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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Sexual Repression
#5771784 - 06/20/06 08:43 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Though I have a sex drive, it is so neglected that I barely find myself attracted to women.
I feel sick and hurt sometimes because my capacity to have relations has never been activated... lonely... horny.... confused.
My attraction to women lessens every day. In fact I find myself more attracted to real young girls (like in High School) or to older women in like their high 20s....
because there is something about college girls that makes them seem so loose and without a care for the values of .... well.... chastity.
Not chastity in the sense of repression, just in the sense of being careful whos DNA you take in..... and how often you do... and dressing terribly and wearing obscene amounts of makeup and drinking.
I don't really like not using my libido..... most all sources say it isn't healthy for you.
It makes me sad.
But I don't desire women too much anymore...... I feel like I've made up for not getting laid by turning feminine myself, but I'm not attracted to men.
I almost feel not attracted to women though, and that makes me wonder .... well then WHAT am I attracted to? Is this just a symptom of long hair?
also I think a woman would take the time to love me and see past status games.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (06/20/06 08:47 AM)
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5772184 - 06/20/06 11:27 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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man, I think you just aren't looking in the right places.
you need to go somewhere that YOU want to go, and find a woman THERE.
Find a woman that is like you, deep, smart, into intelligent things.
Find a woman that matches your moral values.
It's tricky! I've spent years looking! Every now and then I think I've found one, but then during the course of our relationship she will reveal her true self to me and I'll realize she isn't what I want.
Its hard these days to even find a girl I want to put out an effort with. Past failures and disappointment have a lot to do with this.
But still, I recently managed to find a girl who is very close to a perfect match for me, personality wise and in a lot of other ways. I dunno if it'll work out ultimately, but in the mean time at least we are enjoying eachother's company.
Man, I think your problem is that you are just so unique, and far more intelligent and morally pure than most of the population. I have the same problem! Romantically, we are very difficult people to shop for. Doesn't mean you should compromise, though. Keep holding out for that perfect match, or at least a darn good one.
Also, you should learn the game a little. Yes, the game is silly and dumb, but its the OS that everyone is using right now, so you kind of have to play along. Learn how to buy flowers, ask girls out, impress them with stupid BS, etc etc... Don't take the game so far that it makes you compromise your values (ie- feeling manipulative or seedy), but at the very least you should know game exists, and women are often dumb ebnough to fall for it. Sometimes you have to play the game defensively, so that others won't steal your girl.
For instance, I used to drive a Neon, was poor, didn't like to manipulate people, etc etc. People always stole my women away! Now I drive a 300zx, got money, and a little charm. Now, its a little harder for some slick Romeo to swoop in and steal my girl. Not that I put a lot of stock in cars, money, or mental manipulation, but women do, and I have tried to cater to that to the extent that I can without feeling like a massive tool.
Anyway, you are really fuckin cool man, and I truly hope you find what you are looking for. The fact that guys like us don't get as much pussy as we should is a sign of Satan's influence over the world, IMO.
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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5772374 - 06/20/06 12:31 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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every time i read your posts it's like reading my own thoughts 
when i was working at the pub i had the same thoughts (i was constently surounded by cute girls i'd love to have sex with, but most of them didn't really interest me) and i figured i was just afraid to let ANYONE see into me... i was afraid that girls would be turned off by how horney i actualy am (being the sexually deprived being i am) so the result was pure exual frustration... i won't get horney at all even though my MIND was filled with sexual fantasy...
when i figured that out i felt so stupid, i looked around and all the hot girls were clearly interested in the "stoopid extroverted males" who keep insinuating and being blatently obviuse so i thought "why the FUCK am I so reserved then?... i don't get anywhere like THIS" but i still hate that kind of behaviure so i though why not just let my self get excited about girls... maybe even allow a boner to creep up... not much changed but i felt much better for a while 
