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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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Friends and Enemies
    #2184181 -

I tend to continue to associate with people, even after they may have done something that was wrong.

Case in point...

A friend of mine did something that was pretty bad. But I can forgive him, and not trust him any more in certain areas. Yet there have been a few people who know about what happened who ask, "How can you still associate with that person?"

I can look past the wrong that was done, and still have a friendship on another level. But am I stupid? When someone does something wrong and hurts you, and I'm talking a BIG hurt, do you cut that long-term friendship off completely? Or do you continue forward, but with the knowledge that that person isn't completely trustworthy any more?


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog] * 1
    #2184207 -

I've been having this problem lately....
One of my friends, with whom i happened to be involved previously, took advantage of my kindness. Long story short, she now owes me over 1500 dollars for a variety of reasons. now, i enjoy speaking with this person, and watching her kids for her, but i will never again enter into any form of relationship/situation regarding money. She has also managed to degrade our friendship in a way that may never be repaired...
So, i don't think it's wrong to keep being friends with someone who's done you wrong, but you need to be aware of their past actions...and if the act committed was severe enough, i tend to drop them.
It all depends on whether or not you'll be able to get past the hurt and move on with a mutually beneficial relationship....if not, don't waste your time.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #2184214 -

"It all depends on whether or not you'll be able to get past the hurt and move on with a mutually beneficial relationship"

Yes, and that part semi-bothers me, too. This particular relationship I am keeping because he still does certain things for me, but I still am of a benefit to him. It's mutually symbiotic. Is that bad? It's not that I don't care, and let me see what I can get off him. I help him with things. I just know not to get involved in certain other matters.

Okay, one person in particular is blasting me that it's wrong to have anything whatsoever to do with this person. I don't see why that should be so.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2184222 -

Personally, as long as each person gets something out of the exchange, i think a friendship is possible. This is in terms other than material benefit tho....the friendship i spoke of is quickly becoming one of useing rather than sharing...if it doesn't change soon, it will be ended.

I say ignore that person on the matter....if they were truly your friend, they would let you make your own decision, regardless of their perception of it. If they've been loyal good and kind, i would take their objection and look at it more closely...more than once have i ignored the advice of a friend only to see them proven right.
Bottom line, choice is yours. But i'd be doubly defensive given a history of hurt..don't put yourself in a position that it could happen agan.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2184957 -

Frog said:
When someone does something wrong and hurts you, and I'm talking a BIG hurt, do you cut that long-term friendship off completely?  Or do you continue forward, but with the knowledge that that person isn't completely trustworthy any more?


I tellz ya...

I've been wronged and I have wronged, been hurt and caused pain.

Sometimes we forgive; sometimes are forgiven. It's a mysterious thain.

:wtf:

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: ]
    #2185989 -

when i first moved out on my own, i asked one of my best friends to move out with me. well, the stresses of living on your own do funny things to different people, and mutual hurt was exchanged. my friend ended up leaving/being kicked out, hurtful things were said.
after a few months, the friendship started moving again, slowly.
now, after a few more years, he is the only friend i still have from that time in my life. its kinda like we know how bad we can hurt each other, we have seen the worst, and it makes us better people, and better friends.


--------------------
"Not all those who wander are lost."

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2186178 -

" friend of mine did something that was pretty bad. But I can forgive him, and not trust him any more in certain areas. Yet there have been a few people who know about what happened who ask, "How can you still associate with that person?" "

yes people love to throw their judgement around as truth. they seem to know what is and what isn't. I guess it depends on what the person did, but still be love to talk don't they?

"I can look past the wrong that was done, and still have a friendship on another level. But am I stupid? When someone does something wrong and hurts you, and I'm talking a BIG hurt, do you cut that long-term friendship off completely? Or do you continue forward, but with the knowledge that that person isn't completely trustworthy any more?"

hmm I guess it's all in the situation, you'd really knwo the answer better than me. I've been in a couple of situations where friends hurt me, but you know what??? we are all capable of doing so. It all depends if it is worth it to you. are you going to be paranoid of the person all of the time, or whenever you see that person are you going to think about what bad he/she has done instead of the good things as well?

we are all capable of doing bad and good after all, but don't let your peace of mind be disturbed by things. let the judgement coool off a bit and se things for what really is. if what the person did make you in danger of your health, or if they are a thief of some sort, don't really hang around them for too long. find someone else maybe??? heh specifics would be needed to go really in depth and to find something that holds weight.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: kaiowas]
    #2186314 -

Quote:
I've been in a couple of situations where friends hurt me, but you know what??? we are all capable of doing so. It all depends if it is worth it to you. are you going to be paranoid of the person all of the time, or whenever you see that person are you going to think about what bad he/she has done instead of the good things as well?

we are all capable of doing bad and good after all, but don't let your peace of mind be disturbed by things. let the judgement coool off a bit and se things for what really is. if what the person did make you in danger of your health, or if they are a thief of some sort, don't really hang around them for too long. find someone else maybe??? heh specifics would be needed to go really in depth and to find something that holds weight.


You said something that hit home. I hurt someone a while back. She's a very good friend. I lied to her about something. She found out, and she accepted my apology and stayed friends with me. I'm glad about that, because I don't want to lose her as a friend. It also amazed me that I was capable of that behavior, because I hadn't lied in so long to anyone. At least, not a blatant lie like that.

There are some things I can't accept from some people and stay acquaintances. But when an association with someone resembles more than an acquaintance, I don't think the relationship should just be thrown away, if it's salvageable.

