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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
    #617377 - 04/24/02 03:07 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

that other post got me thinking..

i love my girlfriend to death.. well i do MOST of the time, it seems..
i have a rather annoying depression condition, where my world seems to morph into something else every now and then, and sometimes even she seems like a stranger..
im pretty sure this is just my own brain fucking with me, but i would like to believe my love for her would be able to outweigh any negative neural activity..

like when questions start brewing around in my head.. my overly-analytical evil self kicks in
i keep asking myself.. "are we right for each other?"
"would it be better for both of us to just end this?"
because we do bicker alot but it really doesnt seem too drastic..

and then as the day goes on ill just fall back in love with her and want to see her so much, etc. etc.
and ill smack myself for doubting for a second our love for each other..

:repeat cycle:

it really is fucking with my head and has been for a long time..
i feel like im just looking for something that isnt even there.. that its my imagination.. i dont know..
she is a really great girl and gives me all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings...

when my head is straight i can usually see that its me bogging myself down and finding excuses for my own problems.. blaming it on other things like relationships with people...

maybe i should have stayed on medication.. blagh...

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Registered: 02/11/01
Posts: 31
Loc: a hill
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
Re: Girlfriend [Re: Grav]
    #618043 - 04/25/02 05:22 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

re: medication... if your leg was broken, would you feel impotent for using crutches until it healed?  genuine non-situational extended depression is a chemical imbalance and a genetic disorder.  don't assume it'll just stop happening; it won't.  you have to seize control of your psyche, shake it, and retrain it.  you have to stop feeding self-defeating lines of thought.  read about meditation; read some of the dalai lama's books.  if you had problems with one anti-dep, have your doctor try a different one.  i prefer st. john's wort at this point in my recovery because its effects are less dramatic.  depression is a well-understood and treatable condition and there is no good reason to wreck the best years of your life waiting for it to jump ship.  the world is beautiful, goofy, a big playpen.  you can be content, eager, and creatively involved in your life most, if not all, of the time.  drugkqs can help :wink:

re: your girlfriend.  why do you quarrel?  not why do you, as a couple, quarrel, but why do you, individually, quarrel?  do you want to?  does it help?  do you think it's important to be right or do things your way?  i once lived with a women for a couple of years... i wanted to go to a rainbow gathering with her, and she wanted to go but not for as long... we fought about it on the way home after i let her have her way, but the time we spent there is one of my fondest memories.  in other words, the time you enjoy together, even though the situation may not be what either of you would prefer, will be better if you compromise, and try to understand and have a good time together, instead of being a selfish dick and forcing your regrets down someone else's throat.  sharing a period of your life with someone is one of the best ways to learn about yourself and gain communication and coping skills. but you also have to HAVE a life, and not a codependent mess.  and you should trip mushrooms together, alone, without trying to talk, at a fairly high dosage.

in peace,
just footsteps

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Registered: 04/25/02
Posts: 6
Loc: Central Florida
Last seen: 16 years, 4 months
Re: Girlfriend [Re: Grav]
    #618056 - 04/25/02 05:48 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

wow.... just.... just.... wow...
i humbly bow to your sage-like advice.


"You cannot expect to solve the worlds problems with the same mindset used to create them."
-Albert Einstein.

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Registered: 02/11/01
Posts: 31
Loc: a hill
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
Re: Girlfriend [Re: Daedalus]
    #618176 - 04/25/02 10:25 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

hehe. makes me a little nervous when people start agreeing with me. disclaimer: i don't have a girlfriend and am just rambling to kill time.

i wonder why posts like these are so poorly attended. i guess because it's theoretically a little off topic? but i don't think anyone will deny (esp. people who've had sex on shrooms or taken x with a lover) that spirituality and the notion of sharing your path are closely related. why can't we go off on a little tangent about that?

:i sometimes say... there's a thing in hinduism, that all the religions of the world are just paths up the same mountain. i think psychs throw you over the mountain; if you're clever, you'd better take a parachute and tell someone you're going. but when you're just climbing up that mountain... there's nothing more helpful than having a trusted partner or 3... you can keep track of one another, watch where they stumble and avoid that route, and prevent calamity. only the very brave and the very daft attempt to climb the mountain alone; that's why buddhists, though more keen than anyone on the personal nature of the journey, also stress the importance of refuge in the sangha, the religious community. and only real assholes blame their climbing partners when someone (incl. yer own self) stumbles, or ignore good advice and caution from someone you should trust the most.

'life is one big road, with lots of signs.' the people you love are the most informative signs you come across.

um, yeah.

ramblin' zeke

in peace,
just footsteps

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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 117
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: Girlfriend [Re: Grav]
    #618187 - 04/25/02 10:38 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

My grandmother told me something worth remembering about relationships and marriage....

You'll never be happy all the time in a relationship; you'll disagree, argue, piss each other off. Love is not about getting along perfectly. It's about agreeing to disagree, respecting each other as individuals. She said of her husband, "He does stuff sometimes that bugs the living hell out of me, makes me want to just scream. But I'm sure I do things that make him feel the same way. We tolerate each other when that happens and talk about it if we need to." It's not about perfect bliss. It's about compromise, tolerance, and always learning.

I've always tried to remember her words. They've been married almost twice my age, so I figure they've got a lot of things figured out.

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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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