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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Registered: 04/26/12
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Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong * 1
    #16709290 - 08/16/12 12:17 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

This trip report is to emphasize getting your mind, setting, and dosage right.  Yesterday I took 3 grams of PESA via lemon tek and attempted to kill myself.  I have had issues with depression, and normally the shrooms help suppress the tiny voice in my mind that says to do violent things to myself, this time the voice found a bullhorn.

After the ambulance took me to the ER to be put on suicide watch, the police took most of my grow equipment and almost all of my shrooms.  I have avoided charges so far by voluntarily destroying what they left behind under the supervision of the county's special crimes unit.  I also have to enroll in drug counselling, and see a psychiatrist regularly for treatment of my depression.  My landlord has not contacted me yet, so I'm hoping that he hasn't been given the details of the incident.

Make sure you get your mind right before dosing, or you might end up in my shoes.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood
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Registered: 09/30/11
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709300 - 08/16/12 12:19 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Damn.  Why did you wanna kill yourself?


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:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


Edited by lifeiswhatyoumake (08/16/12 12:19 PM)


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Offline4I8I15I16I23I42
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Registered: 06/28/12
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709303 - 08/16/12 12:19 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

what happened ? whats pesa ?


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:heart: mushrooms over everything :heart:
to do list:weed, shrooms, lsd, dxm, dmt, 4-aco-dmt, 2c-e, 2c-p, 2c-i, mdma, ayahuasca, changa, ketamine, mescaline, lsa, 5-meo-dmt, ghb, amanitas, salvia, bromo-dragonfly, mda, 25i-nbome, 25c-nbome,


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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Posts: 2,636
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: 4I8I15I16I23I42]
    #16709315 - 08/16/12 12:22 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

PESA is a mushroom variety.  I've had the urge to kill myself for about 15 years, I've been using weed and shrooms to self medicate, but they aren't working anymore.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Registered: 09/30/11
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709335 - 08/16/12 12:26 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

How old are you?


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:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #16709351 - 08/16/12 12:30 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

24.  I've had issues with depression most of my life, mostly stemming from a bad family environment.  This was not my first attempt, but it was the first attempt that was found out.


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OfflineGodSpores
intestines dressed in mescaline
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Registered: 02/29/12
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder] * 1
    #16709359 - 08/16/12 12:32 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Damnn suicide is never the right choice. Seriosuly if your tired of your life, leave every single thing behind and buy a one way ticket to another country. Preferably Amsterdamn:rail2:


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:youdidit::fasted:


Droogz ive consumed: DMT, LSD, Mescaline, Shrooms, 2CE, LSA, Salvia, Thc, Cocaine, Heroine, speed, Roxy, Zannax, adderall, who tha shit am i kidding ive done almost every pill!, MDMA, MDA, DXM, DPH, N02, Nicotine, Prometh + Codeine. I prob done more im too wavy to think of what else ive done, So All i have left to say is all hail allah, jesus, and buddah, they love you!


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Invisiblepablokabute
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Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 5,159
Loc: rural ghetto
Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: GodSpores]
    #16709382 - 08/16/12 12:38 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

hey deathryder, been seeing you around.. making advises to cultivating and such..

never would have thought youre into some deep shit like this.. whats up??

hey man.. like, what the fuck.


i hope you get better.

pablokabute all the way from the Philippines.


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Fermented Mushrooms!!
--- https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23378638/fpart/1/vc/1

'The second seal: “All CONTAMINATED things and events are unsatisfactory.”'



"I envy you. You North Americans are very lucky. You are fighting the most important fight of all - you live in THE HEART OF THE BEAST."

--Anonymous Guerilla, or is he..


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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: pablokabute]
    #16709415 - 08/16/12 12:45 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I'm hoping too.  I'll be seeing the psychiatrist on the 20th, so I'm hoping to get a new way to to keep that voice from hounding me further.  I want to live a happy, productive life, but even the best facade breaks down with enough punishment.  Sometimes its very easy to forget what it feels like to be happy, or feel loved.

