I sometimes make friends with freaks and wierdos, knowing someone will pick a fight with them so I can 'be a good person' and stick up for the wierdo. Gives me a good excuse to inflict pain on others. Other times I loudly declare that 'spice girls' are musical mistros, hoping someone will disagree just so I can torment them physically or verbally in 'self defense', because 'they started it'.
I remember my first day of school. I got to the classroom and sat in the chair. I could not fit on the chair because I was so tall...other kids laughed at me. I realised that I would have to strike these kids first before they could get another laugh at me. I became the schoolyard bully and really fucked with kids for years. I was a god.
My large size and intelligence allowed me to make other kids lives a living hell, like my home life was. It made me feel good, I got used to being cruel and ruthless and I just kind of kept up the behaviour into adulthood.
One time I actually turned around my behavior, at age 14. All of a sudden, tried to be a nice guy. Turns out it doesn't work, I have never been so used and mistreated in all my life in those 6 months. Got punched, cheated on, neglected. So I went back to being loveable old me, went back and really fucked those people up and then all of a sudden everyone is nice to me again. Suprise, turns out people like being other peoples bitch.
Hope you enjoyed looking into the mind of a bully. So yea you guys are right, I have past trauma and I bully to cover up my own insecurites. It still feels good fucking people up.
Congratulations internet physcologists, you have cured my of my horrible afflictions and now I just feel bad and silly.
|