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I got a problem.
    #25245111 -

I ran out of vodka tonight.  I was gonna not drink for a while after it was gone. But I lasted like a hour. Was sitting here bored as shit and couldn’t even distract myself with tv. I got really depressed and my thoughts got really deep. I don’t think I comprehend how far I’m dragging myself into a huge problem by continuing to drink. I was going to just smoke a little bit of pot as a substitute but I’d just be trading one feeling for another and I always get paranoid about getting drug tested at work after I smoke a good enough amount of weed that I know I won’t be able to get it out of my system quickly.    Boredom is my biggest trigger. I swear.  If I have nothing to hold my attention and interest and I don’t feel good. I’m always going to atleast think of drugs. Period.  I thought about spending the $20 I spent on a half gal at a bar, just getting a couple beers and some food but I’m a cheap bastard and couldn’t let myself buy overpriced shit to avoid buying a week or two worth of vodka. I probably would of just ended up buying it anyways.  Idk wtf to do. This is the first time I’ve actually gotten so depressed when I tried to stop. I’m hoping it was a one time deal and partly just because I’m bored and have nothing to do.    I have a few days off work and I wanted them pretty bad but now I just want to avoid as much time off as possible. I just get myself in fuckin trouble. And that is a harmful way to think and live all in itself. If I can’t have free time because I can’t spend it doing healthy shit to the point I just want to live at work then my life isn’t even gonna be worth working for. 

Sometimes I just feel like if there’s good and evil and if there’s a devil that the devil is literally constantly luring and cohercing me towards the evil or dark side of things. And deep down I feel more comfortable there. I mean I almost really do believe this is how it works in atleast a metaphorical sense. When I feel like I’m on the good side of shit I can’t imagine harming my body or covering up emotions and I understand the cost of doing so. But when I’m on the dark end of shit I almost can just laugh and grin at the thought of completely ruining my body and paying that price to not ever have to deal with any of the shit I’m trying not to feel even if it’s just boredom inbetween moments in what is otherwise a pretty alright life.

The fucked up part of all this is I went and bought vodka and I couldn’t imagine my night without it and since I got it I’ve taken one sip. It’s like just knowing I have it is half of what’s making me content.    I need to find some shit to keep myself interested and busy to replace wanting a substance. If I don’t figure it out sooner than later I don’t think shits gonna work out in my favor.


Dunno why I’m posting this here. Don’t have anyone in real life I can talk to about this shit I guess.

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25245134 -

Hey dude I understand how you feel.  Personally and also I've been trying to get my girlfriend to stop drinking.  I think the most important thing to remember is that even if everything seems blah, you just have to focus on trying new things and finding something you like.  Be persistent !  Not everything is going to seem rewarding the moment you do it but when you look back and realize you found a new hobby you enjoy AND that you saved money by not drinking, it will suddenly feel a lot more rewarding.  Also remember that this feeling of boredom and needing to drink is temporary AND ONLY PERSISTS IF YOU KEEP DRINKING!  PM me if you ever need to talk brother I'm in a rough patch myself but I'm not even smoking weed about it which is my 'boredom killer'. Peace and satisfaction my guy, later

Try making some type of art, functional art is easiest to sell!  Drinking glasses , dream catchers, hell just tie dye some shirts!  We are on the shroomery after all


--------------------


theRealrollforever said:
That’s not possible; even with computers

Edited by theRealrollforever (06/02/18 09:49 PM)

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #25245143 -

Maybe hit some AA meetings. I personally didn't much like NA or AA, but going to a few meetings is a good way to at least prove to yourself that you're ready to take the problem seriously.

I wouldnt wish alcoholism on my worst enemy.
I've struggled with opiates and shit but booze seems like a more permanently haunting issue given how culturaly accepted it is.

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: ModestMouse]
    #25245204 -

ModestMouse said:
Maybe hit some AA meetings. I personally didn't much like NA or AA, but going to a few meetings is a good way to at least prove to yourself that you're ready to take the problem seriously.

I wouldnt wish alcoholism on my worst enemy.
I've struggled with opiates and shit but booze seems like a more permanently haunting issue given how culturaly accepted it is.


That’s the only reason I got into it. I feel like I can’t be judged for using it. It’s so accepted when I even tell ppl I have a problem with it around here it’s a joke. If I said I have a problem with weed it’d be more looked down upon.

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25246206 -

i see a lot of myself in your post, when i used to have time off it was like i was trying too hard to force a good time to the point of self destruction with alcohol, come into work after days off feeling even worse due to drinking the entire time i wasn't working only to start it all over again.

sort yourself and the reasons you drink out, it isn't nice or fun to face your demons but the drinking only gets worse until that monkey on your back finally gets thrown off.


--------------------

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: ReposadoXochipilli]
    #25246308 -

Ugh just talking about alcohol makes me want to throw up :/ got drunk last night(i have no tolerance as I very rarely drink at all) but yeah, friends had more friends over which one of our old friends is now a stripper which made the night hella interesting.....but yeah fuck alcohol it makes my head hurt.


