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Married and hypersexual. * 2
    #29599805 -

I was always very repressed sexually. It was all tabboo and wrong in my world. Saving sex for marriage is a good principle and all. But you really don't know yourself and your temperament until you've had a partner for awhile. You don't really discover things about yourself till then. And so what happened to me is for years the bedroom has been a place of tension and stress. I wanna bang and bang for a long time. She doesn't. I keep thinking maybe she isn't into me. Then I learn that an average sex session is a few minutes in time. That sounds.. Really boring and depressing to me. I'm looking to hold a certain level of extreme arousal and stay there for hours. It feels like I'm in a world where nobody understands this. But I then learn there's a whole kink dedicated to this shit. Orgasm control and edging. I dunno how I got this way I've never been one I'd those degenerates who watch tons of porn and know all the billions of sexual perversions out there. But its really a struggle being married never having a clear grasp of my own sexuality then discovering it later. Its gotten so bad I am at the point of wanting to cheat. But I can't do that. I don't like that side of me. I love my wife and family above all else. I just told my wife about the wickedness im keeping closeted away. I told her its so bad I'd even swing gay for it. She sounds accepting and all and told me she's glad I let that out. But isn't ready to talk yet. Did I make a mistake or did I do the right thing?

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29599821 -

Talk it out. As you aged your be less sexual driven.


--------------------
The better guide to grow mushrooms.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/8553541

Beware the power of one.  The power of two. The power of many.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #29599990 -

how long have you been married?


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Mickalopagus]
    #29600008 -

Word.

I've known my wife for a long time, and I've been contemplating similar issues recently.

We got legally married after decades of association- a long-term relationship. A breakup, a long-distance friends with benefits deal, a realization that we kinda never really broke up, etc. BEFORE we got legally married, the foundation of our relationship was basically the kind of sex you're describing. Everything else could be a bit of a shitshow, but there was still always just excessive amounts of sex. We both brought our own sexual issues and repressions into the relationship, but they were overwhelmed by sheer attraction and horniness, and we basically worked a lot of them out through constant fucking.

Now, on an emotional level, that foundation is still there. But the frequency of sex has plummeted, and the way we have sex has become very rote and standardized. Don't get me wrong, it's still amazing when it happens. But that's where it is.

For several years, it upset me greatly. And, at times, it probably was that she was upset with me, so my feelings of rejection weren't completely unfounded. Now, I think it's more just a confluence of factors. Even if we bump up our numbers, she's just not needing the same thing that she was before. Her entire attitude and reaction to sex is completely different. Before, it was pretty common for us to have sex right before bed, maybe sometime in the middle of the night, and then maybe first thing in the morning. Now, she doesn't want to have sex before bed, because she says it wakes her up. So when we do, it's typically a morning when we have a bit of extra time. But there's no cuddling or afterglow. She cums her brains out and then immediately gets up and starts her day.

Anyway, when I really think deeply about it, I realize that I'm not into monogamy. I've basically maintained a mostly monogamous relationship for decades just because, if given the choice, I'd rather do filthy things to my partner than anyone else. And as long as we had a certain frequency of sex, it kinda always felt like I was still in the midst of a hookup with my wife. As long as that option was always there, it was typically a no-brainer. Oh, someone's flirting with me. That's nice. But if I go home, I know I'll bang my girlfriend 5 times. That sort of thing.

Now, it feels different. I wish we could just go back to how it was, but I know that's not something she's interested in-with anyone. I guess the good thing is that she's basically told me, in so many words, just go do what yah gotta do. But I still end up spending most of my time with my wife, wishing we fucked more. At least she doesn't mind my constant sexual harassment lol. Even if she doesn't bite, she still finds it flattering and endearing. On the other hand, my attitude has shifted pretty drastically, and given the right circumstances, I'm pretty much ready to bang whoever when the opportunity arises. But then again, the memory of that history with my wife has set the bar pretty high. So I find myself thinking pretty base and nasty shit- "yeah, she's hot, and she's flirting with me, but is she as much of a freak as my wife once was?"

Tl;dr: yeah, marriage is weird. But then again, "casual" sex is often pretty lame and disappointing.

Edited by Anonymous (06/09/26 09:20 AM)

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #2] * 2
    #29600619 -

wife and i carved out a routine as well, though i am happy with it. personally am at the age where ive seen enough friends around me die, and am like fuck man, am happy to just be alive, and know a good time and sex is around the corner. i like that we both seem to be at a place where we are happy with where things are at, rather than trying to force as many fucks in as i can. been on both sides of that in previous relationships and it never led to positive outcomes.

