niteowl said:

Leaving full bags of trash in the kitchen floor for 12 hours was a deliberate tactic to get me to say something to her about it.

Once I asked why didn't you take out the trash...........the argument was on, rather than her trying to give a rational reason for not taking out the trash. I never got angry or mad at her for the trash........I simply asked a legitimate question........that led to an argument.


It was left there with the intent for me to comment on {baiting}, giving her the opportunity to start a fight and claim that I'm "constantly' on her ass about shit.......when I'm not. She has already admitted to doing things like this, baiting me to get a response, then using that to start an argument

This kind of behavior is not conducive to a passive, peaceful existence.

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Talk about someone that needs to grow up. She isn't the only one that needs some help.

DrCamacho89 said:

Expectations are what kill all relationships. You expect your partner to act and respond to certain situations the same way you would, but what you have to understand is... they are not you. You're only setting yourself up for disappointment when you are expecting more than that person is able to give. Do you really want somebody to act a certain way to cater to your needs? Do you want to constantly have to do that for someone else? I know I sure as hell don't. Too much pressure. Don't put me on a pedastel. Come join me down in the trenches and we'll ride this crazy life out together.

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Icelander said:

asked a legitimate question........that led to an argument.

It always takes two to have an argument. Just take out the trash if you want it out. She doesn't have to. Just because she baits you doesn't mean you have to take the bait. You want to take the bait. You two have that dynamic I guess. You both get something out of this or you wouldn't do it. If you don't like it then you have to leave. She will not change for you and you can't talk or argue her into it.

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I agree that it takes two to have an argument.

I have always had a hard time getting her to help around the house, ever since I was unemployed and did all the house work.

When I started back to work, I couldn't get any assistance from her on the house.

I already do the budget for the home and make sure everything is paid up. We made an agreement that I would plan and buy all the groceries. Cook all the meals. Keep the living room clean (dusting, vacuum), mop the kitchen floor and clean up after our pets, and wash the clothes.

All I asked her to do was wash the dishes and sweep the kitchen floor, because those things aggravate my lower back.

A pretty good deal for her.........I still couldn't get any help around the house. Dishes sat in the sink for days until they started to stink, while she sat on her ass in the living room playing video-games.




I'm an easy going kinda guy...........until I feel taken advantage of.

All I asked her to do was to wash the dishes 2-3 times a week, take out the trash 1-2 times a week and sweep the floor once a week.. That isn't much work. (maybe 1-2 hours per week) there is lots more work to be done in running a home. All  I asked for was a little assistance and cant get it with out a fight.

Not cool.

Not cool at all.

niteowl said:

A pretty good deal for her.........I still couldn't get any help around the house. Dishes sat in the sink for days until they started to stink, while she sat on her ass in the living room playing video-games.




I'm an easy going kinda guy...........until I feel taken advantage of.

All I asked her to do was to wash the dishes 2-3 times a week, take out the trash 1-2 times a week and sweep the floor once a week.. That isn't much work. (maybe 1-2 hours per week) there is lots more work to be done in running a home. All  I asked for was a little assistance and cant get it with out a fight.

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Legend9123 said:

I think we need both ends of the story but perhaps you guys should go a little easier on niteowl. Traumatic experiences are bad yes but the woman needs to get on with her life and live, not expect him to do everything for her. You speak of expectations. She has expectations that he will do everything I don't think it is wrong of him to expect a little help.

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Quote:

Complaining won't fix this. She must have some reason not to be helping. People who are and in love and in partnership, gladly do for each other. Something big is wrong here.:(

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That is the reason for the separation.......a time-out is you will.

My wife has a history of not taking care of herself. It is not fair to me to have to live with a person who is unwilling to help themselves when they need help...........won't even ask for help. Went 2 years with fucked up menstrual cycles and wouldn't go see a gyno over it.......claimed she was just going thru menopause at the age of 39 Even if she was going thru menopause.......see a Gyno and get some pills to help with the side effects

DrCamacho89 said:

I am sure she feels that with what's going on in her life right now, the last thing to fight over is who did the dishes.  To me, that's how you run a business.  Not a relationship.

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Quote:

And even in business, one team member picks up the other's slack if their overwhelmed.

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I believe the arrangement on house hold chores was more than fair. If anything she should be helping me more around the house. I'm doing virtually everything around here and I cant even get some help getting the dishes done and trash taken out.

Legend9123 said:

I think we need both ends of the story but perhaps you guys should go a little easier on niteowl.  Traumatic experiences are bad yes but the woman needs to get on with her life and live, not expect him to do everything for her.  You speak of expectations.  She has expectations that he will do everything I don't think it is wrong of him to expect a little help.

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Icelander said:

That is the reason for the separation.......a time-out is you will.

My wife has a history of not taking care of herself. It is not fair to me to have to live with a person who is unwilling to help themselves when they need help...........won't even ask for help. Went 2 years with fucked up menstrual cycles and wouldn't go see a gyno over it.......claimed she was just going thru menopause at the age of 39 Even if she was going thru menopause.......see a Gyno and get some pills to help with the side effects

OK then bite the bullet and leave. You deserve better according to you but it's up to you to make that happen. If you don't leave then it's what you want. That's all there is to this. She doesn't need you to save her. As you have seen by now it can't be done. Good luck (on having the courage to make a change)

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