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Offlineskoomaguitarist
pathetique

Registered: 12/20/03
Posts: 201
Loc: superfailure
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery
    #2201690 - 12/26/03 05:49 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

have any of you ever felt like kicking yourself in the ass, really, really hard? i do all the time. how many times have i made mistakes... simple ones that could have been avoided, if id only thought out and weighed the consequences of my actions? through a little self-reflection, and a little more pain in my life, i was forced to look at myself in a new light. to put it mildy, i am a miserably selfish bastard. while managing to convince myself most of the time that things i do for others, i hardly ever do anything unless i somehow directly benefit from it. i have pushed relationships to the breaking point and beyond. tried friendships, and strained peoples hearts, adding unnecessary drama and tension to their lives, without thinking of the consequences of my actions.  now, since i can finally admit this inherent flaw, i can see deeper inside myself. i am not liking what i am seeing too much now, in case no one could tell. how many others are this way, and cant come to terms? how many times will we ask ourselves "why?", before we can face the facts? how many lives will we have to destroy,how many feelings must we mangle? i am sure this cannot go on forever, and i need help. i regret what i have done to the people i care about... but its at the point now where they will no longer listen to my apologies even... because they are sure i have ulterior motives.

i am seeking some help... if anyone has gone through this and been in the same situation im in, please let me have your thoughts on this, and how you were able to cope

sincerely,

a miserable rat bastard :frown:


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,851
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 4 days, 21 hours
Re: on greif, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: skoomaguitarist]
    #2201714 - 12/26/03 06:35 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Change is most important concept that I know of. Everything changes.

If you are going to continously dwell on who you were in the past, and not let go, then you will never escape. There is nothing you can ever do to change the past, and to continously expend energy bringing it up and suffering over it is pointless. An utter waste.

If you have sat down and reflected on your life, honestly, then you have probably found what it is that you like about yourself and what it is that you hate. The only way to "recover" is to change. It isn't hard to see what it is that you need to change. Most people just find it hard to go about making the change.

Change is gradual. You aren't going to change mental patterns that have existed and had control for years overnight. Well, it is possible, but that requires quite the intense inner work... I think the best thing to do is to keep in mind what it is that you are trying to change, and just make an effort to change. It really isn't harder than that.

You are going to have to draw from some determination, some will power, and you may even have to create it as you go, but if you don't like what you see, the only way to change it is to change. :nut:

The only reason I can think of that people never manage to break free of their troubles like this is because they never let go. They always bring it back up, they always treat it as some unescapable curse. It can be a snap of your fingers thing if you really got yourself to believe that it could be escaped that quickly.
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineFrog
Warrior
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: skoomaguitarist]
    #2201996 - 12/26/03 12:46 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

When I did some shit that didn't go over real well with people, back in my late teens and early 20's, I alienated a lot of people. There would have been no use apologizing because what I had done had been too much and had gone on too long.

I had to live my life better, I had to make changes and start doing things differently. Make better choices. And I did. Eventually, those same people saw that I was consistently making better choices and living my life better, and many of those same people came back into my life.

Except my family. They have always seen me as the black sheep (and still do), and I finally gave up on them accepting me any more. They are a bunch of moralizing Christians. They will help you as long as you live your life according to them.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: skoomaguitarist]
    #2201997 - 12/26/03 12:46 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

but its at the point now where they will no longer listen to my apologies even

Be a shining example of the best you can be and no words will be necessary. Regret and guilt are useless emotions that will keep dragging you back. Commit to small daily changes in the direction that you wish to go and build on that.

Many here will offer you advice, but you are the expert on your own life. DO what you ALREADY know that you should do.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


Edited by Swami (12/26/03 01:59 PM)


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,851
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 4 days, 21 hours
Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: Swami]
    #2202106 - 12/26/03 01:52 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Swami said:
Many here will offer you advice, but you are the expert on your own life. DO what you ALREADY know that you should do.




Explore the past, find out what happened, what you would do differently if you were faced with that situation again, and then fucking forget about the past! :grin:

Just jump right in and live. The moment is where the importance lies. You can't do anything about the past, so fuck it. Live your life right here and now, as you want to live.

Eventually the talk and the thinking will end and you will have to just do it.

Do it, fucker! Fucking do it! Jump! Motherfucking jump!  :eyemouth:

Play that guitar like no one has ever done before.  :thumbup:
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineFrog
Warrior
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2202115 - 12/26/03 01:57 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I agree. You have to forget about the past for the most part, unless you keep making the same mistakes. Usually the mistakes we make are tied into something in our childhood. Understand the basis for making bad choices, and that usually enables one to make better choices.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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Anonymous

Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: Frog]
    #2202185 - 12/26/03 02:55 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

"Maybe it's just the usual late afternoon letdown, but after all I've said about all these things today I just have a feeling that I've somehow talked around the point. Some could ask, "Well, if I get around all these gumption traps, then will I have the thing licked?"

The Answer, of course, is no, you still haven't got anything licked. You've got to live right too. It's the way you live that predisposes you to avoid the traps and see the right facts. You want to know how to paint a perfect painting? It's easy. Make yourself perfect and then just paint naturally. That's the way all the experts do it. The making of a painting or the fixing of a motorcycle isn't separate from the rest of your existence. If you're a sloppy thinker the six days of the week you aren't working on your machine, what trap avoidances, what gimmicks, can make you all of a sudden sharp on the seventh? It all goes together.

But if you're a sloppy thinker six days a week and you really try to be sharp on the seventh, then maybe the next six days aren't going to be quite as sloppy as the preceding six. What I'm trying to come up with on these gumption traps, I guess, is shortcuts to living right.

The real cycle you're working on is a cycle called yourself. The machine that appears to be "out there" and the person that appears to be "in here" are not two separate things. They grow toward Quality or fall away from Quality together."

~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance ~ by Robert Persig

edit: of course, one can never completely discount the possibility
that one is living under some sort of curse. are you by chance
a first born male?
:ooo:


Edited by Anonymous (12/26/03 03:19 PM)


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,851
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 4 days, 21 hours
Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: ]
    #2202317 - 12/26/03 04:40 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

:thumbup:
I really need to read into Zen, from what I have read, it really intrigues me. I will definitely be looking into it. :grin:
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Offlineskoomaguitarist
pathetique

Registered: 12/20/03
Posts: 201
Loc: superfailure
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: on grief, pain, self-discovery and recovery [Re: ]
    #2202489 - 12/26/03 06:45 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

3rdPerson said:
edit: of course, one can never completely discount the possibility
that one is living under some sort of curse. are you by chance
a first born male?
:ooo:




yes, actually i am, but what of the curse? lol


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