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InvisibleXibalba
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Registered: 05/14/00
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Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert?
    #2113967 - 11/17/03 02:15 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)



Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 01:26 AM)


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OfflineSaribo
journeyman
Registered: 07/17/03
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Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2114101 - 11/17/03 02:49 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

So are you attracted to women and just haven't had any luck so far, or do you not feel any attraction to women? Assuming part of the problem is lack of sex drive, my suggestions would be: Quit smoking pot? (Don't know if you do or not, but I can tell a difference when I've been smoking regularly). Make the effort consciously to talk to more girls. Find one that's interesting and get a relationship going. There's nothing like som heavy petting to awaken some dormant desires. I find I have stretches of months at a time where I don't think about meeting new girls. Then something normally triggers the old 'urges' and I start going out of my way to meet girls. Maybe since you have 'no' experience, you've never really related girls with sex? I know it sounds silly, but there's my two cents.


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2114174 - 11/17/03 03:15 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

well first of all, you're not alone out there. one of my best guy friends is 21 and hes never done anything, not even kissing, with a girl.

second of all, you need to evaluate what it is about having a girlfriend that might make you happy. what actual aspects is it that will add to your life? physical affection? companionship? plain and simple horniness?

so you've evaluated these things, and realize that you want a meaningful relationship that would involve a woman, meaning emotional as well as physical affection. go out and get it. be yourself, put out your vibe, let people know you exist. this is by far the hardest part. it seems when you're looking theres nothing to be found. you just have to get through this part. if you stay happy with who you are as a person, someone is bound to notice you're confidence and positive, friendly energy.

just get some balls and go for it. its the hardest part. but trust me, there will be someone out there. and theres nothing wrong with you, so dont worry and dont think that. cause if you think that then others will, too.


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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InvisibleXibalba
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Saribo]
    #2114177 - 11/17/03 03:17 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)



Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 01:25 AM)


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OfflinePsilygirl
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2114189 - 11/17/03 03:23 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Xibalba said:
I think when I first meet a girl I relate to her pretty much the same way as I would with a guy regardless of how attractive she is- and so the only two kinds of relationships I've had with girls to date are 'platonic friend' and 'platonic friend with awkward one-sided sexual tension.'




its good that you can approach girls easily, but sometimes you need to be less openly friendly and more mysterious/sexy. i have had this problem too. dont be so open that they think its just friends, put on the "i'm interested" vibe right away, so that you become friends but there is always the feeling of knowing theres something more going on.

good luck


--------------------
"Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows."


Puget Sound Mycological Society


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OfflineSaribo
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Psilygirl]
    #2114322 - 11/17/03 03:53 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Hell man, it sounds like you probably relate better to girls than I do. It just sounds like you gotta project a slightly different attitude. Flirting and eye contact are important. Like psilygirl said, you've gotta put out the "i'm interested" vibe. Anyway, it takes practice, and confidence. Shit I'm 19 and a virgin (though not as inexperienced as you it sounds like), and I wish I'd gotten laid in high school, so I could have come to college with a little more confidence, but that's life right?


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2114523 - 11/17/03 04:38 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

In my experience if I like myself and am doing things I enjoy then other people like me too. So my advise to do things that make you feel good about yourself (though admittedly you may be already). Like, any area that you feel you'd like to improve eg. if you have few hobbies, then find one and get good at it, start working out, join a political group, eat organic foods, whatever. Put your energy into that and my prediction is that a girl will just appear on your doorstep.


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: enotake2]
    #2114541 - 11/17/03 04:43 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Also, reassure yourself of the sexy things about you, b/c there will be some. Make sure to dwell on those!


--------------------
Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Invisiblekaiowas
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2114654 - 11/17/03 05:09 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

"This is my first new thread in this forum, and it may be the only time I post one.
I would much rather try to solve other people's problems and keep my own angst to myself.
But I realized that this one thing is basically the only chronic problem in my life that isn't going away on its own with time and one I don't think I'm likely to fix by myself."

hey, it's all good.  heh solve your own problems first, though I hear what you're saying :smile:


are you interested in a certain someone??  if not that might be your problem.  you could go out and look, but you sound like you're not that type of person (assumption). if you are though hit the bar scene and go with confidence.  dress well and if you have nice car that will help too.  just keep spitting game at them, observe and then comment.  be honest and open, they love that shit. IMHO anyways

if you aren't that type of person then it looks you may have to wait.  Me I've only had sex with two women, (I'm 22) only because I'm not the type to go around and hit and holler at every chick.  it's not THAT important to me. 