i say... just let loose! there's always the fear of what the oposit sex thinks but belive me they'd much rather you show interest even if they're not interested then spending time with an aloofe sexually reserved person eh?
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   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: DoctorJ]
#5772480 - 06/20/06 01:19 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
DoctorJ said: The fact that guys like us don't get as much pussy as we should is a sign of Satan's influence over the world, IMO.
I dunno about that, what if sex is evil like the Christians say? I look at how I hypothetically view most people's fornicatoins as just pleasure activities, and I can see how it would completely drain your soul and be "wrong" or "sinful" to have sex like that.
I think it should be out of love. But then again just to say "hey let's have sex" sounds fine to my libido..... I bet it could be pretty honest and opening.
But fuck the game! How can people steal a woman away? I'm sure it happens but that sounds absurd..... a woman should be after you for you so if she is still testing the open waters why be with her? Do you mean at first? At first when nothing is really taking off? Kind of like in those chick flicks where a guy or a girl are dating bunches of different people at once trying to find "the one" ?
Well I dunno.
fuck asking girls out. Why can't they return the favor? I mean I am a hyporcrite and I will be one right now, so bear with me..... but if you like someone a lot and you're like "man that guy is hot" do you really expect to just sit there and wait for him to approach you?
Now that's what I hope for... I don't approach people, that's the hypocrisy.... but I'm broken dammit. I don't know what to do. I just look right through them and sure they are humans but I don't feel like many of them have something going on.
So I've used the internet... and I found a really neat girl and we talked and talked about 6 messages in a row and suddenly she stopped...... there you go. That's what effort brings. What about the other really neat looking individuals I've fished out of the internet? Same thing really. I've tried being upfront with them too..... In fact I didn't even play the intellectual game when I first started doing this... under advice of my friend I would just every now and then find a cute girl and say hey to her, back and forth a few times, then ask something like "so would you like to go get dinner or something" ...
and where did that get me!!!!
YOU DON'T.... YOU DON'T.... YOU DON'T SEEEEE MEEE!
I'm not upset about any of this, it's pretty funny to me right now.... but you know what it's not funny to not have anyone to spend time with though.
I mean okay so.... I try to approach girls, with failed results (except for one instance I could have had a date and I should have pursued it but we didn't have a lot in common) and when a girl approaches me that leads into the worst (and only) relationship of my life.... leaving me crippled for a long time but eventually building me up into a new person....
so nothing works.
It's not because I'm a pessimist.... because I mean I dunno...... now and then I have hopes and I really thought this last online girl, that something would happen between us, we were talking openly and it was nice...... I'm more of a realist.... things haven't worked for me. They could, especially if I lowered standards and went fishing in public.......but then I would be selecting girls based upon ONLY attraction and they me on ONLY attraction and it would be pretty damn shallow.
I care about what's in the head... it shouldn't be empty in a bad way, but empty on the verge of approaching enlightenment kind of way.......
anyway you said I should go where I want to be....... I feel like I'm waiting on a girl for us to go there together..... but I don't want to play into the paranoid America is about to have a Holocaust frenzy and run out of the country....... but I'd rather go roaming somewhere neat with someone than on my own, especially since I don't have any damned money.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (06/20/06 01:21 PM)
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5772703 - 06/20/06 02:32 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
fuck asking girls out. Why can't they return the favor? I mean I am a hyporcrite and I will be one right now, so bear with me..... but if you like someone a lot and you're like "man that guy is hot" do you really expect to just sit there and wait for him to approach you?
Yes. That's it exactly. They don't approach 'cause they don't have to. If they are cute with a reasonable body, they will get hit on all the time. Why take the chace of getting shotdown when you can do 100% of the shooting down? Think about it from a guy's perspective.
Quote:
I dunno about that, what if sex is evil like the Christians say? I look at how I hypothetically view most people's fornicatoins as just pleasure activities, and I can see how it would completely drain your soul and be "wrong" or "sinful" to have sex like that.
Read anybook about Tantra....
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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WIZOLZ
Poor with Needs


Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 290
Loc: Monte Carlo
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I rather enjoy my sexual repression...I've had the most vivid and sureal "sexual" experiences in my dreams...twice the fun and pleasure without all the additive "risks" and associations....LOL
I'll share one...Fingered Britney Spears once in a dream...back when she wasnt a sluty booty dancer...very beutiful
My advise..Dont let the barriers of a girl distract you from what you want. Work around them and try to show her that ether her fears are mixed up or that you are worth getting to know. Dont give up though, just go at your own pace, the answers will come...Just be carefull not to fall in that resentment back ally type thinking, it doesnt reflect well...I was there many many times, but I think it was because of my own inferiority and inabilities and loss. I had given up...and regreted it, because I missed alot of my youth being mixed up.
-------------------- ---------o----o----o-------o------------------------o--o-o- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Requim for a Dream - Paul Oakenfold --------------------------------------------------------------- "The mis/abuse of any form of power, is the worst form of ignorance" ------------------------------------------------------------- WIZOLZ - Lover with a Killer's Smile
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Andy21
Armchairanarchist

Registered: 01/01/06
Posts: 288
Last seen: 13 years, 3 days
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5775483 - 06/21/06 05:14 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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*claps* good post I have been sexually repressed my entire adult life. I think I can trace it back to high school during the *everyones hooking up phase of 1997* I said I liked a girl to a friend and they just ran straight up to her and told her, so she came over and asked if I liked her and I had a panic attack and denied ever saying such a thing. Ever since I seem to have lost touch with my sexual feelings toward girls, then I started noticing my sexual feelings toward guys . My former desire has been replaced by a kind of fear. But if I met the right girl who is 1. Deep enough 2. Positive enough 3. I can connect with, then yeah I would probably go for it. Your bit about some relationships being soul destroying seems to be applicable to my current one. He bitches and whines all the time about how down he is or how he is going to fail his exams, or how his friends are dicks. Last night I told him to shut up and that everyone goes through these things, the happy people are the ones who do not dwell in their darkness but make an effort to climb out of it. His response was "meh I don't need that, I need unconditional love and support" He makes me want to scream, I feel like every time I let something like that slide and do not challenge it I lose something of myself. Relationships with whomever is convenient are just a whole lot of hassle.
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: WIZOLZ]
#5775713 - 06/21/06 07:49 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
WIZOLZ said: I rather enjoy my sexual repression...I've had the most vivid and sureal "sexual" experiences in my dreams...twice the fun and pleasure without all the additive "risks" and associations....LOL
have you ever had sex? Because I haven't, so my sexual encounters don't really work in my dreams, and can only be how I imagine it to work..... sometimes they are good and sometimes not, but always fed entirely upon speculation as to how this and that would feel.
see for example fingering britney wouldn't work, because i don't know how fingering works and my brain has no model to work off of!
the only catch is perhaps you could have astral sex with a real person.
----------------------------
I missed an opportunity yesterday... I went walking around the empty campus in the evening to get a smoothie, and while I was pondering acceptance of all things, even those which I have formerly hated I saw written on part of the student union "Love your institution" and I thought that was fitting synchronicity....
then this girl walks by and I look at her at first but she is looking away, and I wanted to look at her but I decided to look away too, and was thinking stuff, then right as we crossed I looked back and she looked at me and kind of smiled.
So that was nice.
I got my smoothie and walked back and I saw her sitting down drawing something, being aloof and just taking in the peaceful atmosphere, which is what I was planning on doing myself.
I thought I should go like sit down next to her or just say something...... but I didn't do it.
I thought to myself "if this was a dream you wuold approach her, and it would work out well, so why not treat this like you treat your dreams, and be a free person?" but I didn't.
I decided to go back to that location in my real dreams though and asked her if we could meet again.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5776395 - 06/21/06 12:40 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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get some porn and study hard 
I haven't had a lot of sex in this life, but most of my partners have been impressed. They're like: where did you learn to do that? and I respond: "Ron Jeremy taught me."
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: DoctorJ]
#5776761 - 06/21/06 02:31 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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lol.
I'm against porn right now.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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WIZOLZ
Poor with Needs


Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 290
Loc: Monte Carlo
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5781603 - 06/22/06 07:26 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Ahh, thats too bad about passing up that oppertunity to work your skills on that chick. Worse thing that could have happened? oh.. She wasn't cool with it? oh..She might have talked a minute and then ditched? Most times thats what happens...but if you find her cool, then it never hurts to ask for her email or number or whatever, you kinda have to play it by ear when approaching girls. I know, I do it every time I go out...Eventually, I learned to be comfortable with it, but here Im lying, because its rather difficult somwhat...Not such an easy task, so dont fret over it, but if you feel convicted, then its gonna really work against you if you dont. You might be building up the actual need more then the reason, then again, I think its justified...
Thats all Im gonna say...
-------------------- ---------o----o----o-------o------------------------o--o-o- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Requim for a Dream - Paul Oakenfold --------------------------------------------------------------- "The mis/abuse of any form of power, is the worst form of ignorance" ------------------------------------------------------------- WIZOLZ - Lover with a Killer's Smile
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MasFina
Snow Shredder


Registered: 05/08/06
Posts: 788
Loc: Mountains
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5782978 - 06/23/06 04:05 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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What you HAVE to start doing is seizing every oportunity. That girl would have been totally impressed before you even opened your mouth if you just had the courage to go sit next to her. At the beggining it will be purely for practice. Great place to meet women: the library. Sit by them and start studying. Begin making casual conversation. "What are you studying?" Bitch about what your studying and ask them if they know anything about it. Anywhere is a good place though. The most important thing is to not expect anything to come out of it. As long as you believe this (at least trick yourself temporarily) and act like you don't care if she responds to you or not she will believe it. That's what they like. A take it or leave it attitude. Just be yourself, but talk to them as if they are a friend you've know for a while. And guess what? Getting a number after a little friendly chit chat is not hard at all. She might say she has a boyfriend, but if she doesn't I promise you they will give you the number. PROMISE. They might put you in the friend file, but who cares. It's progress. If they think your nice but don't want to be more than friends then they will most likely try to hook you up with one of their friends if you prove to be cool. Always try to search for things you have in common when talking to them, nomatter how small. Tell them about anything cool that you do, like if your really good with a bowstaff. Girls like guys with skills, gosh. JK . Don't try to rush in if a girl does start liking you though, it's easy to scare them off. Just go for it. The waters only chilly for a few minutes. Oh yeah, don't waste your time on the net. Girls get hit on at least twice as much online, so theres more competition. You want to work on face to face communication anyway. Just mentally prepare yourself and jump in baby. Keep me posted
-------------------- A Good Substrate: Poo With Extras Good Liquid Culture, Step by Step Timer Modification PM me if you are interested in buying 140ml syringes. $6 each + $7 shipping
Edited by MasFina (06/23/06 04:24 AM)
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truekimbo2
Cya later, friends.


Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 9,234
Loc: ny
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
#5783012 - 06/23/06 05:03 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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sigh, this thread makes me sad.
leery, i would say cultivate your repression. approach girls that interest you and learn to have no fear, confident that if need be you will communicate subconsciously exactly what it may be that you like or find distasteful.
-------------------- You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.
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Newbie
User of semicolons.


Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 15 hours
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: truekimbo2]
#5783049 - 06/23/06 05:57 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yeah man, just go for it. I've found girls in my life that I would've married, died for, you know, "the one". Then there are the girls that you meet that are just for fun. Use your lack of desire to meet more girls. As crazy as it sounds, just do it. Walk up and start a random conversation with the hottest girl you see. You don't care about her, she doesn't even KNOW you...have fun with it. Seriously, I've let repression and jitters get me down before and it's not fun. You really miss out on a lot.
You say you're not attracted to people. That tells me you're probably attracted to personality. Just work up conversations with chics...you're bound to strike oil with SOMEONE you click with. Attraction and desire don't always occur at the beginning. Sometimes you really have to know someone before feelings arise.
Edited by Newbie (06/23/06 05:59 AM)
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Newbie]
#5783426 - 06/23/06 10:40 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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hmmm.
my views are becoming less delusional about the whole thing. i've hyped it up too much. it is probably amazing to be in love though but i've put it on too much of a pedastol.
i'm talking to this online girl and i will try to meet her when she gets back in town, but that will be a month or two .... if things last. who knows.
i ought to do the random conversation thing i suppose, but only if it jumps out at me, kind of like it did that day that i talked about while going for a walk.
in the end though i dunno. maybe it's not as important as i thought it was.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5783567 - 06/23/06 11:43 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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probably amazing to be in love though but i've put it on too much of a pedastol.
Deadly mistake indeed. You will most likely have to suffer through it though at least a few times. Being in love is major work like anything else and it isn't any substitute for unconditional love which IMO is the real deal but even more work as you attempt to understand it and yourself. Being in love is mostly hormonal and hormones change along with your feelings let me assure you.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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MasFina
Snow Shredder


Registered: 05/08/06
Posts: 788
Loc: Mountains
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Icelander]
#5783576 - 06/23/06 11:46 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Don't fall in love untill you really know the person. Falling in love with looks and personality alone will lead to heartbreak.
-------------------- A Good Substrate: Poo With Extras Good Liquid Culture, Step by Step Timer Modification PM me if you are interested in buying 140ml syringes. $6 each + $7 shipping
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DriAno
student


Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 149
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
#5785056 - 06/23/06 09:07 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah but then ur holding back and missing out on what could be imo givit all you got if it weasnt enough then their loss and next time because there will be a next time give it all you got and what icelander said You will most likely have to suffer through it though at least a few times. its true every one that has been in love has had to put them selves out there and risk getting hurt its scary but its up to you wether ur willing to put it all on the line Warning: love may hurt but when you find it it charish the good embrace the love and heal from your past hurts
-------------------- ...................................................................Smile. Its not that hard. Just squeeze ur But cheecks. SEE!!! ...................................................
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QuantumMeltdown
Space Monkey



Registered: 10/31/01
Posts: 4,962
Loc: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: DriAno]
#5786156 - 06/24/06 09:25 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'll step out of my element here and make and admission. I am 22 years old and still a virgin. I guess you could say I am sexually repressed. I was once normal like everyone else in my youth say from 12-15 years old. What ended up happening during this period of time in my life was that I had an obsession with this one girl and the feelings were never mutual she was awesome and I will never forget her but I never made it past best friend category and that just hurts. I even put up with suffering through the friend BS for awhile which I think fucked me up even more and in an attempt to get closer with this girl I ended up trying to get with all her friends and nothing ever worked. This all left me scarred emotionally and awkward socially especially among women that I might be attracted to. It's like I'm afraid to make any move in fear of rejection or who knows the real reason actually I can't even put a finger on it. I really never put much thought into why I was this way but actually recently an Ecstasy experience actually brought it to my attention. I realize now that I need to just let go. It's like something I can never have. I think I am making progress these days I have not given up hope thats the most important thing. My close friends know all this about me and never give me shit about it like some jocks in high school would so threes no reason to be shameful about it but try to improve this part of your life because life is so much more fulfilling with a partner even though I would even know that.
Best advice I can give to anyone in a similar position as ourselves and btw I am certainly in no position to be giving advice is that if your young try to change now and as soon as possible its only going to get harder the older you get the longer you wait. Thats my biggest problem is that I am apathetic about it so I never change much about my situation at least I'm not in a hurry I always justify in my mind of I will try harder after I make myself something I think is worthy of companionship. I think it really boils down to self-esteem and you being able to love yourself before you can be in a proper relationship where someone can love you back and thats hard. Easier said then done. God Bless you guys.
-------------------- -QuantumMeltdown Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself. -Mark Twain "The time has come the walrus said, little oysters hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome Be lonesome and you will be free Live a lie and you will live to regret it That's what livin' is to me That's what livin' is to me" Jimmy Buffett
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Triplexiosis
Lachrymologist


Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 199
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5786294 - 06/24/06 11:02 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Inactivity won't solve your "problem", which you are creating yourself imho. If you seek love (not talking about chemical attarction here) then do something about it, not just sit and wait for it to hopefully come to you. No need to approach hotest girls, or indulge in lust, just meet people and see if you can connect to them.
Quote:
Being in love is major work like anything else and it isn't any substitute for unconditional love which IMO is the real deal but even more work as you attempt to understand it and yourself. Being in love is mostly hormonal and hormones change along with your feelings let me assure you.
--------------------
"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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DriAno
student


Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 149
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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I second that motion. Lerry11 man you have replied to many of my post and you seem like a pretty cool guy, all I'm saying is put your self out there, be the leery11 we all know, and knok'em dead.
-------------------- ...................................................................Smile. Its not that hard. Just squeeze ur But cheecks. SEE!!! ...................................................
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moog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5787263 - 06/24/06 06:53 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm in this club too-- 24 year old virgin. This used to really bother me but over time it's become less of an issue. My problem is that i just don't have any motivation to hook up or get laid besides curiosity. Whatever makes people want to get together with the opposite sex, i don't have it. It's just not there for me. And over the last few years i've become really curious of what makes people want to have sex, kiss, or even just hold hands. I just don't get it. I go through weeks of time when i feel very asexual, and i hang out a lot at the AVEN forums (http://www.asexuality.org/), but i still consider myself sexual and straight much of the time.
If you're someone who's sexually repressed, it's probably a good idea to take care of the problem as soon as possible, like people said, because as you get older you may start to really regret not being more sexually active. I'm starting to regret going through 4 years of college with only one hook-up to show for it. My advice would be to make friends with someone who's obsessed with sex. I've had friends like this in the past, and even though their viewpoint was completely alien to me, they helped me to understand how the majority of the population acts and feels sexually.
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MasFina
Snow Shredder


Registered: 05/08/06
Posts: 788
Loc: Mountains
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: moog]
#5788409 - 06/25/06 01:45 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Moog, are you honestly not attracted to anyone? I'm sure it is possible to have zero sex drive (many wish they did), but I think many people who feel this way are simply repressing homosexual feelings. If you honestly don't feel the need to hook up or be close to someone mentally and physically then that's nothing to be ashamed of. Never apologize or feel guilty for the way you are. If you are suppressing homosexual feelings there is no reason to feel guilty. This society is very ignorant towards sexual preference. Embracing your sexuality (or lack thereof) is going to make you feel much more comfortable and confident in your own skin. I am sorry if I am way off base here, I'm just tryin to help.
-------------------- A Good Substrate: Poo With Extras Good Liquid Culture, Step by Step Timer Modification PM me if you are interested in buying 140ml syringes. $6 each + $7 shipping
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moog
Stranger

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
#5788726 - 06/25/06 06:47 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I've explored the possibility of being gay, and i'm certain i'm not. I'm attracted to the female body, just not at all interested in the idea of sex and physical touching. I wasn't abused as a kid, so it was probably my Catholic upbringing.
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dblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: moog]
#5789124 - 06/25/06 11:01 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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On the other hand, I think our society places such a huge emphasis on sex and sexual attraction, that it's possible to mistake a more normal attitude towards sex as being 'repressed sexuality' or even homosexuality.
Younger people are learning that sex is actually just a fun pastime. They're unhappy and bored to the degree that in addition to seeking overexcitement through alcohol and drugs, violence, greed, etc., they seek overstimulation of their sexuality just for fun and games.
Not to say that such an attitude is inherently 'wrong' or 'bad', but IMO having sex with someone is a truly wondrous event. It should arise out of true love and respect for your partner, a desire for them to feel great pleasure, not just a desire to temporarily feel good and satisfied. That's just narcissistic and greedy. Sexual union with your lover is a most sacred and beautiful thing.
I think not feeling urges to fuck every woman you see is a sign of maturity and strength.
-------------------- "What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?" "Belief is a beautiful armor But makes for the heaviest sword" - John Mayer Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin. "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: dblaney]
#5790147 - 06/25/06 06:28 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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dude, you rock. excellent post. I agree 100%
most of the times when I make love to my partner its with the hope that she gets off. That's my perrogative.
people are too selfish when it comes to sex. They think of it as a one way thing, all for me, all for me. The best part about sex is that when its done correctly, everyone wins. Its not supposed to be a game with a winner and a loser. That kind of mentality is just dumb.
Also, I have always considered sex to be a sacred ritual which is not to be abused. Its much more than just something to do.
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moog
Stranger

