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Shy bladder
    #17991833 -

So I've been on probation and had my first drug test. I COULD NOT pee in front of my PO staring at my dick. He gave me 3 attempts. Each time i felt like i would pee my pants and i step in the bathroom and boom, gone, not a feeling what so ever. After the third time he told me go to a center and get a drug test today or else its a failure. After he left the bathroom i turned around and took the fattest piss ever. Go to the center to get a drug test, takes me 45 minutes get a squirt out and another 30 minutes to get enough for a test. Since i drank so much water it was diluted and i have to do one tomorrow in front of my PO or else i fail. How do i get rid of a shy bladder? I tried thinking no one was there and all sorts of things. I couldn't do it. Anyone have some tips? Thanks!

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17991886 -

Turn the water on from the sink, flush the toilet, drink a shitload of water with some coffee before.....coffee will make you piss for sure.

Don't smoke weed.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #17991907 -

Anonymous #2 said:
Turn the water on from the sink, flush the toilet, drink a shitload of water with some coffee before.....coffee will make you piss for sure.

Don't smoke weed.


I can't do drugs, they don't let me turn anything on so they can hear if I'm using anything even though they are staring right at me. Ill try coffee!

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17991993 -

I would not try coffee, it gives you that helment in the bush thing that under pressure makes it harder to pee in my opinion.



I was on probation for three years and I had this problem.  What I did was weird shit.  I would ask my po to sit down, make sure he could see my cock and chat with him as much as possible, just act like he is supposed to be there, and remember HIS DICK IS SMALLER THEN YOURS!!!!

I would also not pee for a while before hand, and then right before I went it chug water til it hurt, it was the only way I could do it, was waddle in there wincing begged for the cup.  Sometimes I would be damn near crying.  It was degrading and it sucked, but it beat prison.  I would avoid coffee though, it never helped me, it made it worse.


Also try a mantra to repeat in your head " Fuck this cop my dick is bigger, I can piss, I can piss.  Fuck this cop my dick is bigger, I can piss, I can piss"



Sitting down honestly helped me, along with chugging water til it hurt, but with yellow piss still in me so it wasn't diluted, and saying a mantra. 


Probation sucks man, good luck.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #17992107 -

yeah right dude I bet u liked looking at your PO while u pee'd

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #17992424 -

Anonymous #3 said:
I would not try coffee, it gives you that helment in the bush thing that under pressure makes it harder to pee in my opinion.



I was on probation for three years and I had this problem.  What I did was weird shit.  I would ask my po to sit down, make sure he could see my cock and chat with him as much as possible, just act like he is supposed to be there, and remember HIS DICK IS SMALLER THEN YOURS!!!!

I would also not pee for a while before hand, and then right before I went it chug water til it hurt, it was the only way I could do it, was waddle in there wincing begged for the cup.  Sometimes I would be damn near crying.  It was degrading and it sucked, but it beat prison.  I would avoid coffee though, it never helped me, it made it worse.


Also try a mantra to repeat in your head " Fuck this cop my dick is bigger, I can piss, I can piss.  Fuck this cop my dick is bigger, I can piss, I can piss"



Sitting down honestly helped me, along with chugging water til it hurt, but with yellow piss still in me so it wasn't diluted, and saying a mantra. 


Probation sucks man, good luck.


I told him that! Cause he told me a bar story cause i asked if he ever had stage fright and it was working then he stopped and i lost the feeling. Then i told him it helps and he said I'm not gonna talk to a guy who is going to the bathroom. He isn't trying to help me at all. I asked if i could sit down and he said no aswell. Straight up i feel like he wants me to fail.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #17992622 -

Hold your breath until it (the pee) comes out, I guarantee it will work.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #17994444 -

Anonymous #2 said:
yeah right dude I bet u liked looking at your PO while u pee'd



Of course I did.  Fuck him.  He can stare at a felons dick all day long, thats what the fuck he gets paid for.  Knowing his big black ass has to stare at my shriveled white penis, gets me off and then some.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #17994506 -

Anonymous #3 said:
Anonymous #2 said:
yeah right dude I bet u liked looking at your PO while u pee'd



Of course I did.  Fuck him.  He can stare at a felons dick all day long, thats what the fuck he gets paid for.  Knowing his big black ass has to stare at my shriveled white penis, gets me off and then some.


