bug said:

Last night I had what I would call one of the strangest experiences of my life, possibly moreso than any psychedelic voyage I have ever been on.

I have been having trouble sleeping.  A variety of physical ailments, coupled with my excessive use of alcohol and cannabis, have left me unable for the past few days to fall asleep while sober.  The night before last, I slept for maybe an hour, moving uncomfortably in and out of ego-driven dream sequences.

Last night I went to bed at 10:30 and was unable to fall asleep til around 5 am.  I felt on the verge of screaming and punching my wall -- a really horrible feeling.  I wanted to cry: all my recent frustrations seemed to be biting me in the ass simultaneously, and I felt delirious.

Finally, I moved into an uneasy dream state akin to the one the night before.  My dreams were about my best friend, a girl I've been attracted to, my old neighborhood, my fear of driving -- very emotionally charged ego-matter; none of them were pleasant, all had the strong, eerie tinge of those strange stomach-knotting emotions that only come out in dreams, but linger just below the surface for hours, even days, afterward.

Then, and I have no notion of how this came about, I was in a new place entirely.  I was in Human Hell.  The most awful images of rotting flesh and decay surrounded me, and as these images of atrocity and suffering were catapulted toward me, I began to feel the most intense pain in my head, my abdomen, all the way down to my toes (such as I perceived them).  Strangely, though, I did not want it to stop.  I let it build, and build, and when the pain and the images were unbearable, I said/thought/emoted something like, "But the world is good!  It's all beautiful!" in a confident voice.  No sooner had I done that than it all stopped, and I was catapulted up, up, into a place I had never been before.  I felt joy welling up inside of me; a purple pyramid, surrounded by energy, and the face of a Hindu deity smiling back at me, were what I saw, were the only things I could connect with in that moment.  I was taken higher, higher, to a place I can not now even remember.

And then the next thing I knew I had just had another normal dream, a disturbing ego-dream, and I was back in my bed and only an hour or so  had passed, and I was back to being miserable and wishing I could fall into deep sleep.

Perhaps it had to do with DMT; I have not had a deep sleep in a long time, as far as I can remember; perhaps the place I was taken was where one should go every night, to the DMT realm, and because of my uneasy sleep I was taken there semi-lucidly and not allowed to stay.  Whatever it was, it was at the time more profound than many of my psychedelic experiences, and my memory of it more fleeting. 

I feel like something is trying to break through!  Only two nights ago, I dreamed I had just taken mushrooms, and had a dream-trip more strange than I thought possible -- now this!  I have not used psychedelics in almost three months; I feel I have let too many old habits slide back into place after making more spiritual progress than I ever thought possible after my last LSD trip. 

I intend now to train myself to sleep easily again, to get into great shape, to put my life on the course it should be on, and to figure out what these dreams are telling me; because one thing is for sure: they are saying something profound, something utterly unspeakable. 

Does anyone else here have experience with transcendental dreaming?

---

bug said:

Last night I had what I would call one of the strangest experiences of my life, possibly moreso than any psychedelic voyage I have ever been on.

I have been having trouble sleeping.  A variety of physical ailments, coupled with my excessive use of alcohol and cannabis, have left me unable for the past few days to fall asleep while sober.  The night before last, I slept for maybe an hour, moving uncomfortably in and out of ego-driven dream sequences.

Last night I went to bed at 10:30 and was unable to fall asleep til around 5 am.  I felt on the verge of screaming and punching my wall -- a really horrible feeling.  I wanted to cry: all my recent frustrations seemed to be biting me in the ass simultaneously, and I felt delirious.

Finally, I moved into an uneasy dream state akin to the one the night before.  My dreams were about my best friend, a girl I've been attracted to, my old neighborhood, my fear of driving -- very emotionally charged ego-matter; none of them were pleasant, all had the strong, eerie tinge of those strange stomach-knotting emotions that only come out in dreams, but linger just below the surface for hours, even days, afterward.

Then, and I have no notion of how this came about, I was in a new place entirely.  I was in Human Hell.  The most awful images of rotting flesh and decay surrounded me, and as these images of atrocity and suffering were catapulted toward me, I began to feel the most intense pain in my head, my abdomen, all the way down to my toes (such as I perceived them).  Strangely, though, I did not want it to stop.  I let it build, and build, and when the pain and the images were unbearable, I said/thought/emoted something like, "But the world is good!  It's all beautiful!" in a confident voice.  No sooner had I done that than it all stopped, and I was catapulted up, up, into a place I had never been before.  I felt joy welling up inside of me; a purple pyramid, surrounded by energy, and the face of a Hindu deity smiling back at me, were what I saw, were the only things I could connect with in that moment.  I was taken higher, higher, to a place I can not now even remember.

And then the next thing I knew I had just had another normal dream, a disturbing ego-dream, and I was back in my bed and only an hour or so  had passed, and I was back to being miserable and wishing I could fall into deep sleep.

