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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: sykobish]
    #2111078 -

Thanks for writing that!!! What you say is all so true.

I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years. Yes it took that long for me to get out of it. I felt that there would never be anyone else that would want me because I had nothing good to offer and that if this guy would stay with me, I could "deal" with what he was putting me through and I wouldn't have to have the fear of being alone. The guy began with emotional abuse like you said. He would tell me I was fat and ugly, that I was boring to be with. Anytime I made a simple mistake I would get yelled at and constantly told that I was stupid. He also had cheated several times, yet I was the "Slut." He would get mad if I wanted to go out with my friends, or even my sister because he thought we were just "whoring around." To this day I still don't have those friends because of how I betrayed them for him.

Then he started with the pushing and shoving. This broke me down to a complete low. My self-esteem has been ruined by this man. I still suffer from it today. It is hard to have a relationship after experiencing something like this and also makes it a little unfair for the new significant other because of the person that I have become. I used to be a fun, outgoing, worry-free person. Now I don't even go out, I have jealous tendencies, and worry about the littlest things. I am a strong person and know that someday I can return to who I used to be, but it takes time and healing. I just wish I would have taken the advice of my friends and family before I let this guy do this.

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: Elise]
    #2111102 -

Your ex sounds exactly like my ex from 3 years ago.  He would always accuse me of cheating, when there wasn't even a second that i was out of his sight.. other then to go to work.  And even then, when my boss would call me in to work on my day off.. i had to put up with so much shit from him.  He thought that i had it all planned out: That my boss calling me to come in to work on my day off was all just a front and that i was really going to 'whore around'.  It got to be so horrible.. he would accuse me of sleeping with CUSTOMERS in the staff BATHROOM!!  Talk about pathetic.

He would also bitch at me for taking a glass from his hand 'wrong'.. I never knew there really was a right way to take a glass from someone who is passing it to you.. He would rant and rave and totally attack my self esteem for HOURS over such a stupid thing.

I lost my friends from back then as well, for the same reasons.  It got to the point that he took over my cellphone.  He always had it with him and i wasn't allowed to use it or answer it.  But while i'm buying him a pair of pants on his birthday for $100, he's waiting outside the store, on my cellphone, talking to his ex girlfriend that he was seeing behind my back.. (I found this all out later when i got my phone bill and was wondering about this one number that i didn't know but was called multiple times.  I ended up calling her and finding out the whole story.)

My self esteem is very low.. I'm slowly getting better tho.  I am surrounded by friends that i am very proud to have.  Very good people.  I consider myself privaleged(sp?) to know the people i know because most people will never find a friend like the ones i have in their entire lifetime.  I also have a VERY hard time trusting people.  And when i feel that someone is crossing the line of friendship and lets me know that they are interested in me, i get very nervous and put up my wall.  I distance myself from them until they aren't interested anymore.  Many people mistake my niceness as being 'flirty' or that i am interested in them.. which couldn't be further from the truth.

I just wish I would have taken the advice of my friends and family before I let this guy do this.

Blinded by 'love', my dear. :smile:  It sucks, but some things need to be learnt the hard way.. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes that is the ONLY way to learn things.  As long as you learn from your mistakes.. there is nothing wrong with making some.  If you don't learn, THEN you have a problem.

One good thing that you can take comfort in from that whole situation, is that you now know the signs of someone who is abusive, and when you begin to see those warning signs, you get the hell out before it goes further.


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I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: sykobish]
    #3832128 -

The reasom some wo,en fancy bullies and tyhugs si simply because they ar evil wo,en. Evil wom,en fancy evil men. And some women have the derrnaged idea they can reagrd themlseve3s as good sepite fancying and supoporting abuse. The reality is that womne who fancy bullies are evil they support abuse get tubnrd on by bullies and decide to see good men as inferio sub humab beings.

