I feel for you bro. But maybe you just need to kick yourself in the balls? What I mean is a complete reassessment of the way you have been living in the past? As far as your record goes, we all have done things in the past we are not proud of I was a total asshole at one time in my lifem, and even though I turned things around, I'm STILL kicking myself in the balls about it (at times). But one must move on.
I'm not a shrink, but I would advise you to explore different avenues that interest you. I don't mean to be vague, so I will tell you my own story (REAL quick!). All the old so called 'friends I used to run around with are either 1) dead, 2) in prison/jail, 3) miserable because they never pulled their heads out of their own asses. MAN UP!
I say this because I realized that I was just sick and tired of being part of a crowd while sacrificing my own free will to a lost cause. I said 'fuck you and fuck the horse you rode into town on', starte4d listening to my own thoughts and desires and although it wasn't ez, and I fucked upu again, I kept pushing onward and things eventually worked out in the end.
Change your habits friend -the old ones got you to where you are now, and that is not where you want to be. If I had a magic wand to wave over your head to fix things I would do it, but the way the world works is that you gotta do that for yourself. Other people have been where you are now and got through it, so why not you? I'm not by any means judging you amigo, I really do want the best fir you. I hope in some way this has helped at least a bit. Good luck.
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All I can say is maybe you shouldn't take the dream too literally, maybe its not trying to suggest you actually get the same job again.
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