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Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...!
    #26001733 -

So to start off, I’d just come out of an abusive relationship. Mania hit, I couldn’t get enough, appetite was insatiable. I had a notion to create an empire - best idea I’d ever had, why hadn’t I thought of it before...

I fucked around a fair bit before deciding to sell myself. I was hot back then, charged extortionate amounts. The impulse to spend money came hand in hand with the urge to fuck! I made videos which are probably, still to this day, available to all on porn sites, my dad and son included.

I just wanna get this off my chest anonymously. Made the mistake of telling some people so everyone who knows me knows, bar immediate family.! Was afraid to leave the house for years after. I’m afraid to build a relationship with someone cause of the fear of having to discuss my sexual partners. Been celibate for 5 years. The hypersexuality comes and goes, I can’t manage it myself. I sometimes have spontaneous orgasms whilst I’m sitting there watching tv!

I just want to move on but I’m stuck in the past.

Help me...

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26001772 -

Not to make light of your situation but, I'd watch more tv if that happened to me :wink:

Reduce and/or eliminate high risk sexual behavior. If you do indulge your urges stay safe. Maybe consider an SSRI if you don't want to be a victim of your sex drive-- they knock the shit out of libido...


--------------------
"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante


:kratom:

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: pslyke] * 1
    #26001827 -

It was something inadequate on tv it’s all in my head. When I say I was watching tv I mean I was more lost in my thoughts whilst gazing at the tv :lol. I also meant to say that I Can cope with the urges.

I have gone to the extreme to eliminate that type of behavoiur - been single and celibate for five years now. I believe I’m being too harsh on myself I just got into this habit and I don’t know what to do about it. When anyone becomes sexually suggestive towards me I become totally frigid! Repulsed...

I’ve heard it all in terms of excuses for seeking me out. Perhaps another reason why I can’t bear thought of commitment.


Whoops almost added signature :lol:

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26001955 -

Anonymous #1 said:
When anyone becomes sexually suggestive towards me I become totally frigid! Repulsed...

I’ve heard it all in terms of excuses for seeking me out. Perhaps another reason why I can’t bear thought of commitment.





What do you mean by excuses for seeking you out?

If it was me I would be more bothered about any expressed frigidity considering the strangers of the past. Any guy who can accept that past probably wouldn't be happy about restraint now.  And since the vids are out he will have to know, most guys would be shocked and disgusted to find vids of their partner online if they weren't already discussed between the two of you.

Some things to consider.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: High Night Expanse] * 1
    #26001981 -

The soundest piece of information I’ve heard! And yeah meeting people in work when they second glance at me I automatically assume they’ve seen me. Couldn’t possibly be cause they might find me attractive. The paranoia is another issue to contend with.

It’s gonna take some soul to accept my past!

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26002029 -

Anonymous #1 said:
The soundest piece of information I’ve heard! And yeah meeting people in work when they second glance at me I automatically assume they’ve seen me. Couldn’t possibly be cause they might find me attractive. The paranoia is another issue to contend with.

It’s gonna take some soul to accept my past!


plenty of "energy aware" guys have that strong soul. Those same ones will value loyalty and honesty above all, the information can lead to insecurity if they suspect deceit, white lies or general withholding when openness would be acceptable.
Don't assume he wont be able to handle something.


but then again be very careful, some people will try to hurt you once you open up and that would be very bad for ones self esteem, and bad for the next guy who is actually the real deal.

consider carefully a truly compassionate person.


however It seems women arent usually attracted to that characteristic, often unaware it is the healthier choice.  couples TV court shows come to mind.


Putting it in gender perspective itd be the same as one of those "energy aware" guys being attracted to a tatted up possible prostitue when thats probably not where they are most likely to find loyalty or honesty.


human beings, quite the mix of base attractions and higher perspectives.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: High Night Expanse] * 3
    #26002073 -

You have to cultivate the virtues and qualities you seek in a mate within yourself.

Such as loyalty and honesty and what that means.

Regarding hypersexuality, that's habitual with any addiction. There's a psychological dependance on something, maybe it's helpful to separate in the mind between needs and wants.


You could attempt to picture or think of something atrocious to turn off sexual energy and urges, as a quick fix. Not necessarily a long term solution of course.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26002574 -

Damn that's an intense story. Orgasms while doing nothing? Whoa.

Ive heard of some women who have this hyper-sexuality. Its not uncommon. Just got to move on and find peace in yourself and let the past be the past.

I have a low sexual impulse but the urge's still cycle around thou. Sexuality is weird like that.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: TopCat52]
    #26003147 -

TopCat52 said:
You have to cultivate the virtues and qualities you seek in a mate within yourself.

