#1,
Consider men like real estate, precious metals, or anything else that has a fluctuating value. It seems that most women are only able to gauge the present value of men (i.e. he's so handsome, he's a badass, he's adventurous, he's amazing, etc...) instead of his future value. What is it about a douche that you are drawn to? His sense of adventure? His nonchalant attitude? Perhaps you should assess how their qualities with either evolve or devolve over time. His big mouth will only get bigger and his short temper will only get shorter.
Big deal if he says a few rude things, right? Who cares if he doesn't treat you all that great, right? You'll break him of the habits, won't you? You even said you want to change them and find the cuddly teddy bear inside.... Well, I have news for you: You won't. You can't expect someone to change for you because you want them to. They need to have the desire to change by themselves without encouragement. Why not find a man with a college degree that has a somewhat promising future? Why not find a man that is a skilled craftsman or a master of some technical trade? There are plenty of men out there that fit the bill, you just can't expect to find them in your particular circle of friends if all you've encountered is douche bags. If a man has a good career or education, chances are he won't be trying to juggle multiple women if he works 40 hours a week. Hell, he'll barely have time for one woman because he's got his life in order. If your past man had multiple chicks, I'm willing to bet he wasn't doing much of anything productive with his life.
My suggestion would be to find a man with direction in his life. From everything you have explained, you seek alpha males... Well, I have news for you sweetie, if these "alpha" males are ditching you, then you are not the "alpha" female they want. I'm going to draw an assumption based on everything you have said, so here goes:
You want an alpha. You don't want douches. You have already equated alphas with douches. You already admitted to wanting to change them... So my assumption is this: You want an alpha male, a big, strong, adventurous man, but since you're not alpha, you have to do what you can to bring him down to your level by trying to change him to be less alpha, like you. You want an alpha, but deep down your personality and natural instincts to procreate are telling you it needs something less adventurous and more stable that's why you try to change them.
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