Anonymous #1 said:
eh but Ive seen how it is when your married once your past like 40 you probably fuck your wife once a month and its your wife it would be routine and boring by then. Kinda like eating the same food everyday, watching your favorite movie over and over until its boring to watch anymore, smoke the same strain of weed everyday etc. Those might not be great examples but I think you can get what Im trying to say.
That is certainly a bad way to picture marriage, sadly many see it that way.
Besides the subtle, but intense neurochemical reasons, I would like to point out most people just fail at life in general to varying degrees, and slapping two of them together is only going to keep a candle burning so long.
The best people to get married are the exact opposite of the idea behind it, naturally independent people. Sharing common interests is great, but you don't want to be attached at the hip. Look at older couples, most of them were fine when they had work and kids, and somehow still had passion for each other. Retire, sit around and work on each others nerves. I don't care if you love a person, are a best friend, or worst enemy, being stuck with the same person can be awesome, but humans are not good at isolation. Some go insane and stay cooped up waiting to chase people off their property, but the vast majority need some sort of interaction. One doesn't need to crave clubbing or bars, but it is vital to health to speak to others.
Just because many theorize humans were not meant for monogamy, doesn't mean it can't work. Humans were not meant to live in the Arctic either, or sail across ocean. Awesome epic feats were accomplished that if one thinks about it, really just blows your mind.
The mind wants novelty, whether it be sexual partners or food (even though I eat pretty much the same stuff each day), but the mind also wants security. Fuck a slut and lose a wife of 20 years is going to have more fall out than one can even imagine. So one has to learn how to play it smart and keep the spark even outside of the bedroom. Many are simply not made to do this, but cannot bail and live their life in misery and those vibes catch on to their spouse and bring them down if they are not already sinking.
Long term relationships are far more challenging that anything, you can't just bail (well you can, but it becomes so much more of a mess) your partner knows everything you are willing to share of your entire life, and the day to day may not be as thrilling. This is were independent people do better though, for people will question why they don't spend every moment together, they know that there is nothing interesting to talk about later if they don't do their own thing.
Sex is such a pesky topic in marriage and even hardcore Christians make it worse and give an illusion to marriage. They market it as once your married you can have as much sex and as many kids so you can pay more to us in the end.
Seems great to some, until they realize they got married in a fit of lust instead of anything practical. Kids happen quickly and keep coming, now both are stressed and ill prepared because no one taught them that constant fucking without enough real loving affection quickly burns through their few years of their honeymoon era. After that, you have two stressed parents giving bad vibes to their kids who return the negativity to throw it right back at them. The only thing they knew for the last year or so was how to get it on and burn out for the night. Now the dopamine fix isn't enough to push them together and they feel alone even though they sleep a foot apart. Little things become annoying that never used to bother them, their neurochem so off balance from stress and now not even the modest blast from sex they no longer have.
Several paths occur, one is they pick up habits to boost dopamine thrills that have a negative impact on the other:drugs, gambling, excessive porn use etc. Perhaps a spouse just leaves, or they just become cold to each other. Eventually the coldness leads to their dopamine levels slowly return to more neutral levels, but by then they talk like bored friends and go through the motions of the day. They read in bed, or watch TV, and sleep not in each others arms, but any sort of way. Love is gone, but at least they stand each other enough to not separate. The kids will just repeat this cycle, they don't know better and the only thing they hear is the same old gospel.
There is no sure path to a successful marriage, but one tool to surely help is no matter how little time you and your spouse have. Look each other in the eye, kiss with love and hug each other as if he or she was the only thing left in the world. Do it everyday as much as you can, not as foreplay, but a display of affection. Do it with sincerity, and never think you can skip it because one of you is too tired. Any act of selfless giving to your partner will register in their mind, and help build a bond that constant fucking like rabbits cannot.
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. First off Im not sure I'll ever get married there is no guarantee I'm gonna meet the right person and second I want to get all of the craziness, drug abuse, partying out of my system well before I would get married just so I dont feel restricted once I am and feel like I missed out on all that stuff.
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