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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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The Whopper Thread
    #11984810 -

No, not a burger. Tell us all your most amazing personal 'true' story. I promise not to question its veracity though I cannot control other posters. Bonus points for sheer weirdness.

Ready? Begin!


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11984844 -

I had a spiritual experience after taking a moderate ecstasy dose on a mountain in Oregon. This precipitated 150lbs of weight loss and bringing myself into good physical condition in exactly one year. Ice was a definitive witness to the before and the after. Sorry no weird stuff...just results.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #11984873 -

I think your salvia lady is your most interesting story.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: Icelander]
    #11984912 -

The story in my journal about a friend making me steal ducklings is pretty weird..


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"I take comfort in the fact that my true purpose in life will make perfect sense mathmatically, but will be discovered through the construction of an avant garde art project done by a 6th grader with aspergers twenty years from today.


Could the presence of Junkies account for all these uneaten french fries?

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: Icelander]
    #11984919 -

Hue's physical transformation is more amazing than any TV fitness ad :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:, but I want to hear the Lady Salvia story. :hissyfit:


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: ThaiTea]
    #11984932 -

ThaiTea said:
The story in my journal about a friend making me steal ducklings is pretty weird..


Thanks for sharing!


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: Icelander]
    #11984940 -

But it was an event with no external reality.

OK..while on salvia once...60 - 80mg of 20x I think. I communicated with a women with white skin, and dressed in a Lord of the Ringsy sort of dress that was embroidered and all white. She seemed like a Lord of the Rings elf. The interesting thing was that this did not move with my field of vision like most hallucinations...it stayed put and seemed to have external existence.


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"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11984965 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
ThaiTea said:
The story in my journal about a friend making me steal ducklings is pretty weird..


Thanks for sharing!


Hangovers and Ducks: True story
    #11108184 - 09/22/09 08:33 PM (4 months, 14 days ago)
Edit Reply Quote

A couple months back a friend of mine informed me of her annual family reunion festival on her farm. She said it was going to be a good old time and I would be accompanied by many of my friends, an open bar, several kegs, good food, a band, and the usual appearance of 'Cosmic Frank' one of her dads crazy alcoholic, tripped out friends who gets inappropriately  drunk. So I was sold, it was gonna be a good night with good VT weather and good VT friends.
When I arrived i met many of my friends who were already tanked, my buddy skip greeted me with a forceful handshake that he did not let go of, followed by a kick in the nuts and  a punch in the chest. I took this as a sign that I needed to catch up with the creww, so i kicked it by the keg for a while. Soon the night became a frenzied blur of live music, hot dogs, horeshoes, and dancin', oh yea and trout river keg beer . It was indeed a good time, but my story takes place the next morning.

