I have worked hard at turning my life around, worked very hard, been to intensive therapy and faced myself head on. I used to have a borderline personality diagnosis and it was caused by being booted into adulthood, dragged up (not raised up) and abused as a child. The system has recognized my journey, I jailed the sick person from my past and the result of this journey has left me in a position of mind where I am truly just starting to live life. I am 32.
When I began therapy I was already in a very dark place, my memories of abuse were still only newly recalled and the inner rage was huge, still I had not obtained a single gram of assertiveness. At the start of my therapy I made contact with a long term friend, who I shall call "twit". Twit is the type of person who lives a parasytic lifestyle, he lives off others and will do anything for a fast buck. He talked me into an arranged marriage for money. Please, try to remember I was very weak minded at the time, although today I accept full responsibility for my actions.
I told my therapist as soon as I had mustered the courage, perhaps 3 months afterwards. The woman and family came to my country, they are still here and in 10 days we have an immigration tribunal for an appeal to attend. I have a problem though, I hate lying. But I will be forced to make false claims again because that is the power that was exercised over me by "twit"
Twit and his girlfriend, twat came to stay in my house in Nov 09. Twit lost his house to repossession last may, he obtained his mortgage by making false representation and did proceed to remortgage it for large sums of money; his auto was ceased by the state for no insurance, his business fell into arrears and was forcibly closed all the while he claimed sickness and unemployment benefits and something similar to HAP, his private rented house fell into arrears and also he was evicted in Nov 09 thus he came to mine. I offered twit and twat a place to stay with me over Christmas.
I told them both I would be volunteering again at the shelter over Christmas which was fine. I did my deed as I do every Christmas.
Twit and twat moved out early January after being offered local authority accommodation.
I have a girlfriend I met at college last Sept, Im going to new heights. She knew of my abusive past because of my inability to have sex properly without freaking out but she knew nothing about my hike to africa for an arranged marriage a few years ago to line the pockets of Twit. (~$10,000)
Twit and his docile girl Twat called my gf the other week to rip apart my character and tell her everything I had "gotten upto in the past" - they claimed my suicide attempts were bogus, despite massive scarring on my arms, a psychiatrist and therapist, compensation paid by the government for abuse suffered and a newspaper stories. The said I had did criminal activities and had gotten married for money. They said I was gay and I would use her.
Laugh if you will, but stick with me here....
It was wholly disproportionate for twit and twat to do what they did because I have never harmed them, I offered them a place to stay at Christmas. My psychologists have tried to have me understand that perhaps because I have a girlfriend who is a nurse, the fact I am going to university this year and my life is turning around could be making them jealous. But it leaves me the real problem of having to confront this mess.
What shall I do? go thru with it and hope for the best or risk my chance at my honest outlook in this new life free from depression, SI, and certain self destruction and admit everything in this tribunal?
Today I can say no.
If I knew back then what I know today, I could have made things different.
I am ashamed and the guilt is unbearable.
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