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 Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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 Question for Married Members 
#3067890 - 08/30/04 02:53 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Marriage of course, is what you make of it, but did/do you find it:
A. Better than expected
B. Worse than expected
C. Both/neither - different than expected
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The proof is in the pudding.
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 Frog
Warrior
 
Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3067909 - 08/30/04 03:08 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm just out of *sigh* my second marriage. Is that bad? I guess it probably is. Meaning, bad to be getting divorced again.
While I was married, before I became an attorney, it was wonderful. We had been together for 12 years. Sure, there were problems, but so every marriage has problems. People used to tell us that we were like two kids in a candy shop.
I loved being married. I loved the expectations of spending the future together, getting old. Grandchildren coming to visit. The Christmas dishes to bring out every Christmas.
I was looking forward to future memories. And thinking about past memories. Sigh.
Okay, now that that's over...
As much as I loved being married, I like being single. I can go play pool without anyone giving me shit. I can do what I want. No one to run my ideas by. I can fuck up as much as I want without getting shit from anyone.
I have always thought that getting married meant 2 people separately living their lives, together. I don't know if that's actually possible. I probably need to go find a utopia some where.
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The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. -Teilard
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Source
Remainder of anUnbalancedEquation
Registered: 07/28/03
Posts: 667
Loc: Outer Darkness
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3068586 - 08/30/04 10:19 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've been married for 13 years now and I'd have to say that it's pretty much exactly what I expected it to be. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
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What you're searching for is what's searching.
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Evolving
Resident Cynic
Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 5,385
Loc: Apt #6, The Village
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3068885 - 08/30/04 11:38 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Overall it's what I expected. Of course as with any relationship there are surprises and personality issues, but I expected that. I don't idealize people and I've always known that women are crazy... and I still love them.
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To call humans 'rational beings' does injustice to the term, 'rational.' Humans are capable of rational thought, but it is not their essence. Humans are animals, beasts with complex brains. Humans, more often than not, utilize their cerebrum to rationalize what their primal instincts, their preconceived notions, and their emotional desires have presented as goals - humans are rationalizing beings.
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Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly
Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,689
Loc: On the Border
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3069600 - 08/30/04 02:37 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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After 18 years that is a big "C".
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,173
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3069807 - 08/30/04 03:29 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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still shopping?
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CaRnAgECaNdY
Tool's groupie
Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet 
Last seen: 9 months, 8 days
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 Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3070260 - 08/30/04 05:20 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hmm that's an interesting question.
I am married but I've been separated for 2 yrs. I will never go back to him. I had my expectations to. I expected to spend the rest of my life with this man.
Now...when I get involved with someone...I leave all expectations at the door. Expectations lead to disapointment. I've had enough disappointment in my life.
My answer to this question is C.
Worse than I expected, but since I've learned from the experience I consider myself a better person.
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The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
#3070346 - 08/30/04 05:49 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I have never been married and at mid-life one would think I am a confirmed bachelor. My two great loves were both disrupted by death. I have an enormous hunger as if a void needs to be filled. This may be my greatest illusion, but the drive is more powerful (no, not desperate as I enjoy being alone much of the time) than ever. It is like a hidden part of my psyche cries out out for expression in devotion to another that it cannot find in any other avenue nor in a casual relationships.
I do not feel socially embarrassed or lesser being single, nor do I feel as if I am "buying into" a fairy tale. And certainly am not looking for the elusive happiness-in-another, nor "the perfect" woman. I know those are fantasies.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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SkorpivoMusterion
Livin in theTwilight Zone...
Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 9,954
Loc: You can't spell fungus wi...
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3070398 - 08/30/04 06:04 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sounds much like me. 
Solitude is the proving grounds of the spirit.
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Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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If you were a woman or at least had breast implants... 
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Todcasil
rogue DMT elf
Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3070455 - 08/30/04 06:21 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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pretty much what i expected.
ive had so many opportunities for growth in being married that i dont think ive ever had otherwise, or would have gotten... so much more opportunity to understand how someone else works on all planes... it has been 4 years.
our marriage has been speckled with guilt, obligation, infidelity, children, children of other persons, disaproving friends/family... but my marriage is my crowning achievement so far. my commitment to understand this other person, with whom we decided we are in love.
its been interesting. novel even.
peace
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Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.
~Casil 
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Todcasil]
#3070504 - 08/30/04 06:33 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Thanks all for sharing.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Viaggio
ChemicalConsumer
Registered: 07/05/03
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 18 years, 25 days
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3072150 - 08/31/04 01:25 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Do you want to be involved in the atmosphere of love because you miss having someone romantically devoted to you?
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"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."
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BlueCoyote
Beyond
Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3073596 - 08/31/04 12:05 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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(not married, but friends of mine, in the same age, have two childs who go to school)
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CaRnAgECaNdY
Tool's groupie
Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet
Last seen: 9 months, 8 days
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
#3073622 - 08/31/04 12:14 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Desiree said:
Hmm that's an interesting question.
I am married but I've been separated for 2 yrs. I will never go back to him. I had my expectations to. I expected to spend the rest of my life with this man.
Now...when I get involved with someone...I leave all expectations at the door. Expectations lead to disapointment. I've had enough disappointment in my life.
My answer to this question is C.
Worse than I expected, but since I've learned from the experience I consider myself a better person.
I also forgot to mention that I would definitely marry again. I won't let one bad experience affect my feelings on love and marraige.
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The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3073688 - 08/31/04 12:39 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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10 years in and happy to be!
Unrealistic expectations are the problem in most marriages.
Love does not pay the rent. Love is blind. Love is healing and kind.
Love always knows the way. Anger and fear loose the way. Another is to be beheld in appreciation, not clutched in possesion. Love is patient and understanding, fear is demanding and commanding.
Research has shown that marriages which go the distance and are stable and healthy all share one thing in common. The couples have always shared in common long term goals. They want the same things out of life and realise the team effort will be of mutual benefit.
If you don't know what you want out of life or if you partner hasn't figured it out yet, don't get married is my advise.
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Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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Strumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3074394 - 08/31/04 03:01 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm not married Swami so don't kick my ass for being such a rebel and replying, but:
The people I know around MY AGE (23) who are married do not seem to be very happy with their spouses.
The people I know who waited until they were around 30 or so to get married seem like they are much more satisfied with their spouses.
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Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Swami]
#3074430 - 08/31/04 03:07 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Swami said:
Marriage of course, is what you make of it, but did/do you find it:
A. Better than expected
B. Worse than expected
C. Both/neither - different than expected
Better then expected.
I've really never felt as fulfilled in my entire life.
Edit: I am 21. Yes, I married young. My husband and I want to grow old together.
Edited by EllemyshShade (08/31/04 03:11 PM)
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Todcasil
rogue DMT elf
Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: MOTH]
#3074661 - 08/31/04 03:51 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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"If you don't know what you want out of life or if you partner hasn't figured it out yet, don't get married is my advise. "
great rsponse jiggy...
also: wether or not you are young and married or older and marriend is irrelevent. landing is all in the aproach. but once you get off the plane you have to find your luggage.
(haha, that last bit didnt make much sense, but oh well 
peace
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Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.
~Casil
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deff
just love everyone
Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,428
Loc: clarity 
Last seen: 2 hours, 5 minutes
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Re: Question for Married Members [Re: Todcasil]
#3074699 - 08/31/04 04:00 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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One's soul is best left in their sneaker.
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