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Sexual Repression
    #5771784 -

Though I have a sex drive, it is so neglected that I barely find myself attracted to women.

I feel sick and hurt sometimes because my capacity to have relations has never been activated... lonely... horny.... confused.

My attraction to women lessens every day. In fact I find myself more attracted to real young girls (like in High School) or to older women in like their high 20s....

because there is something about college girls that makes them seem so loose and without a care for the values of .... well.... chastity.

Not chastity in the sense of repression, just in the sense of being careful whos DNA you take in..... and how often you do... and dressing terribly and wearing obscene amounts of makeup and drinking.

I don't really like not using my libido..... most all sources say it isn't healthy for you.

It makes me sad.

But I don't desire women too much anymore...... I feel like I've made up for not getting laid by turning feminine myself, but I'm not attracted to men.

I almost feel not attracted to women though, and that makes me wonder .... well then WHAT am I attracted to? Is this just a symptom of long hair?

also I think a woman would take the time to love me and see past status games.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Edited by leery11 (06/20/06 10:47 AM)

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5772184 -

man, I think you just aren't looking in the right places.

you need to go somewhere that YOU want to go, and find a woman THERE.

Find a woman that is like you, deep, smart, into intelligent things.

Find a woman that matches your moral values.

It's tricky! I've spent years looking! Every now and then I think I've found one, but then during the course of our relationship she will reveal her true self to me and I'll realize she isn't what I want.

Its hard these days to even find a girl I want to put out an effort with. Past failures and disappointment have a lot to do with this.

But still, I recently managed to find a girl who is very close to a perfect match for me, personality wise and in a lot of other ways. I dunno if it'll work out ultimately, but in the mean time at least we are enjoying eachother's company.

Man, I think your problem is that you are just so unique, and far more intelligent and morally pure than most of the population. I have the same problem! Romantically, we are very difficult people to shop for. Doesn't mean you should compromise, though. Keep holding out for that perfect match, or at least a darn good one.

Also, you should learn the game a little. Yes, the game is silly and dumb, but its the OS that everyone is using right now, so you kind of have to play along. Learn how to buy flowers, ask girls out, impress them with stupid BS, etc etc... Don't take the game so far that it makes you compromise your values (ie- feeling manipulative or seedy), but at the very least you should know game exists, and women are often dumb ebnough to fall for it. Sometimes you have to play the game defensively, so that others won't steal your girl.

For instance, I used to drive a Neon, was poor, didn't like to manipulate people, etc etc. People always stole my women away! Now I drive a 300zx, got money, and a little charm. Now, its a little harder for some slick Romeo to swoop in and steal my girl. Not that I put a lot of stock in cars, money, or mental manipulation, but women do, and I have tried to cater to that to the extent that I can without feeling like a massive tool.

Anyway, you are really fuckin cool man, and I truly hope you find what you are looking for. The fact that guys like us don't get as much pussy as we should is a sign of Satan's influence over the world, IMO.

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5772374 -

every time i read your posts it's like reading my own thoughts :smirk:

when i was working at the pub i had the same thoughts (i was constently surounded by cute girls i'd love to have sex with, but most of them didn't really interest me) and i figured i was just afraid to let ANYONE see into me... i was afraid that girls would be turned off by how horney i actualy am (being the sexually deprived being i am) so the result was pure exual frustration... i won't get horney at all even though my MIND was filled with sexual fantasy...

when i figured that out i felt so stupid, i looked around and all the hot girls were clearly interested in the "stoopid extroverted males" who keep insinuating and being blatently obviuse so i thought "why the FUCK am I so reserved then?... i don't get anywhere like THIS"
but i still hate that kind of behaviure so i though why not just let my self get excited about girls... maybe even allow a boner to creep up...
not much changed but i felt much better for a while :tongue:

i say... just let loose!
there's always the fear of what the oposit sex thinks but belive me they'd much rather you show interest even if they're not interested then spending time with an aloofe sexually reserved person eh?


--------------------
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5772480 -

DoctorJ said:
The fact that guys like us don't get as much pussy as we should is a sign of Satan's influence over the world, IMO.


I dunno about that, what if sex is evil like the Christians say? I look at how I hypothetically view most people's fornicatoins as just pleasure activities, and I can see how it would completely drain your soul and be "wrong" or "sinful" to have sex like that.

I think it should be out of love. But then again just to say "hey let's have sex" sounds fine to my libido..... I bet it could be pretty honest and opening.

But fuck the game! How can people steal a woman away? I'm sure it happens but that sounds absurd..... a woman should be after you for you so if she is still testing the open waters why be with her? Do you mean at first? At first when nothing is really taking off? Kind of like in those chick flicks where a guy or a girl are dating bunches of different people at once trying to find "the one" ?

