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still a virgin
    #9590933 -

So im still a virgin and i really have only had 1 girlfriend, im 20 years old, male.

It almost feels like i have so much built up that i want to do that its overwhelming. and im lonely. so not only do i really want to have sex but i also just want a girlfriend. there's really noone in my area i live in and i dont know what to do.

i think i have intimacy problems, like i *think* i dont, but then when someone gets close i act funny, like i will think way too much about it when a girls leg touches mine and i dont know her.

its like i want to do something but i pysche myself out thinking about it and it becomes weird. Its like all the years not doing anything has made me weird.

it feels like i would be fine after a few days in bed with a girlfriend but i cant find one so i feel like shit.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9590969 -

Don't take it to the head. Eventually someone will come along. You should just stop looking the way most people 'socially' hook up with someone. You'll never find a decent girl like that these days unless you yourself are like them. You have to go to settings you're comfortable with and when in doubt, never be too hesitate to start a relationship over the internet regardless of the social stipulation. But just don't LOOK. You need to find other things to occupy your time and yes i know how frustrating it can be. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and honestly when you lose it you'll be like 'wtf, why was this ever such a big deal to me?' Just keep your head up, and eyes peeled and eventually someone WILL come along. Just chill out. You might even want to read about other peoples experiences with how they met their current wife or girlfriend. You'd be surprised how far fetched it can be. I know sexual frustrations build up, just don't act like a fool. I know everyone wants to get laid but don't come off like that's your only intention unless its just some one night stand. Which i would not recommend for someone like yourself.

Just try to be comfortable with yourself and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Eventually you'll learn to be comfortable around girls. Honestly its best to start out friends with a girl who doesn't have a boyfriend. Just don't wait too long if you can FEEL the chemistry and connection. The girl might think you aren't interested in her.

Edited by jvm (01/11/09 06:35 PM)

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9590998 -

I was like that for a LONG ass time.  I probably still wouldn't have a girl friend if my girlfriend didn't ask me out.  Personally it wasn't because I had intimacy problems, I was just anxious around women.  Didn't know what to say, those sorts of things.  I'd try to get some anti-anxiety meds if I were you or just get a slight alcohol buzz going when you know you are going to be talking to women.


--------------------



"Leave your mind alone and just get high"

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Re: still a virgin [Re: Shamanintraining]
    #9592021 -

Eh I dunno about getting buzzed up. There have been times where I was buzzed meeting girls and everything was dandy, but then when I saw them later and I was sober it was like meeting them all over again. But...I become much more confident when I drink, so maybe it's different for you. I dunno in any case, really, I would suggest not using alcohol to get things going. It will help you more in the long run.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9592610 -

I've got a friend who's 26 and never gotten any.  He's had opportunities, but always seems to sabotage himself.  I partly blame his parents.  They raised him with all this Catholic guilt, and his mom especially seems to have this delicate nervousness about her.  It's hard to explain, but having met them, it's not hard to see how he got so screwed up.  He's inherited that same nervousness, self-doubt and self-consciousness.

Maybe I shouldn't be one to talk.  I lost my virginity at age 19, had two serious relationships, and haven't had sex for years since then.  But I'm OK with that.  I know it's just a matter of getting myself out there, and eventually I'll meet the right girl.  And so will you.


--------------------

Edited by Silversoul (01/11/09 11:50 PM)

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9592627 -

mistadobalina said:
it feels like i would be fine after a few days in bed with a girlfriend but i cant find one so i feel like shit.


I was in a similar situation myself and a relationship with a girl is all I needed to pull me out of it.  It really changed me.  Just work on your confidence and you'll find someone.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life

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Re: still a virgin [Re: PowerTrip]
    #9594449 -

Quote:
it feels like i would be fine after a few days in bed with a girlfriend but i cant find one so i feel like shit.


Decide that you don't need a girlfriend. Lots of people go out looking for love, only to find that it changes little. Decide that every woman is your sister. Treat them all with brotherly love, and eventually one of them will "break the rules". If you treat every woman as a sister, you may find that your brotherly-love needs some work. Work on it. Eventually you will become very attractive to most women, if you stick with it.

