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OfflineHeffy
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Should I do E again? Need second opinions.
    #4695428 - 09/22/05 03:53 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Last year I did ecstacy for the first time. Later on in the year I did ecstacy another 5 times, including once(last time) where I smuggled 2 pills, a 1/4 of shrooms, and 4 grams of hash across the U.S border(VERY stupid, never again) :crazy2:.
I haven't done ecstacy in over a year(13 months). I stopped doing it because even though I was pretty good about spacing out my doses a month or so (usually), I still ended up "needing" it to feel "real" enjoyment.
Doing anything else in my recreation time started to seem pointless because the E experience was so much better than anything I had ever experienced in my life.
Even though it was rare for me to pop more than once a month, it got to the point where I would spend most of the month looking forward to when I would be on ecstacy again.
Eventually I decided to stop using this drug because I did not like the way it was affecting me, and I didn't like that sometimes the pills were obviously cut to hell. After quitting I went through a rather long period of serious depression. I am not sure how much of this was related to E, and how much had to do with my own personal circumstances.

Anyways, for the past 7 months I have been dating this girl (I'll call her S). We have developed a very strong connection with each other, to the point where we can almost telepathically communicate. I am sure this has something to do with all the shrooms and LSD we have done together. In fact we both agree that we fell in love on the same night(on shrooms) although we didn't discuss it until about a month afterwards when we were on LSD and she told me she loved me for the first time.
Since I stopped doing ecstacy I have noticed that I have become increasingly more critical of my drug use, and other people's drug use. This is starting to become a serious problem for me, especially in my relationship with S.
She started smoking cigarettes around the same time I started going out with her. This has been a constant problem for us since the start of our relationship, because it drives me completely fucking nuts.
After a few months, at my constant urging she promised me she would quit. Over the next 3 months she began to cut way back on her smoking. In august she went to the states to see her family, and while she was there she finally quit.
When she came back she was clean for about a week or two, until she couldn't take it anymore and started up again. Instead of telling me though, she just lied to me about it.
I found out about 3 weeks ago. She made plans with me and then went to go get drunk with an old friend of ours. Once she had a few beers she totally blew me off because if she came to see me she would be drunk but would have to keep pretending she didn't smoke.
I was pretty pissed that she ditched me, so I took some mushrooms and went to the beach.
Later on that night while talking to her when she was extremely drunk (and sloppy with her words)I figured out that she had been lying to me about this. I ended up having a BAD BAD trip, and almost breaking up with her.
Things between us have been really difficult since, and her smoking now bothers me more than ever, to the point where often I get panic attacks when I know she is having a smoke (happens about every 30-45 minutes).

Anyways, since this incident I have been thinking about doing E a lot. I keep thinking about how tired I am of trying to stay away from drugs. How sick I am of being the self righteous asshole who tells everyone else what they should and shouldn't be doing. I feel like all this self denial has created just as many problems for me as my mindless self indulgance in past years.
I ordered 2 pills from a dealer friend for this weekend, and I still can't decide whether I should pop one or not.
What do you think?


--------------------
I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund


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Offlinebarfightlard
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Heffy]
    #4695691 - 09/22/05 04:58 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Do whatever feels right.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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InvisibleIcelander
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Registered: 03/15/05
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Heffy]
    #4695763 - 09/22/05 05:16 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I think your problem is with your attitude towards your girlfriend and not with E.

If you can't accept her the way she is without conditions then you don't belong with her. Let her go and find your perfect mate. IMO you need to get off your high horse and start really loving her for who she is and not what you want to turn her into. (that's not who she is) Then she may feel less reluctant to lie to you and start wanting to be around you again. As it is if you don't leave her she will sooner or later sure as hell leave you.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineHeffy
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Icelander]
    #4697067 - 09/22/05 09:29 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

" IMO you need to get off your high horse and start really loving her for who she is and not what you want to turn her into. (that's not who she is) "

You are completely right, but I'm already aware of that. This is the part that is proving difficult for me. I know she is the one responsible for making her own choices regarding drugs, and I know that I am responsible for my feelings regarding her smoking.

What I am having difficulty with, is getting over my emotions, and anxiety, regarding her habit. I am wondering if you think doing ecstacy this weekend and discussing my situation with a close friend could help.

I feel that it might help dramatically, because ever since I stopped doing ecstacy I have become extremely critical of my own, and other peoples, drug use. I have also become somewhat reclusive and generally don't enjoy going to social events like concerts or parties anymore. These are not aspects of my personality that I am comfortable with, however I am having an enormous amount of difficulty changing them.