Perhaps it had to do with DMT; I have not had a deep sleep in a long time, as far as I can remember; perhaps the place I was taken was where one should go every night, to the DMT realm, and because of my uneasy sleep I was taken there semi-lucidly and not allowed to stay.  Whatever it was, it was at the time more profound than many of my psychedelic experiences, and my memory of it more fleeting. 

I feel like something is trying to break through!  Only two nights ago, I dreamed I had just taken mushrooms, and had a dream-trip more strange than I thought possible -- now this!  I have not used psychedelics in almost three months; I feel I have let too many old habits slide back into place after making more spiritual progress than I ever thought possible after my last LSD trip. 

I intend now to train myself to sleep easily again, to get into great shape, to put my life on the course it should be on, and to figure out what these dreams are telling me; because one thing is for sure: they are saying something profound, something utterly unspeakable. 

Does anyone else here have experience with transcendental dreaming?

---

I read it all now.. Great post!


"Only one can create the/a heaven/hell.. ..as only one, can realize 'their' intent!"
-Unknown.

Ever had dreamless-sleep?

bug said:

Okay, I need some advice.

Last night I had another transcendental dream.  Actually, more accurately, it was this morning, right before waking up.  I thought I was awake and walking out the door of my bedroom.  It was all strikingly real, and suddenly I began to feel as though I was having a psychotic episode or an intense panic attack (neither of which I have ever had).  I looked out my hallway and felt frozen in space, like my world was melting around me.  Suddenly I saw a vision of myself.  This part is very hard to describe: essentially it was a fleeting image of me that seemed to be a composite of several photographs of myself - it was me looking at the physical 'me' I perceive from outside my body, from a 'mirror dimension'.  I wonder if anyone here can grasp this awkward definition, but it doesn't matter: suffice it to say that this felt very real and alarming, and I was sure I had snapped and was going insane.

The next thing I know I am spiralling through an intensely psychedelic world.  I see fragmented lines of code, and as the code approaches, it appears somewhat similar to the green-on-black code of 'The Matrix'.  I am not a non-entity here - I can remember that I exist - but I am in an alternate universe.  I feel waves of energy rippled up and down my body, an intense body high.  I decide to let go and see where the experience takes me - I can actually feel myself unclenching the muscles in my physical body and relaxing into the experience.

As I'm watching these lines of code, they get larger, and suddenly they are thing!  Each one is unique and multi-dimensional - and utterly indescribable!  These are McKenna's "impossible objects" - I am seeing things that cannot be things, and as I watch they grow closer and closer until they themselves are thousands of lines of code, which zoom forward and create new impossible images.  All the while I have this intense body high, and I can feel my body though my sense of self is, to say the least, seriously skewed.

As is usually the case with these dreams, I feel extremely strange the day afterwards.  When I woke up I felt refreshed and calm, but it gave way to confusion and angst.

A few months ago I had a life-changing experience that seemed to answer a lot of questions about my recent spiritual emergence.  I have already talked about it more than I should have, so suffice it to say that it was a legitimate, beautiful experience that left me in a strange shamanic-meditative repose for 3-4 days in which I forgot who "I" actually was and became "Him" or "It" on a very immediate level.  Following this, I started smoking salvia every day, then every other day, and smoking weed nightly - something I had done off-and-on for the past 5 years before this experience.  Slowly, though, I fell back into habit, although I still never fully 'descended'.  I also had what I thought was a chronic illness, intense pain in my testicle that was heightened whenever I drank, smoked weed, or smoked salvia.  Once on salvia I saw and felt negative waves of energy being beamed towards the affected area from on high, and was sure that it was a sign that it was my time to die.  Over the course of several weeks, I tried to resign myself to dying, something I'm now sure I did not even come close to doing, though I tricked myself into thinking I had several times.

Anyway, I have not smoked weed or salvia for a few weeks now, and have cut back on drinking.  I've been working out a lot, eating really healthy, and had a ton of diagnostics done which showed that there is nothing really physically wrong with my testicle, bladder, kidneys, etc. (although I do have an inflamed prostate).

Now I find myself having strange psychedelic experiences almost every other night, experiences more intense and bizarre than any I have had in waking life with entheogens.  They all take me to a place so deep (or high) that I can't even talk about it, but all leave me feeling uneasy and disturbed afterwards.  I'm concerned because a common motif in the aftermath of these dreams is other dreams which are extremely life-like, but which quickly turn strange and disturbing; I'll wake up out of these dreams shaken, only to find that I am in another life-like dream.  The rules of my reality are bending at night, and when I wake up I have to check myself to make sure that I'm in my 'waking state' for real -- sometimes it takes 10 minutes to shake the feeling that I'm in a strange dream-state.  I wouldn't call it "lucid", because I'm not really in control.

I remember Moonshoe's post about becoming lost in lucid dream states and losing your sense of reality.  I wonder if others here have had experiences with transcendental dreaming and multilayered lifelike dream states, and how they've dealt with them.  I get the overwhelming impression that something unspeakable awaits me in the very near future - I am in limbo, waiting to ascend.

Any input would be appreciated.

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Much like my own experiences...

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"..lucid now, as being.."
~Unknown