Such as loyalty and honesty and what that means.



I disagree here.  Loyal honest caring persons attract dishonest hurtful persons all the time.

OP if you dont have the qualities you are looking for, dont worry you can gain much by spending time with someone better than yourself.

Whether thats a boyfriend or simply a friend you can learn honesty and they can learn deciet. Its a very fun mix, just be careful not to hurt them, its a fun mix that doesnt work without loyalty.

Where one learns loyalty, thats up in the air.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: High Night Expanse]
    #26003236 -

High Night Expanse said:
TopCat52 said:
You have to cultivate the virtues and qualities you seek in a mate within yourself.

Such as loyalty and honesty and what that means.



I disagree here.  Loyal honest caring persons attract dishonest hurtful persons all the time.

OP if you dont have the qualities you are looking for, dont worry you can gain much by spending time with someone better than yourself.

Whether thats a boyfriend or simply a friend you can learn honesty and they can learn deciet. Its a very fun mix, just be careful not to hurt them, its a fun mix that doesnt work without loyalty.

Where one learns loyalty, thats up in the air.


Mate you misunderstood what I mean.

Loyalty and honesty to others begin within oneself.

Western Conditioning is focused on outward giving, and we forget to nourish ourselves with that same love, compassion, etc. we give to others, and on to ourselves.


Of course there's still going to be deceitful people, but is it fair to be a deceitful person also?

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26004593 -

I would also like to add that Ive re-discovered the healing power of shrooms, especially fresh shrooms. Its really theraputic and can help you break free from your dark, out-of-control past and give yourself a new outlook on your life.

Mindful meditation and Fresh Shroom Therapy will do wonders for ya. I believe it.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26005149 -

Anonymous #1 said:
So to start off, I’d just come out of an abusive relationship. Mania hit, I couldn’t get enough, appetite was insatiable. I had a notion to create an empire - best idea I’d ever had, why hadn’t I thought of it before...

I fucked around a fair bit before deciding to sell myself. I was hot back then, charged extortionate amounts. The impulse to spend money came hand in hand with the urge to fuck! I made videos which are probably, still to this day, available to all on porn sites, my dad and son included.

I just wanna get this off my chest anonymously. Made the mistake of telling some people so everyone who knows me knows, bar immediate family.! Was afraid to leave the house for years after. I’m afraid to build a relationship with someone cause of the fear of having to discuss my sexual partners. Been celibate for 5 years. The hypersexuality comes and goes, I can’t manage it myself. I sometimes have spontaneous orgasms whilst I’m sitting there watching tv!

I just want to move on but I’m stuck in the past.

Help me...



How many clients did you have?


--------------------
  we could all use a little more sunshine.

:shrug: yeah, she's funny and somewhat interesting.  not a beauty queen, but not bad lookin.  i'd feel quite honored to fuck janine garofalo. -tiny_rabid_birds

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #26012803 -

LogicaL Chaos said:
Damn that's an intense story. Orgasms while doing nothing? Whoa.

Ive heard of some women who have this hyper-sexuality. Its not uncommon. Just got to move on and find peace in yourself and let the past be the past.

I have a low sexual impulse but the urge's still cycle around thou. Sexuality is weird like that.



Not doing nothing exactly I’m thinking of nothing but. Not spontaneous as such just through thought alone with no stimulation visual or otherwise. It’s only happened three times. Regarding low impulse that’s me too most of the time. I dunno it’s a weird on alright.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Cannabischarlie]
    #26012814 -

Cannabischarlie said:
How many clients did you have?


Not that many considering  around 10 or so.  I was only at it for a few of months. Had I answered the phone to all the calls it would’ve been in the hundreds.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26012824 -

Thank you all for your replies. I agree honesty is the best policy but how does one drop it into conversation so early in a relationship. I know there’s guys out there who will accept me for who I am but that may take some time. I’m clean of any disease thank goodness. I probably need to talk to a counselor about those repulsive feeling towards men that show interest in me. 

Anyway I’m in no rush to settle down the right one will come along eventually I suppose I’ll worry about it when the time comes.
Thanks again was tempted to delete the thread took ages to read the replies! Thank you thank you thank you!

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26013165 -

Im glad u got something out of this thread. Its always disappointing when the OP gets deleted.

As for your new repulsiveness to men....thats a tough one. Therapy would be a goos idea. Or just being "sexually sober" is also a good idea, so u can find a balance in your hyper-sexuality and not let it control your life.

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #26013982 -

Focus on forgiving yourself and forgiving others for any percieved harm they may have done.

