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Tool's groupie
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Registered: 04/09/04
Posts: 11,505
Loc: Billy Howerdel's closet Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
    #3496418 - 12/14/04 11:25 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

Whenever I post in this forum I feel weak.  :frown: Most people who post hear ask for advise or support but when I post here it's because I'm needing something. Needing direction or guidence of some sort. I hate needing anything. Right now I am an emotional wreck.  I want to bury my face in my hands and just cry.  :sad: I can't and I won't. :noway:

Crying makes me feel weak minded. I've been feeling very weird lately.  :crazy2: I can't explain it. I normally am not the type of person to expect anything from anybody, but when it come from myself, I expect alot. Expectations lead to disapointment and I know that but I can't help making goals for myself and expecting to reach them. Right now I feel like I'm failing. I can't quite exactly put my finger on what it is that I'm doing wrong, but I feel like my life is just not right.

I'm always in a great mood. I always think positive even when I'm having an absolute horrible day. I try never to let the small things get to me. I'm pretty good at covering up a frown with a smile. Then again, most of my smiles are genuine.

I say I wont cry because I have people who look up to me. I have people around who expect me to be strong and show them direction and guidence. I won't allow myself to show any signs of weakness to these people. When I say people I'm including my kids, employees, bosses and other family members. All these people expect me to be there for them and be strong and for the most part I can be.
Right now I feel like my head is caving in from all this wanting from everybody else. I could be wrong though, all this wanting could possibly be me expecting to much from myself. This is where I'm an emotional wreck. I can't tell whether Im being to hard on myself or I'm not living up to my full potential.

I know I'm not living up to my full potential because I have to many distractions around me and that's where another weakness comes into play. I allow distractions in. This is frustrating to me. I can't help it though. Only when I'm at work I can keep my mind focused on work and only work. As soon as I leave the business place then my mind is wondering all over the place.

Sorry, this post is going all over the place. I can't even stay on one topic because my mind is constantly thinking about everything all at once. I can't stay focused anymore. This is driving me insane.

I'm just here to let things out. I don't have to many real life friends because friends are distractions. I'm trying to cut down on everything that will drive me away fom doing the things that I want to do. So really all I have are the few friends I have met on this site. Maybe this time I am looking for support or advise. I'm not sure if anybody can tell me anything I don't already know. I'm not sure this problem can be fixed.

Maybe I don't have a problem, F**K my head is screwing with me.

I need to be the change I want to see. I don't know if I can do that.
Somebody slap me please. I'm so f**ked right now. I'm leaving town pretty soon for a happy getaway. (I hope so)
I'm sure it will be a great release for me. I will be away from family and work and hopefully just problems in general.

This post really has no content and I'm sorry, like I said earlier...I'm just letting shit out. I need a place to write out my frustrations. I have an online journal, but I don't use it often. :shrug: I guess because I know more people will read this here then there.

Okay I'm done for now. Maybe I just need a hug.


The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.

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Registered: 12/11/04
Posts: 142
Loc: New Earth
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: Expectations [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY] * 1
    #3496465 - 12/14/04 11:49 AM (11 years, 10 months ago)

I know what you mean. I believe when people get to that spot they will eventually let it out in some way or form by themselves. Crying is good, you need to let go of the emotion without thinking of letting go. It's one reason why we have to cry sometimes, otherwise there would be no purpose for it.

I use to think crying made me weak. It only makes you stronger because you are accepting things, and getting rid of build up emotion from not letting it show. You are cleansing yourself. You come to realization and you build up your will in order to be even more stronger than you were before. You aren't accepting nothing like "I'm a failure", but you are accepting that you won't give up and you won't give in to the world, you build your will by letting out the anguish and frustration. You will have tears of sadness that will be sadness at first but they will turn into tears of strong will. It's always good to remember this, because if you do, you will never have to cry again because your will, will always be strong. It may take practice, and there will always be a time needed to cry eventually. But as one progresses to think and learn about things, and to build such a strong will, the bricks hitting you will vanish before your eyes.

I hope that helps. I'm not too good at trying to cope, but I know how to cope with myself so I try to use that also FOR other people.

The Pharisees and the scholars have taken the keys of knowledge and have hidden them. They have not entered nor have they allowed those who want to enter to do so.

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Registered: 05/26/04
Posts: 506
Loc: England (South) Flag
Re: Expectations [Re: AreoZephin]
    #3496927 - 12/14/04 01:49 PM (11 years, 10 months ago)


AreoZephin said:

I use to think crying made me weak. It only makes you stronger because you are accepting things, and getting rid of build up emotion from not letting it show. You are cleansing yourself.
I couldn't agree more.  Crying is a way of bouncing back.
I really hope you feel happier soon.  You will do, I promise. :heart: :thumbup:


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