjoy!


--------------------
"A Bad Day for Pants"

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Re: Where to go once you have pondered the world? [Re: IgnatiusJReilly]
    #6399654 -

Ask yourself this:  Who is it that experiences, when the experiencer itself is being experienced? 

I was in your shoes a little while ago (everything, including suicidal thoughts), and for me, meditation really brought things into perspective.  Now I try to meditate at least an hour everyday.  Although even spending a few minutes here and there simply being mindfull works wonders. 

Just be man, let the universe tell you what to do.  You are the best teacher you could ever have, you just need to trust in your instincts. 

:heart: Peace :heart:

:hippie:

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