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OfflineGringoLoco
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I really wish I knew how to talk to women
    #1474289 - 04/19/03 10:39 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Have you ever seen a cartoon? I'm sure all know what I mean, whenever Pepe Le Pew or somebody sees a girl, their heart starts beating out of their chest, eyes bug out, they get all ga ga gooey when they try to speak to them.

That is me in a nutshell. I can't talk to a girl if I find her attractive. That ugly old hag who sold me my pretzel? Not a problem. But the instant I see something desirable in a girl, I have to avoid her at all times without the risk of me looking like a total moron. This is not just a problem in the terms of seeking companionship, it is something that affects my every day life. If that girl behind the counter at Burger King is pretty, I go to another register. If I see a chick on the other side of the mall, yep, I stay clear the hell away from her. I have never been on a date in my life because I can't get the balls to even look a chick in the eyes.

How the hell did I fall so far behind on such a fundamental aspect of life? I never really ever had a strategy for getting a girl, I just tried to adapt the moods at certain times in my life to finding one. Examples -

The "Jackass" approach - I tried to be the most outrageous person in the world, doing shameless crap like stair diving at school or getting in fake fights in the hopes that I'd get laid. Result - Much ridicule by my peers and I got hella rugburn.

The "Vegeta" approach - Be hostile to everybody. Get in a lot of fights. Walk around always looking pissed off. Kick doors down, why the hell did someone invent doorknobs in the first place? Surely one hot, smart chick will realize you're just an insecure puss on the inside, right? Result - I got my ass kicked and put in anger management class. Damn them.

The "I'm a guy who can handle his shit and I'm gonna fuck myself up to the point of not being able to lift myself off the ground." - Yeah, thats right, I actually tried to impress chicks by drinking quarts of Vodka. It didn't work that well, I guess alcohol = sex = not in my case. Result - A really bad hangover and I about 5 pounds of my vomit live in the sewers now.

The "I'm a loser who can't get chicks" method - Booo hooo nobody likes me, I'm such a weenie, why, I deserve somebody, but I'm gonna ask someone out, I'm gonna let them come to me. No, chicks just apparently don't have a shred of sympathy with me.

I know this is unorthodox. But I just don't have any real strategy because I'm such a coward. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life in this miserable, self imposed rut? I'm a puss, I have issues, I deserve somebody damn it. Not like all those assholes who just get a trophy girlfriend to brag to their drinking buddies with, and end up beating. I'd treat a girl right. Why do they always win and I lose?


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OfflineAbFab
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1474563 - 04/19/03 11:44 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

first of all, none of those approaches work for anyone, so it is no wonder that they failed. my advice is to get some chick friends. you say that you don't have a problem talking to girls that you don't find attractive, so maybe if you culivated a friendship with some girls that you weren't that attracted to, but that you liked and can chill with and talk to. Once you become really comfortable hanging out with girls and talking to them it will be easier for you to talk to girls that you are attracted to. plus girls as friends will help to boost your self-esteem and becoming more confident will help you with the ladies as well.


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The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when your uncool.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1474819 - 04/20/03 12:48 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)



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OfflineEllis Dee
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1475494 - 04/20/03 03:55 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Pretend they're not special if they're a stone fox. IMO it's the only way. I dated a model for a couple months and I treated he like dirt and always put her down. I did my  best to make her feel inadiquate, like she was lucky to have me. Truth is she was a ten, but I've got a skill for reading people and I know the type that wants treated special, and the type that needs treated like poo. This model, when she told me she was a model was telling me about how beautifl she was. I told her no way was she a model, just plain, maybe she could be a hand model. It shocked her because she was used to hearing how pretty she was. It's like being a salesman, just get your foot in the door and you're halfway to the sale. Same with girls, just talk to them without showing how goofy you are. Works for me. :grin:


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"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1476482 - 04/20/03 03:06 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

You're seeing women primarily through the 'I' of your second chakra - the sexual center - and evaluating them on the basis of their immediate effect on your sexual desire. You NEED to start seeing women as human beings FIRST, before their evaluation in terms of how they energize your second chakra.