I much more prefer routine, moderation and a single partner. perfectly happy never being with anyone else again.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Mickalopagus] * 2
    #29600663 -

About 11 years. Yea I open up to her about it all and all I her from her is dismissal. And its been that way for a real long time. So I have been very patient over the years. Trying to talk about how I'm like feeling extreme drive and struggling. Before I can even get a sentence in, im blocked off. Deflected with things like I'm not romantic enough. Or that I only want to talk deep when its about sex, that I'm not meeting her emotional needs good enough. I've given her everything my life my entire bank account a home and well, she had the kids and that's another thing she tells me is "we have kids now" so we can't do anything wild. Yet she's made out with a couple women while we were married and she never told me till after the fact. Not that I mind she got it on with some women it just sounds like adventurous stuff is only OK on her end. A lot of the times conversation gets shut down with things like how could you be thinking about THAT now? We are parents and our attention needs to be on that. She often shuts down the conversation with things like "I gave you 3 kids you should just be happy with that". And how the fuck can you debate that?
I get the feeling maybe she isn't into me in that way. And that she doesn't want to get to the bottom of it all because she doesn't want me to find out she's been keeping me all this time for kids, family, and a roof over her head and to just keep me as a docile celebate pet.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29600691 -

I feel like if you put it that way, where you think she just using you. Then she probably is. Talk to a divorce lawyer and mull it over. Life is to short to be super unhappy and used just because society wants you to be. I've had relationships like this and in hindsight it was better when it ended and moved on.p.s. always take the children with you.


--------------------
The better guide to grow mushrooms.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/8553541

Beware the power of one.  The power of two. The power of many.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29600803 -

Oof.

Yeah, that's tough.

I don't THINk you're asking for advice here, but nonetheless:

I guess I'd kinda take her at her word. Do the romantic stuff. Go hard on keeping up the responsibilities. Stop talking to her about it. Flirt and make your attraction known, but always let her initiate sex (or not). Jerk off a lot. Channel some of that pent-up energy into other pursuits. THEN, since y'all are kinda caught up in this super traditional patriarchal relationship with built-in double standards ("I gave you three kids, what more do you want?", etc.), just point blank tell her: I love you, I'm committed to you, and I'm not going anywhere, but what I need to live my life is either a change in our sex life or some hall passes. Not in an emotional or vulnerable way. Just straight-up. Matter-of-fact. Ward Cleaver. If her reaction sucks, just drop it. But do that again every 3-6 months, until something changes or you just can't take it anymore.

Edited by Anonymous (06/10/26 07:30 AM)

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: vicepope]
    #29600888 -

vicepope said:
I feel like if you put it that way, where you think she just using you. Then she probably is. Talk to a divorce lawyer and mull it over. Life is too short to be super unhappy and used just because society wants you to be. I've had relationships like this and in hindsight it was better when it ended and moved on.p.s. always take the children with you.


I disagree with this take. 11 years in with a house and kids, the last place you want to go is to the divorce territory, uproot your life, your kids life, your finances because you aren’t sexually satisfied.

OP IMO this is something you two can work out but it shouldn’t start with sex. Sounds like there are deeper relationship issues that might be in the way of both of you aligning sexually, and it is probably a little bit of both of you that need to do some work. Like you said, you were sexually repressed growing up, which that does suck, but that’s more a you thing than her thing. Also, her making out with women and mot telling you till later - I mean every marriage is different but in mine that wouldn’t fly at all, on either side.

Have you thought about marriage counseling/therapy, and would she be open?

It’s ok to want regular sex, maybe not hyper regular we need to fuck all the time lol, that would be unreasonable, but yah like hey we aren’t really fucking the way we used to, I still love you and am attracted to you, and want you to feel the same, like what can we do to get on the same page? I’d start there, and then start using the feedback she gives you in earnest to try and build back that part of your relationship that opens up sexuality again between you two.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29600896 -

Edit:

Post retracted. Thought the last post was directed at my comments because it quoted someone I have on ignore, so I didn't see the quote.

I agree that it's a garbage take.

Edited by Anonymous (06/10/26 10:15 AM)

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #29601971 -

It's not his hyper sexual desires why I recommend divorce. He said felt she was just using him and doesn't love him. People usually understand the body language of thier partner even in broken relationships.  He subconsciously picks this out and he knows it. Even if he is wrong about her intend or the intend she says atleast he will subconsciously and consciously act on this information.

Him acting on his beliefs of her not caring about him accept as a resources pool. Will lead to micro aggressions ,which in turn will lead her to consciously notice and return in kinda. Therapy might help, it might not. But if you ask for therapy she will have a lawyer in her back pocket for pre planing divorce. I've never seen it not play out like this.

It's better to leave the before the emotional abuse and be in a good place. No reason to drag out the pain on himself or her.


