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I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself.
    #9481448 -

EDIT** this thread is 3 years old ** yes i am bumping it.
I made this thread 3 years ago. Holy shit i think that i was depressed. Turns out i turned into an IV heroin addict, but even so i am not anywhere near that negative about life. Im 2 months clean now living in a recovery house but even while i was full blown using i was enjoying life way more then i was when i originally posted this. Its so strange finding this thread it doesnt even seem like a younger me could have posted that.
Im still not all crazy happy, but im doing my best to find what enjoyment i can in my life. I actually have direction in my life and a semi-plan for the crazy abnormal life i plan on living. I still have fairly often thoughts of wanting to die but only because like one of the people who responded posted, I am just fuckin lazy. sometimes it just doesnt seem worth it. Like fuck, another day of shit i have to do in order to be able to do some of what i enjoy doing. But overall i do feel its all worth it. Ive realized each person has control to make their life literally whatever they want it to be. Even if its to shoot dope like i had chose for a few years lol.


Is it possible that some people just dont like this world, and not just depressed.

Its so true. We are just completely thrown into life. Does anyone ask to be born?

Take 1,000,000 and FORCE them (just as we are forced into this world) to watch a certain movie. I dont think id have to much resistance to me saying there is a good good chance a percentage of the people will walk out of the movie. Is there something wrong with them? are they "depressed". No. They were thrown into watching a movie, and some people just dont like it, so they leave.

Im a nihilist, a solipist, a misanthrope. I believe when we die we die. there is nothing else.

When is comes down to it. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT???

Life is pain with moment of happiness. Happiness in a sense of "being Happy" overall is a myth. NO ONE, NO ONE is happy. It is the pain that lingers with you, and the moments of happiness quickly vanish.

I just dont understand the point of life. At least not for someone with the views that i have. If there is nothing after, wtf is the point of fucking suffering your whole life to get to nothing. Id much rather just skip the bullshit.

For those that will tell me "you have to make life what you want" blah blah blah. Well, i believe once you die you dont know you ever existed, so wtf. Nohting has any meaning.

Yet. I would never kill myself. I could never ever ever ever effect the people in my life the way that i know it would if i killed myself.

Thus, i am trapped. To live my life to spare others pain. I definitely sometimes wish no one gave a shit about me.

and lastly, i dont think i am depressed. I dont buy into the bullshit of life. I dont like the concept, and i think its stupid. i just dont want to be a part of it. Society instantly labels this depression. Why? Because i dont want this bullshit that you enjoy? I was born into this world and this human race against my will and i simply dont like the concept of it. The human race is a fucking disgrace and i am extremely sickened i am even part of it. We just dont see it because we are the most intelligent being. No other creature gets close to the absolute sickening things the human race does. We are a disgusting lifeform all seeking this concept of happiness that has been created but is unobtainable.

Well, i guess i should lay off the drugs. I just came down from a trip but i've been meaning to make a very similar post the last few days so its not just the mushies talking. Anyway, that was just a rant and im interested to see anyones view on it

Edited by Anonymous (01/31/12 04:52 PM)

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9481454 -

I meant this to go between lines 1 and 2

"Into this house we're born, Into this world we're thrown"

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9481538 -

:shrug: Try to enjoy being trapped. If you know all you can do is wait it out, might as well find something about it to like. If your loved ones are important enough to keep you here, you already have.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #9481632 -

Well you got 2 choices. Die. Or live.

I have thought about this allot, I actually was quite traumatized when I realized this when I was 7.

All one has, is his memories. You can't see the future, and the present is essentially the past. (To live in a state of instant perception is impossible)
So when one dies, all you have is your life. It scares me to have to look back and see nothing, just a collection of 'what if's' and 'I didn't because...'

Life is to be lived. If you hold something for the world, it will hold something for you.

I agree, if there is no 'afterlife' it all seems worthless...but I guarantee no one has lived their whole life and didn't have a story to tell.
And if there is an afterlife, you'll feel like a dick if you didn't do anything.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9481949 -

I agree their or two choices, but for me, it's laugh or cry.

mushrooms can make you do both at the same time, but usually its one or the other.

life is pretty funny because it is meaningless, and pointless, and nothing - but it's also everything.

laugh or cry. I choose to laugh, because it really is quite crazy to be thwon into this world - with no point, but to make a point or find a oint for ourselves. truly insane man. I feel you.

but laugh or cry. I hope you choose to laugh.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9481952 -

if this is really it, the heaven and hell, the all - i urge you to strive on just a bit longer. I have seen heaven, and it is is awesome. this world is remarkably beautiful when seen in the right view, and i hope you seek that view for yourself. :heartpump:

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9481954 -

its not the world i hate, just humanity, its disgusting!

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #9481963 -

they are highlarious! the way they shit. the way they stuff their face like beasts. laugh it up, chuckles!

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #9481969 -

I like humans in general. The ones which are overly power hungry i despise.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #9482017 -

I want to die too.