--------------------
High as hell and low as heaven will go.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25246323 -

Having a problem with this or that seems to be a pretty consistent thing for you. Ever wonder why?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25246396 -

You need to change your life man. Nothing brings you joy at the moment.

Why are you doing what you do? Whats keeping you from moving to the other side of the country? Go travel around for a year.


Also you need to get over yourself. You are worthless, nothing you do has any meaning whatsoever. Embrace nihilism and let it set you free. You cant keep waiting for the world to change, it you who needs to change.

Be in control man. You only have one go at this (life). If you want to waste it doing shit you hate at least make a conscious decision and own it.

:nyan:


--------------------
Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros...

A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.


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Re: I got a problem. [Re: Tripsurfer]
    #25246425 -

Tripsurfer said:
You only have one go at this (life).


Nah man


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25246639 -

Tripsurfer said:
You need to change your life man. Nothing brings you joy at the moment.

Why are you doing what you do? Whats keeping you from moving to the other side of the country? Go travel around for a year.


Also you need to get over yourself. You are worthless, nothing you do has any meaning whatsoever. Embrace nihilism and let it set you free. You cant keep waiting for the world to change, it you who needs to change.

Be in control man. You only have one go at this (life). If you want to waste it doing shit you hate at least make a conscious decision and own it.

:nyan:


Im doing what i do (i assume you mean my work?) because its an opportunity i took which is helping me get by right now. Simple as that. Its not ideal but i try to make the best of it.

Money and school are two immediate reasons i cant just go travel. And i wouldnt go travel even if i could unless i felt comfortable enough in life to just take a few months or a year off.

Being in control means realizing what i do does matter so i cant really get on board with the way you see things.  And im not sure what about my post implied that im waiting for the world to change. Clearly its me who needs to change...i thought that was obvious.


Jokeshopbeard said:
Having a problem with this or that seems to be a pretty consistent thing for you. Ever wonder why?


Following me around and trying to half ass insult me in all of my threads seems to be a consistent thing for you. Ever wonder why? 

To acknowledge what you said, for once, i think i clearly stated in my original post why i think im having this problem. But, i dont see the need to open a discussion up about it with someone who is constantly being a passive agressive troll towards me. You obviously dont give a fuck and would just like to give me shit at every turn. What do you honestly think you are going to gain from this type of behavior? More satisfaction when you provoke someone else you dont like on the internet to the point of you being able to ban them?

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25246689 -

I'm actually trying to help by trying to inspire some self-reflection, and you know damn well I've reached out privately to try and make peace with you.

But I think you'd rather keep me as another one of the 'problems' in your life, and if that's the case, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I'm not gonna stop speaking my mind just because you hate yourself though. It's your bag man, and I'll do what I can to try and help but in the end it's all down to you.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25246700 -

NOUS333 said:
I ran out of vodka tonight. 



That is not a problem. Its a solution

get it? :hahthatsrich:


--------------------
Something there is mysteriously formed,
Existing before Heaven and Earth,
Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging,
All-pervading, unfailing,
I do not know its name; I call it tao.
If forced to give it a name, I call it
Great (ta). Being great, it flows out;
Flowing out means far-reaching;
Being far-reaching, it is said to return.

It's just a shot away..

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25246717 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
I'm actually trying to help by trying to inspire some self-reflection, and you know damn well I've reached out privately to try and make peace with you.

But I think you'd rather keep me as another one of the 'problems' in your life, and if that's the case, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I'm not gonna stop speaking my mind just because you hate yourself though. It's your bag man, and I'll do what I can to try and help but in the end it's all down to you.


Lol.  Your trying to help? You want to inspire self reflection? I’m sorry I assumed you were being a condescending smart ass but the way you carry yourself around here you can’t be surprised I did. 

Obviously I’m reflecting on my self pretty hard and am trying to reach out to others to talk about it and reflect even more by making this thread.    And who the hell said I hate myself? Besides you 

Im sorry bro but you and me are just not compatible people. I didn’t ask for your help and neither did all the other people on this site you go around pretending to know. I didn’t respond to your little olive branch peace offering because I didn’t want to tell you this and just escalate shit further and because of your little rank here put myself at risk of being banned for no reason even more than I already am.  I don’t want to make this thread a conflict between us though so I’m gonna ask you to respect that and not escalate it any further.  Appreciate it.

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25246748 -

I'm going through alcohol wd's myself. Sorry to hear it op I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Your mind just races. It's beyond annoying. Shush for a second. I think I maybe slept 2 hours last night. Tossing and turning trying to get comfortable. Been doing this to myself for 6 years after I quit heroin. I'd take heroin wd over alcohol any day. It fucking sucks. But It's cheap and everywhere.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: Enjoywho]
    #25246777 -

you lack conviction. become obsessed with something you can get good at. not drinking or drugs. whats the point of consuming either if there isn't anything consuming your mind? don't be a wasted zombie.