So I suppose it comes down to my own analysis of the relationship, the wrong, if the relationship can continue in spite of the wrong, etc. If I can forgive and keep the relationship, that is my perogative, regardless of anyone else's analysis.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2186349 -

yes!!!!!!!! kick ass!!!!  and this will help you reach a calm state quicker!!! lots of exclamations huh?? :smile:

again one day a person is your enemy the next day they can easily be your friend.  but then you are right about the line to draw between aquaintances and actual long time friends.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: kaiowas]
    #2186659 -

Friends are a great thing. I wish mine had lasted longer. I wish I hadn't fucked some over. I'm never entirely certain whether when they did me in it was as was said. I still have a very close few friends that I hardly ever see, but hope to se again. If you can forgive, forgive, and give a bit more. Otherwise someone might say you were poor.


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...or something






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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2187061 -

Quote:
Frog said:

I can look past the wrong that was done, and still have a friendship on another level. But am I stupid?

No, you're only "stupid" if you allow yourself to get hurt in the same way again by the same person...all over again. If you can still remain jovial and civil with each other, albiet keeping a safe certain distance between you two so far as to prevent any type of association that got you "screwed over" in the first place, then no, I wouldnt consider you stupid.

When someone does something wrong and hurts you, and I'm talking a BIG hurt, do you cut that long-term friendship off completely?

depends on how badly you "depend" on them, be it emotionally, physically, financially, etc, or all of the above...I've known a girl who was literally STUCK with a mentally abusive bf who openly cheated on her and always put her down, and she was sort of trapped, (but not really admitting to it, as she desperately tried to find hope in the hope-less situation, but didnt realize this at the moment as she was blinded, binded, and manipulated by her bf's lies, and thus, couldnt see things in a rational and logical light, hence poor-decision makings such as believing him everytime he professed to "get better") because her bfs controlled all the financial security and helped her mom with bills and it was just a really sad ugly situation...he was using this advantage to make sure she was trapped and couldnt go anywhere else and manipulated her to a hideous point. The main reason she couldnt really just up and go, was cuz of her sick mother, she had to take care of her mom at the same time, and her mom, at the same time, was also abusing her and refusing to kick her bf outta the house, despite how cruel he was, just because he gave her financial comfort. Note: I finally rescued her and broke her free from the grasps and clutches of the sickness she was knee-deep in, and her ex is now in jail for multiple reasons. Thank god.
But this just goes to show you how some people don't "cut off" the relationships even after they've been beaten down, abused, used, and tore apart every which way...for said reasons above.



Or do you continue forward, but with the knowledge that that person isn't completely trustworthy any more?

Again, depends on how much "love" or dependance you have on the said person...

If you're asking me personally, no once somebody screws me over at a certain magnitude, like making a huge lie or stealing something very valuable or slandering me in my absence...then thats it. I dont need people in my life like that. The reason why I'm so quick and brute in my convictions in these matters, is because i uphold everybody to the same standards that *I* live by. Which, I think, most people do anyway, more or less. I value respect very much and exhibit it naturally, and look for it in others, if they dont show respect for themselves or others, other's property, and so on, then I'll find it very hard to get any "closer" to them.
Also, I'm a natural anti social loner to begin with, so it means nothing to me, to "lose" a friend cuz they backstabbed me or disrespected me in anyway.


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2187073 -

Skorpivo, haven't you heard me and lightening_god yell at that other forum member about long paragraphs???

For your punishment, you have to listen to Swami lecture on the ills of having an affair.

An alternative punishment is to take my 2 youngest children to Disneyland. (hehe)


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2187081 -

Frog said:
Okay, one person in particular is blasting me that it's wrong to have anything whatsoever to do with this person.  I don't see why that should be so.



What can a person do that is so bad that "is is wrong to have anytihng whatsoever to do with" them?

I don't understand ppl like this. That doesn't mean they are wrong, i just dont understand them. I am not easily offended. In fact, I can't think of any occasion which I considered myself 'offended,' nor can I think of a wrong done unto me which I was unable to forgive.




God forgives.

althoug i hear through the grapevine that there is this one little thing that God will never forgive...


p.s. Why wont you be more specific? This internet discussion isn't anonymous enough for you? This is supposed to be like free therapy (without the professional :smile: )


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: recalcitrant]
    #2187114 -

I'm talking about my ex. He did something horrible enough that we are getting a divorce. But I'm still being friends with him. I don't see why I have to be his enemy just because we are getting a divorce. Life is hard enough.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2187120 -

Frog said:
Skorpivo, haven't you heard me and lightening_god yell at that other forum member about long paragraphs??? 



Who eezzz theess Lightning_god? *looks around*

You mean Thor? :grin:

*throws a lightning bolt at Skorpio*

My work here is done.  :smirk:
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2187121 -

did you two sign a prenuptial contract? :grin:


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2187128 -

Fuck that shit. For things such as lengthy paragraphs, we don't need a contract. We take out our own contracts. See???


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2187135 -

Um, I meant "fireworks_god".


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: Frog]
    #2187146 -

Frog said:
He did something horrible enough that we are getting a divorce.


I take it that he cheated on you. You would have preffered to live in ignorant bliss?

How many times?

Why does that bother you so much?

He didn't give you HIV or something I hope.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers

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Re: Friends and Enemies [Re: recalcitrant]
    #2187148 -

He didn't cheat on me. I've been fortunate enough in my life that no one has ever cheated on me. What he did do, though, was probably worse. But I've said enough, I think, haven't I?


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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