Well I dunno.

fuck asking girls out. Why can't they return the favor? I mean I am a hyporcrite and I will be one right now, so bear with me..... but if you like someone a lot and you're like "man that guy is hot" do you really expect to just sit there and wait for him to approach you?

Now that's what I hope for... I don't approach people, that's the hypocrisy.... but I'm broken dammit. I don't know what to do. I just look right through them and sure they are humans but I don't feel like many of them have something going on.

So I've used the internet... and I found a really neat girl and we talked and talked about 6 messages in a row and suddenly she stopped...... there you go. That's what effort brings. What about the other really neat looking individuals I've fished out of the internet? Same thing really. I've tried being upfront with them too..... In fact I didn't even play the intellectual game when I first started doing this... under advice of my friend I would just every now and then find a cute girl and say hey to her, back and forth a few times, then ask something like "so would you like to go get dinner or something" ...

and where did that get me!!!!

YOU DON'T.... YOU DON'T.... YOU DON'T SEEEEE MEEE!

I'm not upset about any of this, it's pretty funny to me right now.... but you know what it's not funny to not have anyone to spend time with though.

I mean okay so.... I try to approach girls, with failed results (except for one instance I could have had a date and I should have pursued it but we didn't have a lot in common) and when a girl approaches me that leads into the worst (and only) relationship of my life.... leaving me crippled for a long time but eventually building me up into a new person....

so nothing works.

It's not because I'm a pessimist.... because I mean I dunno...... now and then I have hopes and I really thought this last online girl, that something would happen between us, we were talking openly and it was nice...... I'm more of a realist.... things haven't worked for me. They could, especially if I lowered standards and went fishing in public.......but then I would be selecting girls based upon ONLY attraction and they me on ONLY attraction and it would be pretty damn shallow.

I care about what's in the head... it shouldn't be empty in a bad way, but empty on the verge of approaching enlightenment kind of way.......

anyway you said I should go where I want to be....... I feel like I'm waiting on a girl for us to go there together..... but I don't want to play into the paranoid America is about to have a Holocaust frenzy and run out of the country....... but I'd rather go roaming somewhere neat with someone than on my own, especially since I don't have any damned money.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Edited by leery11 (06/20/06 03:21 PM)

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5772703 -

Quote:
fuck asking girls out. Why can't they return the favor? I mean I am a hyporcrite and I will be one right now, so bear with me..... but if you like someone a lot and you're like "man that guy is hot" do you really expect to just sit there and wait for him to approach you?


Yes.  That's it exactly.  They don't approach 'cause they don't have to.  If they are cute with a reasonable body, they will get hit on all the time.  Why take the chace of getting shotdown when you can do 100% of the shooting down?  Think about it from a guy's perspective.

Quote:
I dunno about that, what if sex is evil like the Christians say? I look at how I hypothetically view most people's fornicatoins as just pleasure activities, and I can see how it would completely drain your soul and be "wrong" or "sinful" to have sex like that.


Read anybook about Tantra....  :hehehe:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5775428 -

I rather enjoy my sexual repression...I've had the most vivid and sureal "sexual" experiences in my dreams...twice the fun and pleasure without all the additive "risks" and associations....LOL

I'll share one...Fingered Britney Spears once in a dream...back when she wasnt a sluty booty dancer...very beutiful

My advise..Dont let the barriers of a girl distract you from what you want. Work around them and try to show her that ether her fears are mixed up or that you are worth getting to know. Dont give up though, just go at your own pace, the answers will come...Just be carefull not to fall in that resentment back ally type thinking, it doesnt reflect well...I was there many many times, but I think it was because of my own inferiority and inabilities and loss. I had given up...and regreted it, because I missed alot of my youth being mixed up.


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---------o----o----o-------o------------------------o--o-o-
----------------------------------------------------------------
Requim for a Dream - Paul Oakenfold
---------------------------------------------------------------
"The mis/abuse of any form of power, is the worst form of ignorance"
-------------------------------------------------------------
WIZOLZ - Lover with a Killer's Smile

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5775483 -

*claps* good post  :thumbup: I have been sexually repressed my entire adult life. I think I can trace it back to high school during the *everyones hooking up phase of 1997* I said I liked a girl to a friend and they just ran straight up to her and told her, so she came over and asked if I liked her and I had a panic attack and denied ever saying such a thing. Ever since I seem to have lost touch with my sexual feelings toward girls, then I started noticing my sexual feelings toward guys :shocked:. My former desire has been replaced by a kind of fear. But if I met the right girl who is
1. Deep enough 2. Positive enough 3. I can connect with, then yeah I would probably go for it. Your bit about some relationships being soul destroying seems to be applicable to my current one. He bitches and whines all the time about how down he is or how he is going to fail his exams, or how his friends are dicks. Last night I told him to shut up and that everyone goes through these things, the happy people are the ones who do not dwell in their darkness but make an effort to climb out of it. His response was
"meh I don't need that, I need unconditional love and support" 
He makes me want to scream, I feel like every time I let something like that slide and do not challenge it I lose something of myself.
Relationships with whomever is convenient are just a whole lot of hassle.