I would avoid dramatizing or glamorizing any of the past.
Really it's not helpful for anyone to be living in the past, even if someone were successful at something (career, hobbies, relationships, etc.), of course it's good to have time to appreciate the good memories, but hey maybe that's why they're not successful today. (Or they like telling cool stories to pass down to the young when they're old) Same idea, shit happens, trauma, bad decisions, you gotta take control of whats now, and now , and now.

Being able to forgive is probably one of the hardest things to do, but there's no rush or irrational ignorance to any offense, harm, or hurt taken place. It's acknowledging of anything that has happened, and responding appropriately to it in the present, which often is just letting go.
Of course with any self development, areas in life one intends to improve, it's one step at a time.

The issue that may arise if you open yourself up to someone, they may use your personal life against you, or hold it against you.. or accept it. But I think if you hid it from a partner for a long period of time, they may have a reaction to it, or feel bad or not pleased you hid it for long. sympathy and pity come in.
and the shame of hiding it can make rejection worse for you, in case it may happen.


Sharing anonymously for help is a step forward in taking a load off your shoulders.

There's tools of meditation practices, and content online to learn from. Just my thoughts, the second part (speaking hypothetically regarding a potential partner in a healthy relationship) may not be applicable to you, but the notion of forgiveness applies to many that need to apply it, everyone in everyday life, whether the situation is similar to yours or not at all.
You mentioned talking to a counselor, which is a good way to go.

Best of luck, take care.

Edited by TopCat52 (05/26/19 12:39 PM)

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26015881 -

Anonymous #1 said:
LogicaL Chaos said:
Damn that's an intense story. Orgasms while doing nothing? Whoa.

Ive heard of some women who have this hyper-sexuality. Its not uncommon. Just got to move on and find peace in yourself and let the past be the past.

I have a low sexual impulse but the urge's still cycle around thou. Sexuality is weird like that.



Not doing nothing exactly I’m thinking of nothing but. Not spontaneous as such just through thought alone with no stimulation visual or otherwise. It’s only happened three times. Regarding low impulse that’s me too most of the time. I dunno it’s a weird on alright.


People are telling you its habit but this is indicating that this is actually the way your brain is wired. Either psychologically or physiologically and I imagine it was like this before you indulged in any habits.

And it was possibly triggered by or exasperated by abuse.
This is not uncommon. You are not alone in this. This is how people's brains tend to work. It may even be an extreme of how the brain is designed to work.
Most compulsive disorders and addiction stem from attempting to cope with a traumatic or emotionally scarring situation.

Anonymous #1 said:
Thank you all for your replies. I agree honesty is the best policy but how does one drop it into conversation so early in a relationship. I know there’s guys out there who will accept me for who I am but that may take some time. I’m clean of any disease thank goodness. I probably need to talk to a counselor about those repulsive feeling towards men that show interest in me. 

Anyway I’m in no rush to settle down the right one will come along eventually I suppose I’ll worry about it when the time comes.
Thanks again was tempted to delete the thread took ages to read the replies! Thank you thank you thank you!


As for this... I usually tell prospective partners about the shitty things I'd done in the past while we're on the topic of other serious things about our past.
That being said... I don't really date. All my partners or potential partners were friends before they were more. So we can discuss these things as friends. And if it bothers them we can stay friends. How they take it usually determines how close of friends we can be.

Which is important for me to know.

That being said selling your body doesn't realistically compare to the level of genuinely horrible of what I've done. What amounts to selling your soul. I hurt people. Seriously and intentionally. But then... I can understand why you would be worried. Men are really weird and tend to be irrationally sensitive about this stuff. I can see men responding better to "I threw people in front of buses" than to "I slept with several people for money." Even though when we think about it rationally it doesn't really differ from drug use. Using and hurting yourself is much less despicable, much more sympathetic, than, say someone who deals and laces all their drugs with something designed to hurt people. But for whatever reason men are still culturally trained to respond negatively to female sexuality if it isn't female sexuality directed to then. Or somehow possibly be perceived as to be fore them somehow.



Can't tell you much there but would you want a man who accepts you for who you are and who you have been or would you want a man you would have to hide yourself from?
There's certainly some out there. Certainly some that would understand that what you did to yourself was bad (not bad as in 'shame' but bad as in damaging) but it's really just an obstacle you've had to overcome and it doesn't make you a bad person. There are men out there that would understand that you are a human being. Understand what a human being is and would have already confronted the bias beamed into them by our society at a young age.



It helps that you clearly have a disorder that isn't sheer impulsiveness. I would highly suggest you at least go get talk to some professionals and get a diagnosis so you can understand yourself better and cope with your own mind a little better.
And making those connections will help you cope in the future. If it ever overwhelms you you can schedule another appointment with a specialist who already knows you and your situation and they can either help talk you through it or help you consider medication.