It is all about love, compassionate love, not erotic love. Pratically speaking, after you notice intense beauty, you must put that perception in the back of your mind, and proceed to desire to know what that being is like behind her appearance. She knows that she's beautiful - she gets told constantly, and from all kinds of men, if not simply looked at with desire. This gets old to all but the most narcissistic women whose whole trip is being desired - like exhibitionistic stripper types. Women want to look good to attract THEIR choice of man, and it is always their choice, not yours. They will let you know if they're interested in their own subtle female ways. Earlier today, shopping in a large health supermarket with my Lady, I beheld another stunning woman. She knew I was looking at her - we were within inches. I watched her walk away, and she spun around, swishing fabulous long blond hair, and looked me straight in the eyes. I smiled very slightly and turned away. If I were single, I'd approach her and say "Hi," and if she were interested, she would make me feel comfortable - perhaps smile back and wait to see what I had to say. Otherwise she might say hi back, and walk away, or simply ignore me in which case she would be rude AND uninterested. Playing hard-to-get is an adolescent or bimboesque game, and I don't play games, so nothing would happen. If she seemed interested, I would simply say that I couldn't help notice her and I wondered if she were available (if I didn't already see rings on her finger). I would be completely transparent and truthful - tell her she is stunning, and would love/treasure/be honored to get to know her if possible. No sleazy gestures or expressions from me - just truth, admiration and humility before great beauty. If a woman is not interested in honesty and gentlemanly behavior, with enough assertiveness (balls) to step up to her - then she is not interested in me, and conversely, I am not interested in a relationship with her. If all you think about is sex, she'll pick that up, and figure that you simply view her as a sex object - second chakra perception. Remember, beautiful women don't need that from you, since they call the shots. If they wanted just that, they could get male models with no minds.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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InvisibleZwieback0
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1477523 - 04/20/03 10:57 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

You can talk to ugl girls right?  Ugly girls always have hot friends :wink:
Make friends with those ugly girls, allow them to put a good word in for you...and BOOM, there you go!


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InvisibleCaptain Jack
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: Zwieback0]
    #1478107 - 04/21/03 03:15 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

how old are you?
if you're in HS, i think a lot of people get more confident as they get older....

as for your "methods"...umm....

girls are people. some people here seem to forget that. just talk to them like they're normal regular people. if there's chemistry, then flirt.

but if you can't talk to any cute girls, i'll just say don't be thinking "oh man she'll never date me", just talk to them like they're friends, or that you want to be friends. you might be surprised.


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Captain Jack has been hailed as a brilliant scholar, discredited as a brilliant fraud, and mistaken for a much taller man on several occasions.


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Invisiblebert
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1478195 - 04/21/03 04:57 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Definitely get chick friends. For some reason, they love to hook their guy friends up with their friends. This is how I met just about every girl I've been with.
Try being witty, they like that too. Good luck.


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Persons denying the existence of robots may be robots themselves.


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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1479369 - 04/21/03 05:09 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Id just like to add one thing- make sure to smile alot and seem interested- Ive learned that not smiling at some points makes them feel very awkward about you, and just see you as uninterested.. Alas, seems that I've forgotten how to smile as a sign of interest or comfort..


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InvisibleZwieback0
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: ]
    #1480128 - 04/21/03 09:25 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Look in the mirror. How do you see yourself, physically and spiritually? If you find anything that you think the opposite sex would categorize as a flaw, TRY to change it. Everyone says "be yourself" but this usually doesnt work. For example, if your a natural bitch, no wonder people would avoid you, try to be nice. If youre shy, try to get out more and talk to people...if you cant talk to girls, start out with guy friends and slowly move up. It takes time, but you have to start somewhere sometime.


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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: Zwieback0]
    #1480328 - 04/21/03 10:44 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

what if you appear stoic most of the time and cant seem to change it?