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: sykobish]
    #3832135 -

The reasom some wo,en fancy bullies and tyhugs si simply because they ar evil wo,en. Evil women fancy evil men. And some women have the derrnaged idea they can reagrd themselves as good depite fancying and supoporting abuse.
Listen would you reaghrd me as a good perosn if i suppoured innocent men being beaten up by saditic thugs, cause if you di that prooves what nasty piece of work you are. There is no mystery about why horroble psychpathic women think they are good despire supporting abuse. Even serial killers dont relaise they are horrible.
The reality is that womne who fancy bullies are evil they support abuse get turned on by bullies and decide to see good men as inferior sub human beings. Women who fancy bullies are just evil. There is no mystery they see abuse as sexy and manly.
www.netwebresearch.com/servicesview

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: netwebresearch]
    #3832138 -

The reasom some women fancy bullies and thugs is simply because they ar evil women. Evil women fancy evil men. And some women have the derrnaged idea they can reagrd themselves as good depite fancying and supoporting abuse.
Listen would you reaghrd me as a good perosn if i suppoured innocent men being beaten up by saditic thugs, cause if you di that prooves what nasty piece of work you are. There is no mystery about why horroble psychpathic women think they are good despire supporting abuse. Even serial killers dont relaise they are horrible.
The reality is that womne who fancy bullies are evil they support abuse get turned on by bullies and decide to see good men as inferior sub human beings. Women who fancy bullies are just evil. There is no mystery they see abuse as sexy and manly.
www.netwebresearch.com/servicesview

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: netwebresearch]
    #3833963 -

Quote:
There is no mystery they see abuse as sexy and manly.


I agree. Is it so hard to believe that many women actually enjoy being in such relationships? Many women love drama, they love a good argument, a good fight, and they like being taken control of. I think its funny how we all sit here and try to make excuses for them because we don't think its right.

Its hard for men to believe that a woman would rather be with someone who beats the shit out of her than be with them but its simply the truth. We don't like to think that we are actually so unattractive that a woman would rather be beaten than be in a relationship with us but sometimes you just need to accept the facts.

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: Catalysis]
    #3834086 -

WTF?  Is the random person that bumped this 2 year old post a bot or something?  click on the link in its sig. :confused:

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: Boom]
    #3834131 -

LOL, i didnt even catch that. It must be a bot that scours the web for threads on abusive men. Now i have officially seen everything.

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: Catalysis]
    #3836597 -

Apparently it can register itself too...

It also can't spell very well...

:confused:

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: Boom]
    #3838337 -

zing

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: Legoulash]
    #3838401 -

I'd just like to point out that child abuse is definitely a player in all this. At least most of the time. I've become fascinated over the past year with how physical or sexual abuse will alter a developing brain.

When young girls are abused, there tend to be some consistent symptoms when they mature. One is increased sex drive. One is bipolar disorder. One is predisposition to addiction. But the most common is a desire to be with abusive men as an adult.

I've seen studies where it was discovered that 95% of women who stayed with abusive men for over a year were in fact abused by a male figure during early childhood.


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what's with neocons and the word 'ilk'?

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: TinMan]
    #3838898 -

I've seen a few things in my relationship that reinforce all of this. But before I start... I have to say that I am neither abusive, nor do I cheat on my girlfriend. I don't do anything to hurt her intentionally...

However, it is true that all women want to change their man into the image they see fit. This can be a good or bad thing. Before I met my girl I did not do well in college... I never went to class, didn't pay attention when I did, and failed a good majority of my classes... which were all easy classes to begin with.

Whenever I didn't go to class, she'd get pissed off at me. Whenever I did bad on a test she'd be comforting but disapointed at the same time. Whenever I smoke (cigs) she gets upset... things along those lines. She is trying to change me... in some ways she has, I am doing better in school -- which is definately not a bad thing.

A girl doesn't necessary 'make' the guy change... they give them insight and show them a way to look at things from a different angle. I never thought about my life the way my girlfriend saw it, and it was nice to hear how she saw me, rather than how I saw myself. I don't know, maybe it's just me... but there's more to it than a girl just 'changing' the guy. It's more like the guy never really had his eyes all the way open until he met that right girl.

*shrug*
Just something to think about.

(Oh, and definately this is something that goes both ways...)


--------------------
Free Spore Ring Canada

Edited by Onetwothree (02/26/05 10:40 PM)

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Re: Women that just don't get it [Re: TinMan]
    #3841641 -

TinMan said:
I work with or know a lot of these kind of women. They will get beaten or cheated on by their boyfriends, but they are too stupid to break up. I feel sorry for them, but I think if they don't break up, they deserve all the suffering they get. Any opinions?


I think its just the way that a lot of women are wired. You treat them too well and they get bored, because the essence of an interesting life is conflict. Women, to me anyway, seem to enjoy drama a lot more than men. They get off on it or something. Personally, I don't play that bullshit. If I want drama, there's a whole video store full of that shit around the corner. But holding out for a chick that thinks the same way can definitely make a person lonely. But whatever. Once you find a girl that isn't like that, my advice is to hold onto her very tightly.

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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