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: WIZOLZ]
    #5775713 -

WIZOLZ said:
I rather enjoy my sexual repression...I've had the most vivid and sureal "sexual" experiences in my dreams...twice the fun and pleasure without all the additive "risks" and associations....LOL


have you ever had sex? Because I haven't, so my sexual encounters don't really work in my dreams, and can only be how I imagine it to work..... sometimes they are good and sometimes not, but always fed entirely upon speculation as to how this and that would feel.

see for example fingering britney wouldn't work, because i don't know how fingering works and my brain has no model to work off of!

the only catch is perhaps you could have astral sex with a real person.

----------------------------

I missed an opportunity yesterday... I went walking around the empty campus in the evening to get a smoothie, and while I was pondering acceptance of all things, even those which I have formerly hated I saw written on part of the student union "Love your institution" and I thought that was fitting synchronicity....

then this girl walks by and I look at her at first but she is looking away, and I wanted to look at her but I decided to look away too, and was thinking stuff, then right as we crossed I looked back and she looked at me and kind of smiled.

So that was nice.

I got my smoothie and walked back and I saw her sitting down drawing something, being aloof and just taking in the peaceful atmosphere, which is what I was planning on doing myself.

I thought I should go like sit down next to her or just say something...... but I didn't do it.

I thought to myself "if this was a dream you wuold approach her, and it would work out well, so why not treat this like you treat your dreams, and be a free person?" but I didn't.

I decided to go back to that location in my real dreams though and asked her if we could meet again.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5776395 -

get some porn and study hard :lol:

I haven't had a lot of sex in this life, but most of my partners have been impressed.  They're like: where did you learn to do that?  and I respond: "Ron Jeremy taught me."

:rofl:

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5776761 -

lol.

I'm against porn right now.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5781603 -

Ahh, thats too bad about passing up that oppertunity to work your skills on that chick. Worse thing that could have happened? oh.. She wasn't cool with it? oh..She might have talked a minute and then ditched? Most times thats what happens...but if you find her cool, then it never hurts to ask for her email or number or whatever, you kinda have to play it by ear when approaching girls. I know, I do it every time I go out...Eventually, I learned to be comfortable with it, but here Im lying, because its rather difficult somwhat...Not such an easy task, so dont fret over it, but if you feel convicted, then its gonna really work against you if you dont. You might be building up the actual need more then the reason, then again, I think its justified...

Thats all Im gonna say...


--------------------
---------o----o----o-------o------------------------o--o-o-
----------------------------------------------------------------
Requim for a Dream - Paul Oakenfold
---------------------------------------------------------------
"The mis/abuse of any form of power, is the worst form of ignorance"
-------------------------------------------------------------
WIZOLZ - Lover with a Killer's Smile

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5782978 -

What you HAVE to start doing is seizing every oportunity. That girl would have been totally impressed before you even opened your mouth if you just had the courage to go sit next to her. At the beggining it will be purely for practice. Great place to meet women: the library. Sit by them and start studying. Begin making casual conversation. "What are you studying?" Bitch about what your studying and ask them if they know anything about it. Anywhere is a good place though. The most important thing is to not expect anything to come out of it. As long as you believe this (at least trick yourself temporarily) and act like you don't care if she responds to you or not she will believe it. That's what they like. A take it or leave it attitude. Just be yourself, but talk to them as if they are a friend you've know for a while. And guess what? Getting a number after a little friendly chit chat is not hard at all. She might say she has a boyfriend, but if she doesn't I promise you they will give you the number. PROMISE. They might put you in the friend file, but who cares. It's progress. If they think your nice but don't want to be more than friends then they will most likely try to hook you up with one of their friends if you prove to be cool. Always try to search for things you have in common when talking to them, nomatter how small. Tell them about anything cool that you do, like if your really good with a bowstaff. Girls like guys with skills, gosh. JK . Don't try to rush in if a girl does start liking you though, it's easy to scare them off. Just go for it. The waters only chilly for a few minutes. Oh yeah, don't waste your time on the net. Girls get hit on at least twice as much online, so theres more competition. You want to work on face to face communication anyway. Just mentally prepare yourself and jump in baby. Keep me posted


--------------------
A Good Substrate: Poo With Extras
Good Liquid Culture, Step by Step
Timer Modification
PM me if you are interested in buying 140ml syringes. $6 each + $7 shipping

Edited by MasFina (06/23/06 06:24 AM)

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
    #5783012 -

sigh, this thread makes me sad.

leery, i would say cultivate your repression. approach girls that interest you and learn to have no fear, confident that if need be you will communicate subconsciously exactly what it may be that you like or find distasteful.


