I'm pretty new to mushroom and my trips seem to be different than all the trips I have heard or read about. I just wanted to put this out there to see if others relate or might have input about this.
I'm 45 years old and just found out that mushrooms don't fry your brain like I was told in school.  I've only tripped about 7-8 times with Golden Teacher mushrooms. .5g, 1g, 2g, 3g and 4g trips. I don't see color or shapes or get any visuals at all, with eyes open or closed. I have aphantasia and literally can't see ANYTHING when I try to imagine something, so I'm guessing that might have something to do with no having visuals while on mushrooms.
The more mushrooms I take the worse I tend to feel. On 4g I couldn't really stand up without passing out. And laying down was a pain in the butt too. It felt like my body was shutting down and I was going to physically die. It was not fun at all.
But 2g trips are a completely different story. It seems like the sweet spot for me. They seems pretty consistent in the way they effect me. And I don't feel like I'm going to die or pass out.
This is what happens. I take 2g and wait 30-60mins. I start to get very tired, so tired I have trouble sitting in a chair. I have to lay down.
I put some headphones on and listen to some calming binaural beats. So far this doesn't really do anything.
But if I lay there, close my eyes and just focus on the music, that's when the magic happens. I only need to focus on the music for about 10 seconds. Then I notice that "things" start to disappear. First I can't feel my body. Then I can't hear anything, then I don't feel like I'm not in my body at all. It feels like I have left my body, but without actually seeing anything. Like I'm not in the earth realm anymore.?
Then I'm in, for lack of a better word, a black void. There is literally nothing there, I see nothing and feel nothing. But that's where things start happening. I will get a visual scene, a still image. But I will get all kinds of understanding and feelings and knowledge. A few times I have seen a scene from the past and knows that it was me, from a different life. I was show myself and my wife, living in a hut on the water and I was repairing the "dock". I know all about this person, that it was me, all the feeling and the whole life "I" had lived. This didn't even seem like a place on earth, I'm not sure. But I don't really believe in having more than one life on earth. I'm actually just not really sure. But I'm starting to believe it might be real.
Sometimes it seems like being are talking to me and telling me things. But when I wake up from this, I don't really remember any of it. But it's mind blowing. I remember just saying "Holy Shit" for like an hour in my head. I didn't know what else to say, it was just so crazy.
This happens for about 5 - 10 minutes and then I wake up. But I can just do it all over again.
Once I felt like God was hugging me for 5 minutes and then I woke up. No visuals at all and it's hard to explain.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just floating in the void, the one and only being in all of existence. Just floating there for all of eternity. Then I thought, what if earth was all just a thought that I had, as I was floating through the void. Nothing more, just a fleeting thought. It was very sad, thinking that all of earth was just a thought in my head. I wanted it to be a "real" experience and I wanted to go back to earth. Then I wake up.
Sometimes I get asked a simple question. Like it's something to ponder or answer to myself.
Recently I was in the void and was shown a large tube that was vertical. It went up and down for infinity. On this tube were scenes of life, not sure if they were mine or someone else's, but I think it was my life. The scene was paused and the scene above and below were 1 frame different. But each scene was from a different time line, not the same "life". I was told, "If you could change something on your time line, would you?". I knew that all I had to do was choose a new scene and pick that as my life. And I thought about this and what it would mean. If I changed something, what would the results be? I started to think about what live would be like if I changed something and what I would be missing out on (relational stuff, not objects). This started to freak me out and I chose to not change anything but go back to my same life. But then I thought, if I did pick a different time line I wouldn't even know it when I wake up. So then I woke up and was worried that I actually DID pick a new time line and I just didn't remember. I was thinking, "Great, what the hell did I change, is everything still the same". This took a while to go away. Still not totally sure I didn't pick a new time line.
These kind of experiences really trip out my mind. I don't know what to think about it. I come back with memories of a different life, or seeing different time line and I don't believe in those thing, but they seem super real. It really throws me for a loop and is changing the way I look and thing about things. Not in a bad way, just very interesting.
This all is VERY exhausting for me. Each little experience it very draining, but I keep doing it because I want to know what else is out there. Afterwards I'm exhausted but have trouble sleeping at night. I also feel very depressed and I feel this way for a few days afterwards. I keep hearing of other peoples trips and how they feel great during the trips and even better the next day. But I get depressed for days. And yet I want to trip again about 4 days later but I know it's going to use so much of my already low energy. But I keep doing it because I want to see what else I can learn or experience in this void.
Are my trips unusual? Or are trips like this just not talked about very much because they are not as glamorous. I would love to know more about this and if others experience this and might have some input.
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