( not assuming that u meant 2 reply to me tho )


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InvisibleZwieback0
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: ]
    #1480428 - 04/21/03 11:12 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Try to find the reason why youre so indifferent. Take that negative concept and make something out of it. Find something that you love/like in your life and hold onto it. It will eventually save you in the long run.


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
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Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: ]
    #1480447 - 04/21/03 11:18 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Too bad, I've lost my smile as well. I just can't look like a happy dude anymore.

Okay, keep the advice coming, but I have one question that hasn't even been attempted to be asked.

WHERE?

Where the hell am I supposed to meet some chicks for just friendship, and move on from there. I don't go to school, I'm currently unemployed, recently quit drugs, don't party anymore...... in essence I sit on my ass at home all day. And just how the hell do you "strike up a conversation"? I don't know ANYBODY.


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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1480474 - 04/21/03 11:28 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

er.
get out more
might as well start at some random bar?

edit ( reply to last guy who replied to me): its not indifference- im just sort of SEEM ( im not really ) very mentally distracted...


Edited by Morrowind (04/21/03 11:34 PM)


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InvisibleZwieback0
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: ]
    #1480598 - 04/22/03 12:07 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

MorrowWind: You cant pay attention? Do you have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)? Ill get back to you after that

As for Gringo: Do you have ANY friends at all? Family? IN my opinion, avoid bars for now, they socially demanding and may lead to trouble. IE. You go drinking in search for a girl to talk to, you cant find one, you get frustrated, you drink all night...doesnt do any good. I believe the best way is to find something that interests you and join a club or something. Or maybe even a support group. Its probably the best place to begin a long lasting friendship(Woman/Man) with someone that shares common grounds with you.


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: Zwieback0]
    #1480667 - 04/22/03 12:25 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Yes, I have a group of friends, but I am extremely antisocial by nature, we all had a common bond (we all lost our jobs at about the same time and we all mutually agreed to stop drugs). Since said bond was broken, our fellowship has kind of disbanded and we're going different paths.

The problem with the friends approach - They are born skirt chasers, and their damn good at it. Being so, anywhere we're at they usually stake their claim on the babes, and leave me with jack shit. So I really have to do this all by myself. Too young to go to a bar.... got NO interests at all that could mean a common place of gathering...... Hm......


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InvisibleZwieback0
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1480693 - 04/22/03 12:32 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Ask your friends on what their secret in wooing women.


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InvisibleZero7a1
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1480739 - 04/22/03 12:44 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

you ought to have more respect for yourself dear friend! and dont hang around the Dogs. If you wish to please and be pleased by such fine fille's you need not hang your tongue out, or howl to the moon! heh. just be yourself. let go. maybe you should stop caring about finding a girl first... no no... STop caring. and dont keep your mind set on the physical either. just let go. you never know when you could be day dreaming in the park, and some intelligent, nice, and beutiful woman comes and sits right next to you and starts talking to you! so i say man, let it go, let it flow! but if you must know, sometimes these things that seem a woe is just really a show to some such as ME. i had a gf... and it ended badly. those things you care about and think about at first sometimes quickly change into something unexpected, and soon undesirables start to make their way to the norm and then it just blows ass. Keep your head up and dont worry too much about it. take strolls... CARPE DIEM!


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What?


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: Zero7a1]
    #1480771 - 04/22/03 12:55 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Maybe I oughta clarifiy, when I say they "skirt chase", it means they get a chick drunk one night and fuck them. Thats not what I want, I'm looking to please my heart, not just my other body organs :smirk:


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InvisibleZero7a1
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Re: I really wish I knew how to talk to women [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1480889 - 04/22/03 01:36 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Well even better! they truely dont know how to "please" the ladies. Maybe you dont give yourself enough credit, and youve just met some shallow girls. Give yourself a chance, and maybe some fine lady will too :wink: :smile: hehe. 


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