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Coming out of the closet.
    #10584265 -

i want to stay true to myself. ALWAYS. it is hard, at times, to do so. you may white lie to yourself, here and there. thinking that it won't do any harm, until you build a shelter of lies that you can retreat to at any time. you lie to yourself so much that you actually begin to believe it!

BUT NO MORE!

i am bisexual. i have come to terms with this.

But i am soooo confused and conflicted with the thought of coming out. i do not, not, NOT want to come out. perhaps i can relate it like this:

I used to be addicted to heroin. I would keep it a secret from people, but some innevitably *would* find out (you may not think you look fucked up when you are on H, but everyone else does, :wink: just sayin). and like, to tell someone that you are addicted to heroin is to completely ostrasize yourself, socially, from them completely. Would you really want them to know?

That is how I do feel, with my close friends I feel as though I would want to tell them that I am bisexual, i mean it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, why would they care? no biggie, right?

obviously not. however...
there are people that I know that are NOT ok with that. as in, i know the old saying "those that matter dont mind, and those that mind dont matter" bullshit or whatever, but that just doesn't work in this day and age...there is a HUGE generation gap between myself and my grandparents. they are VERY VERY christian and VERY VERY against homosexuality and what not. i even fear i could be disowned by some people if they knew.

So how do I stay true to myself, while maintaining social posterity?

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10584345 -

What makes a guy bisexual (are you a dude?) other than wanting to have perverted sex with other dudes?

I guess I get it if some wiring is wrong or a guy was abused and goes gay, but how do you end up bi?

I thought about trying to say this all PC, but I figured I'd just blurt it out. Hope all goes well for you, life is hard enough to have to worry about little things like  you liking to suck cock and have your fudge packed and what not.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10584351 -

It's more accepted now than it ever has been before, but there are some who would look down on it. Good luck with that, and be safe.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #10584430 -

I don't look down on it, but I don't understand it. But I really love women, so it just seems off. Kinda like somebody who would choose to eat what in my estimation is dog poop when they could have prime rib. But I realize it's not that easy.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #10586806 -

The same reason you like girls.... gay guys just like guys?  I don't see why some people can't understand that.  From a girls point of view... I am sure they would think "why would you ever like another girl" but most guys like girls.  Its just an attraction

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #10587223 -

OP I suggest you see a good psychiatrist immediately.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10587390 -

I am a "bisexual" man as well.

I wasn't sure I was bisexual until I found myself deeply attracted to a guy and asked him out.  At this point I told friends that I was dating this guy, and began self-identifying as bi.  I did not "come out" to my parents (although they probably knew).  I am glad I found someone to experiment with.

We ended up dating for a few months.  It was a good time but I found out that I prefer girls.  I am still attracted to dudes but in the end would like to end up with a woman.

Am I really a bisexual?  Or am I a dude that likes girls, but also gets a turn on by males too?  Straight man with a dude fetish?  I'd prefer not to label.  Hetero, homo, and bi are all limiting terms and don't express the depth and variation in human sexual relationships.

My advice:  Don't "come out" bisexual.  If you end up in a relationship with a dude tell your friends if they are accepting types, or your parents if you want and they will accept it.  No way would I ever let my grandmother know!

Edited by Anonymous (06/28/09 04:48 PM)

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10587642 -

You cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

Any "friend" who rejects you for being bi is not a friend at all. FUCK THEM (not literally, it will be awkward)
Seriously, any "friend" who would reject you over knowing you are bisexual - you are better off without them, even if that means going through a phase of having no friends at all. Been there, done that.

Hi. I'm gay.

You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.

Quote:
there is a HUGE generation gap between myself and my grandparents. they are VERY VERY christian and VERY VERY against homosexuality and what not.


You don't have to tell them. Choose whom you come out to.

Quote:
i even fear i could be disowned by some people if they knew.



What are you, some rich kid waiting for his handout? You should let your coming out be guided by your conscience, and not by financial motives.

If your Shroomery and offline life are well separated, think about coming out on the Shroomery. Its not the big step but could be an interesting intermediate step. Theres all kinds here. Like the sea before Moses, the Shroomery will split before you into the morally retarded who bounce all sorts of hostilities off you and the nice and not so nice people who don't mind or simply :shrug:  without dismissing you as a person for it.  In most forums, the morally challenged are a minority.
Much like coming out in RL.