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You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: truekimbo2]
    #5783049 -

Yeah man, just go for it. I've found girls in my life that I would've married, died for, you know, "the one". Then there are the girls that you meet that are just for fun. Use your lack of desire to meet more girls. As crazy as it sounds, just do it. Walk up and start a random conversation with the hottest girl you see. You don't care about her, she doesn't even KNOW you...have fun with it. Seriously, I've let repression and jitters get me down before and it's not fun. You really miss out on a lot.

You say you're not attracted to people. That tells me you're probably attracted to personality. Just work up conversations with chics...you're bound to strike oil with SOMEONE you click with. Attraction and desire don't always occur at the beginning. Sometimes you really have to know someone before feelings arise.

Edited by Newbie (06/23/06 07:59 AM)

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Newbie]
    #5783426 -

hmmm.

my views are becoming less delusional about the whole thing. i've hyped it up too much. it is probably amazing to be in love though but i've put it on too much of a pedastol.

i'm talking to this online girl and i will try to meet her when she gets back in town, but that will be a month or two .... if things last.
who knows.

i ought to do the random conversation thing i suppose, but only if it jumps out at me, kind of like it did that day that i talked about while going for a walk.

in the end though i dunno. maybe it's not as important as i thought it was.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5783567 -

probably amazing to be in love though but i've put it on too much of a pedastol.

Deadly mistake indeed. You will most likely have to suffer through it though at least a few times. Being in love is major work like anything else and it isn't any substitute for unconditional love which IMO is the real deal but even more work as you attempt to understand it and yourself. Being in love is mostly hormonal and hormones change along with your feelings let me assure you.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Icelander]
    #5783576 -

Don't fall in love untill you really know the person. Falling in love with looks and personality alone will lead to heartbreak.


--------------------
A Good Substrate: Poo With Extras
Good Liquid Culture, Step by Step
Timer Modification
PM me if you are interested in buying 140ml syringes. $6 each + $7 shipping

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
    #5785056 -

yeah but then ur holding back and missing out on what could be
imo givit all you got if it weasnt enough then their loss and next time because there will be a next time give it all you got and what icelander said You will most likely have to suffer through it though at least a few times. its true every one that has been in love has had to put them selves out there and risk getting hurt its scary but its up to you wether ur willing to put it all on the line
Warning: love may hurt but when you find it it charish the good embrace the love and heal from your past hurts


--------------------
...................................................................Smile. Its not that hard. Just squeeze ur But cheecks. SEE!!! :smile:...................................................

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: DriAno]
    #5786156 -

I'll step out of my element here and make and admission. I am 22 years old and still a virgin. I guess you could say I am sexually repressed. I was once normal like everyone else in my youth say from 12-15 years old. What ended up happening during this period of time in my life was that I had an obsession with this one girl and the feelings were never mutual she was awesome and I will never forget her but I never made it past best friend category and that just hurts. I even put up with suffering through the friend BS for awhile which I think fucked me up even more and in an attempt to get closer with this girl I ended up trying to get with all her friends and nothing ever worked.

This all left me scarred emotionally and awkward socially especially among women that I might be attracted to. It's like I'm afraid to make any move in fear of rejection or who knows the real reason actually I can't even put a finger on it. I really never put much thought into why I was this way but actually recently an Ecstasy experience actually brought it to my attention. I realize now that I need to just let go. It's like something I can never have. I think I am making progress these days I have not given up hope thats the most important thing. My close friends know all this about me and never give me shit about it like some jocks in high school would so threes no reason to be shameful about it but try to improve this part of your life because life is so much more fulfilling with a partner even though I would even know that.

Best advice I can give to anyone in a similar position as ourselves and btw I am certainly in no position to be giving advice is that if your young try to change now and as soon as possible its only going to get harder the older you get the longer you wait. Thats my biggest problem is that I am apathetic about it so I never change much about my situation at least I'm not in a hurry I always justify in my mind of I will try harder after I make myself something I think is worthy of companionship. I think it really boils down to self-esteem and you being able to love yourself before you can be in a proper relationship where someone can love you back and thats hard. Easier said then done. God Bless you guys.


--------------------
-QuantumMeltdown

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
  -Mark Twain

"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters  hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
    #5786294 -

Inactivity won't solve your "problem", which you are creating yourself imho. If you seek love (not talking about chemical attarction here) then do something about it, not just sit and wait for it to hopefully come to you.
No need to approach hotest girls, or indulge in lust, just meet people and see if you can connect to them.

Quote:
Being in love is major work like anything else and it isn't any substitute for unconditional love which IMO is the real deal but even more work as you attempt to understand it and yourself. Being in love is mostly hormonal and hormones change along with your feelings let me assure you.


:thumbup:


--------------------


"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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