find someone with the same interests.  if you go to college, look there. you really don't NEEED a woman, but they don't hurt.  especially if you have one that really loves you for who you are.  those are the best!  those are the ones to have make love with, it'll be much better than jsut a raw beat down one nighter

what are you supposed to do?  do as much as you want to.  don't measure yourself by who you have or haven't dated.  that's implimenting too much judgement.  don't worry man, there's plenty of women out there. all are beautiful and unique in their own way. jsut about good timing.  oh yeah, when you feel that timing come near seize that moment and go talk to her :smile:


 


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2114847 - 11/17/03 05:59 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I don't think there is anything else that i could add.  All the replies have been very good advice.  I'd just like to say that i agree that there is nothing wrong with the fact that you haven't done anything with a girl yet.  That shows that you are a good guy, for one.  That you care about other things and not just sex.  Of course it doesn't mean that others who have done things are bad people or uncaring but you know what i mean.

I also agree with the comment psilygirl said: if you stay happy with who you are as a person, someone is bound to notice you're confidence and positive, friendly energy. When someone is confident about themselves, it radiates all over people are attracted to that.

It's also true that when you are looking for something, you dont find it.  It's when you aren't looking that it comes to you.  Keep that in mind. :thumbup:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibleTheDude
is waiting forthe peak

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 2,876
Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: sykobish]
    #2116605 - 11/17/03 03:06 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I have no advice to offer being that I'm in the exact same situation (I made a post in another thread here a couple days ago that was very similar to yours). I'm right around your age and I've only made out with one girl and even that was a horrible, horrible, horrible mistake (oh, did I mention how horrible it was?). At least you're not 'afraid' of talking to girls, be thankful you at least have a shred of confidence.

I find the only thing that takes my mind off it is art. I can get lost in my art for hours on end, and it makes me feel good on the inside when its complete (like i'd imagine a hug from a loved one must feel like). Maybe that's just running away from the problem but......

I feel your pain man, you're definitely not alone. All I can do is wish you the best of luck, the rest has been covered by everybody else.


--------------------
"this lebowski he called himself 'the dude'. now, 'dude', that's a name no one would self-apply where i come from but there was a lot about the dude that didn't make sense to me...."--the Stranger


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Anonymous #1

Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2116938 - 11/17/03 04:40 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

r


Edited by Anonymous (04/09/11 10:02 PM)


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InvisibleXibalba
Stranger
Registered: 05/14/00
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #2119006 - 11/18/03 04:52 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)



Edited by Xibalba (09/30/05 01:23 AM)


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InvisibleMyInsanityTrip
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Registered: 03/10/03
Posts: 2,218
Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2119017 - 11/18/03 05:06 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Hey man, if you want to be with a woman, you have to go find yourself one.

If you're apathetic about it and aren't really interested, then it's never going to happen.

If you feel like you're unattractive, there are plenty of nice ugly girls out there willing to -git wit da boogy down-. You are very smart though, and seem to have a good personality, you'd be very surprised to see just how well you can do by simply trying and not being afraid to fail (because you will fail, sometimes.) Take a light-hearted approach to the whole thing though, life is very very very funny.

Good luck


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Invisiblekaiowas
mndfrayze'speppet urme
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: MyInsanityTrip]
    #2119030 - 11/18/03 05:21 AM (13 years, 10 months ago)

yeah go out and make us proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh:


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.---senior doobie


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2119721 - 11/18/03 02:18 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Xibalba...I've seen your picture, you are not unattractive by any means. If you showed some geniune interest in a female, chances are she'd reciprocate. I'm not suggesting you go out and find a woman just for the sake of having one though. I've been lonely for awhile myself. Like you said, being a girl, most of the time, all you have to do is pick and choose. But when you're looking for something substantial, you don't settle for just anything. Maybe you're just waiting for the right woman to come along? If that's the case, I don't see anything wrong with that.


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Offlinekindadank
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2120002 - 11/18/03 03:44 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Xibalba, I pretty much know exactly where you are coming from, except I was a little bit younger when things started to turn around for me.  You've got to realize that there is nothing wrong with you, because there are all kinds of factors that could be the reason you have not had any success with woman up until this point, and it's almost definitely not because of your looks or anything physical.  You can't just wait for a girl to fall into your lap, because that might never happen, you have to go out and do something about it.  Anyways, a site that I found that can be extremely useful is  here .  Some of the stuff on that site is about hitting on chicks and pretty much telling them what they want to hear in order to get one to like you.  I do not believe that many of the things they teach on that site are good techniques to use because I do not want to get some girl because I tricked her into liking me.  I am pretty sure most of their methods actually do work if you get good at them though.  Another large portion of the site contains info on boosting your confidence and self esteem and basically learning how to talk to and meet girls.  There is this whole writeup that people have composed through much experience called "The DJ Boot Camp" which can be found  boot camp at that link.  I would highly reccomend you enroll when you are ready.