If the threads topic warrants it, drop a casual comment that you're bisexual and hide beneath your desk awaiting the shitstorm. Nine out of ten times (and yes that tenth is OTD) it will be a nonevent, just not too big a deal.

Having come out fully in RL I recommend you to tell your friends and see which ones will remain friends with you, and choose your battles with the relatives with care.

You being bi and me being curious I'd like to ask: do you think you can LOVE a man as much as you do a woman, or is it just a sex thang? If you do settle down, do you think there is a good chance your partner may be of either sex?

If its just a sex thing then go have fun and theres little need to come out. If its a love thing though, sooner or later you will have to come out.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #10587646 -

You're most probably seeking to put yourself in a box, to attach label to yourself at all cost. It feels so much safer doesn't it ? I AM hetero, I AM homo, I AM bi, etc. BS. What better way to feel safe than by coming out and forcing the labelling to stay in place not only by yourself towards yourself, but by others also. You seek to find your own reflection in the eyes of others. Not finding it you are about to force it on yourself.

I advise you to stop thinking of sexuality as two or three boxes and to rather first understand it as a spectrum. There's nothing you need to prove to yourself or others.

Focus on your low self-esteem rather than silly makeshift sexual non-problems, on what causes you to feel the need to come out in the first place.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #10587882 -

who cares just tell them or dont.

Decide and dont worry.

There is nothing wrong with you and I and I bet most males are a little bi.

Hell alexander the great was bisexual, and he is like the epitome of manliness.

Fuck homophobes.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #10587887 -

Just tell people if they dont like you, they dont like you.

What matters is that you like you and that you do not feel like you have to hide yourself from others.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #10588603 -

Anonymous #10 said:
Just tell people if they dont like you, they dont like you.

What matters is that you like you and that you do not feel like you have to hide yourself from others.


this

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #10588627 -

Yeah and at the SAME TIME, why does who or what we wanna fuck have to be such a big deal? I don't know a single hetro who's going to a "Hetro Pride" parade or describes himself as a "hetro guy" or has a bumper sticker on his car announcing his love of pussy the way the gays seemingly MUST announce their love of dick.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of this topic.

Live and let live.


And shut up while you're doing it. Please.

Edited by Anonymous (06/28/09 08:39 PM)

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #10588647 -

I know how you feel, I haven't come out of the closet to any of my family or friends. I'm sure some of my family has known for longer than I have though.

I hope you do what feels right, telling them or not. It can, does, hurt keeping the real you bottled up inside. :heart:

rrhoads

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #10588782 -

Anonymous #2 said:
Yeah and at the SAME TIME, why does who or what we wanna fuck have to be such a big deal? I don't know a single hetro who's going to a "Hetro Pride" parade or describes himself as a "hetro guy" or has a bumper sticker on his car announcing his love of pussy the way the gays seemingly MUST announce their love of dick.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of this topic.

Live and let live.


And shut up while you're doing it. Please.


Thats because its clearly accepted to be hetero so they don't need to flaunt it because its how most people are, where as gay guys hide their true selves from everyone for some time, and thats why they develope their gay pride or whatever you want to call it.

Also, he probably felt like telling you guys because its anonomous so all though you guys probably don't care, its that first step that makes telling people in real life easier

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #10589501 -

I'm a completely straight guy but have no issues with people who prefer different sexual partners than myself.  If you decide to make a thread about it here on the Shroomery in a non-anonymous post, I'll gladly support your efforts if I happened across such a post.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #13]
    #10589758 -

You are all homosexuals. Stop sucking each others e-cocks and get over it.

Look, if you like dudes, you like dudes. Don't be bashful about it. You don't have to run around telling everyone, just inform your partners. What the fuck is the dilemma here?

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #14]
    #10589806 -

:congrats:

Where are gays being hated on? I've lived in three states and everywhere I go the gays are being applauded for "being themselves" and being "edgy". Every TV show and movie has to have some gay angle in it, and to say you think being gay is gross, not WRONG (I personally care as much about what someone screws as I do about what they eat) but gross, you get told everything from "you're a bigot" to "you're in denial".

OP, get your whatever on, who cares. But your sexuality is but a tiny bit of your life. Don't let who or what you want to screw, or have screw you, put you in a box.

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Re: Coming out of the closet. *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #14]
    #10589895 -

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: y5etee


Edited by Anonymous (06/28/09 11:47 PM)

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Re: Coming out of the closet. [Re: Anonymous #15]
    #10589916 -

Jesus fuck #15, I didn't read that at all.

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