I'll be starting back to college this month as well so that I'll hopefully be able to get a job that doesn't require me to break the law and continue destroying my self image to survive.

I'll still be around here helping noobs when I have the time.  Seeing the ratings I get when I help out does a lot to boost my self-esteem.  I might start cultivating again one day, but I've got a lot of shit to deal with first.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Registered: 09/30/11
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709518 - 08/16/12 01:06 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

TheDeathryder said:
Sometimes its very easy to forget what it feels like to be happy, or feel loved.




Do you have any friends out side of the internet?


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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Invisiblepablokabute
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Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 5,159
Loc: rural ghetto
Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #16709557 - 08/16/12 01:15 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

what the fukking fukk. i hope everything gets well with you.


--------------------

Fermented Mushrooms!!
--- https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23378638/fpart/1/vc/1

'The second seal: “All CONTAMINATED things and events are unsatisfactory.”'



"I envy you. You North Americans are very lucky. You are fighting the most important fight of all - you live in THE HEART OF THE BEAST."

--Anonymous Guerilla, or is he..


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OfflineWing
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Registered: 04/25/11
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709564 - 08/16/12 01:17 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

:sad: Aw man I'm sorry to hear about this. You seem like a really cool guy from posts and PMs so I really wish you the best of luck, health and legal wise. I've battled depression as well and have been self medicating for years. Fortunately I suffer from light depression.

Sending good vibes your way man, from a warm, happy, positive place.


--------------------
My Old Grow Logs



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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #16709565 - 08/16/12 01:17 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Very few.  After high school, most of my friends moved off to college, joined the military, or OD'ed.  Of the few I have left, there's only 5 that I can stand to be around for more than 30 minutes at a time.

I live in a small town with no recreational businesses, so meeting new, like minded people tends to be pretty difficult for me.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709594 - 08/16/12 01:22 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I see.
I know that you love growing and eating mushrooms.  What else do you do?


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Registered: 04/26/12
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #16709628 - 08/16/12 01:28 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

I collect guns, watch movies, read, chill with my fiance and our cat.  Sometimes my friend that runs a local car lot lets me test drive the vehicles fresh from the shop to make sure everything's running good.  I also like to build things, especially with re-purposed parts.  I'm working on building a little off road cart with a lawn mower engine and aluminum pipe frame, just waiting on my welder to be returned to me.

Skeet shooting is one of my favorite things to do.  Very stress relieving.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709645 - 08/16/12 01:32 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

You have a fiance?  Why did you want to kill yourself when you have a fiance?


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #16709679 - 08/16/12 01:37 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

To make the voice go away.  After I spiral down, nothing matters to me anymore.  At times the very concept of love is a foreign idea to me.  When I hit bottom, the only emotions I can comprehend are hate and loathing, usually directed towards myself.  It's completely wrong and selfish, I know, but I don't know how to stop it from happening anymore.  Once the depression spiral is locked in, I don't have the ability to come out of it on my own.  This is why I'm seeking medical treatment.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709703 - 08/16/12 01:40 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

What kind of medical treatment will you receive you think?


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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OfflineTheDeathryder
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
    #16709729 - 08/16/12 01:44 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

Counselling for sure, probably medication as well.


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OfflineThe_Aviator
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Re: Mindset, Setting, Dose: When It All Goes Wrong [Re: TheDeathryder]
    #16709773 - 08/16/12 01:54 PM (11 years, 5 months ago)

That is great that you are going to see a psychiatrist. A good psychiatrist can make a world of difference. And we are all glad that you are still with us. If you are into philosophy and rationality I must recommend the book The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. It is about suicide and why it is not a logical way to deal with the absurdity of our reality. Hang in there, and remember next time you are down that you have a whole family here to talk to.


--------------------

Sartre on conciousness: "a being such that in its being, its being is in question in so far as this being implies a being other than itself."
Being and Nothingness
Easy no-nausea hbwr tek
Phish videos and discussion!


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