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: mmcc]
    #25246789 -

Enjoywho said:
I'm going through alcohol wd's myself. Sorry to hear it op I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Your mind just races. It's beyond annoying. Shush for a second. I think I maybe slept 2 hours last night. Tossing and turning trying to get comfortable. Been doing this to myself for 6 years after I quit heroin. I'd take heroin wd over alcohol any day. It fucking sucks. But It's cheap and everywhere.


Luckily i dont really have much physical withdrawl tht happens...yet.... i only drink like 3-4 mixed drinks a night with about 2-2.5 shots in each drink. I guess that might be a lot but i know people drink a lot more than that.    Ideally id love to not use anything but on top of stress which i dont think ive ever dealt with in a healthy way. Life is just so boring lately. I really have no excitement and i think doing shit i know i shouldnt is filling that gap.

mmcc said:
you lack conviction. become obsessed with something you can get good at. not drinking or drugs. whats the point of consuming either if there isn't anything consuming your mind? don't be a wasted zombie.


Exactly what i need to do really. Just have no idea what this something might be.

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: mmcc]
    #25246826 -

mmcc said:
you lack conviction. become obsessed with something you can get good at. not drinking or drugs. whats the point of consuming either if there isn't anything consuming your mind? don't be a wasted zombie.


mmcc said:
you lack conviction. become obsessed with something you can get good at. not drinking or drugs. whats the point of consuming either if there isn't anything consuming your mind? don't be a wasted zombie.


Yep. I've quit everything I don't smoke pot. Alcohol is the last thing i need to quit and i'll just be sober. It's hard though. I know I can't keep doing it. Wd's feel like death. Well death would be easier.

To second poster it took me a year plus of daily drinking to break whatever it is in my body that can't handle it. Now I try to have a night out with friends and I'm sick for 4-7 days. Be careful man I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a living nightmare. Your dreams are all nightmares as well. I can't believe the drug is legal.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: ReposadoXochipilli] * 1
    #25246845 -

ReposadoXochipilli said:
i see a lot of myself in your post, when i used to have time off it was like i was trying too hard to force a good time to the point of self destruction with alcohol, come into work after days off feeling even worse due to drinking the entire time i wasn't working only to start it all over again.

sort yourself and the reasons you drink out, it isn't nice or fun to face your demons but the drinking only gets worse until that monkey on your back finally gets thrown off.


93

I aquiesce and concur.  I'm certainly no stranger to the dark and soaking wet night ov the soul and those times ov anhedonic turmoil cloaked in glass.  And the dry well with many coins, striving for nothing more than to feel the liquid burn within its loins.  "Too much blood in my alcohol" as Geff would say, feet dragging on the all too familiar carpet until cut by a bottle shard, only to bottle up and down yet again.  The embrace ov love and being taken back by its current is salvation.  It is neither guaranteed or easy.  The stream ov fire water may etch itself permanently within you, but it does'nt need to flow forever.  Once gone, the timeweaver prepares a desert or a floral bed de-pending the predicament.  Plant seeds.

93 93/93


--------------------

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: ReposadoXochipilli]
    #25246862 -

ReposadoXochipilli said:
i see a lot of myself in your post, when i used to have time off it was like i was trying too hard to force a good time to the point of self destruction with alcohol, come into work after days off feeling even worse due to drinking the entire time i wasn't working only to start it all over again.

sort yourself and the reasons you drink out, it isn't nice or fun to face your demons but the drinking only gets worse until that monkey on your back finally gets thrown off.


Yep I know the struggle is real. Trying to have fun with some friends or anything. Everyone drinks so you have to do it to even hang out. Every time I get paid I get drunk on my days off. Than i'm sick and trying to be a functioning member of society. It's stupid as fuck man.

I used to drink at work consistently. I've stopped that shit though. Just waiting for my money they owe me so i can do everything all over again more or less. Hopefully I don't throw up in the bathroom more than once.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"

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Re: I got a problem. [Re: lavod]
    #25246864 -

lavod said:
ReposadoXochipilli said:
i see a lot of myself in your post, when i used to have time off it was like i was trying too hard to force a good time to the point of self destruction with alcohol, come into work after days off feeling even worse due to drinking the entire time i wasn't working only to start it all over again.

sort yourself and the reasons you drink out, it isn't nice or fun to face your demons but the drinking only gets worse until that monkey on your back finally gets thrown off.


93

I aquiesce and concur.  I'm certainly no stranger to the dark and soaking wet night ov the soul and those times ov anhedonic turmoil cloaked in glass.  And the dry well with many coins, striving for nothing more than to feel the liquid burn within its loins.  "Too much blood in my alcohol" as Geff would say, feet dragging on the all too familiar carpet until cut by a bottle shard, only to bottle up and down yet again.  The embrace ov love and being taken back by its current is salvation.  It is neither guaranteed or easy.  The stream ov fire water may etch itself permanently within you, but it does'nt need to flow forever.  Once gone, the timeweaver prepares a desert or a floral bed de-pending the predicament.  Plant seeds.

93 93/93


Um 

Two things

No fucking idea what you just said

Intrigued by how right i felt while reading it

Is english not your first language or are you the devil himself

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