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Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place
    #25207161 -

Hi,

I've had a childhood beyond the imaginations of most, and long story short I live with a bunch of people with psychotic issues and anger, from a history of violence; physical/emotional/sexual abuse.

I've recently lost a really good job, left a nasty breakup with an abusive person a couple months ago, and my father is diagnosed with sociopath (personality disorder) and is living in a very rich neighborhood on bail for 4 charges whilst portraying himself as a saint, my mom is psychologically damaged after being tormented by him for decades, and also thinks I was born yesterday and walks all over me.

I am a  young adult, turning 19 in less than a week.

I have opted to not kill myself, and instead deciding to grow my own mushroom medicine to help receive transformative insights faster through meditation.

I was living on my own before, but now I am broke and also was made to move back with my mother and take care of her with my hopeless brothers.

Lived with and hung around all kinds of people, from people out of jail, addicts, crazy and the insane (hearing voices, without sleep, objects and furniture talks to them lol...... unfortunetly)

And have spent decades of hours reading philosophy and science and some physics theories, and also I was highly stressed too because along with the job loss I was on some save-the-world-mission with a naive 17 year old in the US and a crazy old computer-programmer in california, really I used him for educational links from which I've learned a lot and blocked him (and along with them have cut out a lot of real-life friends too with baggage)

Any advice on how to survive, how to stay sane????


"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

(and random fyi, I'm a highschool dropout, with no credentials. I was a smart kid that skipped school a lot because of bullying, depression, and how boring it was, now I wake up to fucking bullshit from family still at square one
I'm at zero
)

Edited by TopCat52 (05/16/18 08:19 AM)

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25207178 -

TopCat52 said:
Any advice on how to survive, how to stay sane????


Stop being so judgemental. Your post is absolutely chock full of judgements of others.

That's step one. Step two is to relax.

Step three is to keep on keeping on. Your childhood is not 'beyond the imagination of most'. Childhood is a fucked up time for us all. Culturally, we just don't like to talk about it much is all.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25207189 -

They are observations and facts, few judgements

The sociopath allegation is based on a court-psychologist, and my brother attempted to burn the house down with a container of gasoline
my other brother the other day was raking a dead possum and doing a psychotic monkey laugh

I'm not sure how it's judgements, more or less it's shit that 'normal' people would wtf at

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25207203 -

Quote:
'normal/hopeless/naive/portraying himself as a saint'

'I used him'

'all kinds of people, from people out of jail, addicts, crazy and the insane (hearing voices, without sleep, objects and furniture talks to them lol...... unfortunetly)'


You've got a shitty attitude man. It's OK though, you're nineteen. Most of us do at that stage of our lives.

However you asked for help, and helping you is what I'm trying to do.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25207214 -

and half the shit I've told some people, they would go into denial saying it's not possible, or I'm misperceiving

The chick I was in a relationship with came from a family of sex workers in a crack house (she ended up pregnant, not by me :rolleyes: )

Anyway, I do need to relax. I just woke up on the 'wrong side of the bed'... 

I've hung around with normal people too and not just the fucks up of "society"  ....... shit that's a judgement, hence the quote symbols

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25207229 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
'normal/hopeless/naive/portraying himself as a saint'

'I used him'

'all kinds of people, from people out of jail, addicts, crazy and the insane (hearing voices, without sleep, objects and furniture talks to them lol...... unfortunetly)'


You've got a shitty attitude man. It's OK though, you're nineteen. Most of us do at that stage of our lives.

However you asked for help, and helping you is what I'm trying to do.



Yeah ok, that language is tilted

He is portraying himself as a saint and is playing victim, I know my father

And they are hopeless... just to clarify they ironically place all the judgements on my sisters, me, and my mother. whilst getting a freeride, free food/shelter

And that line about living and hanging around people who hear voices was harsh though
sorry

That's what I'm waiting to do mushrooms for, an attitude adjustment

And I didn't actually just "use the california guy"
In fact, he used me. He promised me a bunch of jack shit, I used him for wikipedia links and computer-programming related resources (which has amounted to nothing so far, I've been his therapist for a year)

I mean my OP just blankets it all but yeah, it's the gist it seems

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25207232 -

TopCat52 said:
and half the shit I've told some people, they would go into denial saying it's not possible, or I'm misperceiving


Lots of other people are judgemental too, and choose to keep their blinders on.