I wake up..hazy, and I don't know where I am. I look around and there is a cat menacingly meowing in my face, i say "fuck off asshole" and the cat scampered down a wooden ladder. I realize i am in the upstairs of a hay barn, i had apparently climbed up while blacked out and made my nest in a stack of hay. Although not a bad improv party sleep spot, no one could find me and i therefore missed my ride. The other thing that sucked tits was that everyone saw me come out of the barn and i was barraged with laughter and erotic animal jokes. One guy had shit his pants he was so hammered and he was waving them around laughing like he was proud. I was getting tooled on for sleeping in the only warm place on that farm, while some kid shit his pants..uncool.
Anyway after all this i started to worry about finding my ride home when just then a good pal of mine came up to me as if he knew, and was like " you need a ride man"
[Some background info on this kid: Hes one of those crazy as fuck(too much acid), but still hilarious dudes, also kind of an alcoholic.]
So I say yea man i need a ride, and i know that some weird shit is gonna go down, as every time i'm around this kid, (i'll call him zack) he does something thats ridiculous. So me and Zack, who is very good family friends with the people who put on the festival, got permission to tap the last keg. So we drank for hours with the other party stragglers, including the son of the people who put on the festival, we will call him T. We ripped the bong and laughed and joked until i was getting edgy and wanted to split. I suggested leaving to zack. He replied," yea man we will head out soon, there is just one thing im gonna need your help with first." "oh yea zack, whats that?" i say reluctantly. "Have you seen the family of ducks running around here?" "What?!.. no cant say that i have." " well they are around here somewhere, I saw them just a little while ago, anyway im gonna need you to help me get two males and two females bro." he replied.
I expected some shit like this! Honestly wasn't surprised, as weird as it is. I mean this kid is like family with these people and he wants to steal the animals because he is a self proclaimed "Bird Farmer". (he repeated that a lot) I was undecided but eventually caved because i really needed a ride and i knew i would get a funny story out of all this.
We proceeded to walk around the farm searching and searching not having any luck. Zack was getting pissed off too, cursing the ducks, saying he just saw them. I told him "its not that big of a deal they are just ducks, and this is all kinda creepy man." He glared at me like i was an asshole, until i was like fuck alright! We will keep looking. We walked towards the barn meanwhile zack told me about the 6 quail birds he was raising in his basement. didnt really know if this was true, but whatever. so finally we see like 12 ducks and one large mother duck between these barns. Zack gets all excited and says" this is goin down now." Zack handed me a cooler he found and was "like open it and get ready" I start to realize that this kind of sucks, we are in plain view of the families house, and i feel bad for these baby ducks.
Zack quickly grabs one, and a bursting chatter of horrified baby duck peeps hits my eardrums in a way that made me immediately say, "Aww  goddamnit man fuck this" " no no no man its cool its cool" he says this as the momma duck starts fighting him, and seriously fighting hard; he got bit several times, and flapped at and quakked at. IT WAS VERY INTENSE. Finally he decided two ducks was all it was worth, so we booked it outta there with a beer cooler with two captive baby birds who were shit there pants terrified, (and actually the was a lot of duck shit in the cooler, no duck pants, but def some duck poo.) We get to his truck and i am bitter. Zack is all excited and only wants to talk about how cute his ducks are and how they are going to love their mother and there new home. He was a little dissapointed i wasnt so pumped about his birds. So he apologized. "I know that momma duck was pissed man, and i know they were scared but they will forget in time, i will be there new mom." I just grumbled whatever dude your nuts. We got to his house where he took me down to his basement, and in there waiting was a large cage with many quail inside running around. And next to the quail, haha was another cage, this cage was empty, zack placed his new baby ducks inside. I asked him if this was premeditated or did he just happen to have an extra birdcage? I did not get a clear response but i assumed it was planned. what a fuckin character, dont invite him to your farm! I got my ride home, and got a quarter of nug to keep my mouth shut about the whole expirience, I was like sick man hell yeah! I held out until now, this tale is too fuckin weird to not be shared.

Epilogue: Zack got hammered one night and his dad was hammered too, and they ended up scrappin, they are both fucking super jacked, but zack was no match for his pops, so long story short shit went down now zack lives with his mom, and zacks dad most likely has no clue that there are around 10 dead caged birds in his basement.
THE END

thanks for listening much love. also i apologize now for anyone who is uber animal rights

( I actually found out recently that they are infact all dead.)


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"I take comfort in the fact that my true purpose in life will make perfect sense mathmatically, but will be discovered through the construction of an avant garde art project done by a 6th grader with aspergers twenty years from today.


Could the presence of Junkies account for all these uneaten french fries?

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #11984983 -

We all know you left the best part out, you sly dawg. I wonder if you now have elf-children in the other realm.


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11985225 -

I fucked 9 girls at my girlfriend's birthday party including my girlfriend.

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: appleorange]
    #11985240 -

Did I really promise not to question the validity of the tale? :foreheadslap:


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11985450 -

You did.

So you have to believe me.

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11985452 -

I woke up in a fright from a dream that a woman that I was infatuated with was peering over a red bullet casing.  The casing was about a meter tall in length.

A few weeks later I get word from her that she and her girlfriend are huffing aerosol cool whip.  She didn't tell me the color, but I assumed that it was red.

It was one of the worst things that I think I could have heard from her.


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Let that which doesn't matter truly not matter.

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11985456 -

got to grow up with a (sane) father since my great uncle was an army recruiter and my dad didn't get drafted to fight afgans.

got to leave the ussr with my fam as religious refugees.

watched my parents come up from absolute poverty to successful engineers in america (seems like most americans cant even do this).

i'm pretty damn lucky i am where i am.


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People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: youbreakyoubuy]
    #11985466 -

I fell through thin ice.

That sucked.

But not as much as having to walk home 2 miles in that awful weather, soaking wet.


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: learningtofly]
    #11985605 -

I once skipped breakfast.


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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11985620 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
I once skipped breakfast.


Don't believe that for a fuckin second. Try again.

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #11985647 -

OrgoneConclusion said:
I once skipped breakfast.


liar.

In all fairness falling through that ice was 100% the result of stupidity AKA the game of "How far out on the ice can you go"

i won :facepalm:

Edited by learningtofly (02/08/10 12:14 AM)

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: learningtofly]
    #11985667 -

I'm actually God.


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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Re: The Whopper Thread [Re: deCypher]
    #11985671 -

I am God's cousin, Ted.


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General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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