yogabunny said:

so women can't enjoy sex unless they're damaged goods, and if they do have a healthy sex drive they are cheaters?

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Keru said:

It's obviously not a cut-and-dry Freudian case where freely enjoying your body with another person means you must have a problem. Certainly not. But I'm curious to hear of stories where this was true.

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timsmith777 said:

wow this sounds like my wife im divorcing. huge sex drive seemed strong and independent but turns out she has sooooo much damage from abandonment issues and blames everything on me when yeah i have my fuck ups but it was her and her issues she refuses to realize and fix that broke us.

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yogabunny said:

so women can't enjoy sex unless they're damaged goods, and if they do have a healthy sex drive they are cheaters?

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    That's not what I said at all, unless by "enjoy sex" you mean "fuck as many guys as possible," and by "healthy sex drive" you mean "sex addiction."
My point was that the women I've personally known, dated, or fucked who espouse a truly free-love-for-all, casual-sex-is-fine hippy/boho/libertine sexuality that a lot of men fantasize of finding in a woman all have ended up having been sexually molested/emotionally abused as children and or are suffering from a personality disorder, and I've seen them do it to me as well as many friends, and those girls will always cheat.  Whether you think that is bad or good is not my concern, I tend not to judge cheating as harshly as most.   
    OP wanted stories, so here goes.  In college, I had an open relationship with a girl because she went off to a different school.  No biggie, I hooked up with a few girls, I thought she would meet a few guys, whatever.  It ended because she ended up fucking 30 guys in a semester and got the clap.  Luckily, she got tested before she came back home, or else I would have gotten it, or who knows, maybe even something worse.  I had agreed that we could have sex with other people, but honestly her behavior was in my opinion excessive and past the point of "enjoying her sexuality" and into the realm of self-destructive, pathological behavior.  She was sexually molested by her father.  On the plus side, she definitely had the most powerful sex drive of any woman I've ever dated. 
    I have a cousin, who, love her to death, but she is the poster child of the OP's post, and as we are both friends and family, I hear more than I'd like to about the drama she has by constantly having 3 boyfriends and a slew of lovers.  I'm not sure exactly what her deal is, but she has major daddy issues from my uncle being a major deadbeat and I'm pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder.  She reads a lot of Henry Miller and Milan Kundera and uses their libertine views on sexuality to justify some mind-mindbogglingly self destructive behaviors and poor relationship patterns.  She thinks she's liberated, but I see her suffering and say "liberated from what?"       
    Those are just two of the most salient anecdotes, I have plenty more but I'll leave it at that.  Having sex with a wide variety of partners is simply not normal female behavior, it's been bred into us by eons of evolution and is basic anthropology.  Look at the differences between the lesbian community and the gay community: some of the most monogamous, committed relationships in the world are lesbian ones, while the gay community exploded into one big orgy until the AIDS epidemic.  Men are programmed to fuck whatever will let them because that favors the spread of their genes, while women are programmed to be more choosy because they bear the burden of child rearing and they need to make every child count to pass on their genes, it's simple biology. 
    I'm not saying there are no women out there who are well adjusted people who had wonderful childhoods and just happen to believe in free love and sexual liberation, but if there are I have yet to meet one.  I'd love to, really, I'd like to believe that unicorns exist, but it just doesn't work that way. 
    Don't take my tone as hating on women.  Men are the sluts, naturally.  Women aren't as much so.  If a women really thinks about sex on par with the average man, she is an aberration and there is a 99% chance that there is something wrong with her, whether it's hormonal or psychological. 

Quote:

It ended because she ended up fucking 30 guys in a semester and got the clap.

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I so read this in the voice of Samuel Jackson from Django.

Keru said:

The modern, "emancipated woman" is heralded as equally capable of enjoying her vivacious sexuality as much as the next guy. But do any of you have personal anecdotes about experiences with women who had remarkable sex drives, yet were also paired with emotional problems or relational problems - like infidelity? On the far end of the spectrum, an excessive "need to please" can be indicative of low self-esteem, just as a tendency to rush into sex or turn every encounter into a physical situation is often indicative of childhood sexual abuse. As one extreme example of such a scenario, I once dated a girl with an insatiable sexual appetite who gradually turned out to fill both categories: she embodied the cheater infidelity, and later admitted to molestation by her father.

It's obviously not a cut-and-dry Freudian case where freely enjoying your body with another person means you must have a problem. Certainly not. But I'm curious to hear of stories where this was true.

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migraineur said:

Sexual promiscuity is also a symptom of bi polar disorder, along with excessive risk taking and a lack of empathy. Not good traits for a partner if you want someone who's going to be monogamous.

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Bipolars are lots of fun... and not so much fun.

My brother had to learn that the hard way: got punched straight in the face then she jumped of the balcony from the second floor (so you go up two stairs) naked.

yogabunny said:

what speaks to me most about this thread is the common theme of sexual molestation and emotional/physical abuse as a catalyst for these issues.  it is so sad to me that so many people have to go through these traumatic experiences and everything that goes along with them.  and the ones doing the abusing were probably abused themselves, it's a vicious cycle.

with that, i should probably extract myself from this discussion as my personal experiences prohibit me from speaking rationally on the subject.

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In fairness to the OP, they did state at the end of their post that it isn't black and white. Obviously there are people who have neither a history of sexual abuse, nor a tendency to cheat - and they still have a high sex drive. I think they were seeing if there was some kind of correlation to it in some cases.

I can't really comment on everything that was laid out in the OP, but I disagree with the part where they stated some women with low self esteem have a high sex drive because they feel the need to please their partner. IMO, they are usually too nervous and shy to take that approach to a relationship. My partner is going through depression at the moment and there are some self esteem issues that have been affecting her because of it. Her libido took a plunge because of it. After resisting the suggestions of the doctor for a while, she has recently started a low-dosage anti-depressant and I've noticed big improvements; especially over the last couple weeks. The bubbly personality I fell in love with is coming back and the sex is becoming more frequent