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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: dblaney]
#5796609 - 06/27/06 06:00 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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See, that is the kind of attitude i don't understand. I don't see how "sex is beautiful" or how sex is related to love. I'm not intentionally trying to be argumentive, but that just doesn't make sense to me. To me, that's like saying, "eating a can of peanuts is beautiful" (well i suppose it is in a weird artistic way)...
If i watch porn all i can think is, why are these people doing this to each other? I don't get it. I don't know, i just don't "get" sex. Maybe i'm missing something about it that everyone understands? I seriously feel like an alien on this planet observing a bizarre cultural ritual when i see two people having sex.
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MasFina
Snow Shredder


Registered: 05/08/06
Posts: 788
Loc: Mountains
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: moog]
#5797964 - 06/28/06 12:12 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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You just aren't horny I guess. Most people are born with an innate attraction to one sex or another, I guess you weren't. That will probably save you a lot of pain and frustration though. But I'm sure it still feels good to you when you have an orgasm, so you may be missing out. If you wanna be more sexual just start staring at a bunch of naked girls and think about what really turns you on the most about them. You did admit that you were attracted to the female body. Think about a nice handful of luscious tanned breasts or maybe a well rounded ass or some long legs. Now think of how nice it would be to just touch them or do whatever you want to them and know that the person you are touching enjoys it. Now you notice that she's starting to get wet and you have a raging hardon. You thrust it in gently at first and then plunge your most sensitive body part into her warm, slippery inner pleasure zone. As you quicken the pace she begins to moan in pleasure. You wouldn't be interested in anything like that?
-------------------- A Good Substrate: Poo With Extras Good Liquid Culture, Step by Step Timer Modification PM me if you are interested in buying 140ml syringes. $6 each + $7 shipping
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: moog]
#5798873 - 06/28/06 10:23 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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you lucky bastard.
since you aren't the least bit sexually frustrated, maybe you should devote your brain to solving the world's problems, or figuring out who shot Kennedy 
ever see that episode of seinfeld where george gives up sex and becomes a genius?
"Perhaps I can better serve the world this way..."
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
#5821933 - 07/04/06 11:34 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
MasFina said: Moog, are you honestly not attracted to anyone? I'm sure it is possible to have zero sex drive (many wish they did), but I think many people who feel this way are simply repressing homosexual feelings. If you honestly don't feel the need to hook up or be close to someone mentally and physically then that's nothing to be ashamed of. Never apologize or feel guilty for the way you are. If you are suppressing homosexual feelings there is no reason to feel guilty. This society is very ignorant towards sexual preference. Embracing your sexuality (or lack thereof) is going to make you feel much more comfortable and confident in your own skin. I am sorry if I am way off base here, I'm just tryin to help.
i'm a bit worried i'm suppressing homosexual feelings come to think of it.
It's sad that I have to worry, eh?
I used to be so attracted to girls though.... getting lots of hardons. Now I look at the boobies and I'm like "you know, boobs look strange.... what are these things called women?" whereas the guy next to me is like "Man she's hot!" and I'm like "whatever, manipulated male."
I find faces to be "attractive" or "pretty" but not bodies so much.
Maybe it's narcissism because I will find myself thinking "man you have a good body" sometimes.... and I enjoy sculpting that body into a somewhat feminine, somewhat male look. Skinny but somewhat in shape (will be soon at least) but with long hair and a soft personality.
But I mean. Penises don't turn me on. I see them as the inferior sexual organ, especially if circumcised. I guess part of me could stand for being a woman and being a lesbian, so you get the good sexual organs without worrying about pregnancy.
But ah, mating, if you don't wnat to have kids heterosexuality isn't great.... unless you are super turned on by women.
I'm not, but I used to be. So that makes me think I'm not gay, just in hiding or something.
Quote:
dblaney said:
I think not feeling urges to fuck every woman you see is a sign of maturity and strength.
True. This is good, and bad. This is why I said I'm more attracted to older women. So either date pretty old women, or wait like 5-7 years? Ugh.
Oh well I've been waiting.
Of course there are mature girls my age though, just not as many.
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MasFina said: . You wouldn't be interested in anything like that?
I would!
Now see part of it is I am resitant to pleasure. Like it's bad to feel good kind of mentality.
Combine this with OTHER PEOPLE who have not given me much pleasure (and lots of pain) in my life PLUS the damaging relatoinship (the only one i've ever had) and you start to figure things out.
But dammit all....... I'm freaked out by sexual vibes. I realized that this one girl was wanting to get with me, and I could have with her. Probably best I didn't because our personalities didn't seem to mesh..... but I did have a chance too and fate took it away from me.... was gonna have her see the 40 year old virgin with me but she had to go to a party. I would have asked her if she wanted to get high.... and probably would have joked about being on my way to being a 40 year old virgin myself.
But see yeah.
I don't know. This is a big flaccid mess.
All I know is upon getting a deep tissue massage I concluded that this kind of touch is sorely missing in my life, and that it would help heal me in many different levels, so sexuality would probably be pretty good for me.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Quote:
Triplexiosis said: Inactivity won't solve your "problem", which you are creating yourself imho. If you seek love (not talking about chemical attarction here) then do something about it, not just sit and wait for it to hopefully come to you.
How do you fucking meet people man? I mean ..... Like.... when you're me? I mean okay, I'm in my bubble.... lalalala...
in a social place. Some girls here and there. What am I supposed to do...... line one up in my sights... see if I can reel her in?
go up and say "hi, would you like to have a conversation?" "Hi, that is a nice color you are wearing." "Hi, are you agnostic?" "Hi, I feel like I have nothing in common with most people, you too?" "Nice weather today, madam?"
it's so contrived. every single bit. that's why I think DoctorJ hit it pretty simple... "go where you want to"
if I'm out pondering the universe and I run into someone, it's more likely they will be too, rather than say going to a food court and whatnot.......
I mean it's like....... there is a 5 lane highway....... and as you get toward the outside lanes, that's where the more individualized and explorative people are.
And this highway, the lanes most people are on are worn and weary and rather dangerous.... lots of accidents because they are immature drivers........
but me I realized... why the hell am I driving? And I got off the highway and I just walk by it, and see other people. Now and then I hope to ensare one of the stragglers in the outside lanes, or hope they will come give me a ride.... but I'm on the outside..... sure let's quote staind... and im 'lookin in.....
right?
But the thing is I was kind of gradually pushed off the highway by other people, and I convinced myself it's better not to drive.
and driving is a metaphor for how it is that people live their daily lives, generally wearing at least 25 masks......
the most crowded and middle lanes are basically: Yeah that game was great. I can't believe he caught that pass. So you like music? I like music too.
the outside lanes are free-form jazz where people just go nutty and say whatever the fuck they want, and hope their conversation partner can keep up and jam with them.
I hope you guys get it. That's how it is to me and I think it's a fairly accurate metaphor.
but I'm not bold enough for the free-form jazz... unless I put it on the computer.
also none of this is true. it's a metaphor for a metaphor. Becase just as I'm not bold enough... I am...... my solidarity has taught me enough to not care so mcuh.... and sure now and then maybe I just WILL be my WILL and just speak what I have to say, or be who I have to be.
that's freedom. I'm the only roadblock.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (07/04/06 11:48 PM)
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Triplexiosis
Lachrymologist


