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North Spore Shop: Bulk Substrate, Injection Grain Bag, North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies

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My life doesn't suck, but I'm just lost.
    #25918468 -

Hey guys, I'm feeling pretty lost right now and don't know how to fix it. I'm No matter how hard I try to find a job it never seems to work out for me. I am 2 years off the heroin, I was injecting it daily and I really wished I could go back to those days because I was "happy." I know it was a fake happy from the Heroin but, that's a lot better than the miserable happy I am. I feel like a dry addict not a sober one. Everyday I get up it's the first thing I think of and I'd really like to go back sometimes. Other times I don't because Heroin is what got me in this position in the first place. I can't get a job because they run my record and always decide to not give me the job for whatever reason. All of my friends left me, and I am not trying to get your guys' pity I just have no where else to turn. If you need proof of that the take a look at where you're reading this and that should be proof enough. Nothing against this website it's just not anyone's first choice to open up on. I've thought of ending it before but have family that doesn't deserve that so I could never do that. Some days I just feel like shutting down and not even move because how fucked I feel. I'm really lost and just don't know what to do at this point and was wondering if this is normal for EX Heroin addicts or am I just doomed to be a fuck up the rest of my life?

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Re: My life doesn't suck, but I'm just lost. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25918488 -

I feel for you bro. But maybe you just need to kick yourself in the balls? What I mean is a complete reassessment of the way you have been living in the past? As far as your record goes, we all have done things in the past we are not proud of I was a total asshole at one time in my lifem, and even though I turned things around, I'm STILL kicking myself in the balls about it (at times). But one must move on.

I'm not a shrink, but I would advise you to explore different avenues that interest you. I don't mean to be vague, so I will tell you my own story (REAL quick!). All the old so called 'friends I used to run around with are either 1) dead, 2) in prison/jail, 3) miserable because they never pulled their heads out of their own asses. MAN UP!
I say this because I realized that I was just sick and tired of being part of a crowd while sacrificing my own free will to a lost cause. I said 'fuck you and fuck the horse you rode into town on', starte4d listening to my own thoughts and desires and although it wasn't ez, and I fucked upu again, I kept pushing onward and things eventually worked out in the end.

Change your habits friend -the old ones got you to where you are now, and that is not where you want to be. If I had a magic wand to wave over your head to fix things I would do it, but the way the world works is that you gotta do that for yourself. Other people have been where you are now and got through it, so why not you? I'm not by any means judging you amigo, I really do want the best fir you. I hope in some way this has helped at least a bit. Good luck.

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Re: My life doesn't suck, but I'm just lost. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25918494 -

Dunno quite what to say but I'll stick my nose in, as an ex heroin addict.

I'm not familiar with how having a criminal record works but I know someone who works at worksource, she runs a program there specifically for helping ex convicts get work. When I went to check out a potential job at worksource like half the room of people there seemed to be ex convicts.

You put one foot in front of the other and you'll look back 2 years from now and realize you're suddenly on top of a mountain. Babysteps, just get through each individual day and try to be productive with it.

Turn to your dreams for answers, you've probably had dreams hinting at the answers to your problems several times already, start writing them down and interpreting them. Do you have any recurring dreams? the recurrence of a dream is a big indicator of an unsolved problem

turn to eastern thought. I've had a simple buddhist/lao tzu meme give my outlook a complete 180 several times now. "If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place."

You're not doomed to be a fuckup, the junk sticks with you a good while but then you're free. The mere fact that you're clean and trying to make a life for yourself is huge.

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Re: My life doesn't suck, but I'm just lost. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #25918518 -

Yeah I agree man. Put one foot in front of the other. I was on opiates, heroin, methadone, for almost 20 years and it took me 6 years to begin feeling completely normal. I would suggest finding a good church of any kind whether you believe in God or not. They are good places to meet people that can help you back on your feet. I met a guy at church who took me in and let me work on his farm, now I manage his farm and all the people who work there. Just show people your serious about staying clean and making a better life for yourself. I also understand the record because I'm a 2 strike felon, and couldn't get a job anywhere. I hope the best for you and whatever happens don't go back to the heroin

Edited by Anonymous (04/05/19 09:58 PM)

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Re: My life doesn't suck, but I'm just lost. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #25919688 -

Ok, thanks for the input guys. I know part of it is I'm being a pussy and I'm afraid of putting myself out there again. I have thought about a church before and just haven't gone. I don't believe in god in the traditional sense and I am afraid I will offend them if I open my mouth. You guys have really given me some good advice and I will try and build upon it to turn things around. I am in a somewhat supportive environment which helps. I think I will walk up to the church in my neighborhood and see if they have any volunteer programs I can maybe try and help out at. To be completely honest though, I am terrified to give life another go.

As for the dreams, you saying that is a trip. I dream about my old job more times than I can count and I always feel happy in my dreams that I got it back.  I've tried getting it back though and they didn't want me back because of the way I left. One of the best parts of my day is when I go to bed because I get to be in my dreams. I just quit showing up because that's when I started getting into drugs. I also dream about some strange stuff like Joe Biden going on a killing spree in a library and I'm trying to hide from him by imaging a box around myself.

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Re: My life doesn't suck, but I'm just lost. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25919965 -

That was a big theme in my own dreams several months ago, people trying to kill me while I'm trying to hide in a tiny room/box.

I'm only maybe an intermediate level dream interpreter, take anything anybody says about dream interpretation with a grain of salt; but dreams about either you or other dream characters being killed are usually indicative that some aspect of yourself needs to be done away with. Did you happen to notice any details about the other people who actually got killed? Like what they might have represented.

I don't know what joe biden might symbolize to you personally, but the fact that a presumably benevolent person is trying to kill you in a library (a place of learning/self improvement you might say) and you're trying to hide inside a box seems to fit what you're telling us quite well. You're afraid of life, hiding in a box, but the "you" that is afraid of life needs to die, so the speak. if that makes sense

Also somewhat noteworthy that in your dream the box is imagined/all in your head. But I'm probably just pointing out the obvious. I love how meaningful seemingly silly dreams like that can be :grin:

I also used to dream about my old job more than anything else but never did interpret that one so I won't bore you with guesswork. :strokebeard: All I can say is maybe you shouldn't take the dream too literally, maybe its not trying to suggest you actually get the same job again.

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