in 12 days it will be 2 years since I last had sex. I dont know whats wrong with me. I've had many many chances to have sex over the past couple years but it scares me anymore. The first girl I ever had sex with we had lots and lots of sex over a 2 month period. I always wore protection cause she was crazy, wasnt hot at all, and I basically just wanted something to stick my dick into. She was on birth control and was 2 years younger than me at the time and that was around when I turned 18. She was on the patch, and when ever there was a slight possibility of me getting cum inside of her she would rip off her patch and refuse to put it back on. She was trying to trap me.. by the way never use a condom that the girl supplied...
I got the the point with this girl where after an hour to an hour and a half of fucking I still wouldnt cum and we would just stop. The next girl I had sex with I really cared about her and then like a week after having sex we broke up but remained friends kinda..
When ever we do talk it always goes in the direction of her wanting to be friends with benefits. basically sex with no strings attached. I never really get around to it. Then there is some other girls from back in highschool that I had a crush on but nothing ever came about it and I usually talk with them when I'm hornier than usual and they talk about wanting to hang out and fuck but I really don't want to be with girls that loose. I had a girlfriend off and on for 2 years and she is turning vegan and religious on me and wants to have sex.. thats basically over now.
I have a problem with thinking i'm madly in love with a girl then 2 months later I cant stand to even text with them, they annoy me soo badly and I feel like the risk of having a kid and getting stuck with a girl that I dont like just isnt worth it. I've been waiting for the right girl but every single one that I come across was snatched up right out of highschool and all that remains is disgusting nasty loose women.
all I can think about though is how I got myself into this situation. Ive only truelly loved one girl in my life. She was my best friend in highschool before I ever had a girlfriend. I had the biggest crush on me, she was the prettiest girl in school and had guys always trying to get with her but she never would date any of them. She was on drill team and I would show up to school early in the morning to catch a glimpse or two of her at practice. After she was done she would always get dressed and walk up and down the school till she found me sitting in some random place listening to music and would sit next to me and we would just make small talk. We would spend every lunch together and find each other between classes. This went on till the end of our junior year. I never had the balls to make a move till now and the day before I was going to ask her to prom.. my best friend asked her and she said yes cause she didnt think I would ask and she was moving in a couple weeks. We had a falling out and didnt talk for half a year. When we did talk I got over myself and told her how I felt about her and she had the same feelings for me and we agreed to wait for each other cause she was moving back for college. Well when she moved back she brought her boyfriend with her.. he got her pregnant during the night of senior prom. They quickly got married so it wouldnt look like they had sex before marriage. We havent talked at all for a few years but I still think about her at least once ever few weeks and think about all the good times we had. I still love her and I know that I fucked up my one chance to be with the one girl that i could happily spend the rest of my life with.
Anymore these days I am just less and less ambitious. I wake up, go to work, eat, work some more, come home watch a little tv, get online and leave a few messages and then go to bed and start over. Same thing for the last few years.
I take trazadone as a sleep aid at night so I can be in bed early so i can wake up early. Its a depression medicine with the side effects of making people sleepy. So I'm guess what I have isnt depression. or maybe it is? I have a shit load of interests but none of them involve putting myself out there trying to find the right girl. I'm pretty attractive, cause i'm obsessive about looking good and keeping in shape and eating right. No junk food AT ALL. Girls are always interested but I feel guilty if i show any interest in them cause i truelly think I'm just using them and that it will never work out and what i'm doing is wrong.
I work hard and do what i do very well. I have nice things that my friends dont have but they always know what it feels to share love with someone other than family. Honestly I dont know where this is going. I'm just venting and putting my random thoughts into words that make more sense outside of my head. If you read all the way through this anticlimactic post and feel like you wasted precious time of your life that you will never get back, I am sorry. I really dont have anyone to talk to anymore. My best friend goes to school on the other side of the nation and I only see him a few times a year and well he is gone for another year now. He is a senior in at an ivyleague school and I'm a college drop out. Cant go to school full time and work full time to cover school and everything else so I stopped going to school to cover my bills and then never went back. anyways post your thoughts and feelings please. Thanks for reading it all. I appreciate it.
|
Threaded
Previous
Index
Next
Shop: High THC Strains
Edit 
Reply 
Anonymous
1 2 3 all )