Registered: 12/17/04
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5836468 - 07/08/06 06:30 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
How do you fucking meet people man? I mean ..... Like.... when you're me? I mean okay, I'm in my bubble.... lalalala...
in a social place. Some girls here and there. What am I supposed to do...... line one up in my sights... see if I can reel her in?
what i meant was: approach those people (women) you DO meet on the road you've taken. No point in watching them pass you by if you felt a possible connection. Besides whatever people say about the internet, it really has a tendency to bring people together imho.
Learn to swim through the lanes, though you must first start the car...
Edited by Triplexiosis (07/08/06 06:30 PM)
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moog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: MasFina]
#5838398 - 07/09/06 11:05 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
and know that the person you are touching enjoys it.
This is the problem for me. Well here's my story. Truth is, i got picked on as a kid ALL the time. I was a "nerd." I had maybe 1 or 2 real friends at any one time and got little attention from girls because i was so shy and inhibited. When i was about 18 in my first year of college i decided to stop being such a dork and decided to make my personality and looks more appealing. So I started working out (went from 130 to 170lbs of lean muscle), began dressing nicer, and became much more social going out to clubs, parties, bars and whatnot.
In college i met and flirted with a lot of hot girls, but couldn't bring myself to do anything beyond very physical flirting, because i subconsciously thought people were just messing with my head, and if i got too close to them they would reject me like i'd been rejected all my life. I was so afraid of being played by people that i'd play them. So i would flirt and have fun with girls, but at the end of the night i left without anything more than exchanging a kiss on the cheek. Lots of girls ended up suspecting i was gay, and i suppose for good reason. There were times when i literally turned down offers for no-strings-attached sex from a couple cute girls.
Consciously, i know there are people (especially women) who want more than just a casual friendship with me, but subconsciously i have this deeply ingrained defense mechanism that keeps people at arm's length at all times. It's just really hard to break out of it and i don't know if i ever will. My life feels like a broken record. I'd like to have a sex life but i don't know if i can ever bring myself to trust someone with that kind of intimacy. I just can't bring myself to believe that people genuinely enjoy being with me and aren't using me for something.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: moog]
#5838420 - 07/09/06 11:12 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I highly recommend a book by Dr. Albert Ellis, "A Guide to Rational Living." Here's a preview of his ideas:
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/rationalliving.htm
Now that your appearance is not holding you back, you need to learn to get out of your own way. Your thoughts keep bringing back the "nerd" and all the pain he experienced. That stereotyped version of you does not exist outside of your mind. You can let go of those limiting beliefs & begin to fully live your life.
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moog
Stranger

