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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
A letter to my dad
    #3802357 - 02/19/05 03:34 AM (12 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

I don't know to tell you this, but I just got busted by Public Safety for smoking pot on campus. It was the only bag of pot I'd bought the whole time I've been here this year. Seems like just when I think I've turned my life around, I screw up again. I'm afraid I'm in for it this time. Last year, when they found my bong on campus, they said they'd kick me off campus next time. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I would've just stayed sober tonight. I'm such an idiot. I keep making these mistakes that cost you money, and I'm so sorry. It's like a pattern here. Every Spring semester, I do something that gets me kicked out of wherever I'm at. I hope that pattern doesn't continue after college. I really tried to change. I really thought I was becoming a better person, but I fucked up again, and I can't seem to change. I feel like this world wasn't meant for me. Like it was all a huge mistake for me to be here in the first place. I wish I could just get it like everyone else seems to do. Other people just make it look so easy, but it seems every time I try, I fail. I keep falling behind on schoolwork, getting busted for stupid things, repeating the same mistakes over and over again like I'm never going to learn. Why'd you have to bring me into this world? It's so cold and unforgiving. I keep trying and trying to turn my life around, but I keep falling into the same traps over and over again. I'm a failure. I wish I could change that, but I it never seems to change. I don't want to be me anymore. I want to be someone else. Someone who can get through this life without completely fucking everything up every few months. I don't know why you put up with me. I wouldn't. I would've kicked myself out of thehouse long ago. I deserve to be living on the streets, or worse. Stupid me for thinking I could make something of myself.




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InvisibleBlu Spore
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Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 1,200
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: Silversoul]
    #3802375 - 02/19/05 03:49 AM (12 years, 3 days ago)

it seems drugs are your problem. Quit drugs....at least for now :wink:


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Invisibleblissedout
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Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder Flag
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: Silversoul]
    #3802384 - 02/19/05 04:03 AM (12 years, 3 days ago)

Paradigm or SS7 or whoever you want to call yourself, you just need to learn how to be you and to take these punches and roll with them or you are going to get knocked outr, you know? Life don't stop for you and I. I had to learn this the hardest way possible and go to jail. You will figure it out, eventually, man. You need to figure out how to stop appologizing and figure out instead, how to solve youre own problems, not think up crafty, apathy seeking letters. I like you, man. You seem like an intelligent being and you will find your way. With time comes wisdom and wisdom is the key to avoiding those brick walls in life. Good luck and may the wind be always at your back! :sun:


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:murray:


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InvisibleLocus
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Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,049
Loc: ny/europe/other
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: Silversoul]
    #3802657 - 02/19/05 07:50 AM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Well, I don't know what to say to help you. But I will say that I feel a lot of the same ways you do. I often think I should have never been born as well. And that I don't belong here. And more..

Anyway, good luck to you, hope you figure things out, as I do myself as well.


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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineSidiHidi
inactive
Registered: 02/04/05
Posts: 62
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: Silversoul]
    #3802766 - 02/19/05 10:23 AM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Sobriety, try it, live with it, get something worth living for during that time, get high in your own place comfortably.


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R.I.P. Hunter, you will certainly be missed


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: SidiHidi]
    #3802935 - 02/19/05 12:33 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Well, I'm going to have to try sobriety. Public Safety confiscated my pipe, and I don't have the money to buy pot on a regular basis. But I don't really think that drugs are the reason I keep fucking up. They're more like accessories to my fuck-ups.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: Silversoul]
    #3803156 - 02/19/05 02:06 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

Are you going to get kicked out of college? Have you been kicked out of another college before? Is your dad going to be pissed about this? Why will all of this cost you or him more money? Did this just happen?

Fuck tha police!


Edited by RandalFlagg (02/19/05 02:07 PM)


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #3803435 - 02/19/05 03:51 PM (12 years, 2 days ago)

No, I'm not getting kicked out of college, but possibly out of the dorms, so I'll have to find off-campus housing.


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Registered: 07/27/01
Posts: 9,817
Re: A letter to my dad [Re: Silversoul]
    #3805296 - 02/20/05 01:36 AM (12 years, 2 days ago)

--->  patience. 






:heart:


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