--------------------
The better guide to grow mushrooms.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/8553541

Beware the power of one.  The power of two. The power of many.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: vicepope]
    #29605599 -

I really want to cheat bad. And I'd really like a female perspective on this. 99% of you all will look at these 2 features: male, wants to cheat on his wife and write me off as a basic chud. Well whatever I'm not looking for approval from other women outside of them dropping useful perspectives as to what gets men in this position. Im not going to act it out as its an urge. That's it. We all have the urge to do something bad. But my self esteem has been crushed after I've taken her on dates then been scolded by the time I get to the hotel room with her that I can't expect to get laid just because I take her out. And I mean it was a long drawn out scolding that ruined my night and left my self esteem crushed. And what's really bad is, I cannot figure out if she's doing it on purpose or running on some kind of subconscious self preservation instinct and sees me as some kind of threat. Or just isn't into me anymore to which.. I really really wish she would just come clean about. My urge to cheat all revolves around my crushed self esteem. I want a night of going out with someone who looks up to me, finds me fascinating who wants me to lead. To be submissive(to a healthy degree that is) in the bedroom not because there's a power dynamic but just because I bring out her submissive urge. I don't have that with her anymore so its boiling over. To those women who have been cheated on, what was the mans problem you think? Was it his self esteem? In my case if I couldnt control this urge that would be the root motivation behind it. My wife by accident or on purpose has made me feel like an inadequate joke of a man like homer simpson. And I don't know how to redeem myself in her eyes. I want to go out and mingle and get flirted with and have someone interested in getting it on with me. Just to prove to myself that I still got it. Because at home it feels like I'm trapped in this dictatorship where there's a carrot on the stick of validation, approval, good sex that she's holding. And everyday the goal posts get moved. She tells me I need to do better at romance, do better at a lot of things. Her mood toward me is generally sour anymore. She tells me straight up often that I'm like one of her kids. I get scowls and nasty looks from her a lot. And it makes me scratch my head and think... Maybe she is wrong? Because.. Someone ELSE had there world rocked by me. That is where the motivation to cheat lies. To get an answer. To reclaim self esteem. It wouldn't be right to do it though I know.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29606261 -

See this is the toxic relationship stuff that leads to bad outcomes. Best luck, still think divorce is preferable to the volient end that is coming. Lack of sex is just aspect of the relationship problem.


--------------------
The better guide to grow mushrooms.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/8553541

Beware the power of one.  The power of two. The power of many.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: vicepope]
    #29606334 -

Well. I didn't say I was ending it. I'm just stating. Were I am at. When I say "want to" its the fact that want is there. Actually doing? Different and its not in the plans. The thing I really want to do, above all else is just tell her that, yea, I wanna cheat. And safely do it in a way that puts my cards on the table properly with hopes of her and I both navigating this all properly. With the goal of keeping our marriage. Its toxic but it is held deep inside and compartmwntalized. There's issues I have with her and all. And I want to find the proper way to enlighten her on it all. To me it really feels like just the same old shit with every marriage. Wife is no longer impressed with husband. Husband is horny and feeling low. Then husband just cheats and hides all his toxicity. My approach I want to take is to just tell her. I'm feeling the urge to do a bad thing. And honestly I think the whole world would be a better place if people would just tell someone when they feel wickedness surfacing.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29607091 -

Thats rough OP. Real rough. I had a similar issue with my Gf of 7 years. She was hyper-sexual, Im more of a "once in awhile" kind of guy. We ended up breaking up, not only cause of the libido difference, but because she had a dark side, a spiteful side. Never dating a bipolar woman again...

Anyway, I would suggest talking to a sex therapist with her include. Explain the issue, maybe learn what really turns your wife on. Try to reflect on the early days when she got preggos. What did you do to turn her on? What did it take for her to be sexual towards you? Can you bring back that magic energy again?


--------------------
"A single lifetime in this density can accomplish a refinement of Will that might take far longer in a realm where the truth is always visible" - Zii, Confederation of Planets, GFL Station.

"You will then have national and global contact around 2026." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020

PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS (PDF Download) - 312 pages! | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms:shroomeryhead:Canned Computer Duster SAB Tek πŸ‘¨β€πŸ”¬ | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits | R.I.P. Big Worm :tombstone: || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. 🌎🌍🌏                                                         
:sunny::bliss::mushroom2: Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise :mushroom2::bliss::sunny: :rainbowdrink: Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek :rainbowdrink: | πŸ’§ Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method πŸ’§ | :cacti::bongload: Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! :shpongle:Shpongle:shpongle:   

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #29607144 -

It does sound tough. I wish there was an option to hear what's going on inside your wifes head, too. One one hand, it's easy to read this and see someone who's struggling with feelings of being forgotten about and left out to dry. I've no doubt you are. A relationship is a two-way street though, so I wonder how your wife is feeling in all of this.

I don't mean this in an attack at all, but OP do you often do small, romantic things for her, that may fulfill her complaints of no romance? I'm sure it's easy to lose in a long relationship with kids involved.