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Posts: 1,296
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Veritas]
#5838438 - 07/09/06 11:18 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks, this looks promising.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: moog]
#5838483 - 07/09/06 11:30 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's very challenging to take on your irrational beliefs, but the results are well worth it.
Sexuality is one of the best aspects of embodiment, IMO. I hope that you take full advantage of the opportunity to enjoy your sexuality!
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Quote:
Triplexiosis said:
Quote:
How do you fucking meet people man? I mean ..... Like.... when you're me? I mean okay, I'm in my bubble.... lalalala...
in a social place. Some girls here and there. What am I supposed to do...... line one up in my sights... see if I can reel her in?
what i meant was: approach those people (women) you DO meet on the road you've taken. No point in watching them pass you by if you felt a possible connection. Besides whatever people say about the internet, it really has a tendency to bring people together imho.
Learn to swim through the lanes, though you must first start the car...
it does make sense to approach those I run into. But this brings up not worth considering issues of "fate"...
Like okay so I run into a real nice girl, we share common vibes, but she's engaged (and now married I think?) no point in chasing that.....
Or how about the girl who moved in next door? I told her where I lived as an open invitation to come over.... and so I will look into that, but I being the curious person I am looked to see if I could find her profile... I did... she has a b/f.
And the only important thing is: what am I looking for? I can't be carnal and survival mode sex...... or I would have had some by now. It must be something much higher. I am looking to send out vibrations of love, and have them bounced back to me. Sort of be a sonar of sorts......
I ran into the neighbor while beaming out love, appreciation for the subtleties of living..... and she was not on that level at all. Most people aren't, and that's okay. But you know.... I suppose if I were to connect with a woman it would be because she was a soulmate, or because she had something very important to teach me about love, or vice versa.
I don't suppose it does any good to want. It would be nice. It would be fulfilling. Not as fulfilling as enlightenment, and if it's a hinderance then I don't need it. If it's a compliment then... where are you? Show up soon if you can and make sure my eyes are open and my inhibitions subdued.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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Triplexiosis
Lachrymologist


Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 199
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Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5841335 - 07/10/06 03:02 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
I suppose if I were to connect with a woman it would be because she was a soulmate, or because she had something very important to teach me about love, or vice versa.
I agree, but I also think even a soulmate can slip right through your fingers through inaction (though, more you write here, less I think you're inactive). I'm not saying to find the first woman that comes and marry her, or even start a relationship (and not at all suggesting to have sex with her). I know I couldn't do that, but I got lucky in finding my soulmate I guess.
--------------------
"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Quote:
Triplexiosis said:
Quote:
I suppose if I were to connect with a woman it would be because she was a soulmate, or because she had something very important to teach me about love, or vice versa.
I agree, but I also think even a soulmate can slip right through your fingers through inaction (though, more you write here, less I think you're inactive). I'm not saying to find the first woman that comes and marry her, or even start a relationship (and not at all suggesting to have sex with her). I know I couldn't do that, but I got lucky in finding my soulmate I guess.
Well I'm actually quite inactive.
I mean. I am working on improving my fitness. I go shopping..... go for a walk now and then. But there's not a lot I do (over the summer at least!) that would put me into contact with people I don't already know.
if a soulmate slips through the fingers, then they aren't a soulmate unless you eventually reconnect, are they? Then again who is qualified to answer that question?
I need to meet people lol. This is getting pretty old. I want some best friends at least.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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Xelios
God of Pancakes
Registered: 06/19/05
Posts: 95
Last seen: 16 years, 11 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: leery11]
#5845282 - 07/11/06 12:13 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hey, I'll be your friend. I have the same problem as you do, and I'm trying to work on it myself. Actually, all the advice on here helped me do that.
Maybe we can team up and actually get something done. Bwahahaha...
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Triplexiosis
Lachrymologist


Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 199
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: Sexual Repression [Re: Xelios]
#5847096 - 07/11/06 02:00 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
if a soulmate slips through the fingers, then they aren't a soulmate unless you eventually reconnect, are they? Then again who is qualified to answer that question?
I don't believe in predetermination, so a soulmate can easily slip through the fingers imo. People wear masks, sometimes when you take a look behind the mask you can see their eyes. It's like a big masquerade, and a soulmate can walk right by you without recognizing each other.
Quote:
I need to meet people lol. This is getting pretty old. I want some best friends at least.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but... stop whining and start doing it. How is up to you.
--------------------
"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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