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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Girl Trouble
    #4302551 -

Here goes....

There is this girl. We both lost our virginity to each other years ago. Several years after this, we got back together and went out for four or five months. I dumped her because she was immature and I had never really felt romantic feelings for her.

We kept having sex for a long time though. She grew up a lot and our relationship morphed into a true best friend relationship. The sex pretty much disappearred and we just talked and confided in each other all of the time (we still do). We talk to each other about everything. We talk about five times a day usually. I love this girl immensely. I would do anything for her.

Here's the problem: She has been and is still in love with me. She has made it clear that she would be with me in a heartbeat if I wanted her. I do not have those feelings for her at all. This is the "big problem" in our relationship. We talk about it and fight about it constantly. I think it pisses her off that i have "rejected her". And I get pissed off that she pulls drama-like stuff on me about the whole situation.

She is terribly possessive of me. She is very hypocritical in her possessiveness. Since we broke up she has messed around with, dated, or fucked a lot of guys. She is even going out with a guy right now. Yet, when she hears that I got a blowjob from some girl or that I got laid, she flips out. She says how disgusting it is that I messed around with some "ho". It is hilarious when she says that because she has had plenty of one night stands and full-around sessions with guys that she hardly knows. She just gave me the third degree tonight because I told her I was flirting with girls at the bars out here in Denver.

I am sick of the drama and the arguments. She thinks that I get a power-trip off of her pursuing me. I really don't. I want her to be happy. I don't want her to pursue me. She is wasting her time and hurting our friendship by romantically thinking of me and by being possessive of me.

How can I get this girl to fall out of love with me and just be my best friend? I do need this girl in my life. I can talk to her about anything and rely on her for anything. She can expect the same from me. We are so important to each other that "going our seperate ways" is not possible.

What a fucked up situation this is....

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4302879 -

Have you tryed giving each other a break for a while? like about 6 months? Or even more if needed.Time heals everything.

If your not in the picture for a while, it leaves more feeling's to direct towards her other relationship and maybe in time she will accept that you don't have as strong feelings towards her and that you probably never will.

There isn't much else i can advise you to do, the only person who knows the answer to this is you..

Good Luck  :thumbup:
Mushie Man  :crazy:


--------------------
Ecstacy got me standing next to you
Getting sentimental as fuck spillin' guts to you
We just met
But I think I'm in love with you
But you're on it too
So you tell me you love me too
Wake up in the morning like "yo, what the fuck we do?"

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4302886 -

Interesting sistuation. I think you called it right about her being immature.

You may have to play the parent role here. You can cut off conversation whenever she brings this stuff up. Tell her that your continued friendship depends on her dropping the BS. And if she won't you either live with it or walk away. Good luck. You sound like a good friend. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Icelander]
    #4305597 -

if you care about her the best thing for her may be to go your separate ways. it sounds like she has a hard time with subtle boundaries. i think this is because she's in love. and that's why this situation is not fair to her.

you say it's not possible but maybe this is a win-lose situation and you have to choose, your needs (talking 5 times a day) or hers (she has closure so she move on with her life).

it doesn't sound like you're going to convince her by talking to her.

you sound like you're in denial about what she says about using her for power trip. it's not that you're using her for a power trip, i think what she senses is that it's win-lose and that you're choosing yourself over her.

i'm not saying your a bad person. you are in a VERY difficult situation.

1) i have been in a similar situation and i made what i would call the wrong choice. but a bad choice doesn't make someone a bad person.

2) you still have the chance to change things if you want.

it's a difficult situation you have. make sure you're honest with yourself. if you have the strength, be honest with her.


--------------------
"consensus on the nature of equilibrium is usually established by periodic conflict." -henry kissinger

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: crunchytoast]
    #4306628 -

well, you could give her what she wants. you've been having sex off and on since you broke up, so give her the option of a casual relationship. one where you'll refrain from seeing too many other people and you expect the same of her. how many people do you need to mess around with? your best friend is usually the one you end up marrying...maybe she'll 'mature' while she's with you.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4306988 -

Women can get really possessive when they lose their virginity to a guy. I give you credit for keeping your emotions in check as this girl is fucking around with all of these guys. I've had ex girlfriends turn into total whores after I dated them and it really bothered me. I had to just stop talking to them because I was sick of seeing them behave that way. This girl may even be doing it to try to get to you. If she can make you jealous then she can convince herself that you really care about her. Just don't let her play any games with you. I don't think this girl will ever be able to be just your friend. Once you cross that line it is extremely difficult to go back. Some say it is impossible to go back but I disagree. It just requires both people to be open minded. It is really on her at this point.


--------------------
I spit reality, instead of what you usually learn
and I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice
cause I'm the only motherfucker that can change my life

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Godspeed]
    #4307335 -

Godspeed said:
well, you could give her what she wants. you've been having sex off and on since you broke up, so give her the option of a casual relationship. one where you'll refrain from seeing too many other people and you expect the same of her.