But the first thing you have to do is stop worrying so much.
This is about your mental health. You need to take care of it in order to be happy and in order to be a partner to anyone. Everyone else right now can fuck off. Whether they may actually judge you or not. I'm not saying isolate yourself, I'm saying stop worrying about what they think. Because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. Not even the littlest tiniest bit.





I will follow up with TopCat's suggestions are good to implement as well. I would suggest starting with guided meditation if you do try. Meditation is a lot like psychedelics, if you're inexperienced you can easily go down a road you don't want to (though with less serious side effects.) There's tons of good guided meditation videos on YouTube and you may want to start straight and simple, getting your vibrations and auras and chakras straight. That is, getting yourself aligned with yourself.
Doesn't really matter if you believe in that stuff. That stuff was invented as it was because human beings respond strongly to symbolism on a subconscious level. All of those are symbolic of elements of ourselves and the whole idea is to get ourselves in line with ourselves. To get our mind straight in a more thorough way than people in the west normally do.
From there (or perhaps first, whichever calls to you) you can start to get into mindfulness. And that will probably help you deal with the hypersexuality itself. The stray thoughts and the intense urges. Once you learn mindfulness it will be easier to redirect your mind.


But please please do not take any of this as a supplement for talking to a professional.
You need to talk to someone about this. Because you need to hear it come out and you need to practice how you might want to say it. And getting an external perspective, even if you don't like and disagree with it, is invaluable for getting everything straight in your head. Getting your own perspective into perspective, so to speak.



Even if it's just a Skype session with an online counselor. It would be better than nothing. And if they're good at their job (not always a guarantee, much less online) they will mention whether they think you would greatly benefit from additional therapy practices and/or medication.
Don't feel like they'll force you to do either. You can refuse. But you should seriously consider whatever they suggest. Feel free to come back and talk it out here if and when that happens.

Again saying things out loud and getting the perspective of others is invaluable.

And I'm glad you gathered the courage to talk about it here.


I will end my novel here. I sincerely do hope you find the help you need and find yourself in a more comfortable place soon.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #26016069 -

Another note, forgiveness tends to be a very emotional process, men or women.

Engaging in celibacy isn't bad when it's engaged with a level of maturity, it increases authenticity within relationships. Though forced celibacy, i.e. with catholic priests, I've heard causes deviants and so forth...

My last post was a bit long, if it's a lot to read, really the key point I was saying was Forgiveness which can be heavy and life-long, and if it's difficult to do, sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for not being able to forgive, which is good enough too. We come to awareness of how we might have hurt others in ways we did not know of before too, how others might of, and perceptions that we thought they have.

The solutions of problems tend to be simple, but not easy to do.
You're on the right direction, I don't like saying more than I need to or anything unnecessary with subjective opinions, though I agree with Cookie Crumbs post above.

(Guilt tripping or beating ourselves up for being a bad person isn't necessary. Anger and destructive emotions go away when we have yet to forgive. Forgiveness isn't about them, it's about your own relationship to the past.)

Edited by TopCat52 (05/27/19 02:22 PM)

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Re: Hypersexuality lead me to prostitution. I’m now celibate...! [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26017220 -

Anonymous #1 said:
It was something inadequate on tv it’s all in my head. When I say I was watching tv I mean I was more lost in my thoughts whilst gazing at the tv :lol. I also meant to say that I Can cope with the urges.

I have gone to the extreme to eliminate that type of behavoiur - been single and celibate for five years now. I believe I’m being too harsh on myself I just got into this habit and I don’t know what to do about it. When anyone becomes sexually suggestive towards me I become totally frigid! Repulsed...

I’ve heard it all in terms of excuses for seeking me out. Perhaps another reason why I can’t bear thought of commitment.

Q
Whoops almost added signature :lol:


So basically, you're celibate now because of the shame over previous exploits? I've always been a highly sexual person myself, but I've also gone 3 years celibate after an abusive relationship myself. I was still highly sexual in self exploration and was even teaching workshops on yoni eggs and women's sexuality at the time - & got super into hula hooping.

I highly recommend working with a therapist. Specifically one that deals w sexual issues. I did that, & also took a course on healthy relationships + boundaries. I slowly started dating & eventually found a man who I have AMAZING chemistry with. Dry spell over for good now, & I'm more satisfied sexually than ever. 

There should be no shame over your past. Just compassion. People are always changing & evolving and things coulda been so much worse. Be proud for getting out of that lifestyle and move on to the next stage of your life. Wishing you all the best.

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