But that is not neccesarily because I don't like this world. Fuck it.


Its just that life is meaningless. I don't feel sad or bad, I am just lazy to live. I feel free, might as well kill myself because there is no superior meaning for life and I am too lazy to go through all that process of doing things that every human has to do. Only problem is that some people care about me and they would be very sad if I'd leave this world.

Its really odd feeling.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9482056 -

Anonymous #1 said:
Im a nihilist, a solipist, a misanthrope. I believe when we die we die. there is nothing else.

When is comes down to it. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT???




If that is your philosophic view, there is no point.  I could attempt to clear it up with a little Plato and Aristotle, but you wouldn't listen.

It seems like drugs are clouding your already confused mind.

Think of this:

The World is So Full of a Number of Things,

I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings~Robert Lewis Stevenson



:rainbowcloud:

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9482375 -

The nihilist, solipist, misanthrope OP is having a spiritual crisis.

The way you set your worldview up leads you to unhappiness and adds to your suffering.

You need to get over your old cosmology.


Quote:
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT???



Is that rhetorical or do you want an answer? In my view life exists for itsa own sake. Each life, each human, is a cogwheel in the grand machine that is the universe. It exactly does its part, nothing less and nothing more. The entire universe, the laws of nature and thephysical constants work in unison to put you on this planet, right here, right now. Or, you would not be here.

And this crisis you are facing, you are meant to have it and you will overcome it, by insight or death. Nothing lasts forever but for the universe at large.

Write down the world exactly as you see it, in all detail, then put it away for some time and re-read it. You will probably recognize patterns in there that will give you opportunity to realize your mind is overly coiling around negativity.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #9482406 -

The past is history, the future a mystery.
Today is a present, enjoy it.

You define yourself, ask bigger questions if you want bigger answers.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9482469 -

Humanity isn't even a blip on the radar in the history of the planet, let alone the universe.

The problem is we're socially conditioned to think that humanity is #1 -- that *we're* number #1. So people starve and we feel sympathetic because we're not them. Terrorists kill people and it gets a 30 second spot on the night-time news for shock value; which, of course, has disappeared now. We're not supposed to care. Then it happens to someone we know/love and we care.


It's not a bad thing that you've given up hope for humanity. There is none. Not to be negative, but we're really not all that special.

The only thing we have going for us is that we recognize ourselves as conscious beings and that we can comprehend an end to our existence.




Make the best of what you can, with what you have, where you are.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9482646 -

If when you die you dont know you ever existed.

Then why the fuck does it matter?

Why do you care enough to kill yourself?

Life sucks but some of it is worth the pain; doing smack, spending time with a cute girl, fucking a cute girl, eating an awesome meal, the list goes on and on.

Just live your life and try and enjoy the few bombin things, like drugs and sex.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #9482734 -

The bleak world you experience is just a result of your not knowing how to enjoy it.  The world changes when your approach changes.  It's not your fault, nobody ever taught you.  This unskillful approach to life is called depression.

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #9483536 -

What are you like 16?

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #9483628 -

Anonymous #13 said:
Why do you care enough to kill yourself?



He said he could never do that.

And I too have similar thoughts, but not quite the same.

What if you've had your fun with life and you're done? You've had enough of life and it's time to end it, just like anything in life. All things come to an end, it's just a matter of how and when. I don't see the big deal in wanting to end your life to what others may consider "prematurely." I say prematurely in quotes because obviously you would feel it is not premature.

To the OP. I'll make you a deal. Give me a bunch of money, I'll train myself to use a sniper rifle, and snipe you from a mile away one day. It's a win win situation. Youre life is over, I get lots of $$, and I have NO relation to you, so I wouldn't even be considered a suspect. This is the anon forum after all (tho it's definitely not as anonymous as it seems).

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #15]
    #9483646 -

How do you know you didn't agree to this experiment prior to it's starting?

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Re: I want to die. I do not think i am depressed. I would never kill myself. [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #9484585 -

Anonymous #7 said:
I want to die too.


But that is not neccesarily because I don't like this world. Fuck it.


Its just that life is meaningless. I don't feel sad or bad, I am just lazy to live. I feel free, might as well kill myself because there is no superior meaning for life and I am too lazy to go through all that process of doing things that every human has to do. Only problem is that some people care about me and they would be very sad if I'd leave this world.

Its really odd feeling.


Bingo!!!!

Its not as much that i hate the world. At times i do. And overall, i really dislike the people. But i can deal with that. Whatever, fuck people. Its more just the Why? Why do i wake up every morning? Why do i go to work? Why do i pay bills? Why do i have to deal with stupid shit? Its just not me. I dont think there is anything after. I dont want to go through all this shit for nothing. Its just stupid to me. And i agree, describing it as just being to lazy to live is perfect. And that isnt even meant in a bad way, the word lazy that is. Its like asking someone to work 100 hours a week with no reward, no payment, no nothing. Nothing at the end. Is this person just a lazy fuck? No, Its common sense not to want to do this!!!

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