Think with your heart, not your willy, nor with your head.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love     truth awareness peace I am      I feel      I do     I love  I speak    I see    I know

why there is reality and patterned, law-like consistency at all, rather than noise or non-reality is not a question physics answers. It's a question physics presupposes an answer to in order to provide other answers.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: Rahz]
    #9594618 -

that treating women like a sister thing makes sense, i haven't been close with my sister for a few years. we were very close growing up and i remember girls seemed to like me more back then. and yea i didnt worry or think about it too much. very good advice my friend, thank you

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9594722 -

Ya man, I was the last guy in my group of friends to lose it. I was 17. The first girl was smooooking hot and we dated for three years. She ended up being a headcase and a chronic cheater.

I went 2 years without having sex, a girlfriend, or a hope for either. Then a girl I dated in high school (that I didn't fuck) came back along.

I pushed her away for months because I was terrified of love, sex, and commitment. I went nuts inside. I would fake a smile for everyone then go and face my self hatred in my room alone.

Eventually I let myself get close to her and I ended up taking her virginity. Now we've been together for almost a year and I think I found the right one for me =0)~.

Its tough, but believe me and jvm, once it happens the way you feel now will seem silly. Remember your life is your life. There's no shelf life for virginity.


--------------------
We mean nothing we do not mean to do.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: Rahz]
    #9595028 -

Rahz said:
Quote:
it feels like i would be fine after a few days in bed with a girlfriend but i cant find one so i feel like shit.


Decide that you don't need a girlfriend. Lots of people go out looking for love, only to find that it changes little. Decide that every woman is your sister. Treat them all with brotherly love, and eventually one of them will "break the rules". If you treat every woman as a sister, you may find that your brotherly-love needs some work. Work on it. Eventually you will become very attractive to most women, if you stick with it.

Think with your heart, not your willy, nor with your head.


I think is really good advice. I can't comment based on personal experience, but I have been striving for this type of casual treatment of women for a long time, knowing that it was probably the best route. All the friends I've had who treat all women as a friend and don't automatically look for something more, have girls wanting them nonstop.

I think this is the truth behind "stop looking for a girlfriend and one will find you." It's the additional stop looking and treat them all the same, that seems to make all the difference.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: fazdazzle]
    #9596114 -

I've recently come to the conclusion that love is all there is, and is the point of the game. So to have problems in this area is completely natural and forgivable. Love is ridiculously powerful and beautiful, so it's not going to just be latent between you and every chick, you've got to find the right one. I'm 21 and still virginal, mostly because I'm (I've been) god damn crazy, but I've cleaned myself up a bit recently and now girls look my way and flirt a little without me doing anything. So this "virgin" title will be over soon. I could be arrogant and just fuck anything I find, but that's about as fruitful as desperate masturbation in my eyes. Being a "virgin" might be a problem if you're some erratic social climber, or a teenager, but once you're out of both of those there's no real big deal.


--------------------

Wherever the hero may wander, whatever he may do, he is ever in the presence of his own essence — for he has the perfected eye to see. There is no separateness. Thus, just as the way of social participation may lead in the end to a realization of the All in the individual, so that of exile brings the hero to the Self in all.

joseph campbell


For, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.

jesus

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Re: still a virgin [Re: burgatory]
    #9596832 -

Im a virgin too, had many chances to bang girls. However, i don't want to bang one that i dont 'love'. Kind of hard to explain i guess.. Im in no hurry, just watch porn and jo for the time being. Ive never had any trouble finding girls interested in me though, however that dosen't seem like your case.

Goodluck, and don't worry about it.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9600332 -

I'm in my thirties and didn't lose my virginity until I was 22.  Now I have a stunning girlfriend and I have no doubt I could easily get another any time that I wanted if things didn't work out.  Here is some of what I learned. 

First of all if there aren't available women in your town I highly recommend moving to a larger city.  Sounds drastic, I know, but believe me it will be worth it.  Just start saving up money like a mad man until you can do it.  If you love the town you live in now you can always come back when you're older, or you may find that you don't love it as much as you think once you're gone. 