We did that for a long time. We were best friends with benefits. Now we are just best friends. We haven't had sex in a long time.

Godspeed said:
your best friend is usually the one you end up marrying...maybe she'll 'mature' while she's with you.


I don't want to marry her. Yes, we are very compatible in some ways, but I absolutely do not have those feelings for her.

I have been completely honest with her for years. She knows that I am not in love with her and I don't want to be with her. Even when we were having sex she knew all of this.

She just goes psycho on me sometimes. She usually calms down after a day or so. Why are chicks so nuts when it comes to their emotions?

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4307804 -

Jesus fucking Christ...

She just messaged me on my cell phone saying, "I will get my revenge". I was like, "What the fuck?!".

So I called her and we had an argument/discussion. She said that if I did anything with another girl while I was on my trip she would exact revenge upon me somehow. I told her that was terrible. I love her and would never do anything like that to her. I also pointed out her hypocrisy on the subject (how she is allowed to date or mess around with other guys but if I so much as talk to another girl she flips out).

She said that when I hurt her she wants to get me back. I have been honest with this girl for a long time. She knows (and has known for a long time) that I am not in love with her and when we would have sex I just wanted to get a piece. And we haven't even had sex in a long time anyway.

It didn't seem to make much of a difference when I said I was sorry for hurting her and I asked what I could do to make her feel better. It was like we were at an impasse.

I am so fucking sick of this hypocritical and vindictive possessiveness that emanates from her. I don't want to deal with this bullshit.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4308036 -

I am beginning to think your attachment to this chick is sick. She doesn't sound so cool to me. I would dump this bitch fast. If she wants revenge than she ain't no friend. :thumbdown: Wake up RandalFlagg.

Sorry but I just had to say it. :laugh:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Icelander]
    #4308057 -

I agree...I think "obsessively fixated" is more accurate than "in love."
She needs counseling.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4308065 -

Extra baggage you do not need.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Adden]
    #4308140 -

s2dope said:
Extra baggage you do not need.


Exactly. I recommend cutting her out of your life, Randall. All she seems to do is create problems.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Ravus]
    #4308724 -

totally, what it sounds like the girl needs is the cold shoulder, for a while at least. Your giving her what she wants when you call her back after she gives you some bullshit text message... shes in desperate need of your attention, so dont give it to her. Shes sounds kinda nuts dude.. i know its hard to break ties with your first girl, but its for the better really. Keep it limited, she obviously needs space, if not psychiatric help.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #4314456 -

''Im sorry to hurt you, what can I do to make you feel better, blah blah blah.''
Quit being a pussy and stop loosing your time with that girl

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Gus]
    #4314715 -

Gus said:
''Im sorry to hurt you, what can I do to make you feel better, blah blah blah.''
Quit being a pussy and stop loosing your time with that girl


If I didn't give a shit about this girl I would have dropped her a long time ago.

The saga continues....


We had a big fight last night. I flat out said, "I will not deal with this shit anymore. I do not feel romantically towards you. I am sick of you being possessive and hypocritical. I am sick of you threatening me when I flirt with/and or have an interest in other girls. I have my own life and I need to live it. We are just friends. You do not own me. I love you and would do anything for you, but I will not have you play these fucking games with me anymore. Be there as my friend. Be supportive and caring to me and I will do the same to you. But enough with the bullshit."

I think she got the message. Hopefully she will do what I ask of her.

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Gus]
    #4314773 -

This girl sounds nuts man. Does she actually accuse you of power tripping off her? That's stupid if you tell her to drop it all the time, the only reason it seems your power tripping is because she's hounding you and you always have to reject her. Anyways, tell her that it's none of her business who you sleep with just like it's none of your business all the people she sleeps with. Put your damn foot down, just tell her you're not interested in this relationship she keeps bringing up but you do like her company as a friend. Explain that if she is the only one with feelings the relationship will never work and it puts you in a tricky position in that you would hurt her if you agreed and you're kind of hurting her when you disagree. If you were to have a relationship with her and it failed, which it probably would, then you would really hurt her and could probably never be friends again. Tell her you don't want that to happen and if she can't agree to drop the subject then it's probably better you go seperate ways with minimal damage

And tell her threatening revenge is no way to woo a person. And then if she threatens you again at some point you might want to look into a restraining order or something. She seriously does sound a little crazy and it's hard to make somebody fall out of love with you anyways. I doubt her feelings ever change and I hope she doesn't exact revenge like 3 years later out of nowhere when she sees you with another woman...

Good luck


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]

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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Wysefool]
    #4317949 -

Get a girl friend! j\k :P


--------------------


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Disclaimer!?

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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