:loldongs:

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #17994980 -

Anonymous #3 said:
Anonymous #2 said:
yeah right dude I bet u liked looking at your PO while u pee'd



Of course I did.  Fuck him.  He can stare at a felons dick all day long, thats what the fuck he gets paid for.  Knowing his big black ass has to stare at my shriveled white penis, gets me off and then some.


LMFAO #3!!! You made my day!!

Seriously though, I'll piss myself in the bleachers before being able to piss in the troth at a sports game with other dudes standing right next to me... I just can't do it!

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #17995124 -

Energy drinks are what worked for me.. Red bull or Nos, about 48 oz worth. I know how unaccommodating they are about the piss test.. I nearly failed just like you.. My first time, after about 3 hours in there and on my 3rd and final try before he violated me, I finally squeezed out just enough for the test. That day I didn't have energy drinks or anything though.

You also get more used to it over time.. I'm still bladder shy as fuck, even in front of my wife, but I got to where it was pretty easy to get in, piss and get out without thinking much of it.

That's another piece of advice, try not to think about it really, not leading up to it or anything.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17995340 -

What??!! You're only on probation and you have to take a piss test with the dude actually looking at your exposed dick? Isn't this some sort of violation of privacy? Don't they ask you to go in some room to do it?

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #17995390 -

depending on the situation yes, that's how those queers do it...

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17995446 -

I've heard that probation is actually worse than parole when it comes to how closely they monitor you.. My experiences and observations of others (on parole) support this.

Yes they stared at my dick while giving the 'sample'. A friend on parole just gets put in a closed bathroom and is TOLD to shut the door behind him.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #17997165 -

I have this EXACT same problem I can't pee if someone is standing in the same bathroom as me much less if someone is in the same room. I bought synthetic urine when I was on probation and used hand warmers and passed with flying colors everytime. You have to be smooth about it though.

Try to think about something else while you're taking a piss. Sounds crazy but it works!

Also get your prostate check. It could be an enlarged prostate. When I was in jail for 3 weeks I had a very difficult time taking a piss. That was pure hell. I hope I never have to go back to jail or prison I would rather be dead.

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #17997171 -

Anonymous #3 said:
Anonymous #2 said:
yeah right dude I bet u liked looking at your PO while u pee'd



Of course I did.  Fuck him.  He can stare at a felons dick all day long, thats what the fuck he gets paid for.  Knowing his big black ass has to stare at my shriveled white penis, gets me off and then some.


this made me :lol:

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #17999501 -

Gently shake your dick while relaxing your bladder. It helps me when I have problems

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #18003534 -

I had this problem before, and I know it sucks.

The thing that really helped me out big time with the shy bladder is that if you have someone that did you wrong or someone that you really hate for whatever reason, it could be your po, an ex, someone who snitched on you, or anyone really. Just imagine that they are sitting there right in front of you and this will be your only opportunity to piss right on their face. Not only did this work for my but has worked for everyone else that I told about that has tried it.

Happy pissing! :bigyesnod:

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #18018344 -

And happy pissing to you good sir! :thaaannks:

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Re: Shy bladder [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #18019307 -

Here's a no shit solution to this issue. I used to have a really shy bladder.. Found my solution on accident (almost drowned).

Drink up your water. Fill up that bladder. Then when you get into the bathroom, exhale and hold your breath out. As your body depletes it's O2 reserves and CO2 builds up in your lungs, you'll start feeling like you're going to pass out. Well before you pass out, your body involuntarily pisses. You just do it. Keep holding your breath til your mid stream, and then breathe in.

Done and done. If I have to have someone watching, I can usually get a stream going within ten seconds. Just exhale when you walk up to the urinal and hold your breath while you unzip. You'll be good.

Just do it a few times so you know what it feels like to involuntarily piss. Kinda weird the first time.

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