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Offlineskystone
stop the motion
Registered: 11/08/04
Posts: 465
Loc: state,country,etc.
Last seen: 19 years, 1 month
Re: Philosophy of Cross-sex friendships [Re: MrBump]
    #3593817 - 01/07/05 01:42 PM (19 years, 2 months ago)

Cornking..

Being "in love" in the traditional sense of the word has little to do with real love. Why do I say that? Becuase that kind of "love" is
conditional. "If you have certain qualities, if you are pretty, if you are like this or that, I love you. If I find out something about you that I don't like I'll fall out of love"

Sure, people will do anything for a person when in love, and will act as if they are acting out of real love. But over time a REAl attachment can formed, the universal love that I was talking about.

Sexual relationsip is composed out of many layers. One of the
CAN be love, real love, but is not always. The other layer can be
being in love in the classical romantic sense of the word, but it has little to do with the above "layer".

Of course we would all like to believe that falling in love is
some holy feeling comming from the deph of our souls or from some destiny, but If you analize that feeling, it is in fact very conditional and is very much linked to our sexuality and psychology.
Its sort of a mix of sexual urges, inability to let go of things, fear of disconnection, even fear of death.
It's a great big subconscious soup of all these elements.

But love, as an aincient religious AND as a modern psychological concept (they are rather similar) is something not caused, not
conditioned. It is more a natural state of our mind when there are
no negative influences..


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"..and suddenly it began to rain"

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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
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Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Philosophy of Cross-sex friendships [Re: Hendostan]
    #3593898 - 01/07/05 02:00 PM (19 years, 2 months ago)

think about the way men and women typically establish social relationships...
you are in a bar (or some other social setting), your eyes lock with a member of the opposite sex that your attracted to, do you desire to establish a verbal repore with this person out of a desire for a platonic friendship? or do you say to yourself "damm, that girl/guy is hot!"
What is your initial thought process?

what about meeting a person in the same setting that you find unattractive?
do you still engagwe this person in conversation? or do you think "i dont want to appraoch this man/woman out of fear that i may be leading them on (sexually/romantically)? i think the usual choice is the latter one.

to me, the coss-gender platonic friendship has no set boundries to live and grow by...its a relatively new relationship, i cant name a movie or tv show where two opposite sex friends dont end up romantically inclined (hell it took the characters from When Harry Meet sally like 25 years to move their friendship into the bedroom.)
its basically an ambigious relationship with no ground rules and one that deviates from society's norms.

i guess thats why many posters in this thread have stated that this type of friendship is impossible while a couple have said to have long-lasting platonic friendships w/ the opp. sex.

it possibly defined on a friendship by friendship basis, but i think most people fall back on their old ways of thinking or cultural norms and it eventually destoys any chance for a close (not casual) platonic relationship.

i mean, how many times have you misenterpreted kindness/friendlyness from the opposite sex as an indication of sexual interest? I know i have several times...


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
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Re: Philosophy of Cross-sex friendships [Re: skystone]
    #3593927 - 01/07/05 02:08 PM (19 years, 2 months ago)

hmmm, i guess i dont understand how your conscept of universal/unconditional love relates to interpersonal relationships....

i understand how we call can have unconditional love towards all living things,
but your statement on the conditionality of romantic love could be assigned to the love of a platonic friend, right?

i mean, you can choose to love your friends on conditions such as reliablity or trustworthyness right? cant you fall out of love for a platonic friend when a trust is broken or friend betrays?


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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Offlineskystone
stop the motion
Registered: 11/08/04
Posts: 465
Loc: state,country,etc.
Last seen: 19 years, 1 month
Re: Philosophy of Cross-sex friendships [Re: MrBump]
    #3594063 - 01/07/05 02:42 PM (19 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thecornking said:

but your statement on the conditionality of romantic love could be assigned to the love of a platonic friend, right?




right!

Quote:

thecornking said:

i mean, you can choose to love your friends on conditions such as reliablity or trustworthyness right? cant you fall out of love for a platonic friend when a trust is broken or friend betrays?




Yes, it is allso the case in many friendships, but sometimes
there is true love, but it is abandoned because of all the hostile crap in our brains that thought us to conditionalize our affection.
In other words, it doesn't always mean that there was no love at all if a frienship is broken because of the change of some of the parts of the "contract" It can allso mean that you closed your heart because you think it is the logical thing to do. Just as we can open our hearts with enough will to do it, we can allso close them, a lot easier than open them in fact.

Perhapse the best example of this real love can be found in a loving father/mother that realizes all the mistakes and bad qualities of his child, yet love him uncontitionally. This allso supports what I have said about letting yourself to love. A mother let's herself to love becuase it is expected for a mother to do aynthing for a child (that's only one of the reasons for this unconditional love of course).
But if you love a friend unconditionally, even if he is very bad to you, you are considered a fool ba many. These kinds of social programings are deep inside our subconsciousness and can have a lot of influence on who we love.

Of course parenthood has it's own impulses camuflauged as love sometimes, but we'll just leave those aside for now


--------------------
"..and suddenly it began to rain"

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Offlineincubaby_421
half naked andfull witted
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Registered: 08/14/04
Posts: 2,629
Loc: the center of the univers...
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Philosophy of Cross-sex friendships [Re: skystone]
    #3594686 - 01/07/05 04:51 PM (19 years, 2 months ago)

i personnaly have a problem with seeing good in people far to easily and there for falling in love with girls far to quikly and easily for me to know whats going on at all, its about the only thing thats ever been able to confuse me really, like i cant be "freinds" with a girl, i allways end up falling in love with them and later on disliking them.


--------------------
"yet the more i dig, the more i consume, the more i unfold... the less protected i feel.
i am the spit on the hair of the son of an electron, swimming around the nucleus of a cell inside the sperm of a killer bee, and my purpose is as nebulous as why weve been bestowed with the capacity to give a shit" Brandon Boyd


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