I wrote this today in my journal

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Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Anonymous #1

I wrote this today in my journal

#10519834 - 06/16/09 11:24 PM (17 years, 4 months ago)

Dont why but I feel like sharing. I'm going through some troubles right now.

Here i am walking up and down my steps. Head lost in a sea of thoughts about my own dysfunction.
It is a tormentation, a hellish pit of irritability, tense nerves, doubtfullness.

How did I come to be in this place? What twists of fate have cast me to this loveless place. My head has become a festival for terrible, degrading thoughts. A confusion zoo. What am I even doing?
What is wrong with me, what is right with me? Am I even a person, or just a walking meat factory?
Something inside is bubbling, but the fumes are terrible to the nose. They are congesting and coagulating. Impossible to breathe and even to see.
The insedious urge for sex has overtaken me. It has become my primary focus. It is something I must have, like craving a drug that youknow will give you the utlimate high.

Occasionally the fumes clear and I come down from this euphoric mind journey. And wonder what my true calling really is. There is a beast inside me that craves sex but it is afraid of being let out.

What kind of an animal am I? Am i a chameleon in heat...meandering along blending in with all whom i meet, looking for another lizard with which to copulate. Am I an insect swarming around aimlessly, landing and looking around with bug eyes to the world, hoping to find another fly to latch onto?

I am in a low place right now. Sub human. Looking above me I can see al that is. It is all accessible if I can reach out and take it. I see helping hands every where. Ever person is reaching for me, trying to draw me up. I try to take their hands...I slip through them. My hands are greasy with grime. Must wipe them clean....how to wipe them clean with no towel? Not even a shirt..I'm naked down here!!

There is change on the way. An up draft...I can feel it. Gentle pushes from below....waiting to thrust me up into those arms...to be amongst all the beautiful people of the world. To marvel with them, to walk the heavens with them and explore the vastness of reality.

Before I was dreaming...only dreaming. To be awoken in such a cold place as heartless as this is stupifying. But pain gives rise to joy and the light is only just up ahead.

Clarity...temperateness...calmness. Oh yes I can see it so clearly now. With eyes closed. The mind is constant shapeshifting canvas. A canvas made out of shifting sands...shaken it can be entirely skewed or reset. I am the artist, he who determines the artwork on the canvas.

Creativity. Not sold by the bottle, but found by the bundle in the proper situations. Looking for a fresh supply. Perhaps I can simply synthesize it as one makes drugs from plants to be distributed around the globe. A meat factory yes, but a creation haven feeding upon the minced meat bones.

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Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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