Now like I said, I believe some of the methods that the boot camp teaches along with some of the material on the website are just plain wrong to use, but whatever works for you.  Some of it is extremely in depth, and I guarantee you that if you can just get yourself to start reading alot of stuff from that site and if you follow the majority of the boot camp and actually give it your best effort, than you will find your confidence and self esteem greatly boosted, and by the end of it you might even find someone you like.  If you do the boot camp though, you must be willing to leave your comfort zone and talk to alot of people that you would not normally talk to.  The very hardest part is right in the beginning, but after that it's all downhill from there.  You've got to tell yourself, what's the worst that can come from me approaching girls?  They turn you down...but the best is you could find someone you could truly care about.  Also, there is a bullitin board built into that site where groups of people start the boot camp at the same time and post their experiences and help others out who are having trouble.

Well, I hope you are able to find some useful information from that site.  If you have any questions about it or just want to talk please just PM me.  :thumbup:  Well, Peace and good luck man.  :sun: 


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OfflineSheepish
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Xibalba]
    #2121168 - 11/18/03 11:29 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Eh, I know how you feel. And I'll probably know for the next few years. I did manage to experience having a girlfriend though, but it didn't last too long, and was a failure now that I look back on it. Awkward as hell, and not much communication. Mostly just making out, but no sex. It was good to have that experience, because I was nearly 19 at the time, and still hadn't kissed a girl. The thing though, is that she made all the moves - she got hold of me one day after seeing me a party, and laid all the ground work. So basically, in terms of me going after a girl, I have no more experience than usual, so ever since then, I haven't had any luck. It's quite rare to have a girl come after you, as society thinks that it's the guy's job to do it.
So, I'm screwed. For many reasons
1) I suck at small talk and starting conversations with girls for the purpose of attracting a girlfriend. Talking to a girl when I'm not trying to get her is no big deal at all, because there is no pressure, and I'm not worried if we get along or not. It was just a passing comment, and I never have to see her again. The trouble is when I DO want to see her again...
2) I am not very sociable. Even with my best friends, I really hate being stuck with just one person all evening. Drives me mad, and generally raises my anxiety through the roof. I'm quite shy, and have always struggle to compose myself in one on one situations. Relationships with girls are primarily based on one on one interaction and communication (unless you're just fuck buddies), so obviously that's a HUGE fear in my mind when I think about going out with a girl. Sure, I'd love the contact and warmth of her company, but I doubt I can enjoy it enough without ruining the relationship with my distancing and anti socialism.
3) The majority of places to pick up single girls are usually the noisiest. Most of you know I'm deaf (or hard of hearing, for you PC ppl), so imagine the pain of sitting in a bar, and a girl tries to talk to you, and all you hear is "Blah blah blah" very faintly and her lips moving. You can only do so much nodding and smiling before you have to reply to her conversation, which is made worse by the fact that you don't generally have a loud voice, and tend to mumble a lot. People say to use body language. Yeah, and I have no idea how I'd manage that for 2 hours. I overanalyse things, so that wouldn't make body language talking very easy. Especially since I usually assume the worst, and think people hate me.

Anyways, there's my story, and I'm doomed as well.
Likewise, I'm starting to think if I really do need a girl, because the odds are against me, despite when people in different countries claim they want to fuck me. That's all very nice, but I live in New Zealand, not whereever else.

But never mind, summer is here! Hurrah! More women walking around and less covered up to torment until the winter.

Wish me luck Xibalba.


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OfflineGus
Back in town.

Registered: 07/16/03
Posts: 1,503
Loc: Quebec, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Sheepish]
    #2123457 - 11/19/03 07:12 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

well im exaclty in the same position as you Sheepish except that it will be winter here in a few weeks...
Now please excuse me, ill go cry a moment in my bedroom :wink:


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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: Hmmm. Defective human- sexually inert? [Re: Gus]
    #2123572 - 11/19/03 08:24 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

::signs up for the club::
oh f*ck, my name is here already


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