Before I used ecstacy I was never as critical of other people's choices regarding drugs, and I was much more outgoing. I am wondering if you think doing ecstacy might have some psychological benefits for me right now if used responsibly.
Thank you.


--------------------
I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Heffy]
    #4699726 - 09/23/05 11:06 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

What I am having difficulty with, is getting over my emotions, and anxiety, regarding her habit. I am wondering if you think doing ecstacy this weekend and discussing my situation with a close friend could help.




Yes I do think it would help. I also think it would help to do it alone in a nice dark, quiet warm room.

Once you come down though to help with the depression or low energy after effects. I strongly suggest an anti-oxidant  load. (I never have a down side anymore)
As you start to come down
Alpha-lipoic acid  100mg
Vit C              1000 mg
Multi vit          one dose
Any other antioxidants you may have around
Repeat every 2 hours for the next 6 hours

If you happen to have prozak, skip the alpha lipoic acid and take a prozak as you come down and one 12 hours later. This works very well.

Your anxiety as you know is all your emotional states. Good luck getting to the bottom of things. I wish you both the very best. If you are supposed to be together or not. :heart: :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineHeffy
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Icelander]
    #4702826 - 09/24/05 12:44 AM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Why alone in a quiet dark room? I have heard people endorse this method before. What, do you feel are the benefits?


--------------------
I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund


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Offlineentiformatie
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Heffy]
    #4704727 - 09/24/05 01:13 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

When I first read the title, I was going to say hell yea do it again, e is a great experience. And sure, it helps people solve problems. But it doesn't seem to me like it's going to help you in this situation.

But hey, take the e if you want, really analyze yourself and what's going on, but it's not like you're having repression issues. You aren't going to learn anything you don't already know.

BTW, do you realize taking mushrooms because you're upset that your girlfriend ditched you is a mistake? I sure hope you're not blaming the bad trip on her... You ate the mushrooms.

If this girl lied to you, you need to seriously reconsider your relationship with her. I know it's not easy or fun... but it's in your best interest.

Good luck buddy


--------------------
/opinion
.sean


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Heffy]
    #4704739 - 09/24/05 01:16 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

Usually when doing E with friends or dancing your energy is projected outward.

Alone in an ambient room is like going back to the womb. The center of your being. If there is some emotional healing around your heart charka that needs work, this will allow the energy to move into your center instead of projecting outward. It can be profound and cause permenent change for the better. It's a powerful technique IMO.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleVoidOfsPg
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Icelander]
    #4705195 - 09/24/05 02:57 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

I don't think drugs should have anything to do with any decisions in your life. They only help you for a short period of time.

If your girlfriend smokes and you don't like it, you'd think she'd care enough to quit for you. Oh well. Smoking really isn't THAT big of a deal anyway.


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Offlineyouarewhatyouis9
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Registered: 09/07/05
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: VoidOfsPg]
    #4705850 - 09/24/05 05:08 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

its always to publicly post that you took drugs across the border! can you say exhibit a?


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OfflineHeffy
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Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: youarewhatyouis9]
    #4711396 - 09/25/05 10:04 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

"Usually when doing E with friends or dancing your energy is projected outward.

Alone in an ambient room is like going back to the womb. The center of your being. If there is some emotional healing around your heart charka that needs work, this will allow the energy to move into your center instead of projecting outward. It can be profound and cause permenent change for the better. It's a powerful technique IMO. "

Very interesting. This is what I was kind of going for with the idea in the first place. After certain experiences I've had with E I don't really feel like being socially uninhibited around people I'm not extremely close with. I wanted quiet contemplation with myself or one other person.
when I told my girl I was going to do E again, and that I was probably going to do it alone she expressed interest in doing it with me. Seeing as I'm trying to work out issues with her, would you suggest doing it alone or with her?


--------------------
I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund


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InvisibleIcelander
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 93,974
Loc: underbelly
Re: Should I do E again? Need second opinions. [Re: Heffy]
    #4711696 - 09/25/05 11:14 PM (11 years, 7 months ago)

It depends on how in touch you are with yourself. If you have big issues around your ability to love yourself and accept yourself as you are, then IMO alone is the way to go. You can always do it with your girlfriend after a solo voyage. Doing it with someone you deeply love is profound but doing it alone is even better sometimes.

If you are trying to fix something that doesn't feel right in a relationship, be careful. Do not allow yourself or partner to make any decisions until 2 weeks after the trip. It's easy to make regrettable mistakes before that. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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