Cooking her favourite meal, greeting her home with candles lit, organising time/dates for just you two without the kids, where you can reconnect. Do you do your part in keeping the chores/household running, so that you don't feel like one of the kids? Cooking, cleaning, washing, etc.

I don't mean this to undermine you at all OP, just a different direction of thought I haven't seen anyone else go with yet. I was in the middle of writing this reply and thought to myself 'Fuck, you haven't done something romantic for her in a while either'. So I went over to where she was sitting, kissed her on the cheek, told her i'd love to take her out on a date this weekend, and that escalated to enthusiasm and sex.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: nuds] * 1
    #29608241 -

Escalating to enthusiasm and sex

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: nuds] * 1
    #29608282 -

Its harder and harder to do all this romantic stuff. I'm spending a lot of time trying to forgo my previous hobby's and interests to join in on and help my children with theirs. And to be a present father. And I see it in her face often as time goes by she gets angrier and angrier but silent and by the time the days done and all the responsibilities are over with we can't do anything but zone out to the TV. And I ceased making sexual moves on her for the most part. It's not that its a completely dry relationship. But its pretty much always unfulfilling because the rare moment I have the balls to initiate its something like "hurry up" with a big scowl. And last time she told me "the more babies we have the less sex and fun stuff we get. Speaking in absolutes and all.. Which I know may or may not be true that we can never do fun stuff again. But yea there are much bigger priorities than sex and romance. I think the reason most quit at this stage is because they WANT the shared custody. So that they can go out and actually have fun and feel unrestrained again until the angry ex spouse dumps off the kids and says 'its your turn'. But even in my extreme sex drive and all that I'm choosing to sacrifice joy to stay in this relationship. The love is there. The duty is there. The dedication is also. Don't want someone else. I think that's what most women think when men cheat is that the man is looking for better. Evil me doesn't want better though.. Evil me just wants compliance. But evil me I won't allow to have a say in the matter. I got to raise this family.
Its such a drastic change the way this stuff all works. I feel like its the same old story between all married couples. Kids happen. Passion dies. Anger and resentment fills in the emptiness. Back in the 40s when my father was born society was brutal to anyone who tried to leave via divorce and create the substandard conditions of a split family. My dad remembers it clearly how awfully sinister they saw that sort of thing back then. Nowadays it's a culture of "if your not happy then just break up". Everybody this day and age just leaves the moment shit gets hard. Where's the better approach at? It seems culture has shifted from forcing people who just are going thru a phase to figure it the fuck out even if it makes you miserable to a world were all your peers say " oh oh! Your not happy? No romance no passion DIVORCE" the modern approach is to just be a selfish shit head. I don't wanna be that person.

Edited by Anonymous (06/20/26 07:06 PM)

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #29608453 -

You mentioned a key response of hers revolves around romance, or lack thereof. Is it totally impossible to organise a date night together where you can have some alone time? Once a month? Once every two months?

Perhaps at the same time a genuine, heartfelt conversation reinforcing your love and commitment, but worries about the direction of your relationship fulfilling a negative stereotype, would be in order. Does she feel like you two work as a team against the challenges that she perceives to be the greatest in the relationship - outside of sex?

I hope for you it’s possible for you both to get back on the same page again and work as a team on your relationship.

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Re: Married and hypersexual. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #29618619 -

And this is why mistresses were so common back in the old olden days. :sadyes:

If you're children are taking over your life entirely then you're kinda stuck until they grow up enough that they take care of themselves more. :shrug:

Id suggest looking into some self-pleasuring toys as an alternative as wifey doesnt sound like she wants to have sex or romance with the kid responsibilities in the way.

Ive heard of couples having the "thrill" of having sex when all of their kids are asleep or staying the night at a friends house. That brief window-of-opportunity excites some couples. Not sure if thats possible with you 2 and your wife's lack of interest but something to think about/try perhaps :shrug:

Relationships are all about balance. Once they become imbalanced in a significant way, its gonna be a struggle to find happiness within it.


--------------------
"A single lifetime in this density can accomplish a refinement of Will that might take far longer in a realm where the truth is always visible" - Zii, Confederation of Planets, GFL Station.

"You will then have national and global contact around 2026." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020

PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS (PDF Download) - 312 pages! | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms:shroomeryhead:Canned Computer Duster SAB Tek πŸ‘¨β€πŸ”¬ | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits | R.I.P. Big Worm :tombstone: || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. 🌎🌍🌏                                                         
:sunny::bliss::mushroom2: Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise :mushroom2::bliss::sunny: :rainbowdrink: Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek :rainbowdrink: | πŸ’§ Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method πŸ’§ | :cacti::bongload: Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! :shpongle:Shpongle:shpongle:   

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