It's OK. Life is all about learning to cope.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25207237 -

and final note, I called that kid naive because, he wasn't respecting my requests for the crazy ex-ski-instructor pc-programmer in california (i've given him money since he lives a homeless lifestyle), and he caused my job loss of a train wreck

And to be quite frank, lots of people view me as Naive initially

LOL

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25207289 -

Change the way you think.  Change your outlook on life and the world.  Move to a new area where you know no one, make new friends.  Let those new friends judge you by your new actions based on that new outlook.  Find people to surround yourself with that make you happy.

FIN.

Until you change the way you choose to see the world, you will always project that broken viewpoint on the world and see things with a shade of black that may not even be there, and even if it is there, you will see only that and never the white.

Part of it is because you are young.  Part of it is because you are inexperienced.  Part of it is because of your upbringing.  All of it is up to you to change.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: mndfreeze]
    #25207296 -

mndfreeze said:
All of it is up to you to change.


Nice. I really like the way you put that.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25208573 -

I think another thing you should understand is you are your father's seed and one way or another you will walk down the same path that he walks down, the question is will you recognize the sociopath inside of you or will you ignore it saying to yourself, i'll never be my parents.

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: paradoxlost]
    #25224238 -

"recognize the sociopath inside of..."

lol... as if I  havent thought that out before of becoming similar to my parents

I just had two trips... mushrooms aren't a replacement for meditation but can aid in introspection

And the whole premise of meditation is eliminating worries and compassion

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25224652 -

TopCat52 said:
And the whole premise of meditation is eliminating worries and compassion


I've been meditating ten years. That's news to me.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25224950 -

https://www.amazon.com/No-Worries-approach-Meditation-actuality/dp/1925590038/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527170376&sr=8-1&keywords=no+worries+secular+western+buddhism

Not sure if sharing a link to a book is allowed

Great book regardless, without any bullshit, dogma, beliefs, myths, and updated with current known neuroscience knowledge


And not talking about you, but there's a lot of people like tibetan buddhist monks, who think they're meditating, and haven't actually meditated once in their lives. Much of buddhism has turned into a institutional business, and the buddha predicted his communication to be corrupted when he died.

It's cliche for people to say they meditate to feel special, especially with serenity music in the background. My friend from a while back told me he meditates. I asked what he does

and he said he lays on his bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of yesterday, and thinking of tomorrow

and debated me endlessly saying how we need to  worry

I think he was just fucking trolling me
and what he's doing is called napping, except maybe with his eyes open? It's required to be a discipline or having consistency for a while

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25224962 -

TopCat52 said:
And not talking about you, but there's a lot of people like tibetan buddhist monks, who think they're meditating, and haven't actually meditated once in their lives.


Trust a nineteen year old to think he knows better, after reading a book, than people who have dedicated their lives to something.

There's a fuckton of misinformation about the practice of meditation out there. Most people have massive misconceptions of what it is, what it involves, how to do it, and the actual point of it.

As it ever was about anything of value in this life.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25224975 -

Why not?

You're judging me based on my age,
and I know the author of the book.

He's dedicated decades of his own life and leads meditation retreats and travels in asia to help people and read various texts from many schools


The Tibetan buddhists being a masquerade is fact.

make your own book, if it's good ill promote it. and the next guy will say the book is not credible because a 19 year old read it :rolleyes:

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25224978 -

and fyi, the author says there is no truth written within the book either, and this isn't a holy book or anything special, it's just one of several he's wrote/working on

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25224994 -

TopCat52 said:
You're judging me based on my age


No, I'm judging you based on the complete lack of maturity in your posts above.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25225001 -

I'm not infallible

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Re: Any Wisdom or suggestions, I live in a fucked up place [Re: TopCat52]
    #25225015 -

Nor is anyone, but the fact that you seem to think you know better is grating.

Probably all the more so because it reminds me of me when I was your age.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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