It's much easier to get beautiful women than you think.  You've just gotta start being more social, develop a good circle of friends that you can go do stuff with.  Then you can invite your friends over for a cook out and ask a girl if she'd like to come over.  No pressure since you're cooking out regardless of whether she is there or not. 

Spend some money on some cool looking clothes that fit right.  You don't have to go crazy with it, but dressing fashionably makes you feel better and makes the whole process easier.  Start wearing a few pieces of interesting jewelry. 

Keep your place relatively clean and free of clutter.  Get some cool floor lamps instead of overhead lighting. 

Develop an interest in music that isn't rock or country.  This helps make you a more developed and interesting person.  I've gotten a lot of mileage out of an old record player and some jazz and Spanish guitar albums.  Cuban music is also awesome background music for social gatherings.  Having some cheap red wine on hand also helps in this regard.

Here is the single biggest tip I learned that I am now passing along to you.  One day this week make it your goal to make three other people feel better about themselves.  If someone just spent a lot of money on an expensive car, go ahead and reassure them that the car is awesome and was totally worth it.  If someone has helped you out a lot and you haven't properly thanked them, do it now. 

Seriously, make three other people feel good about themselves this week.  Don't analyze this advice too much, just try it and see what happens.  I can't overemphasize this enough.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mrblonde]
    #9600955 -

very good advice guys, thank you. this was really part of something more than just virginity, and i really feel like im being a better person.

mr blonde, ive just started to take some of the advice you gave and it makes me feel better, so everything feels good. Getting laid seems like something different now, it's really losing some of the plastic images of what it means socially.

Im trying to treat everyone like a brother or sister and already girls feel more comfortable around me and at first i was surprised at that lol but it feels good.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9601980 -

Great post by mrblonde.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: still a virgin [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9602501 -

i am 21 and i am a virgin.  it honestly doesn't bother me.  sex sounds awesome but it can change things between 2 people really fast if it just happens for no reason.  i have no problem i am admitting i am a virgin because i am looking for someone i love for it to happen with (not marriage, just someone i care about)  i am pretty sure i am the only virgin in my group of friends and the girls i hang out with eat it up (not trying to sounds cocky) because they know i am not just looking for ass (because lets be honest here, if i was just looking to get my dick wet, i could have gone to the bar and picked up the local bar skank and brought her home and paid for a taxi ride back to her place when things were said and done) i am looking for someone i care about and i think in order to share that experience fully, its not going to be some 1 night stand or a bar fly.

don't go out looking, the right one will find you.  build your confidence some more and make some actual lady friends (that helps a bunch, having a girl you talk to like a girl but can still have friend that you can lounge out with on just a friend basis)  getting comfortable with a girl that is your friend will make it easier to find conversation a random one.

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Re: still a virgin [Re: mistadobalina]
    #9602654 -

it stars saddam said:
Sex no longer has any meaning or purpose.  Our planet is grossly overpopulated, so reproduction should be avoided at all costs.  Therefore, the only remaining function of sex is hedonistic pleasure, and this can be achieved to a greater degree with drugs.



--------------------
"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley
:drooling:GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH:drooling:

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Re: still a virgin [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9603127 -

If you just want to loose your virginity call an escort. If you want a real relationship good luck!

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Re: still a virgin [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #9603180 -

has everyone forgot about the oldest profession?  HOOKERS

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Re: still a virgin [Re: Ledd]
    #9606244 -

Ledbonzo86 said:
Eventually I let myself get close to her and I ended up taking her virginity. Now we've been together for almost a year and I think I found the right one for me =0)~.



I can see that you believe she is the right one for you. Although, she was not your first, do you still love her the same, or more?

I am in the same boat. I lost my virginity to one, but fell even more in love with another. We fight alot, but for some reason, I cant help but get her off my mind. Shes not like the rest. I mean I still sometimes miss the first, but I really do love this one. Do you feel the same way? :tongue2:

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